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 Post Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:28 pm 
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Jay's sword crached mightly into an opposing Ginn as he raised his shield to defend from the other Ginns rifle, firing off three rounds. Chris himself had felt this was foolish. While he couldn't get the Ginns to stop moving, he could make himself and other MS dissapear from the enemys visual and radar. So grabbing onto the Abomination, He and Sik-Cho boosted upwards, and dissapeared, causing the enemy Ginns to look around widely, as suddenly two huge beam shots reinged down on them, blowing up thirteen of them. The two WC Ginns, fighting rather aggresivly had amnaged to destroy a few HM type Ginns, when suddenly a purle Ginn with a katana appeared before them.
"Thats the type of sword I'm talking about before!" Sick-Chor threw through the commlink to the Ginns. IN that instant both the Ginns mobbed the new Gin and ripped the sword away from it, The red Ginn, boosted towards the Graveyard as the black Ginn covered its escape. The purple Ginn fought on, using a beam rifle to shoot the black ginn, only for Jaysonn to come up behind it and blast the bazooka point blank it the rear cockpit, killing the purple ginn, but leaving its body intact. The black Ginn grabbed the rest of the Purple Ginn and itself boosted towards the colony. Only a few remaining enemy Ginns were left, but they themselves were suddenly shot down by the Gel, who had managed to steal a machine gun. The last Ginn was killed as Sik-Cho rammed one of his cannons through the cockpit, impaling it. Grabbing parts that were scattered around, the trio finally made their way inside, where they found a Guaiz, with mounted Ginn parts on it. Chris was the first one out of his cockpit, slid down and asked the three WC pilots what they were doing. Apparently, the third WC had remained behind during the battle, and had dragged a sliced in half Guaiz back to the hanger, where he was fixing it with Ginn parts of the purple Ginn. Jaysonn himself had already started, using the leg mounted parts of the purple Ginn, fixing them to the Orange Ginn. During this time however, Sik-Cho, Chris, and the leader of the three Ginn pilots had managed to come to an agreement. Even though they had come to the Graveyard seeking a sword, they were more than happy with the sword they salvaged from the purple Ginn. They all agreed to tell the ZAFT party that had been on its way that the three ginn pilots were killed in action by the pirates. The trio left with the sword and Guaiz, but returned half a day later. Apparentlly, with the completion of their job they were free to do as they pleased, and had seen the inside of the Graveyard, and had become facinated with it. Agreeing to let them stay, Chris had them put on mech duty, as they were expeirenced technitions as well. Jaysonn, while he finished upgrading the Orange Ginn, and put it in storage in a warehouse he used as a museum of his brothers memorabila, continued to work on a transforming system for the Verde. Sik-Cho started working on security implements around the outer side of the Graveyard for future threats if they should happen, and Chris continued planting trees. The three Ginn pilots, known as Zenee who piloted the black Ginn, Organ, pilot of the red Ginn, and Demyx, pilot of the Guaiz, started to repair the old Guaiz's they found around. THey revealed to the orginal trio that the red Ginn was in fact a replica of an old ZAFT ace pilots Ginn, known as Goud Veia.

After about three weeks, Chris got an e-mail from someone. It was from a person called Eleven. It read that they had researched Chris's past and discovered he was assoiciated with Six. the person revealed themselves to be related to Six, and that they had wanted to meet the person their reletive had grown so close to. Chris got ready to meet these people at a colony diner. When he got there he was stunned to find that two people were waiting for him, and they looked just like Six. Chris realized they too were clones. Their names were Seven and Eleven. After talking to them, Chris learned that Six had communicated with them through e-mail during the final months of the war, and had told them about Chris. He also learned that Seven and Eleven had seperated themselves from the EA and had been on their own for sometime, and were looking for a place to settle down. Chris offered them a place at the Graveyard and they accepted. When Chris went to pick them up, they had their own ship they were taking, when asked why, Chris discovered they had their own MS. Two Long Daggers, just like the one Six had originally piloted. They made their way back to the Graveyard where introductions happened, and the two settled in. To make things communable, they agreed to be the ones who traveled to and from Colonies for supplies, as they were both Coordinators. Seven was a very friendly person, and seemed to share Chris's interest in planting, while Eleven was very interested in Sik-Cho's mechanical repair, and helped him work on the Bucue that had been found earlier. Eventually, the nine members of the Graveyard all had their MS up and running, and the Graveyard was looking very much like a contemporary japanese town. Setting up some signs, the Graveyard came to be called The Haven. It was the start of a beautiful new chapter.

