Heero Yuy: A day in the life

Your own tale of two mecha.
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Paul McCartney Jr
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Heero Yuy: A day in the life

Ok this is my attempt at a comedy fanfic. Its after Endless Waltz ends so Heero is struggling to find meaning to his life. In the meantime, he has many adventures with Relena and friends. Here is one of them:

Relena: Heero, isn’t this amazing. We’re in a world where pacifist idealogy rules.

Heero: Yeah…pacifism…right on.

Relena: Oh and I invited Quess and Lacus over to go shopping; we decided to give you the honor of carrying the bags!

Heero: I see…I need to use the bathroom

(Heero goes to the bathroom and brandishes a pistol. He puts the barrel in his mouth)

Heero: *muffled* Mission accepted

(Heero pulls the trigger several times and gets a bunch of clicks. He also notices Relena is behind him standing in the doorway)

Relena: (produces magazine from her pocket) Oh silly Heero, don’t you know you need this?

Heero: *thinking* You’re evil

Relena: A little suicide attempt doesn’t get you out of bag duty! Lets go now Heero, I need to pick out the right dress for shopping.

(in a bedroom, Heero sits in on the end of a bed while Relena is ransacking the closet trying to pick the right dress)

Relena: *frantic* Heero, they’ll be here soon! Is this yellow one pretty enough? Or does this red one bring out my eyes better?

Heero: Its all the same. They wont care.

Relena: WHAT DID YOU SAY HEERO? DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT BEING QUEEN OF THE WORLD REQUIRES ME TO DRESS BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE!?

Heero: I meant that you’ll make the dress look good.

Relena: Oh Heero! You’re so sweet!

Heero: Whew..

(A doorbell rings followed by the sound of an opening door. Suddenly, all Heero can hear is a flurry of “Omigod”)
Quess: Omigod, Mwu is just like the captain!

Lacus: Yeah I know! Omigod! He even wore a mask once! Masks are just-Omigod!

Quess: Like Omigod! I know!

Relena: Hello friends!

Quess: Wow Relena, Omigod, that dress is fabulous

Lacus: Yeah its just so pretty! It makes me want to- Omigod!

Relena: *blushing* Why thank you! Are you ready for some shopping?

Lacus and Quess: Omigod! Mission accepted!

Heero: But that was my line.

Relena: Now now Heero, Im sure they wont mind you saying ‘omigod’

Quess: Omigod! Come on Heero! Try it!

Heero: Ugh. My God…

Lacus: Your Omigod! could use some work

(They’re now outside the Walmart. Quess and Lacus are skipping while Relena is pulling Heero by the wrist)

Relena: Heero, come on. We’re going to lose them!

Heero: *sarcastically* OH NOOOO

Relena: COME ON!

Heero: *submits* Yes ma’am.

(Heero and Relena rejoin Lacus and Quess)

Quess: Okay Heero! I wouldn’t I look super like Omigod! in this dress?

Heero: Zechs, please come kill me…

Quess: Omigod! What did you say?

Heero: Your looks could kill, see

Quess: Omigod! Thank you! *hands the dress to Heero*

Lacus: Hey Heero! Omigod! Arent these shoes just so sexy on me?

Heero: Seriously, Wind, whatever the hell you are.

Lacus: Omigod! Please repeat that!

Heero: All I said was ‘Of course, no matter where you are’ sheesh

Lacus: Omigod! Thanks so much! *throws the box into Heero’s hands.

Relena: Oh Heero, tell us how we’d look in these matching pink hats

Heero: Why’d I have to blow up the Gundam?

Relena: What are you talking about?

Heero: I don’t know what you mean, I said “You’d be a group of cute ones”

(About 3 hours later, Heero is now carrying boxes several feet above his head)

Relena: Ok Heero, load them up in the trunk and drive us home!

