Fanfic request from ZGMF-X28A Nu-Liberty 2: Desert Storm

[Destiny_Gundam]

Ok, so I suck at thinking of original titles, so sue me (please don't sue me). Another request from Nu-Liberty. There's one more for him after this one. It once again features Michael Parrallax, the dude from the first fic. This one's a prequel though, so if there are any inconsistancies, it's because I didn't know I'd be writing a prequel ^^"

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EA Ensign Michael Parrallax turned off his Duel Gundam’s phase shift armour. He panted as he viewed the wreckage of the two ZAFT BuCUEs. The desert sand smothered the flames. He had been given a prototype mobile suit to gather data to help with the new mass production models and he ran into the BuCUEs on patrol. It was a difficult battle, as he wasn’t entirely used to desert combat. The enemy’s rail guns really did a number on his phase shift; his suit had less than half its power reserves left. His shield was gone, as was the grenade from his rifle and one beam saber. He spotted his hyper bazooka in the sand. It was completely intact. With his phase shift deactivated to reserve energy, he should be able to get more data. He just hoped he didn’t get bogged down with too much sand.

Michael was quite surprised when his beam rifle exploded. He quickly turned his phase shift back on before another shot hit his torso. It was powerful enough to send the Duel toppling over.

“Well well well. What have we here.” ZAFT Ensign James Wayne said from his GINN OCHER Type. “I come to check on some new recruits who haven’t reported in, and find an Alliance mobile suit.” James studied it for a second. “Say, isn’t that one of the ones we stole? Well, I guess it’s not surprising that they had another one.” James fired again, knocking the Duel back several feet. “I gotta hand it to the boys in the tech department. This High Velocity rifle sure is something. I wonder how many hits that special armour of yours will take?” Michael got to his feet and charged at James, but the Duel’s feet sunk into the sand.

“Too slow!” The GINN easily ran across the sand and kicked the Duel back. “If I can take you down, Lord Patrick will have even less opposition! Sorry boy, but you’re going to have to die for the sake of justice.”

“Justice?” Michael wondered.

“That’s right. Lord Patrick is justice. He will unite the world and bring about the next step in evolution! It is the only way to obtain everlasting peace!” James said. “You’re just another necessary sacrifice.” James held his rifle up to the Duel’s cockpit. “Even at this range, I don’t think you’ll survive. It’s a shame you can’t see our prosperous future.”

James pulled the trigger.

But nothing happened. James tried again, but the gun still wouldn’t fire. “Damn experimental weaponry! Don’t fail on me now damn it!” Michael used this opening to kick the GINN away and get on his feet. “Guess I’ll have to do this the old fashioned way!” James pulled out his GINN’s heavy axe. He charged at the Duel and swung his axe down. Michael put up his arms to block, the phase shift preventing damage. The Duel grabbed the axe and yanked it away, the GINN stumbling forward. Michael drew his beam saber and went for the finishing blow. Unfortunately at the same moment, his power reached zero. The beam saber turned off and the phase shift went down. James recovered.

“Tough luck, you also had me there.” James sighed in relief. “I’ll commend you for getting that close. I’ve been fighting since the battle of Jachin Due ya know. I’d never live it down if I was beaten by a rookie like you.” James spotted the bazooka in the sand and picked it up. “Getting killed by your own weapon must be pretty embarrassing. If anyone asks, I won’t tell them though.” The GINN aimed the bazooka at Duel’s cockpit.

Michael was in a panic, trying to escape some how. He definitely didn’t want to die in a place like this. He then remembered his mantra. ‘Kill all emotions, focus on the mission.’ He repeated this in his head until he calmed down. He then spotted something in the sand.

“So long kid.” James pulled the trigger.

At the same moment, the Duel Gundam got up, spun around and shoved a large rock into the bazooka.

“What the?!” James said in shock as the bazooka misfired and exploded, taking a huge chunk out of his GINN. Both suits flew backwards. The Duel was now missing an arm, but the GINN had lost most of its cockpit block. A barely alive James spat up blood. “Heh…. You got lucky…. But don’t forget…. Patrick Zala will be the one to create a new world!”

Michael turned around and walked away from his fallen foe. Hopefully he could contact friendly forces before his mech couldn’t move anymore.

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It's not my best work, but I think it's fine. It may seem a little rushed, but I think it's one of those situations where the battle would be over quickly. Frankly, James probably should have won, but...

[jam!]

While Michael's victory was very shoddily done, I think what makes me not like this fanfic is the poor dialogue. This guy James talks way too much to be real! An ace from Jachin Due would only be talking so much to distract his opponent...like how a good street (basket) baller often talks alot in order to distract/psyche out his opponent.

Michael having a Duel Gundam was interesting enough for me to read the entire fiction.
At this point, I've read this fanfiction and your later on with Michael teaming up with Cagalli and I'd say that is the better one eventhough that also has a less-than-believable and somewhat shoddy victory for Michael.