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 1:46 pm 
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"whne the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, thats amore." Sasng Chris and Jaysonn together, holding eachothers shoulders side by side, ad they did the can-can with their legs. The whole group had completely finished refurbashing the Haven, and were celbrating with wine, and hot dogs. Eleven was the one who had apparently bought the Kareoke machine. He had even sang the first German techno song Chris was surprised Eleven liked the music, and found out that Eleven was actually quite good when Chris allowed him to use his remix machine. Seven approached Chris however while Eleven was working on the remixer.
"Hey Chris, I've researched your old MS, the OMNI Guardian. I was pondering if I could apply the same setup to my machine."
Chris was taken back for a second, but casualy replied, "Of course, it's not like the design is copyrighted to me, go right ahead."
Seven smiled and shook Chris's hand, and trotted off. At that point, Organ came wallowing over with a handful of hot dogs, offering one to both Chris and Eleven. Wolfing them down they discussed the battle a few weeks back, and how they had been wanting Chris's MS. Organ didn't really care so much for the Gel as he enjoyed antiques like the Ginn. Organ even said that while his Ginn was a replica, he had outfitted it with beam weaponized versions of the standard Ginn.


___________________
Yeah taht was a short chapter, just wanted to type it up though. ^^

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 3:02 pm 
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Chris and Eleven had just finished packing their belongings. As it was Chris had been called to Earth for a techno festical in Western Europe, and they had invited all the world famous mixers. That meant Chris had to go, but Jay was busy working on the Haven and a museum in the Haven for antique MS, such as his brothers Ginn and an old Ginn that had orginally held the Gel's sword. This was an issue until Eleven suggested he take Jay's place, as he was deeply interested in music. Agreeing, they both started packing. In the meantime, Sik-Cho and Demyx were assigned on security in case more Pirates showed their faces. It wasn't likely since the last big attack hadn't been for quite some time. Organ and Zenee were helping with the building of the museum, and the dog had been quite a help too.
Finally after all things were packed, Chris and Eleven loaded the Heli-Gel into the back of a transport ship, and departed with wishes of luck.
Sik-Cho had prepared a meal that night of fresh bagles he had baked up, and muffins. Afterwards, along with Seven, who had been in the hanger all day, they helped apply the OMNI Guardian specs and crieria to the two Long Daggers.

_________________
Chris and Eleven arrived on Earth a day later, easily getting through customs, despite having a huge helicopter with them. To get to the said Techno Bash, Chris rentged a large boat for room and comfort for the both of them. The Gel was stored in a bay below deck. Over the next three days traveling to Europe via sea, Eleven and Chris began discussing their lives, and the people and adventures they had encountered. Chris learned that Eleven had been in a battle with the infamous Serpent Tail mercenary group. It was sometime after that though that Eleven and Seven had fully departed the Earth, and had since been working odd jobs for random contractors. However, something else sparked between the two, and Chris was eerily reminded of Six's feelings a year earlier, but this time, gave in and went with them.
Finally arriving in Latveria, Eleven and Chris made port and began setting up the booth they would be entertaining in. It was to be a long night, and having everything set up was essential. Chris finally recieved a Rave-sta he had ordered from Australia, and had set it up behind his booth, all speakers showing. It came equipped with the standard glow-swords, neo-color spraygun, and fireworks backpack. Eleven would be in charge of handiling the Rave-sta, while Chris moved the Heli-Gel next to it for their departure later that night. All in all the Bash was a huge success.

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:54 pm 
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Chris and Eleve were in their specialized transport towards home when suddenly they were passed my many upon many of ZAFT Transport ships. Chris wondered aloud what they were, and the only response he got, was from Eleven, who could only say "Heaven's Base."

Pushing that past him, Chris and Eleven made their way home, bringing tons of food supplies and gifts from Earth. But there biggest surprise lay await in the Haven..

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:53 pm 
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Volnixshin here, just to say a new chjapter is in the works. No give up hope yet!

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You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 12:31 pm 
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Chris and Eleven made their way to the Haven when they suddenly had a large amount of MS blips appear on their radar. Stalling their engines, they called Jay through a secure line.

"Hello?"
"Jay, its Chris, what's going on?"
"Oh man thank god your here, there's about six heavily armed MS outside calling themselves the Freedom and Justice Squad, or something like that, from what their saying their here to steal the Gel and Abomination."
"What are they piloting?"
"Well, umm...You ever hear of the Test Type?
"Holy crap, I've seen one of those at Jachin Due" Exclaimed Eleven, "They're the test beds for the Justice and Freedom! We are so screwed!"
"Don't give up hope my friend. We have an easy chance."
Chris motioned, and he and Eleven boarded their machines and rocketed out towards the EFT's.
"Hey you bastards. You want me? Come and get me"

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 5:18 pm 
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Chris rushed into the fray,spinning around the spot he was and lancing his rotor sabers and drawing his katana. Eleven bore out as well, firing his cannon. The first ET saw them, spun around and fired all of his cannons at them. Chris shot left and Eleven shot right, spinning around the group and firing off his guns, whil Chris moved in for the kill. Suddenly the Abomination portruded into the distracted EFT's and shoved one of his cannons through a EFT. The battle was on!

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 5:18 pm 
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whoops.

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You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 3:54 pm 
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The Abomination spun around and hefted both its cannons and sparked twin beams at the enemy machines, destroying one, and crippling another. Eleven's machineguns tore into the fray, penetrating and following mobile suits left, right, up and down. Suddenly and EFT came down on Chris, its beam sabers combined to form a twin saber. Chris barely managed to block in time, as the EFT lifted its waist cannons and fired at Chris point blank. The Gel sustained damage around its hips, but managed to avoid critical injuries.
"Don't you know! Don't you know we have the combined power of the Freedom and Justice in our suits! You cannot defeat us! Each of us are a one man army!" Spat the EFT pilot as he blasted the Gel again, splashing away parts of the upper legs.
The Abomination itself was being overwhelmed as EFTs shot its cannons and head. Eleven was making progress but was slowing down with the hits he was sustaining. Chris could see the Verde slowly thrusting its way out of the Haven and blasting its cannons into every EFT in sight.
Chris had no other option and jammed the Killswitch. The cocpit lit up red and the Virus spreaders jammed foward. Slowly across the field every single MS, friend and foe alike stopped moving. Beam sabers faded, MS eyes turned off. Only the Gel and the Abomination moved, pushing the EFT off it like a heavy boulder.

"What do we do with them now?" Asked Sik-Cho.

"Lemme handle this." Chris replied.

The Gel looked around, what to do now.

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


Last edited by Volnixshin on Sun May 10, 2009 8:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:19 pm 
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Chris floated around. MS didn't move. Here he was. He could destroy them all. But surely he would be fighting a new armada soon enough. Suddenly an idea struck him. Chris pulled out his keyboard, hacked into the EFT's mainframes and rewrote the mission outcome. No matter what the pilots said, the MS screens would now show a simulation of the EFT's over gunning themselves and destroying the machines there were sent for. Chris finished up and hacked the EFT's engines and sent them and their confused pilots back to their home.
_____

Eleven, Chris and the gang all met back inside the Haven hanger. After they had rested, Sik-Cho and Jay approached Chris.

"Hey man we have something for you."

"You do? What's that guys?"

"C'mon" they motioned, "we'll show you."

Chris followed the duo into a seperate hanger. A shield was mounted on the opposing wall. It was predominantly gold with black edges and three cables protruding off the inside.

"What is that?" queried Chris.

"That my friend. Is your new shield."

"Where did you get it?"

"We bought it at a Junk Guild Auction. Its from an old ZAFT/EA MS. The Aegis."

"I've heard of that" exclaimed Chris. "But what are the cables?"