(Heero loads the boxes into the trunk and gets into the car. While he’s driving, Heero is constantly looking into the lane of oncoming traffic)

Relena: Heero, you know I bought a drivers ed car so I could stop you from swerving into oncoming traffic

Heero: Don’t remind me

Relena: Oh come on Heero, you didn’t kill me so now I cant let you kill you. That’s my way of repaying you!

(Lacus, Relena and Quess giggle while Heero hits his head on the horn)

THE END
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ORegan
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wow, i was laughing the whole way through. I think you could have implemented a lacus and relena talking about peace over and over again like parrots would add in a nice touch, and Quess shoving people around claiming that they are getting in her way of whatever she is after, but honestly you did a nice job.

put down the guitar and pick up a ....note pad to write more adventures, and practive makes somewhat perfect. *best i could think of*

Maybe more spoofs on their in universe characters would be helpful...but i'm not a writer
Last edited by ORegan on Sat Jul 21, 2007 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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mcred23
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I think it's alright. It's amusing and funny at a few points, but it's nothing particularly great or memorable. I think if you developed it some more, and made it somewhat longer, it might be pretty funny.
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Definitely a lot of potential. Only joke I didn't like was the last one, the head bashing on horn thing...kinda old.

Still, the beginning just had me dying and I loved the "Omigods" and "Ugh. My God...."
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"Relena: (produces magazine from her pocket) Oh silly Heero, don’t you know you need this?

Heero: *thinking* You’re evil

Relena: A little suicide attempt doesn’t get you out of bag duty! Lets go now Heero, I need to pick out the right dress for shopping."



Funnier IMO if it went like this

Relena: (produces magazine from her pocket) Oh silly Heero, Clips aren't for kids!

Heero: Its called a magazine-

Relena: A little suicide attempt doesn’t get you out of bag duty! Lets go now Heero, I need to pick out the right dress for shopping."

But this still made me Lol
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If Thundermuffin still hangs around I want him to know his awesome work was my inspiration
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mcred23
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Paul McCartney Jr wrote:If Thundermuffin still hangs around I want him to know his awesome work was my inspiration
He still does hang around (and still works on his fanfic) and, no offense intended, but it is pretty obvious that his work inspired yours.
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Okay, Episode 2. I hope you like this one better

(Lacus, Quess, Relena and Heero are onboard the Eternal, heading to space for their peace concert on colony D. Little do they know, there is a former friend back with a vengeance)

Relena: Heero, isn’t this amazing? We’re heading to space for the revival concert of The Silver Bawoos!

Heero: Umm uhuh.

Flight attendant: *hands them each trays with bowls of soup* There is your complimentary in flight meal

Relena: Thank you very much! Now Heero, I’ll be playing guitar for them so you’ll get a free ticket in! Aren’t you happy?

Heero: *stabbing his wrist with the plastic spoon* I will I will I will I will

Relena: Heero, stop that or I’ll take it away

(Heero ignores her and continues saying “I will”. Eventually, the security guard, Mwu La Flaga has to detain Heero and throws him into the brig)

Heero: *pounding on the door* Hey! Let me out of here!

Unknown: Quit it, they wont let you out.

Heero: Who are you?

Unknown: My name is Kira Yamato. What are you in for?

Heero: Trying to commit suicide with a plastic spoon

Kira: Wow! Me too!

Heero: Glad to know I’m not alone.

Kira: We’re not either; the scary guy hiding behind the box is Zeon’s red comet, Char Aznable.

Char: *rises from behind a box* Actually, I’m Quattro

Kira: You know that didn’t fool anyone except Kamille right?

Char: Yeah but maybe I can fool the guard next time he brings food.
Kira: You think he’d give us the spoons back? It is really hard eating soup without one.

Char: Not with this new guy in here

Kira: You’re right. *turns to Heero* What is your name

Heero: I have no name but my codename is Heero Yuy

Kira: Well okay Heero, lets try to think of a way out of here.

(Meanwhile on the Eternal has docked where Lacus, Quess and Relena meet their new band members)

Lacus: Omigod! You’re Paul McCartney!

Quess: Omigod! and you’re Ringo Starr!

