Register    Login    Forum    Search    FAQ

Board index » Fanworks » Fanfiction




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 69 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:33 am 
Offline
Traitor Villain
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 7:21 pm
Posts: 1809
Wow....Power Rangers references!

And now that you mention, Scorponok does look like that robot from Power Rangers the Movie! I think the name's pretty close too.

_________________
Chris wrote:
IMMA CHARGIN MAH MAHQ @_@

Draco's Lair - Latest Update: 1/9/10


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:50 pm 
Offline
Oblivious Harem Loser
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:49 pm
Posts: 3509
Location: Becoming a Gundam
Draco Starcloud wrote:
Wow....Power Rangers references!

And now that you mention, Scorponok does look like that robot from Power Rangers the Movie! I think the name's pretty close too.


Indeed... his name is Scorpitron (wikipedia FTW).

_________________
Thundermuffin wrote:
SETSUNA: There is no Tomino in this world.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 5:32 pm 
Offline
Traitor Villain
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 2:12 pm
Posts: 6823
Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL
Epic, even better than the first one. There were a lot of lines in it that had me loling like crazy.

_________________
I must betray Stalindog!!!

RPG TRINARY: Mash
Die Anti-brutale Kraft: mcred23 (Call me 'red', not 'mcred')


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:14 pm 
Offline
Mod of Bling, Yo
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 12:42 am
Posts: 3624
I thought it was still pretty funny, albeit a little short since the material and situations covered are rather condensed into a smaller chunk. Of course, given that ATEOGSD wasnt exactly in a specific order of events either, I have no complaints.

_________________
ShadowCell wrote:
"Poor fool, ShadowCell!" you say. "You can't win against fandom stupidity with the Power of the Mod!"


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:47 pm 
Offline
Elitist Earth Politician
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 18, 2006 12:16 pm
Posts: 673
Location: Wh-what the HELLLLL???
(A new day; Sam walks out of his front door, jingling his keys. He turns back before closing the door.)

SAM:
Goin’ out, mom! Don’t drink too much while I’m gone!

JUDY:
(From inside)
No promises!

(Sam, whistling and jovial, walks around to the rear of his house, where his new car rests in the garage. But when he reaches the back, BUMBLEBEE in robot mode is carefully stepping over the backyard fence. He suddenly looks up, caught, as Sam freezes up in shock.)

SAM:
(Stunned)
Whu…what the??

(Bumblebee quickly turns to face Sam and holds up his hands in panic, playing a song on the radio.)

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “Wait, This Isn’t What It Looks Like!”)

SAM:
(Full-blown panic)
Aaaaa-AH!

(Sam dashes away from the unexplained giant robot in his backyard, runs to the front, and snatches his MOTHER’S PINK BIKE off the ground, gets on, and begins peddling frantically away from his house. This is HILARIOUS, because PINK is a GIRL COLOR and Sam is a BOY. Seconds later, Bumblebee in car mode barrels out of the Witwicky driveway after Sam.)

SAM:
(Peddling furiously, looks back)
Oh God! Oh God! Leave me alone!

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “Come Back, Squishy! You’re In Grave Danger!”)

(Sam peddles his bike out of his neighborhood and into a more crowded main street. Cars swerve to avoid him as he goes right through several lanes of traffic, with Bumblebee in hot pursuit.)

SAM:
No! Nono! Oh God!

(Sam makes it to the other side of the road and hits the curb, flying off the bike and into the air. He lands in front of Mikaela, who is sitting at a nearby table with her friends. She looks over and recognizes him.)

MIKAELA:
Sam? You…okay?

SAM:
(Gets up)
No, nothing is fine! My car is a giant robot and it’s chasing me!

MIKAELA:
…

SAM:
I can tell by your speechlessness that you unreservedly believe me, but stay away! I won’t let it get you too!

(Sam runs off. Mikaela watches him go. A few seconds pass and a yellow Camaro barrels after Sam. Mikaela sighs.)

MIKAELA:
I don’t want to get involved with this.

(MICHAEL “MICHAEL BAY” BAY walks onto screen behind Mikaela.)

MICHAEL BAY:
You have no choice. Now scoot! Follow Shia!

MIKAELA:
(Groans)
But this is just silly!

MICHAEL BAY:
Y’know, all I ever hear from you is “that’s silly” and “the laws of physics don’t work that way”. Just stick your chest out and do what you’re told, okay?

MIKAELA:
Fine.

(Mikaela dejectedly walks off-screen. Bay points after her.)

MICHAEL BAY:
And chin up! No one likes a “Dour Dorrie”.

(Meanwhile, Sam has run into a parking garage trying to evade Bumblebee. Suddenly, a cop car swerves out from behind a corner and appears in front of Sam. The camera focuses on a COMPLETELY OBVIOUS DECEPTICON SYMBOL and the phrase “TO PUNISH AND ENSLAVE” etched on the police car’s door. It is entirely possible that this police car is NOT all that it seems. Sam runs up to it and puts his hands on the hood, peering inside.)

SAM:
Officer, you’ve got to help! There’s a giant robot that can turn into a car looking for me!

BARRICADE:
Oh really? Did he look like…

(Barricade suddenly transforms, sending Sam flying up and onto the hood of a nearby parked car. Barricade stands over Sam.)

BARRICADE:
THIS?

SAM:
No. He was yellow.

(Sam suddenly REALIZES he’s in danger.)

SAM:
OH GOD!

(Sam tries to roll off, but Barricade grabs both sides of the car Sam is lying on to block him and gets right in the human’s face.)

BARRICADE:
(Screams)
ARE YOU USERNAME “LADIESMAN217”???

SAM:
(Panicked)
Yeh-yes! YES!

BARRICADE:
Your shipping rates for Season 3 of “Cops” are UNREASONABLY HIGH! If I must wait ten to twenty business days to receive the item, I EXPECT A DISCOUNT!