"Those are my design" noted Jay, "they attach to the waist of the Gel and everytime a beam from a rifle or gun hits the shield, the interior engines convert the energy from destructive into a power source for the Gel. You see the energy will flow from these cables, which are reinforced with luna titanium to the waist armor which will then transport the new energy to the reactor core. And have no fear of overloading.. The shield is large enough that I enabled a storage space for the energy, that way you can use reserve power."

Chris was speachless until he suddenly glomped Jay.

"Dude that's amazing! What gave you the idea?"

"I did" Announced Sik. "I was watching some JNN reports about the battle at Orb. There was this new Gold MS that was reflecting beam shots back at their firing position. I thought, why waste the beam energy? So Jay and I devised a plan. Now in this day and age where next to everyone uses the beam, since you can pilot incredibly well, your suit wont power down, and you can continue fighting!"

Chris glomped Sik-Cho as well. "You guys are terrific!

'Well, lets stop dawdling and get this thing equipped! Proclaimed Jay. The three set about the task.

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


Last edited by Volnixshin on Sun May 10, 2009 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 4:00 pm 
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Weeks flew by. A month. The Haven Gang has been busy equiping their machines. New guns, a shield or two, thruster output. Life had returned to normal. Eleven had gone out and gathered some people who were looking for a new place to live and introduced them to the old residential side of the Haven. Eventually a few hundred more moved in, and the Haven became a small metropolis, producing its own food, selling exports to the PLANTS and other independent colonies. Chris and Co, formed the Haven's private military, guardians of the area. Chris set up a music shop, Sik-Cho started a war museaum with Jay, and Eleven and his brother were techies for the MS. THe three Giin pilots worked off jobs.
All in all, the Haven had become a great place to live.

Chris and Sik-Cho decided to take a vacation, they attached some linear parts and hooked the Gel to a dock on the underbelly of the transformed Abomination. They set a course for the Ptomanoa colony cluster on the outskirts of Mars's atmosphere. With the Abomination's large jet engines, the trip would only take three days. Both pilots themselves would sleep in stasis for two and a quarter days and awake several hours before arrival.
Every thing was set, goodbyes were said, and they launched. But what awaited them from Mars was something neither expected...

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:16 pm 
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Ptomanoa. The Casino and Exotic Vacation colony. Located on the far side of the planet Mars, its lush tropical beaches and forests spanning half the colony, the other half sprawling with casino's race tracks, and sports plex's. Sik-Cho and Chris woke up hours before arrival and were amazed at the light show that came into view when they spotted the colony. They could see the forests from outside, the sparkling waters glistened into space. Sik-Cho landed into the welcome hanger, and the two machines transformed and moved to the loading dock. Tourists peered out of the windowed walkway to gape at the strange and large mobile suits as they passed by. Securing their own private hanger, complete with hotel rooms and a private hallway to the Hotel Lagrange. After disembarking from their suits, Sik-Cho and Chris unloaded their belongings and showered, heading towards the casino's first.
After hours of money wins and losses, Chris and Sik moved started on the move to the beaches. Suddenly a huge rumbling took everyone off guard. Along with a group of people, Sik and Chris moved towards the looking glass. A huge explosion had been set off outside the colony walls. Strange Green and black Mobile armors flooded out of a nearby transport ship, blasting beam cannons into the exterior walls of the colony. Tourists ran screaming, both to their own rooms, and to the deployment dock, trying desperatly to flee. Sik dived into the crowd and picked up a young boy, who had been seperated. His mother ran up to him and thanked Sik before fleeing the scene with her child. Sik and Chris started heading towards their hanger, when they saw multiple spacecraft stream out of the hangers, blasting the enemy machines to pieces and engaging in combat. Two machines in particular stood out, the first was a gold Cosmos Grasper and the second was a blue one. Both were equipped with a modified Aile pack, letting them thrust further and faster around the enemy machines. The green and black machines spun and blasted the space craft. A few managed to score hits, but the same could be said for their foes. Several alien craft landed on the exterior colony walls and transformed into a quadruped mode and started entering the colony through the holes.
Sik and Chris burst into their hanger and quickly suited up. Sik was the first out the door the Abomination transforming into Carrier mode. He managed to contact the Cosmograspers and identify himself as an ally. Chris headed out second, shield and sword in hand. At first he tried the MCVS but found that the mobile armors used a different system from common earth sphere type mobile weapons. Chris managed to pull out of the hanger just as a green mobile crawler was entering. It was huge, but Gel's katana still managed to make short work of it, slicing it into pices and kicking it back into space. The gold and blue cosmosgraspers blew past him blasting several more green crawlers attempting to enter the colony. The Abomination flew in after ten or so crawlers entered the colony through a large hole. Sik looked around and transformed the A-bomb into spider form and opened up small arms fire with the crawlers trying to keep damage to a minimum. He managed to smash a crawler with his left cannon, which last week was equipped, like its sister cannon with a mounted beam sword. The crawler cleaved in two and fell to the ground. Outside the graspers had all but cleaned up the invading force save for one or two who were quickly sliced into pizza by the Gel. The gold cosmosgrasper flew and destroyed the brigde of the enemy ship.

