THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

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Fritz Ashlyn
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THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

CCCP 2009

CARDI HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS*.
ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE OR DUDETTE TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT CARDI?

What is CCCP, you ask? Why, it's a wonderful new songwriting contest judged by the RPG Trinary where you can win CASH PRIZES. Yes, CASH PRIZES.

Cardi Doorl, beloved Trinary member and local pedo (file photo), has been absent for an extended period of time and we have been unable to contact him. What can you do to help us in our time of need? Rewrite stupid song lyrics, of course!

For this song (re)writing contest, you must take the words to a song and change them so that they are about Cardi Doorl. Lament his absence, make fun of him and/or the Trinary, do whatever you want as long as the song is (mostly) about Cardi!

Here are the rules and guidelines:

1.) There must be at least 5 entries for the contest to become valid. I'm not sending CASH PRIZES to anyone because they were the only person that posted in our dumb contest.
2.) The contest ends in 2 weeks (Saturday, August 22) at midnight. No entries will be accepted after that date and time.
3.) You may only submit one song for judging, but you are allowed to post multiple songs in this thread. Please indicate clearly which song you are entering if you post more than one.

So what are those CASH PRIZES I've been blathering about, you ask? Well, here's what you can win!:

The GRAND PRIZE WINNER, selected by the RPG Trinary (Fritz, Red and Wedge) will receive the princely sum of ZWD$363.75†. That's Zimbabwean Dollars if you were wondering. A single RUNNER UP will receive ZWD$181.88. Due to my lack of Zimbabwean paper currency, I will mail the winnings to the two lucky members in U.S. Dollars‡. If you're overseas, you'll have to worry about getting it exchanged.

Now that all that crap is out of the way, get posting! I'll put up an example in another post just to give you an idea of what we're looking for.

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*We don't actually know specifically what happened to Cardi, but ninjas may be involved.
†Based on the USD/ZWD currency exchange rate as of August 7, 2009.
‡Yes, I will really mail the money to the winner(s). You can give me your mailing address through PM or email so I can get the CASH PRIZE to you.
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Fritz Ashlyn
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Re: THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

"Mr. Rand, man" to the tune of "Mr. Sandman" by the Chordettes

Mr. Rand, man, bring us Cardi
Make him a pedo like we’ve never seen
Give him a Fritz both silly and sober
Then tell us that our lonesome chats are over.
Rand, man, we're so alone
Don’t have a Cardi to call our own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Rand, man, bring us Cardi.

Mr. Rand, man, bring us Cardi
Make him a pedo like we’ve never seen
Give him a Red filled with boobie fueled fervor
Then tell us that our lonesome chats are over.
Rand, man, we're so alone
Don’t have a Cardi to call our own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Rand, man, bring us Cardi.

Mr. Rand, man (Chris: "Yesss?") bring us Cardi
Give him an avatar with Kimura's glasses' gleam
Give him a Wedge that lives near cold Toron'o
And lots of wavy hair like Ricky Ricardo
Mr. Rand, man, if it's not too bold
Get him to come back before we’re too old
So please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Rand, man, bring us, please, please, please
Mr. Rand, man, bring us Cardi.

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A bit of advice for the contest entries: don't use a song that is so obscure that we can't find it to compare the lyrics and the way it sounds. You can include a link to the music if you want to, but that won't help you when it gets judged.
TftF Wiki
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RPG Trinary: Ortega
Die Anti-brutale Kraft: Fritz Ashlyn

Hey! why don't you swing on down to the RPG section? Tales from the Frontlines: The AEUG running strong since 2006!
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Cybaster
Posts: 1422
Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:28 pm
Location: SANDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH!!! *shakes fist*

Re: THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

(To the tune of Can't Beat Airman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUVdA9ABzpg. This will be the song I submit for judging.)

When I realize it
That the Trinary of three was now just two
And the one missing for all ages has left a big hole;
We are not Mario,
And so we can't jump over, and with RPGs bearing down
So many characters left in the void!

So we mass an army of spam together
And we sent them with Probe Droids all around the world, but
No matter what we do
No matter what we do
We! Just can't find! Cardi~

~at all! We try his Mechatalk PM, but it's dead as a doornail today!
We wait through the outbox to see if he's read it at all, but it's always in there, never gets touched at all!
So we try his e-mail, off to Hotmail, let's track him down, but Cardi is onto our game, doesn't answer!
So just to make sure that Cardi walks right in here,
I'll save that Hacker Trojan Horse Worm for the very last day!

First in TftF,
The man who runs the Titans and makes them more
Than just cardboard Nazis, he runs off, before Axis hits...
And in T-A-R-R-
The C in C&W, he disappears without a trace
Without C, the C&W goes bankrupt!

Then Fritz rumors that he's a ped,
And so we change our plans in the hopes of luring him, but
No matter how we try
No matter how we try
We! Just can't catch! Cardi~

~at all! Strike Zero brings in Strike Witches, but with no pantyshots Cardi's not interested!
So Axis starts amassing some of their Puru Clones, but Puru's real annoying, so no dice there either!
Then we tie up little Miss D&D on the front lawn, but Pedobear got to him first and he no-shows!
So just to make sure that Cardi takes the bait, see,
I'll have to find more pics of Puru out on 4chan and Gel~!

So we mass an army of spam together
And we sent them with Probe Droids all around the world, but
No matter what we do
No matter what we do
We! Just can't find! Cardi~

~at all! We RP some terrorism, but Cardi isn't even reading the boards now!
We throw some ideas for a new Macross RPG, but Macross has no lolis so no dice, either!
We have Fritz and mcred harass his mail around the clock, but if we blow up the Mods then there is no game!
So just to make sure that Cardi comes back and see,
We'll have to tie him up on the lawn and let Zombies eat his braaaaaaains!!!...

Can't find Cardi...
Last edited by Cybaster on Thu Aug 13, 2009 1:21 am, edited 4 times in total.
Don't throw the baton, you jacka**!!!
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Cybaster
Posts: 1422
Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:28 pm
Location: SANDWIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH!!! *shakes fist*

Re: THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

(To the tune of Zombies on Your Lawn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0N1_0SUGlDQ)

...

King Monkey!

...

<King Monkey>
One!
Two!
Three---

I see Cardi on your lawn!
I see Cardi on your lawn!
I see Cardi on your lawn!
We don't want Cardi on our lawn~!

I know your type: smoke pot and write
You wanna eat all the lolis off of our site
And then eat the brains of the ones who take refuge here! (<Wedge14> Noooooo~)
I'm just a nice player, but see
My avatar's a middle finger, hee!
It goes up your *BLEEP* 'cause
We don't like Cardi.

<Fritz>
I post insanely long~ (<King Monkey> Oh, so long!)
<mcred23>
My brain's replaced by pods~ (<King Monkey> He's a pod person~)
<Cardi>
I'm trapped up in rehab~ (<King Monkey> In rehab!)
...
<Trinary>
We are the Mod Squad---!!!

<King Monkey>
I see Cardi on your lawn!
I see Cardi on your lawn!
I see Cardi on your lawn!
We don't want Cardi on our lawn~!

Maybe it's time to reevaluate
All those Puru posters on your decorate
Lolis sap away your sanity...
You're soulless, it doesn't matter
Instead we'll use this writing power
To undo your damage at any hour!

<Fritz>
I'm Kira Yamato! (<King Monkey> Strike Freedom?)
<mcred23>
I'll send you to your Gods! (<King Monkey> Don't talk 'bout Fight Club!)
<Cardi>
I'm gonna eat you up~ (<King Monkey> Run, little girl!)
...
<Trinary>
We are the Mod Squad---!!!

<King Monkey>
I see Cardi on your lawn!
I see Cardi on your lawn!
I see Cardi on your lawn!
We don't want Cardi on our lawn~!
...
*wink*
Last edited by Cybaster on Thu Aug 13, 2009 1:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Don't throw the baton, you jacka**!!!
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King Monkey
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Joined: Wed Aug 16, 2006 1:59 pm
Location: Dallas, TX

Re: THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

To the tune of
What if God Was One of Us

If Card had a username, what would it be
And would you call it to his face
If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question

And yeah yeah Card is great yeah yeah Card is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if Card was posting for us
Posting at his job like one of us
Not a stranger on the board
Trying to make his posts known

If Card had a MySpace what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like Gryps and in Wolf and the Ritters and all the Titans

And yeah yeah Card is great yeah yeah Card is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if Card was posting for us
Posting at his job like one of us
Not a stranger a stranger on the board
Trying to make his posts known
He's trying to make his posts known
Going back up to the Kirov all alone
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pedobear maybe at home

And yeah yeah Card is great yeah yeah Card is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if Card was posting for us
Posting at his job like one of us
Not a stranger on the board
Trying to make his posts known
Just trying to make his posts known
Like a Trinary rolling stone
Going back up to the Kirov all alone
Just trying to make his posts known
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pedobear maybe at home
Yep...That's Texas in a nutshell. Why just say "f**k you" when you can put it on a flag?

Want to play an Avenger or Spider-man? Come to Marvel 972: http://z10.invisionfree.com/Marvel_Eart ... hp?act=idx
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The Big Zabowski
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Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 6:07 pm
Location: In the cockpit..

Re: THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

Not gonna win, but I had to use this song..

You got em' runnin buddy
You give em' somethin way beyond mental scarring
You put the Pedo in it
We feel the collective shudder when you do what you do (Unfortunately..)
And oh...
We cant do without you for too long...you're our numbah tres-
You're our kinda Cardi...

You keep us all-a-waitin'
You get the RPG goin' when it's gettin' bogged down
You got the keystrokes buddy
We got a notion maybe we'll stick around (For a few more months..)
And oh...
We can kinda doubt you for right now...We can see a reason..

BUT

You're our kinda Cardi...

When you come round we hide the lolis, they fly across the floor (Under the bed!)
They can see you comin on them...and we fear there could be more (WHERES THE VAN!)
Catch em' Catch em', Dude you got got us chasin' to the ends (of the earth!)
C'mon C'mon, Cardi RPG's dead--turn it on again!

You got our CPU fans racin'
We find our thoughts fearing your every move
We wanna put you a-way
We wanna make you stayatleast50yardsawayfromlolis at all times..
And oh...
We've been lookin' for you for so long
We dont wanna lose ya--you're our kinda Cardi...
TRANS AM!
Yes, it's a V8.
Yes, it was a Trans Am before there was "TRANS AM."
Yes, it's mine. 8)
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Wedge14
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Re: THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

i knew god walked among us...i just didn't imagine him being related to Fritz.
RPG Trinary:Creepy Zeon Magician

I'm cool, just ask anybody.

Oh and check out the RPG Section!
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Fritz Ashlyn
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Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:32 am
Location: Texas Gulf Coast
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Re: THE INAUGURAL CRAPPY CARDI CONTEST PRO-AM 2009

Unfortunately, due to the low number of responses there cannot be a winner declared in the CCCP 2009. :( I'm keeping the winnings for myself and putting them towards a new pack of gum.
TftF Wiki
TftF One Shots
RPG Trinary: Ortega
Die Anti-brutale Kraft: Fritz Ashlyn

Hey! why don't you swing on down to the RPG section? Tales from the Frontlines: The AEUG running strong since 2006!
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