Paul: Thanks a lot for reviving us girls!

Ringo: Yeah you girls are real tastes of honey for getting us out of that cryogenic chamber

Relena: Well we had to, we fired Jerid Messa and Pete Best. We needed a bassist and a drummer. Getting you two legends out was Lacus’s idea

Lacus: Yeah and you wrote that song Give Peace a Chance! Omigod, that’s what I based my career off of!

Ringo: Yep, that’s us. So how’s about we get this band on the run and get to the stadium.

Paul: *slaps Ringo*

Ringo: What the bloody hell made you do that?

Paul: Don’t you ever, and I mean ever quote a Wings song again

(as the united band happily skips to the stadium, there has been a group hiding in the shadows, watching with disgust at what they just witnessed)

Mystery man: Do not worry my friends, we all shall soon have our revenge.

Mystery woman: Once she is dead, I will be the only pink haired pop idol around!

Narrator: Now who could this mystery band be? And how will they have an affect on today’s Gundam fight?

Mystery man: Dude, shut up, I thought you lost your job

Narrorator: I thought you’d appreciate the camera time. I’ll be going now.

(Meanwhile, back on the Eternal, Heero, Kira and Char have been planning their escape)

Char: Ok so we’re going with this plan then? I put on these sunglasses and insist to Mwu that I am Quattro. When he comes in for a closer look, you two knock him out and we make our escape.

Kira: Got it

Heero: Mission accepted

(a few minutes later, Mwu La Flaga is doing his routine prison check)

Char: Excuse me good sir but I believe I’ve been put in here by mistake.

Mwu: No, ‘Char Aznable’ is on this list of prisoners

Char: You don’t understand sir, for I am not Char. My name is Quattro.

Mwu: No dude, this is the third time you tried that. How do you keep getting those sunglasses back?

Char: Because the man you are referring to is behind that box. I came in here looking for the restroom.

Mwu: I still don’t believe you but I don’t want to have an innocent man locked up. Why, that would make me worse than the last army I deserted!

(According to plan, Mwu opens the door and approximates “Quattro”. As soon as Mwu is close enough to realize that “Quattro” is in fact Char, Kira punches Mwu in the back of the head)

Mwu: Ouch, dumbass kid! Why did you do that?

Kira: Umm Heero?

Heero: *punches Mwu in the face, knocking him out* Kira, its all in the wrist.

Kira: Lacus always tells me I have tiny wrists

Char: Whatever now, lets get out of here. If we head to that stadium a mile away, we can hide among the crowd until the Eternal is gone.

Kira: Then maybe I can find a better girl; one with flowing red hair and a beautiful voice with which she lovingly cries “Coordinator Scum!”

Char: Kid, you have more problems than Kamille…

(In a few hours, the band has set up and is making their entrance. Lacus takes center stage as she gives a few words to the crowd)

Lacus: Omigod! Thank you all so much for allowing us to bring peace to this world. I mean peace. Peace is just so-so Omigod! Now let me introduce you to our band. My name is Lacus and I am the center of attention.

Paul: I’m Paul McCartney, bass player for the fabulous Silver Bawoos

Quess: Omigod dude, we’re just the Bawoos now. I’m Quess and I play guitar

Relena: I’m Relena and I too play guitar

Ringo: I’m called Ringo and I start the beat so let me roll it to you!

(Paul turns around and glares at Ringo for a second)

Lacus: Now let us begin with our opening song hit it Paul!

Paul: *singing* It was 2000 years ago today, Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play…

(Meanwhile, Heero, Char and Kira made it to the stadium and got inside. While hoping to avoid their former captors, they realize they’ve gone into the stadium where each of them is staring down their nightmare)

Char: Quick, everyone put on these sunglasses. I’m Quattro, Kira, you’re Kamille-

Kira: But Kamille is a girl’s name!

Char: He’d love to hear you say that *rolls eyes*. Now Heero, you’ll be Bright.

Heero: What kind of name is that?

Char: The name that will guarantee your freedom.

Heero: Okay fine.

(Meanwhile, waiting for their opportunity for revenge, the mystery group is hiding backstage)

Mystery Man: Haha! Today is my day to get revenge on those fools for kicking me out right before they became rich and famous! The world shall again know the name of Pete Best!

Mystery Woman: And once Lacus is out of the way, I shall be the one to sway the masses as I, Meer Campbell become the only Lacus around!

Pete Best: And with this group of dejected musicians, we shall make the true All star band! Reveal yourselves my comrades!

Jerid: I, Jerid Messa, shall kill Quess to get revenge on Char for stealing my camera time!

Dorothy: And I’m going to destroy that Relena Peacecraft because her awful ideas ruined Mr. Milliardo’s plans for I am Dorothy!

Ple Two: And I, Ple Two shall kill them all because I’m an evil clone and I don’t know any better

(The group equips chainsaws and bursts onto the stage)

Pete Best: Hey Lacus! Remember me! Its Petey, the drummer you fired before you became rich and famous pacifists!

Dorothy: Relena! You ruined my plans to ask out your brother! I’ll make you pay!

Jerid: Quess! Your pedophile boyfriend stole all my camera time AND my spot as the ladies man!

Quess: Yeah but omigod! Isn’t he cute?

Meer: Lacus, once you’re dead, I’ll be Lacus, and then I can destroy this ugly thing called peace!

Ple Two: CHICKEN NUGGETS!

(As the fabulous Silver Bawoos back up in shock, Heero starts toward the stage)

Char: Wait! Bright! You don’t want to be around those people! They want to steal your freedom!

Heero: Yeah but I always said I should follow my emotions. And right now, I want to be where the chainsaws are at.

Kira: You know, I know how he feels and right now, I haven’t gotten chased by a chainsaw since Flay died.

Char: *takes off sunglasses* You’re right, its time for us to stop running from controlling women and start running into apparent suicide like I did in my youth.

(Char, Heero and Kira run onto the stage and stand between the bands)

Relena: Heero! I knew you’d come to save me!

Quess: Captain! Omigod this is so manly of you!

Lacus: Omigod Kira! How did you get out of the Eternal?

Kira: No time for talking, there is an evil band of rejected hacks trying to kill us. Mission accepted

Heero: Say that again and I will destroy you.

Pete Best: ENOUGH! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE! *Raises his chainsaw and charges at Lacus*

Kira: *Kicks Pete Best in the crotch, causing him to drop the chainsaw and fall to his knees* That’s the capitol of Thailand brother.

Dorothy: Relena! I never liked your ideas! *Circles toward Relena*

Heero: *does his signature kick to the shin and makes Dorothy fall on her face* I never liked your eyebrows.

Jerid: What did Lila tell me? If you’re weak you’ll be destroyed. Come on; Strong Jerid. STRONG JERID!! *Starts walking toward Quess*

Char: Want to say that again? *throws his sunglasses at Jerid like a shuriken, knocking him out*

Ple Two: HAPPY MEAL! *Runs at Ringo*

Ringo: Come on now love, do you really want McDonalds?

Ple Two: YOU EVIL MR PETEY GIVE ME MCDONALDS WHEN YOU DIE!

Ringo: Pete Best is a liar. That’s why we kicked him out of our band.

Ple Two: *lowers chainsaw* …no McDonalds? No transformer toy? ME WANT OPTIMUS!

Ringo: I’m sure Mr. McCartney would get you a happy meal if you put the chainsaw down and give him a hug

Ple Two: *drops chainsaw and runs over to Paul and hugs his leg* You be my friend?

Paul: Of course dear, what is your name?

Ple Two: Me no like Ple Two. Me want new name. Me be Heather Mills

Paul: Okay Heather, when the concert is over, we’ll get you a happy meal

Heather Mills: Me love Mr. McCartney!

Meer: Well then Lacus, I guess I’m the only one left. *Kicks a chainsaw to Lacus* Lets settle this, clone to clone.

Lacus: What do you mean? I’m the daughter of Seigel Clyne!

Meer: That’s just what they told you, dear sister!

Lacus: What are you talking about?

Meer: *Reveals a picture of 2 baby girls and throws it at Lacus’s feet* You and I are clones of Yoko Ono! How else could we sing so bad and yet sell albums?

Lacus: *crying* NOOOOOOOO!

Paul: Oh yeah! I remember John saying something about her wanting a daughter. That was 1972 though…

Meer: Then, when I kill you, I shall be the heir to her legacy and I shall continue to sway the masses with my blind talk of peace and high, annoying voice!

Lacus: *wipes her tears and picks up chainsaw* Ok, make my day punk!

Meer: En garde!

(Meer and Lacus swing at each other wildly, only to connect with the other’s chainsaw. Soon they both jump back)

Lacus: Your skills are as good as mine!

Meer: No shit, we’re clones

(The run at each other and there is a flash followed by the two standing facing opposite directions)

Meer: *suddenly begins gushing blood* Damn! I guess you are a better you than I could ever be! *falls over and dies*

(Paul turns to see a stunned crowd then walks up to the microphone)

Paul: Erm, She’s Okay! And for the final act, we’ll be playing our hit single, All You Need Is Love!

(The band gets up and sings the first verse as the crowd joins in the chorus)

Everyone: *singing* Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need!...

THE END
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mcred23
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Well, it was longer, which was nice...

The part with Heero trying to kill himself with spoon was the high point of the story, IMO, and him trying to kill himself seems to be developing it a funny running gag, but otherwise, this episode wasn't very good. I think you over did it with the Beatles-related jokes (I had to look up Pete Best on Wikipedia to understand that whole thing) and most of the rest of it wasn't really that funny, with a lot of the jokes seeming little different from the ones in the first episode.

It's still coming off as clone of "A Typical Episode of Gundam Seed Destiny" and I don't think that helps it. I think it still has some potential left in it and could yet turn into a pretty funny fanfic, but I think you need to work on it more and try and focus more on Gundam jokes (Probably more on Heero and Wing, since that is what it's named for).
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mcred23 wrote:Well, it was longer, which was nice...

The part with Heero trying to kill himself with spoon was the high point of the story, IMO, and him trying to kill himself seems to be developing it a funny running gag, but otherwise, this episode wasn't very good. I think you over did it with the Beatles-related jokes (I had to look up Pete Best on Wikipedia to understand that whole thing) and most of the rest of it wasn't really that funny, with a lot of the jokes seeming little different from the ones in the first episode.

It's still coming off as clone of "A Typical Episode of Gundam Seed Destiny" and I don't think that helps it. I think it still has some potential left in it and could yet turn into a pretty funny fanfic, but I think you need to work on it more and try and focus more on Gundam jokes (Probably more on Heero and Wing, since that is what it's named for).
Hes right you need a edge and something original........SD Gundams and Pie, you can't go wrong with SD Gundams as long as you have Pie! Doesn't work without pie...... But i loved this episode because i like funny things......even without pie......
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Though Ple Two's constant McDonald's chants had me friggin crying, so, points for that. :lol:
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ORegan
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I think it was good, but I don't really think the beetles had to be involved. Despite many beliefs that it's a thundermuffin clone, I don't really think so because there is so little you can do with script comedy. the only similarity is that they both pertain to Gundam, which doesn't make it a clone, just similar. But I agree with mcred on the more gundam jokes, but also just having them doing funny things is a good idea too.
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Omigod i want to see more of this in the future(hopefully)
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Seeing as how Paul McCartney Jr. has been banned, I don't think that's likely to happen, RX-93...
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A whut whut now?
Well f*** my a**...IT'S A DECEPTACON!!!
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mcred23
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He got three warnings and was banned from the forum.

And that's all that'll be said here publicly. If you have any other questions, PM me.
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Well if he has anything new he still wants to put up here, I can put it up for him.

Is that ok?
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