All Graspers, Sik, and Chris met in the military hanger. Disembarking from their machines. Chris and Sik were questioned by officers about their involvment with the battle. Why had they brough ms for example. It was an easy enough questioin to answer, the AA-Bomb had large enough thrusters to make it from the Haven to the colony the fastest, and was great for travel. Finally the pilots of the blue and gold Cosmos's sauntered over. The first one, obviously the pilot of the gold, what with his own gold uniform approaced Chris. He was a tall man, with short military buzz, and lean, muscular structure. He introduced himself.
"My name is Lt. Bruce Akido, I represent the 31st space battalion, Slingers. This is my co-fighter George Eizen" He motioned towards the man in the blue uniform, a scruffy guy with a goatee and mustache shadowed by glasses. "We thank you for your assistance out there, it really quikend the pace of the battle. Unfourtunatly that won't be the last of them."
"What do ya' mean?" Queried Sik-Cho.
"They are an invading force from the southernmost surface of Mars, known as the Loki Battalion. They stole designs of our mobile armor and mobile suits, reconfigured them into their own, and have since been attacking our spaceside settlements, as a means to securing their own country. We have been at war with them for about a year now. I know you are here for vacation, but I would like to ask you for assitance with upcoming battles. Perhaps with you on our side we can hasten our victory."
Sik-Cho and Chris talked among themselves. It sounded like a good idea, their own machines were powerful against the Loki Battalion, and the Haven would be safe from harm with Eleven, Jay, and crew protecting it.
"How long do you think this will take?" Asked Chris
"Honestly I have no idea, it could be months." Replied George.
"Sik and Chris went back to discussing and emerged with an answer.
"You got us, we'll stay as long as we are needed. Just give us some time to contact back home and we're here to stay."

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:24 pm 
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Just some links to MS in the story

Abominations's (A-Bomb) Carrier Mode
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j133/ ... onMA-1.jpg

Abomination
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j133/ ... tion-1.jpg

Test Bed Verde
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j133/ ... dVerde.jpg

Gel Finieto Mk II.
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j133/zeta5/GF2.jpg
Custom coloring for Gel by Draco Starcloud

_________________
You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


Last edited by Volnixshin on Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 5:41 pm 
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thoughts on the story thus far?

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You ever wonder where the Legend began? Watch as the most useless, becomes the most feared in the galaxy

Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:58 pm 
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You don't really have any comments here, so I'll tell you what I think.

Your so called 'Chapters' are rather... SHORT for Chapters. Most of them would only comprise about half a page.

And since you're working with the SEED genre, which I REALLY don't like, alot of things you do are gonna either make little to no sense at all, seeing as how halfway through DESTINY, all hope of understanding the Cosmic Era was thrown out the window.

What I'd suggest is probably starting this over, with a solid basis on what you really want to do. Heck, make up your own Alternate Universe, if you'd like. That always gives way for more creative freedoms and ideas.

Other than that, I like how it's turning up, even if the Chapters are a little too short.

But right now, I don't really have much to say.


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 Post Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:13 am 
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Location: Inside the barrel of Wing Zero's left Buster Rifle.
>=o

Dustin, what the hell!

If someone is asking for your thoughts politely, it's not an excuse to waltz in and start talking trash. It shouldn't matter that you don't like Destiny. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean that this author's writing is automatically bad. What you are supposed to do is comment on his abilities as a writer. The fact that his story is set in CE has nothing to do with that.

I understand that you don't like CE, and I don't, either, but if that's how it is, it's best to just keep quiet and let actual fans comment the author instead. Telling an author to start over without good reason is a very rude thing to do!

And I don't care that these "chapters" are short. So what if they don't fit convention? I know they're short, but the point is that he gets to post more often. Collectively, he probably has more material up here than a lot of us do combined. I happen to think that it's a better strategy than breaking my back over a 7,000+ word chapter for each post. And even if the individual posts are short, you can just string them all together. It's just the logical thing to do as a reader.

Volnixshin, I'm sorry for this intrusion, but I needed to speak out for you. I am even more sorry that I had to do it without reading your material. I do commend you on the large volume of your story, and all the hard work you put into it. What I recommend is that you reformat some of the text so that it is easier to read on the forum page. It is easier to attract more readers that way. With a little patience, I'm sure you will have more comments for your writing. Keep working hard.

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"Red particles are bad, they mutate you into... dead? But green/blue particles are good, apparently, for reasons and for purposes yet to be determined. Isn't science sometimes nicely color-coded?"
-Antares

GW: The Sword . Sera's Art . Gameplay . The Lost Citadel


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 Post Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 6:49 am 
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Yeah, I would also like to give Volnixshin credit for sticking with his story. Not many fanfics draw comments here in general. Sure, they are a little short, but he is doing his thing. Of course he did ask for comments, and , aside from the CE-bash, which was unnecessary, that was what 'Dustin' did. He was entitled to his opinion of thinking the story didn't really work as a CE story in itself. Admittedly I didn't care for the tone much either, but then thing is I don't think Volnixshin's side-story only uses the premise of CE, and does, as I said, its own thing. Nothing really wrong with that. Seprahic did have a point about the format, though; it would be a bit easier to read with some forum-friendliness. :)

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*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.


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 Post Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 9:55 am 
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AEUG Slapping Boy
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Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2007 8:19 pm
Posts: 115
Location: Colony 01
Woah. I didn't mean to make it sound like an attack or anything; I'm impressed on how far he's gotten, for sure, I never said his writing was in any way horrible.

Even more impressive is how long he's been doing this; six pages is no small feat when writing a fanfiction. and his dedication is pretty much absolute. I have no qualms with that.

It's an impressive story, that much I can say. Sorry if my comment came off as bashing. I suppose I should have worded it a bit better.

Sorry for the unecessary rant, Volnix. I guess I was caught up in reading alot of ridiculous things from off this site. You shouldn't start over, that's an obvious given. I was only giving a few suggestions back there.

Of course, I'm eager to see more from him, just... a bit more than what I've seen currently.

Sorry if I came off as rather harsh; I was trying to give some criticism but then I got entangled in my C.E. rant.

I also noticed his rather entertaining use of resources (the 'CLICK THIS' links), they provide some rather interesting images and atmosphere for the story while reading. There are some minor spelling errors, though nothing to really nitpick at. All in all, it's entertaining to look at.


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 Post Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 3:02 am 
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Okawara x Katoki Love Child
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I don't really understand what you mean by "forum-friendly"

I also moved the story to Mars, as aside from a few stints with Delta Astray, it lets me have pretty much complete control over every action without worrying about keeping with the main CE plots.

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Dark Duel: "I think the lesson to be learned is that so long as you have blue-colored hair, you will kick ass."


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 Post Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 4:27 am 
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Retconned MSV Ace

Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 3:44 am
Posts: 1681
Location: Finland
By forum-friendly I meant somehow formatting it clearer, because now it often looks like a block of text. Admittedly I do the same even with a Word-document, and your chapters aren't that long to be really problematic to read. But maybe a few extra empty lines here and there, just to divide the text up a bit so its easier for the eye to follow a certain line of text and then move on to the next. :)

_________________
-We will not be caught by surprise!
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.


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