Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

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domino
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by domino » Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:42 pm

Antares wrote: HERESY! Thou shalt not wish death of the blue-haired one. :P
I'd certainly be ONE way of pushing Shinn into the limelight.

I'd be EXTREMELY happy to not see the ShinnxStellar relationship............

P.S. I found the way that Yzak ejected from his burning mobile suit and ran straight back into the ship's bridge to be so badass yet also fairly comical the way he reported "we're down one mobile suit" eventhough he was obviously the pilot.

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Dark Duel
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:46 pm

I'm not going to say anymore on what I've got planned for Athrun, save that Shinn being pushed out of the limelight is not going to be a problem.

...And yeah, that was pretty funny now I think about it. Especially when you consider that Yzak is a very not-funny guy.
// ART THREAD // NOT ACCEPTING REQUESTS
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"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by yazi88 » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:52 am

As long as Shinn remains the main character I don't care what is really done to Athrun, as long as he doesn't regress to wishy washy mood swings again which I don't see happening cause Dark Duel knows what he's doing so I'm gonna place my faith in him to do what he wants.

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Arbiter GUNDAM » Fri Mar 23, 2012 3:17 am

Also, are you going to explain where Kira's father went off to?
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by celestia95 » Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:51 pm

Yes I too would like to know what happened to Kira's dad, we see his mom helping out in the orphanage but not Kira's dad.

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Dark Duel
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:11 pm

I honestly had not given it so much as a second thought, really. Which is amusing given that I inserted Canard into the story, innit?
Given that the story has left Orb, I doubt I'll get a chance to, especially with the focus shifting to Shinn and Athrun - especially the former. I might give them a short appearance later on in the story, but I don't know. For now, it's a "maybe".
// ART THREAD // NOT ACCEPTING REQUESTS
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"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Antares » Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:55 pm

Hey Dark Duel, your rate of posting has gone down a bit.
That's fine, at your own pace, but I was wondering if you've hit a snag? Or the proverbial authors' dry-wall? You can smash your way through it, believe me. :)

If you need ideas or input to keep you going, don't hesitate to run them by us.
-We will not be caught by surprise!
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-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.

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Dark Duel
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:22 pm

Well, I've run into a mix of writer's block, the loss of my source material (I don't actually own the series on DVD because I thought the last third was so dreadful that I refused to spend my money on it), and life getting in the way. So unfortunately I've not been able to be as prolific as I would have liked.

Ideally I should have another chapter ready to post within the next few days, however. The other good news is that, if all goes well, I've got a new source for the episodes I need to work off of to continue the project (took a couple of weeks though), so I shouldn't have to deal with that anymore either.
I've also hit a snag with the Gunpla tie-in project I've been working on in parallel with the actual writing of the series as some of the custom parts I need made for it have been delayed, but that's a discussion for another thread.
In related news, I'm thinking of going back and making an addendum to the prologue one-shot Alternate Fate, so I'm going to be working on that as well. Maybe.
// ART THREAD // NOT ACCEPTING REQUESTS
// GUNPLA THREAD //

"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:29 pm

Excuse the double post, but Chapter 7 is up.
(Let the flaming begin :twisted: - though not here, hopefully!)
Also did a little tweaking on format on the whole thing.
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"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Antares » Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:14 am

Wow, I didn't expect you to kill her here. But that will certainly make it easier for you to plan for Shinn and Kira having it off. I was actually surprised about how little Kira seemed to react, but maybe that's something you're saving up. It would make sense that the shock didn't quite register yet.

And also kudos on changing the narration on Cagalli. To my mind, she was pressed but not in any real danger before she was grabbed, which makes Kira's actions a bit redundant but quite understandable given what had just happened. And it also takes Cagalli away from controlling the Seirans, who will most likely jump at the chance.

I'm not so sure about Canard; I don't know what you plan to do with him. At least Athrun doesn't know him... all in all he seemed to get into the story (and Kira's inner circle) a bit too effortlessly, maybe work in a small exchange on that somewhere? Good thing to bring in Rondo Mina Sahaku in there as well so it's not just the Seirans v. Cagalli in Orb, but I thought she basically stayed at the orbital satelite more or less permanently... Again, that could be explained by a simple sentence on her part why she felt she needed to be there.

One issue that is slightly bigger, you said e.g.
She turned, and there was Mina, dressed basically the same as usual.
Now, this is OK for a fanfic, but you clearly expect people to have a working knowledge not only of the series but also the manga. If I had only seen GSD but not read e.g. Astray X, I wouldn't have a clue about a) who Rondo Mina Sahaku is and b) how she would dress. I think this has been a conscious decision on your part not to explain things that are shown in canon material, but I just wanted to make you aware that you cover a lot of potential exposition in this way. As said, it's OK in fanfic to run the risk (even with fanfics some readers won't necessarily know what you mean), less OK elsewhere.
-We will not be caught by surprise!
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by domino » Sun Apr 29, 2012 9:32 pm

This chapter was strangely satisfying eventhough I'm still longing for Shinn to get some writing development-love.

I spotted this writing snafu though:
Andy went in first. Kira was on his knees, a shocked look on his face as he looked down at Lacus's corpse. "There's nothing you can do, Kira. Let's go!" He grabbed his younger brother by the collar of his shirt and dragged him into the shelter, which closed.
I guess you mean Canard grabbing Kira however it might be best to clearly refer to Canard and not just use "he grabbed his younger brother".

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Dark Duel
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Sun Apr 29, 2012 10:40 pm

Couple of amendments to make - I'll address them probably tomorrow or Tuesday - but again, thanks for the feedback.
As for Shinn, the next chapter wraps up Cagalli for now and shifts back to him, with the subsequent chapters focusing - as did the corresponding episodes of the series - on him and in particular his relationship with Athrun.
I won't say too much more beyond that, except that the next chapter also features a brief cameo from another returning Seed cast member, who will play a very significant support role in the last third or so of the story.
// ART THREAD // NOT ACCEPTING REQUESTS
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"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Arbiter GUNDAM » Tue May 01, 2012 1:18 am

So you shot Lacus through the heart huh? Ballsy. I approve. :)

BUT I'm thinking Kira should have a little more facetime. I didn't really get a sense of his grief.
I can fly if I ride the wind! Gori gori!

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Tue May 08, 2012 5:36 pm

A good point, but to be honest so far he hasn't had much time to sit and grieve. I might sacrifice a scene or two to make that a little clearer before I'm done with him.
I plan to largely make Shinn and Athrun the focus of the story from this point on though.

Anyway, with this update, Cagalli's current story arc is basically resolved and I start to set up for the next battle, which is the Indian Ocean encounter.
So without further ado, here is Chapter 8, which actually if my computer hadn't crashed on me - resulting in the loss of 90% of what I'd written thus far - I would have had this up a week ago.
Oh well.
Chapter 9 to follow probably by Sunday.
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Thu May 10, 2012 11:48 pm

As promised, here is CHAPTER NINE OF THE STORY, which corresponds with Phase 12 of the original. A few differences here, but feel free to read it and let me know what y'all think.
// ART THREAD // NOT ACCEPTING REQUESTS
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"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Arbiter GUNDAM » Fri May 11, 2012 1:44 am

I'm curious as to why Talia isn't in this version of your story?
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Dark Duel
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Fri May 11, 2012 8:48 am

Mostly because (A) She struck me as a low-rent Murrue wannabe more than anything else, (B) the entire Talia/Rey/Durandal angle struck me as unnecessary(and thus annoyed me), and (C) I liked Yzak a lot as a character and wanted to give him a bigger role in my version than just a couple of short cameos where he didn't do anything worth mentioning. Finally, (D) Yzak being a pilot, I can have him sortie in a mobile suit every once in a while and give Arthur a chance to be more than comic relief. Granted Yzak hasn't gone out since his ZAKU was destroyed, but that will change by the next battle.
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"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Arbiter GUNDAM » Tue May 15, 2012 3:00 am

Especially the "I'm going to die with Durandal and abandon my young son even though this is completely out of character for me," thing.

Anyway, concerning the last chapter, I was surprised that, even though she was only on the Archangel a short time, nobody mentioned to Cagalli that Lacus had been murdered. I would think they'd want her to know about that.
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Dark Duel
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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Tue May 15, 2012 12:29 pm

That would be because she already knew about it. It's a passing mention, but in Chapter 8 she was present at the funeral. I could probably expand that sequence a bit, but I didn't want to spend too much time on it.
In any case, school's started today so I won't have as much time to spend on this project :(
All the same, I'm hoping to have Chapter 10 up by the end of this week or the beginning of the next.
// ART THREAD // NOT ACCEPTING REQUESTS
// GUNPLA THREAD //

"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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Re: Gundam Seed: Destiny (Altered)

Post by Dark Duel » Wed May 16, 2012 2:30 pm

Well, it took a while but I made the two minor adjustments to Chp7 suggested by domino a few posts up.
On a more substantial note, the latest chapter is now up, CHAPTER 10, which brings us up to the end of episode 18 of the series.
As always, feedback is welcome.
// ART THREAD // NOT ACCEPTING REQUESTS
// GUNPLA THREAD //

"You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home."

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