SAM:
Whatever you want! Whatever!

BARRICADE:
Excellent! Expect good feedback when I get it in the mail.

(From somewhere within Barricade, we hear a sound.)

FRENZY:
(Inside Barricade’s chest)
A-HEM.

BARRICADE:
Oh right, and also WHERE ARE YOUR ANCESTRAL ARTIFACTS?

SAM:
Huh?? What?

BARRICADE:
(Impatiently)
The glasses, human, WHERE ARE THE GLASSES???

(Sam manages to slip under one of Barricade’s arms and tumble on the ground. He immediately springs to his feet and starts running. Barricade turns to pursue.)

BARRICADE:
Scampering little rodent! Time for some police brutality!

(Barricade charges after Sam as the boy makes it outside, only to collide with Mikaela as she arrives on the scene riding a motor scooter. The two humans fall to the ground.

MIKAELA:
Dammit, Sam, my scooter! You’ve scuffed it!

SAM:
(Panicked)
DON’T YOU SEE THE GIANT ROBOT CHASING ME??

(Mikaeka directs her gaze slightly to the left, where we see Barricade barreling down on them. She raises an eyebrow.)

MIKAELA:
Huh. How ‘bout that?

BARRICADE:
(Shouts)
Halt in the name of un-law!

SAM:
GAH!

(But before Barricade can reach them, Bumblebee arrives in car mode and sideswipes the Decepticon, sending him falling back. Bumblebee swerves to stop in front of Sam and Mikaela, popping his door open.)

SAM:
We need to get in the car!

MIKAELA:
Kay.

(Sam and Mikaela jump in Bumblebee and they take off. Barricade transforms to car mode and goes in pursuit. Soon it’s NIGHT TIME FOR NO SENSICAL REASON. Apparently Barricade chased Bumblebee and the kids for the good part of eight or ten hours. Bumblebee drives into an empty train yard and unceremoniously dumps Mikaela and Sam out of him. Then he transforms to robot mode as Barricade approaches.)

SAM:
(Gaping at Bumblebee)
Holy ZOINKS, that shit’s for real! ZOINKS!

MIKAELA:
Stop saying “shit”.

(Bumblebee puts his dukes up as Barricade transforms to robot mode and regards them. The Decepticon shrieks at Bumblebee in Cybertronian.)

BARRICADE:
(Subtitled)
I’m bringing those two little trolls in for the crime of being inferior lifeforms. Stand aside.

(Bumblebee takes a fiercely defensive stance in front of the humans.)

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “No Chance, Dipstick- The Stunted Lifeforms Are Staying With Me!”)

BARRICADE:
(Screams, subtitled)
YOU WILL RESPECT MAH AUTHORI-TY!

(Barricade ejects Frenzy from his chest and lunges at Bumblebee. The battle is on! Barricade COLLIDES with Bumblebee and soon the two are tumbling around on the ground in a CONFUSING BLUR OF CGI that we can only ASSUME IS EXCITING! Frenzy skitters out to face Sam and Mikaela who regard him with curiosity.)

MIKAELA:
(Smiles)
Awww, it’s a little cute one!

SAM:
(Giggles)
Hey there, little spindly dude!

(Frenzy looks up at the two humans and focuses on Sam’s “The Strokes” shirt.)

FRENZY:
Like “The Strokes”, eh? Think I got them somewhere in here…

SAM:
What do you mea-

(Frenzy lets off a deadly, razor-sharp THE STROKES CD from his chest launcher. It flies and NAILS Sam RIGHT in the LEFT EYE.)

SAM:
(Recoils back)
AAAAAAGHHH!!! AIAAAGH!!!

(Sam stumbles back, clutching at the disc embedded right in his eye. It begins bleeding profusely. Sam lets off a string of profanity, as if he were SHIA LABEOUF or something, and staggers around, bleeding all over the place. Mikaela turns and runs away.)

MIKAELA:
(Panicked)
Oh God, not cool!

(Frenzy watches her leave, then turns his attention back to the ailing Sam, who is now sitting on the ground, whimpering in pain.)

FRENZY:
You shouldn’t have run, Ladiesman217. Now I’ll make things unpleasant for you.

SAM:
(Screams)
You already shot out my eye!

FRENZY:
And? You have another one. You humans seem to have pairs of a lot of things. I was thinking I’d ruin something you only have one of this time…

(Suddenly, Mikaela appears back on the scene, wielding a power saw she picked up from a nearby somewhere. She quickly swings it at Frenzy and lobs his left arm off. It clatters to the ground. Frenzy looks at it.)

MIKAELA:
Ha! Victory is mine!

FRENZY:
Tis’ but a scratch.

MIKAELA:
You stupid bastard- your arm’s off!

FRENZY:
(Cheekily)
No it isn’t.

(Mikaela motions to the severed arm with her saw.)

MIKAELA:
Well, what’s that then??

FRENZY:
(Shrugs)
Eh, I’ve had worse.

MIKAELA:
You liar!

FRENZY:
Fine then- have at you!

(Frenzy lunges at Mikaela- she swings again with the saw, cutting his right arm off this time. Frenzy lands back on the ground and peers at his right arm lying on the ground.)

FRENZY:
Right, I’ll do you for that!

MIKAELA:
You’ll WHAT?

(Mikaela swings again and cuts off both of Frenzy’s legs. His limbless body clatters to the ground. Mikaela swings down and severs Frenzy’s head from his body with another chop. Frenzy‘s “mandibles” become spider-like legs and his head skitters around to rush at Mikaela’s ankles.)

FRENZY:
(Determined)
I’m INVINCIBLE! Frenzy always triumphs! Have at you!

(But Sam, having regained some sense of balance, steps in front of Mikaela and kicks Frenzy’s head as far away as he can.)

SAM:
Piece of crap! Take that!

(Sam staggers back and nearly collapses into Mikaela’s arms. She kneels down and braces him, as Sam groans in pain.)

MIKAELA:
Oh geez, your eye…

(Sam had managed to pull the deadly THE STROKES CD out of his eye, but now it is bleeding everywhere. Mikaela quickly rips part of her jacket and ties it around Sam’s head, covering his wound and making the blood flow cease. Sam nuzzles closer to her chest.)

SAM:
Yeah, I think I need to rest like this for awhile…

(Mikaela abruptly gets up and Sam bangs his head on the ground.)

SAM:
OW!

MIKAELA:
(Annoyed)
Don’t make me hurt you.

(Sam stands up and both he and Mikaela see Bumblebee walking towards them, apparently having dispatched Barricade. The two humans back up slowly, unsure of what to do. Bumblebee stands before them, looking expectantly at Sam. Adjusting his makeshift bandage so he can see better with his remaining eye, Sam peers back at Bumblebee.)

SAM:
I think…he wants something from me.

MIKAELA:
What could you possibly have that a giant robot wants?

SAM:
Well, I dunno…that other bad one wanted something from me too…

(Bumblebee transforms back into a car and his radio switches on.)

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “Get In, And I’ll Explain Everything You Need To Know, Plus Several Things More.”)

SAM:
(Turns to Mikaela)
I think we should go with him.

MIKAELA:
(Dubious)
I’m not going with him…he probably wants to rape us or something…

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “I Don’t Wanna Rape Ya, I Just Want Ya To Get Inside Me!”)

MIKAELA:
Erm, yeeeah, I’m gonna walk.

(Mikaela turns around to start walking away, but sees MICHAEL BAY hiding in some bushes nearby. He mouths “Get in the car” to her. She sighs.)

MIKAELA:
(Sighs, then turns back around)
On second thought, yeah, let’s go do this stupid crap.

SAM:
Hey, alright.

(They both get in Bumblebee. Nearby, Frenzy’s head finds Mikaela’s dropped purse, and transforms and replaces her cell phone. IT’S DIABOLICAL. Bumblebee rolls up, allowing Mikaela to retrieve the purse, now unwittingly carrying Frenzy, and they’re off. Soon, they are driving down a tunnel.)

MIKAELA:
Hey, how come you turn into this crappy car if you’re such an advanced giant alien robot?

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “Fine Then, You Shallow Tramp”.)

(Bumblebee forcefully ejects Sam and Mikaela from the side of his door. They hit the ground rolling and Bumblebee peels out and drives away. Sam gets up in frustration.)

SAM:
Now you hurt his feelings!

MIKAELA:
He’s a car. Cars don’t have feelings. Or genders. You’re livin’ in the past, Sam. Quit livin’ in the past.

(Meanwhile Bumblebee deploys his TIME MACHINE, goes into the FUTURE, and scans a CAR THAT DOESN’T EXIST YET AND WOULDN’T BE JUST DRIVING DOWN ANY OLD ROAD. He returns to Sam and Mikaela as a tricked-out 2009 Concept Camaro. They get back in, impressed.)

MIKAELA:
Wow, I stand corrected.

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “Does This Suit Your Needs, Your Highness?”)

(Bumblebee drives them to yet another ABANDONED AREA, these completely and magically empty places just litter this town, apparently. Sam and Mikaela exit Bumblebee and watch as FOUR METEOR-LIKE objects fly to the sky and crash into the ground, causing untold property damage. The other AUTOBOTS have arrived on Earth. After scanning various and INCREASINGLY UNLIKELY Earth vehicles, the four new Autobots converge on Bumblebee’s position. Sam and Mikaela step out of Bumblebee as OPTIMUS PRIME arrives and transforms to his robot mode. The other Autobots JAZZ, IRONHIDE, RATCHET all transform as well, as does Bumblebee. Prime kneels down to regard Sam and Mikaela.)

OPTIMUS PRIME:
(To Sam)
Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendant of Archibald Witwicky?

(Sam just gapes back at the giant robot right in his face.)

SAM:
No…talk…can.

MIKAELA:
(Annoyed)
Yes, yes he is.

OPTIMUS PRIME:
My name is Optimus Prime. We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron. But you can call us “autonomous robotic organisms” for short.

MIKAELA:
(Thoughtfully)
How about just “Autobots”?

OPTIMUS:
(Grumbles)
Lazy flesh creatures, whatever.

(Jazz walks up from behind the humans to introduce himself.)

JAZZ:
What’s crackin’, lil’ bitches?

MIKAELA:
(Arches an eyebrow)
Excuse me?

OPTIMUS:
(Motioning to Jazz)
This is Jazz, our token African-Cybertronian teammate. He was court-ordered…but we’ve come to grow fond of him anyway.

JAZZ:
(Winks)
Fo’ sho, my metal-brother from another metal-mother.

SAM:
(Finds his voice)
African-Cybertronian? So you guys have gone all PC, like us humans?

OPTIMUS:
(Rolls his optics)
“Like you humans?” Please, we were “PC” three million years ago, so don’t sound all entitled.

(Optimus motions to Ironhide.)

OPTIMUS:
This is Ironhide; our resident right-wing, whacko gun-nut.

(Ironhide spins his cannons around and points them right at the humans. They look distinctly uneasy.)

MIKAELA:
Whoa, whoa, put those things down.

IRONHIDE:
(Gung-ho)
It’s in the Constitution, you limp-wristed hippie. Yee-haw!

(Ironhide points his cannons up and fires randomly into the sky, while dancing. Sam and Mikaela back up all the way into Ratchet’s legs. They turn around to face him.)

OPTIMUS:
That’s our good-natured medic, Ratchet. He values life in all forms, be it organic or bio-mechanical.

(Ratchet abruptly leans down and puts his head right in the two humans’ faces.)

RATCHET:
(Screams)
I’LL EAT YOUR LUNGS!

(Sam and Mikaela nearly fall down in a panic. Optimus Prime and the others just laugh.)

OPTIMUS:
(Amused)
Ha-hah, he says that every time we meet new people. In addition to being our medical officer, Ratchet is also our resident prankster!

SAM:
(Terrified)
Ah, agh! What??

(Ratchet stands up straight again with a smile on his face.)

RATCHET:
(Laughing)
You should have seen their faces! They looked like this!

(Ratchet opens his mouth, and a large, Transformer-sized “Polaroid” prints out. Optimus takes it out of Ratchet’s mouth and examines it- Sam and Mikaela in a moment of absolute terror. Prime smiles again and shakes his head in amusement.)

RATCHET:
And I can pinpoint the exact moment on the video replay when the human male lubricated himself too!

IRONHIDE:
(Laughing in the background)
Good ol’ doc Ratchet!

(Sam is still breathing hard, Mikaela shakily stands and tries to steady herself. Optimus moves on to Bumblebee.)

OPTIMUS:
And by now, you must be familiar with your guardian, Bumblebee.

(Sam stands and looks to Bumblebee.)

SAM:
My…guardian? How come he doesn’t talk, like you guys?

OPTIMUS:
(Solemnly)
Bumblebee was gravely wounded in battle with our enemies. His voice capacitor was damaged beyond repair.

RATCHET:
Well, honestly, I could fix his voice at anytime. I just choose not to. I’m funny like that.

(Bumblebee glares at Ratchet and flips him the bird. Ratchet just smiles and folds his arms.)

RATCHET:
Sorry, I don’t get the gesture. Maybe if you could talk I’d understand the sentiment.

(Bumblebee lunges at Ratchet, but Ironhide sticks his foot out and trips the smaller Autobot, sending him crashing to the ground. Bumblebee makes some piteous mewing sounds.)

OPTIMUS:
Alright, alright, enough harmless fun. We’ve got to find the Allspork.

MIKAELA:
All…spork?

SAM:
What’s that?

OPTIMUS:
A source of great power; it allows anyone who wields it to eat any salad or soup of their choosing.

SAM:
Is that all?

OPTIMUS:
(Glares down at Sam)
ANY salad or soup, Sam, ANY. You aren’t appreciating the magnitude of the situation here.

MIKAELA:
So, you need Sam’s help to find this “Allspork”?

OPTIMUS:
(Nods)
Yes, we must find it before Megatron does.

SAM:
Mega-what?

MIKAELA:
Who-a-tron?

(Optimus Prime activates a holo-projector and shows the kids an image of MEGATRON.)

OPTIMUS:
Leader of the marauding, world-conquering Decepticons and generally a big douchebag, Megatron is lying dormant somewhere on this planet, and his followers wish to find and wake him.

SAM:
But what do I have to do with any of this?

OPTIMUS:
You, Sam Wankletmon, are the descendant of the man who first located Megatron in the Arctic ice.

SAM:
My…great-grandfather?

OPTIMUS:
(Nods)
Yes.

TO BE CONTINUED!

_________________
Something clever. WITH ARROWS!

My Deviantart page

My Youtube channel

The Fanholes! Podcast


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:58 pm 
Offline
Oblivious Harem Loser
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:49 pm
Posts: 3509
Location: Becoming a Gundam
Thundermuffin wrote:
MIKAELA:
Ha! Victory is mine!

FRENZY:
Tis’ but a scratch.

MIKAELA:
You stupid bastard- your arm’s off!

FRENZY:
(Cheekily)
No it isn’t.

(Mikaela motions to the severed arm with her saw.)

MIKAELA:
Well, what’s that then??

FRENZY:
(Shrugs)
Eh, I’ve had worse.

MIKAELA:
You liar!

FRENZY:
Fine then- have at you!

(Frenzy lunges at Mikaela- she swings again with the saw, cutting his right arm off this time. Frenzy lands back on the ground and peers at his right arm lying on the ground.)

FRENZY:
Right, I’ll do you for that!

MIKAELA:
You’ll WHAT?

(Mikaela swings again and cuts off both of Frenzy’s legs. His limbless body clatters to the ground. Mikaela swings down and severs Frenzy’s head from his body with another chop. Frenzy‘s “mandibles” become spider-like legs and his head skitters around to rush at Mikaela’s ankles.)

FRENZY:
(Determined)
I’m INVINCIBLE! Frenzy always triumphs! Have at you!


You win the interwebs. :D

_________________
Thundermuffin wrote:
SETSUNA: There is no Tomino in this world.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:59 pm 
Offline
HE IS NOT A CHAR!
User avatar

Joined: Wed May 31, 2006 11:50 pm
Posts: 1888
Am I the first to reply to a Thundermuffin fanfic/parody? I think I am! A winner is me!

Quote:
SAM:
Officer, you’ve got to help! There’s a giant robot that can turn into a car looking for me!

BARRICADE:
Oh really? Did he look like…

(Barricade suddenly transforms, sending Sam flying up and onto the hood of a nearby parked car. Barricade stands over Sam.)

BARRICADE:
THIS?

SAM:
No. He was yellow.

(Sam suddenly REALIZES he’s in danger.)

SAM:
OH GOD!


"He was yellow." is a truly brilliant line. Not to say the rest of it wasn't good. I just love "He was yellow." It's kinda like Wile E. Coyote not realizing that he's run off of a cliff.

EDIT: BALDERDASH! Ninja'd again!

_________________
I "ship"...
Nadesico: Akito x Ryoko
G Gundam: Domon x Allenby
SEED: Athrun x Lacus, Kira x Fllay
Macross Frontier: Alto x Ranka, Mikhail x Klan


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 8:00 pm 
Offline
Oblivious Harem Loser
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:49 pm
Posts: 3509
Location: Becoming a Gundam
Ascension wrote:
Am I the first to reply to a Thundermuffin fanfic/parody? I think I am! A winner is me!


No, a winner is ME! PH34R my 1337 Ninj4 skillz!

_________________
Thundermuffin wrote:
SETSUNA: There is no Tomino in this world.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:19 pm 
Offline
Traitor Villain
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 2:12 pm
Posts: 6823
Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL
The Holy Grail-nod took this thing's EPIC levels over 17,000 (It already passed 9,000)! Great work, as always, and like always, I can't wait for the next one.

_________________
I must betray Stalindog!!!

RPG TRINARY: Mash
Die Anti-brutale Kraft: mcred23 (Call me 'red', not 'mcred')


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 5:29 am 
Offline
Retconned MSV Ace

Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 3:44 am
Posts: 1681
Location: Finland
Yes, indeed epic. Holy Grail reference, and I was giddy with anticipation how you would portray the not-at-all-stereotyped Autobots. It was really, really good. Plus you quite rightly took it out on Bumblebee's radio of convenience. And finally my personal favorite quote:
Quote:
Bumblebee drives them to yet another ABANDONED AREA, these completely and magically empty places just litter this town, apparently.
This warrants a C. Montgomery Burns -class "Eeeexcellent". :D

_________________
-We will not be caught by surprise!
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 11:21 am 
Offline
Traitor Villain
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 7:21 pm
Posts: 1809
Good ol Michael Bay! He's there to make sure the intelligent people do the stupid things!

_________________
Chris wrote:
IMMA CHARGIN MAH MAHQ @_@

Draco's Lair - Latest Update: 1/9/10


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 9:21 pm 
Offline
Oblivious Harem Loser
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:49 pm
Posts: 3509
Location: Becoming a Gundam
One thing I should mention: Normally, whenever I read this I just picture the characters talking in generic male or female voices. However, when I read Optimus' parts, I made sure to picture him speaking Peter Cullen's voice, which served to make it more amusing than usual. :)

_________________
Thundermuffin wrote:
SETSUNA: There is no Tomino in this world.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 5:44 pm 
Offline
Newtype Emo Guy
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2007 6:06 pm
Posts: 292
Location: Somewhere in the general Massachusetts area.
heh heh, pure comic genius Thundermuffin.

_________________
^^^^^More Incoherent Ramblings^^^^^

"The truth is...I am Iron Man"


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:41 pm 
Offline
Elitist Earth Politician
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 18, 2006 12:16 pm
Posts: 673
Location: Wh-what the HELLLLL???
(We flashback to decades earlier in the Arctic circle. ARCHIBALD WITWICKY and his crew of fifty stout men are digging around in the ice for some reason.)

OPTIMUS VOICEOVER:
Your great-grandfather wanted to discover something important. He got much more than he bargained for…

(A crewmember walks up to Archibald.)

CREWMEMBER:
Please sir, the men are freezing and starving to death! We’re almost out of rations, and I think Orson is developing a taste for man-flesh! OW!

(The crewmember turns around and sees another crewmember has taken a bite out of his shoulder.)

CREWMEMBER:
Dammit, Orson!

ORSON:
(Chewing on a hunk of flesh)
Hey, if he didn’t want us to resort to cannibalism, he wouldn’t have kept us out here this long.

ARCHIBALD:
Yes, buck up, lads! We need to keep at it! Perhaps we’ll find a lost Egyptian tomb, or some dinosaur eggs, or a dormant frozen alien robot or something…

OPTIMUS VOICEOVER:
Little did anyone know, your great-grandfather would soon stumble upon a significant discovery…

(The ice breaks, Archibald falls down a hole, comes face-to-face with the inert Megatron, locked into the ice.)

OPTIMUS VOICEOVER:
Megatron had crash-landed on the planet and gone into stasis. And he would have remained that way, except your great-grandfather was all like “Ooh, giant alien robot- must touch!”.

(Archibald touches Megatron, Megatron’s optics flare up and blind the human, burning a code into Archibald’s glasses.)

OPTIMUS VOICEOVER:
The code on those glasses will lead us to the Allspork’s location.

(We fade back into the present as Optimus looks earnestly at Sam and Mikaela.)

OPTIMUS:
The glasses…you must take us to them.

(Mikaela looks to Sam, who adjusts his eye-bandage, as it has fallen in front of his face again. Sam nods.)

SAM:
Okay. But first, we’d like to know some things.

MIKAELA:
Yeah…it’s not every day you get to chat with aliens.

IRONHIDE:
Yes it is. For us, at least. So this is boring.

(Ignoring Ironhide, Sam looks to Optimus.)

SAM:
Okay…first off…why do you have red flames painted all over you?

OPTIMUS:
(Rolls optics)
To make me look cool. Any NON-retarded questions?

MIKAELA:
Do you guys have religion? A deity?

OPTIMUS:
There is only…the UTENSIL. But Ratchet over there is a devout follower of Furmanism.

RATCHET:
(Indignantly)
Hey, the almighty Furman honors us with the written word. CAN I DO LESS??

(Optimus waves Ratchet off.)

OPTIMUS:
Yes, yes, enough quoting scripture at us. Time is short and question time is over. We must have the glasses.

SAM:
Fine, fine, spoilsports. Let’s go get them.

(We cut over to the NSA or the Pentagon or something…I dunno, do you expect me to keep these government buildings straight? Glen walks into a room, where Maggie sits on a computer.)

GLEN:
What’d I miss?

MAGGIE:
(Turns around)
It’s been a NIGHTMEAH. I can’t crack this code, there‘s no coffee left, and Jon Voight has suddenly and randomly started referring to himself in the third person. It’s like he knows he’s better than us or something…

(Jon Voight walks in.)

JON VOIGHT:
Jon Voight DEMANDS a status report, immediately! Jon Voight is not a man that likes to be kept waiting!

(Glen and Maggie turn to regard him.)

MAGGIE:
Nothing yet, sir. But the team in Qatar has been extracted and is headed back to the States.

JON VOIGHT:
Jon Voight is pleased, yet annoyed! Why haven’t we cracked this alien code yet?

MAGGIE:
It’s more advanced than anything we’ve evah seen! It’s been rough going so far.

JON VOIGHT:
Jon Voight does not like it rough! Jon Voight prefers to be gently caressed until Jon Voight is moist in the nethers!

MAGGIE:
(Blinks in confusion)
Uhm, okay…

JON VOIGHT:
Keep Jon Voight appraised of the situation! Jon Voight will be watching TV and contemplating Jon Voight’s place in the universe.

(Jon Voight leaves the room. Maggie turns to Glen.)

MAGGIE:
And wheah have YOU been?

GLEN:
In the john.

MAGGIE:
For FIVE AND A HALF HOURS?

GLEN:
Yeah. I’m a large man.

MAGGIE:
Hgggh. Just…just help me do…computer hack-y stuff…

(Michael Bay suddenly walks onto screen.)

MICHAEL BAY:
(To audience)
She knows COMPUTER things. She’s a DEEP CHARACTER.

MAGGIE:
(Not looking up from the screen)
Oh shut the bloody hell up, Michael.

(Meanwhile, the Autobots have made it to Sam’s house. Sam and Mikaela skip out of Bumblebee while the others transform to robot modes.)

SAM:
Okay, my parents might “freak” a little if they saw who I was hanging out with now, so you guys are gonna have to stay back and try not to be seen, okay?

OPTIMUS:
Gotcha.

(Sam and Mikaela walk up to his front door. Sam’s dad greets them.)

RON:
Hello, son…uh, something different about you?

(Ron has noticed the makeshift bandage over Sam’s eye.)

SAM:
Uh, yeah. I got my eye pierced. I have to keep it bandaged until the swelling goes down.

RON:
(Shakes head)
Teenagers and their piercings...

SAM:
Um, so listen…I need to get inside and…

RON:
(Looks at Mikaela)
Wait, wait a second! That’s a girl!

MIKAELA:
Uh, hi.

RON:
Oh God, you’ve gotten her pregnant, haven’t you, Sam?? HAVEN’T YOU??

(Mikaela looks distinctly uncomfortable, Sam freaks out.)

SAM:
What! No! She’s…just my friend!

MIKAELA:
He wouldn’t get that far, anyway.

SAM:
(Nods)
Yeah!

(Ron looks suspicious. Sam’s mom comes up behind him, holding a glass of liquor.)

JUDY:
(Elated)
Oh, Sam, you’ve brought home a prostitute! Well, let’s get you guys upstairs!

(Sam puts his face in his hands, and Mikaela continues to look uncomfortable.)

SAM:
Mom, are you drunk?

JUDY:
(Sips her drink)
Only half.

SAM:
Look, she’s just my friend. And we need to get inside and get…

JUDY:
Hey, hey, say no more. You kids come in and sit down and I’ll make you some bread.

RON:
Judy…

JUDY:
(To Ron)
Oh, come now, Ron.

RON:
Ah, I can never say no to you when you’re half drunk. Come in, kids.

(The kids go inside. Nearby, the Autobots peer out from behind other houses and trees, having been hiding there. No other people in the neighborhood notice giant robots standing around because of MAGIC.)

OPTIMUS:
Hopefully this won’t take long…where’s Ironhide?

(The others look around and notice Ironhide is missing. Suddenly, a couple of loud bangs are heard in the background.)

RATCHET:
Oh dammit, not again.

(Ironhide comes jogging back into view, smoke trailing from his cannons.)

OPTIMUS:
And where were you?

IRONHIDE:
I…er…was in the little bot’s room.

OPTIMUS:
(Folds his arms)
Now, Ironhide, we all know that robots don’t urinate, no matter how exquisitely hilarious that concept would be. So why don’t you tell me where you REALLY were?

IRONHIDE:
(Looks down and kicks a stone)
Shootin’ stuff.

JAZZ:
Dude, you have a serious impulse control problem!

IRONHIDE:
(Infuriated)
I’ll shoot you for that!

(Ironhide raises his cannon to Jazz.)

JAZZ:
(Goes into a fighting stance)
Okay, okay. It on. We goin’.

(Optimus quickly gets in-between his soldiers.)

IRONHIDE:
Let him through, Prime! I’ll teach him to tell me not to shoot stuff!

OPTIMUS:
Look, Ironhide, we’ll have to deal with your crippling addiction some other time. Right now, retrieving the glasses to retrieve the coordinates to retrieve the Allspork is our primary concern.

(Ironhide and Jazz both relax.)

IRONHIDE:
Ehhhh, he probably wouldn’t be any fun to shoot anyway.

JAZZ:
A black robot shooting a silver robot? That’s just racist, anyway.

(Cut back inside, where Sam and Mikaela are sitting awkwardly on a couch, as Ron keeps a stern eye on them and Judy continues to drink. From inside Mikaela’s purse, FRENZY transforms and peeks out, making quiet shriek-y noises.)

FRENZY:
(Subtitled)
Crap. Suburbia. Or should I say “Disturbia”, heheh. (Looks at audience) Cross-promotion for Shia!

(Unseen by anyone, Frenzy’s head skitters out of the purse and into the Witwicky kitchen.)

FRENZY:
(Subtitled)
Hmmm, now the glasses have to be in this facility somewhere…

(Suddenly, Frenzy comes head-to-face with MOJO. Mojo barks.)

MOJO:
(Subtitled)
What the doggie-hell are you?

FRENZY:
(Subtitled)
I’d ask you the same question, but I really don’t care. Move aside, quadruped.

MOJO:
(Subtitled)
No need to get pushy, I was on my way out anyway.

FRENZY:
(Subtitled)
Yeah, now go before people start questioning why a dog and a severed, walking alien robot head speaking two completely different languages can converse fluently.

MOJO:
(Subtitled)
Yes. The alien robot who talks through a car stereo, the bimbo computer hacker, Jon Voight as Secretary of Defense, and THIS, this exchange is what people will question about this movie. Right.

(Frenzy and Mojo pass each other. Mojo walks into the living room and jumps onto Judy’s lap. She pets him.)

JUDY:
(To Mojo)
How is my little guy?

(Mikaela raises an eyebrow upon noting the jewelry-studded collar on Mojo.)

MIKAELA:
Is…is that jewelry on a dog??

JUDY:
Yes! Isn’t it just darling?

MIKAELA:
That’s WARPED, lady. You’re WARPED.

JUDY:
(Smiles)
You’re pretty, dear.

(There’s a loud bang on the door from outside. Ron starts to get up, but Sam springs up and stops him.)

SAM:
I’ll get it, dad!

RON:
This is MY house and that is MY door, so I’LL get it. When you get your own house with a door…you can get it.

SAM:
But-!

RON:
Silence! I swear to God, I’ll take off my pants!

JUDY:
(Admonishing)
“Belt”, dear. You’ll take off your belt.

RON:
Well, my pants will fall down if I take my belt off, so technically I was correct. Points for effort, though.

(Ron pats a smiling Judy on the head and walks out of the room. Mikaela leans to Sam.)

MIKAELA:
(Whispers)
Are your parents on drugs?

SAM:
(Not paying attention)
Crap, crud, crap.

(Ron walks over and opens the front door. The entire doorframe is filled with the face of OPTIMUS PRIME.)

OPTIMUS:
Yo…uh…can Sam come out and play?

(Ron stares at Optimus’ face, then turns back to the living room.)

RON:
(Yells)
SAM! You’ve got more friends at the door! Giant metal friends! With guns!

(Sam runs over to the door, Optimus pulls back and lets Sam come outside.)

SAM:
Dude, seriously!

OPTIMUS:
Look, we’ve been patient. We really need those glasses.

SAM:
Well, I gotta find em’ first! Geez!

(Ron and Judy step outside and take in the Autobots. They seem utterly nonchalant about the Autobots being giant robots.)

JUDY:
(To Sam)
So do your friends want to come in, Sam?

OPTIMUS:
(Holds his hands up)
Sorry, Earth-mother. We do not have the time to enjoy your hospitality. We just need the glasses.

RON:
(Annoyed)
They’d probably track mud in anyway…and could you guys be CAREFUL where you step?? My lawn is not for walking on!

(Mojo suddenly runs out of the house and immediately begins peeing on Ironhide’s foot.)

SAM:
Dammit, Mojo! You’ve got to learn that you can’t just pee wherever you want! That’s only for drunk humans! Bad dog!

(Ironhide shakes Mojo off. Mojo falls over, then jumps up again and barks at Ironhide.)

MOJO:
(Subtitled)
HA! I OWN you now!

IRONHIDE:
(Infuriated)
What’d you say to me, value meal?

(Ironhide points his cannons at Mojo. Sam quickly picks Mojo up.)

SAM:
He’s sorry! He didn’t mean that!

IRONHIDE:
He better not have. I EAT small land-mammals for breakfast.

RATCHET:
(Nods at Sam)
He does. To gain their courage.

(Sam hands Mojo to Judy. Bumblebee’s radio switches on.)

BUMBLEBEE’S RADIO:
(Plays the song “Look, this is all VERY amusing, but we need to reach the Allspork before the Decepticons do. So please, Sam, just go and find the glasses.”)

JUDY:
(Claps her hands and sighs)
Ooh, I love that song!

SAM:
(Nods)
Okay, I’m going to look for them now. Mikaela- with me!

MIKAELA:
(Groans)
Yessir, sir.

(Sam and Mikaela run back into the house, leaving the Autobots and Sam’s parents with an awkward silence. Optimus scratches his head, and raises a hand…then drops it…then raises a hand again.)

OPTIMUS:
So…uhhhh, how long have you guys been Sam’s parents?

RON:
(Puts his hand to his chin)
A good question. How old is Sam, Judy?

(Judy is leaning on Ratchet’s leg, sipping her drink.)

JUDY:
(To Ratchet)
So, where has Sam been hiding you, handsome?

RATCHET:
(Clearly uncomfortable)
Uh, well, I’ve been in protoform atmospheric entry mode en route to your planet for the last few days…

JUDY:
(Winks)
You’ll have to show me your “entry mode” someday…

RON:
(Yells)
Judy! Stop hitting on Sam’s friends and get over here!

(Suddenly, a convoy of dark cars and SUVs begins approaching from down the block. It’s NOT AT ALL OBVIOUS that these vehicles belong to some government TOP-SECRET SHADOWY ORGANIZATION. Optimus quickly snaps his Autobots to attention.)

OPTIMUS:
More humans- quick! Transform and HIDE THE ROBOT INSIDE!

(The Autobots all abruptly transform to vehicle modes, startling Ron and Judy.)

JUDY:
My word!

(The Autobots all drive and park in various open places on the street. Ron and Judy just watch dumbfounded. Soon, the darkly-colored convoy pulls up and surrounds the Witwitcky household. Ron and Judy continue to watch in confusion as a group of darkly-suited men in sunglasses walk up to them. They are led by TOMMY LEE JONES and WILL SMITH.)

TOMMY LEE JONES:
(Nods to Ron and Judy)
Evenin’, folks. We got reports that there was a disturbance hereabouts.

WILL SMITH:
And we were just wondering if you’d like to come to an advance screening of “I Am Legend”?

(Tommy Lee Jones looks over at Will Smith. Smith catches the look.)

WILL SMITH:
I-I mean, we need you to answer our questions, hear?

RON:
Well certainly, gentlemen. We don’t have anything to hide.

WILL SMITH:
A’ight, question ONE; did you like me in “The Pursuit of Happiness”?

TOMMY LEE JONES:
(Sharply)
J!

WILL SMITH:
(Shakes his head)
Sorry, sorry, y’all, I’m sorry. I MEANT did you like me in “Hitch”?

JUDY:
(Raises her hand)
Ooh, I did!

TOMMY LEE JONES:
(To Smith)
Dammit, J! If you aren’t gonna take this seriously, we’re just gonna wipe em’ and leave!

WILL SMITH:
(To Jones)
Aw, heeeell no, K! You heard her; she liked my movie!

TOMMY LEE JONES:
Doesn’t matter. They’re gettin’ wiped.

WILL SMITH:
Awww, that ain’t even right, dude!

RON:
(Speaks up)
I thought “I, Robot” was pretty lousy.

(Will Smith turns and stares at Ron, then turns back to Tommy.)

WILL SMITH:
A’ight, wipe em’.

(Tommy Lee Jones pulls a pen-like device from his pocket and all the other agents put their sunglasses on.)

TOMMY LEE JONES:
Ma’am, sir, I’m gonna need you to look right at me here.

(Ron and Judy do as they’re told and a bright flash emits from Tommy’s device. The two Witwickys appear disoriented.)

TOMMY LEE JONES:
Listen up, folks. You did not meet Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith tonight, and aliens do not exist.

(Ron and Judy nod dumbly and as quick as they came, Smith, Jones, and their convoy of darkly-colored vehicles all depart. Once they are out of sight, Ron and Judy shake their heads in confusion.)

RON:
Huh…what the-? Everything felt orange there for a second…

JUDY:
(Puts her hand on her head)
Ugh, I have a migraine now…let’s go back in. I need to drink more.

(Ron and Judy walk back into the house. Parked nearby, Ironhide in truck mode inches forward a bit.)

IRONHIDE:
Well, that was close, can we-?

RATCHET:
(Interrupts)
Quiet! More humans are coming!

(We see ANOTHER DISTINCTLY DIFFERENT convoy of DARKLY-COLORED SECRET GOVERNMENT CABAL-RELATED VEHICLES coming down the block. The Autobots remain in vehicle modes.)

OPTIMUS:
Autobots, stand down.

(This convoy parks in front of the Witwicky household. From the lead car, steps JOHN TURTURRO. He takes in the Witwicky house with a stern glance.)

JOHN TURTURRO:
(Ominously)
Time to get BIZ-ZAY.

TO BE CONTINUED!

_________________
Something clever. WITH ARROWS!

My Deviantart page

My Youtube channel

The Fanholes! Podcast


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:52 pm 
Offline
Oblivious Harem Loser
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:49 pm
Posts: 3509
Location: Becoming a Gundam
Thundermuffin wrote:
SAM:
Okay…first off…why do you have red flames painted all over you?

OPTIMUS:
(Rolls optics)
To make me look cool. Any NON-retarded questions?


Well, duh. Any semi-intelligent flesh creature should have been able to see that. :P

_________________
Thundermuffin wrote:
SETSUNA: There is no Tomino in this world.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:30 am 
Offline
Traitor Villain
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 2:12 pm
Posts: 6823
Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL
Jon Voight + Third Person Speaking = EPIC.


Yet again, a great chapter, as always, Thundermuffin. I expect the next one will also be well worth whatever wait.

_________________
I must betray Stalindog!!!

RPG TRINARY: Mash
Die Anti-brutale Kraft: mcred23 (Call me 'red', not 'mcred')


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 11:46 pm 
Offline
Elitist Earth Politician
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 23, 2006 8:48 pm
Posts: 720
Location: Wrightsville, PA
lol. Great work as always Thundermuffin.

_________________
US Army Infantryman's creed wrote:
In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous; Armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country's trust. Always I fight on: through the foe, to the objective, to triumph over all. If necessary, I fight to my death


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 1:22 am 
Offline
Mod of Bling, Yo
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 12:42 am
Posts: 3624
Man... these rewrites never cease to give me a laugh. It made my day Thundermuffin. Good job.

_________________
ShadowCell wrote:
"Poor fool, ShadowCell!" you say. "You can't win against fandom stupidity with the Power of the Mod!"


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 7:21 pm 
Offline
Elitist Earth Politician
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 18, 2006 12:16 pm
Posts: 673
Location: Wh-what the HELLLLL???
mcred23 wrote:
Jon Voight + Third Person Speaking = EPIC.


Yep. Drinking and watching the movie with friends at 1 AM will do that. :wink:

_________________
Something clever. WITH ARROWS!

My Deviantart page

My Youtube channel

The Fanholes! Podcast


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
 Post Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 5:35 am 
Offline
HE IS NOT A CHAR!
User avatar

Joined: Wed May 31, 2006 11:50 pm
Posts: 1888
Thundermuffin wrote:
MIKAELA:
Do you guys have religion? A deity?

OPTIMUS:
There is only…the UTENSIL. But Ratchet over there is a devout follower of Furmanism.

RATCHET:
(Indignantly)
Hey, the almighty Furman honors us with the written word. CAN I DO LESS??


The laughter... IT NEVER ENDS!

_________________
I "ship"...
Nadesico: Akito x Ryoko
G Gundam: Domon x Allenby
SEED: Athrun x Lacus, Kira x Fllay
Macross Frontier: Alto x Ranka, Mikhail x Klan


Top 
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 69 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Board index » Fanworks » Fanfiction


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

 
 

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to: