Fanfic Challenge: Moebius VS Providence

Your own tale of two mecha.

Moderators: ShadowCell, Draco Starcloud

Post Reply
User avatar
Destiny_Gundam
Traitor Villain
Posts: 5102
Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 12:36 pm
Location: Canada, eh.
Contact:

Fanfic Challenge: Moebius VS Providence

Post by Destiny_Gundam » Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:21 pm

So I was bored and my friend challenged me to write a fic about a plain old Moebius fighting the Providence Gundam and winning. Despite the horrible one sidedness of the duel, I tried to be a realistic as possible. I think I did fairly well. Anyways, I decided to share it with you guys.

-------------------------

Rau Le Creuset had just completely bested his rival Mu la Flaga in a mobile suit duel, his Providence Gundam completely overwhelming the outdated Strike Gundam. Since that was taken care of for the moment, it was time to resume his plan: killing anyone foolish enough to be in his way. He spotted a lone Moebius mobile armor floating around.

“Too easy.” He chuckled. “But I may as well put it out of its misery.” Rau fired his beam rifle, but surprisingly the Moebius evaded. “Well, looks like some one has some skill.”

Mai Hinamori was quite surprised as a beam shot passed through where she just was. She had just started to head back to regroup with her forces too. “A ZAFT mobile suit? Must be a new model… But it looks like those 3 escort suits…” Whatever the case, she knew she was in trouble. If the suits were similar, her linear gun and missiles wouldn’t do anything against that special armour. Well, she didn’t survive this long by just randomly pulling the trigger anyways. First off, she needed to keep moving as to not be locked onto.

Rau watched as the Moebius flew around seemingly at random. “This person is either incredibly smart or incredibly stupid.” The MA’s small size and light weight certainly made it hard to catch, but it was also possible the pilot was just panicking. Well, it shouldn’t make much difference anyways.

Mai knew she couldn’t fly around like an idiot forever and tried to think of a plan. Her biggest concern was the enemy’s backpack. There were many beam nozzles on it, which didn’t seem useful in that position. It also seemed like they were detachable. She figured they were probably similar to the Moebius Zero’s gun barrels. The Alliance had applied those to mobile suits as well, wouldn’t be surprising if ZAFT had similar technology. If her speculations were correct, being out in the open would be certain death. She knew she couldn’t win anyways, but she had to at least loose it and escape, as to not lead it back to her forces. She detected a field of debris close by and decided to use it to her advantage.

While she was thinking however, Providence had gotten right in front of her. “A simple distraction on the battlefield can mean your death!” Rau said as he prepared to strike with his beam saber. Mai instinctively pulled the trigger. Her linear gun fired at point blank, striking the Providence. While the Phase Shift protected the suit from damage, the explosion blinded Rau for an instant. At the same time, the force from the explosion knocked the Moebius away, allowing Mai to fly off to the debris. Rau’s vision returned and he chased after her. “This is much for difficult than it should be.” He growled. Rau entered the debris of several wrecked ships and mobile suits. It would be very difficult to use his DRAGOONs here. Had the pilot planned for this? No, it couldn’t be. This was just some Natural after all.

Mai hid behind an Agamemnon class battleship and caught her breath. She thanked her luck she was able to make it this far. She wasn’t quite home free yet however. He’d no doubt notice her if she simply tried to make a break for it. She was starting to wish she had opted for a nuke equipped Moebius. Her linear gun had quite a bit of ammo left, but she only had two missiles left. She left the cockpit and peeked over the edge of the ship. The Providence was currently searching around a bunch of wrecked mobile suits. It was making its way towards a Drake Class. From the looks of things, the ship’s engines were still intact. It would probably explode nicely. Mai got back into her Moebius and silently manoeuvred herself into position.
Rau was getting ticked. “This is really beginning to annoy me.” He thought of just shooting all over the place, but that would be so… unrefined. He should be able to handle a single Moebius without making a fool of himself. Rau made his way by a Drake class.

Mai jumped into action. She came out of hiding and fired at the Drake’s engines. Rau barely managed to bring his shield up before the ship exploded. Mai fired her remaining missiles, hitting Providence in the back. Mai quickly turned around and flew away at top speed.

When the light faded from the monitor and the cockpit finally stopped shaking, all Rau could see of the Moebius was the faint light of its thrusters off in the distance.

“Cheh.” Rau cursed. “Well, no matter. Humanity’s days are at an end anyways. Where ever that pilot goes, death is sure to follow.” He detected several Strike Daggers approaching his location. “More lambs to the slaughter.” He mused.

Mai removed her helmet as she approached an Alliance ship. She had somehow managed to survive that encounter. “I probably used up all my luck with that one. Leaving alive counts as a win in my book.” She laughed. “But just watch me get randomly picked off by a stray shot or something.” After safely returning to the ship she decided that if she managed to survive, she’d take a very early retirement.

----------------------

If anyone ever wants to request a fic from me, I can write pretty much anything.
"In the end, the world doesn't really need a Superman... Just a brave one."

assault gundam
Newtype Emo Guy
Posts: 259
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2006 9:21 am
Location: PEI, Canada

Post by assault gundam » Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:26 pm

Well the moius didn't really defeat the providence, But the story was still amazing. Good work :D
"The person who said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons"

User avatar
Destiny_Gundam
Traitor Villain
Posts: 5102
Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 12:36 pm
Location: Canada, eh.
Contact:

Post by Destiny_Gundam » Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:28 pm

Well, my friend's stipulation is that she 'win', he never said the Providence had to be defeated. Plus, I believe is perserving the continuality of the series.

And as she says "Leaving alive counts as a win in my book"
"In the end, the world doesn't really need a Superman... Just a brave one."

Ragormha
Creepy Bishonen
Posts: 209
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:18 am
Location: Infinite void

Post by Ragormha » Thu Jun 14, 2007 1:48 am

Not bad...but I have three major issues and one minor...

1. Rau's crazy Spatial Awareness would mean that he could use the DRAGOON in the debris, so that section is not really logical.

2. Mai's comes to the conclusion that the Providence's DRAGOON are like gunbarrels way to easily.

3. Unless I am mistaken the Moebius is neither fast or manoeuvrable, we see GINN out manoeuvre and outfight them on a regular basis and the Providence is quite a speedy mobile suit, not on the level of Freedom or anything, but easily as good as a GuAIZ or something, meaning he should be able to catch a Moebius with ease.

4. Mai kills how many of her own team mates by destroying that Drake class? If it was supposed too be ruined ignore this point.

Still it was quite well written so well done.
"I don't CARE if the mechanaught can't handle it, I want Wings of Light, the few seconds it'd last and the pilot mortality would be worth it." -me, eXteel closed beta.

User avatar
Destiny_Gundam
Traitor Villain
Posts: 5102
Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 12:36 pm
Location: Canada, eh.
Contact:

Post by Destiny_Gundam » Thu Jun 14, 2007 2:01 am

1.) Yeah, he could have used them, but this is an area filled with debris. If he used them, they'd crash into stuff and wouldn't be able to move too well

2.) Well... she's smarter than your average grunt I suppose :/ You can actually make pretty good guesses based on a mobile suit's design.

3.) Er.... say it's a speced up Moebius! I had to give her some kind of advantage....

4.) It was an abandoned ship, so no one was killed

I had to do the best with what I had to work with... my friend gave me some pretty unreasonable criteria...

I tried facing Providence in a Mobius in Never Ending Tomorrow once.... it wasn't pretty... managed to kill him with a nuke though, hehe
"In the end, the world doesn't really need a Superman... Just a brave one."

Antares
Retconned MSV Ace
Posts: 1546
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 3:44 am
Location: Finland
Contact:

Post by Antares » Thu Jun 14, 2007 2:34 am

Destiny_Gundam said:
I had to do the best with what I had to work with... my friend gave me some pretty unreasonable criteria...
I'll say! I almost got a nasty flashback to the days of old Civilization when my battleship was sunk by a band of men in loincloths and stone axes. Those were the days of random numeric-value combat. All in all, I thought this was a pretty sweet and biref CE occurrence that kept within the storyline. I can well imagine Rau being miffed off his rocker (well, more that he already was) when a plain Moebius A) manages to hit him and B ) gets away. I smell a contestant for the future CE-fanfic contest here! :wink:
-We will not be caught by surprise!
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.

Ragormha
Creepy Bishonen
Posts: 209
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:18 am
Location: Infinite void

Post by Ragormha » Thu Jun 14, 2007 4:01 am

Destiny_Gundam wrote:1.) Yeah, he could have used them, but this is an area filled with debris. If he used them, they'd crash into stuff and wouldn't be able to move too well
What I'm saying is that since Rau has his crazy Spatial Awareness this isn't a problem, as his mind has the ability to deal with these things, so he could make the DRAGOON pods avoid the debris.
I don't understand what the deal with that was, you could have just had Rau deploy his DRAGOON and try to hit her, but have the shots blocked by a mix of her piloting skills and drifting debris, after all Rau isn't exactly the best shot.
But it's your story so I guess its fine.
2.) Well... she's smarter than your average grunt I suppose :/ You can actually make pretty good guesses based on a mobile suit's design.
You could, but she guesses way too well what they are, wouldn't a more logical guess be that they were some sort of system to stop mobile suits attacking from above or the sides?
There's a difference between guessing well and what Mai did, and I think it strays a little too far from logical reasoning.
She could have easily caught the tail-end of the action between Rau and Mwu and seen the DRAGOON pods in action.
I had to do the best with what I had to work with... my friend gave me some pretty unreasonable criteria...
Your telling me, no weapons capable of causing damage to the Provy, weaker, slower, less manoeuvrable and all around less powerful.
I mean hell, GINN v Mobius is hard enough, Provy V Moebius is freakin' insane.

As I said it was written well and you made no errors, except for those minor points I made, which were quite minor.
"I don't CARE if the mechanaught can't handle it, I want Wings of Light, the few seconds it'd last and the pilot mortality would be worth it." -me, eXteel closed beta.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest