Gundam SEED: Kismet Chapter Fifty-One Preview 12/10/10

[rebel_cheese]

Update: I've finally begun uploading my chapters on FF.net. FF.net is getting the "new" chapters, with spelling corrections, other nips and tucks, etc. MAHQ.net will still be getting the chapters first when FF.net catches up, but MAHQ.net will have the "raw" document while FF.net gets the "refined" version.

You can read the first four "refined" chapters here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6222956/1/G ... EED_Kismet

[Antares]

Good to see you're still working on this stuff, and I don't mind getting the raw stuff at all. Your text is good enough that it doesn't really bother me at least. I'd say your strongest suit here has been the in-depth construction of the characters. Maybe shortly we'll get to more action, too.

[rebel_cheese]

I try really hard to get inside my character's heads. I don't think a story is good enough by just saying "he's doing this" or "she's saying that". I like to go into why the character's doing or saying something. I've practiced that balancing act between exposition and action for so long I'd either crumble apart or get good at it. I guess it remains to be seen either way.

Chapter 26 is about halfway done. We'll see about action picking up again. XD Chapters 5, 6, and 7 have been added to FF.net.

[rebel_cheese]

Chapter Twenty-Six: Break the Will

Men will fight long and hard for a piece of colored ribbon.
-Napoleon Bonaparte

Even Athrun couldn't imagine how Cagalli had pulled htis one off. This was a coup of impossible proportions. Cagalli had convinced the leader of the Earth Alliance to help the Three Ships Alliance faction. Not only assist, but join it.

Athrun had so many questions, but Naomi for her part didn't want to talk yet. "This must be brief," the woman said. "My staff will wonder about me if I do not communicate with them for long."

"We're hooking up the other connections, Ms. Mitsuda," Cagalli said. She nodded to Murrue, who immediately pluged in and activated the other connections.

Several other faces appeared on the screens. Athrun recognized them all. Miriallia Haw, who looked like she was using a handheld judging by its grainy quality. There was Dearka Elsman, along with an older girl Athrun recognized but didn't know the name of. Then there was Admiral Kisaka, who had just been deployed back into space and thus couldn't be present in the main meeting room.

In fact, now that Athrun thought about it, the meeting room did look small. Even as the members of the Three Ships Alliance checked in, it was obvious that the group would not have cohesion. Everyone had gone their seperate ways since the end of the war, and it was going to be exceptionally difficult to get things done.

Cagalli nodded. "Hello, everyone. I think only one of us needs any introduction, and that would be Naomi Mitsuda, none other than the leader of the entire Earth Alliance."

Dearka was stunned. "How can we trust her?"

"Because she wants to end the war herself," Cagalli said.

Naomi Mitsuda spoke up for herself then. "It is the belief of my top advisers and I that the Earth Alliance has been manipulated into restarting the conflict. There is Durandal's contradictory behavior and actions, of course, but there are other forces at work that are out to restart the war for their own specific agendas."

"It is Ms. Mitsuda's knowledge of these other forces that the Three Ships Alliance sorely needs," Cagalli said. "That's why I invited her into the discussion. With her on our side, the Earth Alliance hopefully can be guided towards decisions that will end this war before we see the level of tragedy in the first war."

Mitsuda nodded. "And, of course, with Cagalli Yula Athha, we also can hopefully push Orb in the same direction. The one government that cannot be pushed this way is the ZAFT."

Athrun looked at Dearka. As he expected, Waltfield was not joining in on the discussion. Waltfield's job was to be watched, he couldn't do anything without jeopardizing the entire alliance. This meant that Dearka had to shoulder everything, and let Waltfield know of developments as quickly and subtly as possible.

But there was one other face that wasn't there, someone Athrun knew very well.

"Yzak couldn't make it, Dearka?" Athrun asked.

Dearka paused. He bit his lip and looked down finally. "Yzak is dead."

Athrun's eyes widened. Yzak, dead? How could that happen? He had been shot down so many times in the last war and survived them all! How had he not escaped now?

Dearka answered his question before anyone else could. "Yzak died in the Junius Seven disaster. He sacrificed himself to activate a Meteor Breaker so a large piece of the station wouldn't hit Mexico City. In his place, I have his close friend, Shiho Westenfluss. She is a pilot just like me."

Shiho appeared then, and she gave a quick bow. "I'm here to end the war, just like the rest of you."

After the standard "please to meet you"s, Miriallia interjected. "What is this force that wants to restart the war?"

Ms. Mitsuda folded her hands. "There is an organization that is out to eradicate the Coordinators. We are talking complete genocide. They are called Blue Cosmos."

Athrun had heard of the name before. It was rumored that Muruta Azrael, a principal of the Earth Alliance in the final battles, was a ringleader.

Mitsuda continued. "They have a powerful lobby within the Earth Alliance, and many socialities and military officers are secretly members. When the Atlantic Federation and the Eurasian Federation both lost much of their power in the aftermath of Jachin Doe, they quickly maneuvered themselves into East Asia. They are exceptionally entrenched, and it is close to impossible to tell who's a member and who isn't. It is my belief, along with that of my advisers, that it was Blue Cosmos who leaked the footage of the battle in Junius Seven to galvanize hatred of the Coordinators."

"So, in order to stop the war, we have to stop Blue Cosmos," Murrue said.

Mitsuda shook her head. "That's half the battle. The other half is finding out what Gilbert Durandal is up to. And that's what our ZAFT pilots over there need to discover."

There was muffled sounds, and Mitsuda sighed. "I must be going. I'll do what I can from my position. Representative Athha, you must guide the rest of the meeting. I'll keep in touch, which should be easy, considering we are officially allies."

And then she was gone.

Lacus shook her head. "So at least the shadowy part of the Earth Alliance finally has a name."

"How can we stop them, though?" Murrue asked.

Cagalli answered. "We'll need to keep probing Ms. Mitsuda for information. If we can do that, we can mount an operation and end them. Once Blue Cosmos is marginalized, the moderates will hopefully begin moves to end the war peacefully."

"But that's the question," Kira said. "How?"

There was a long silence. Finally, Cagalli said "We'll just have to wait and see. Now, I'm going to hand out our assignments to everyone. Let's start saving the world."
***
Shinn Asuka had spent most of the time confined in his room. He could tell that Rey za Burrel remained suspicious of him, and he wanted to avoid conversation. Lunamaria Hawke still didn't like him, and he didn't want Talia Gladys asking him if he was okay. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to see Meyrin Hawke right now.

He just wanted to be left alone.

He had attacked Stellar. He wasn't sure what possessed him to do it. But he had struck. He had felt this amazing, invincible feeling, guided by his sister or what seemed to be his sister, and he had struck. He had ravaged the Earth Alliance, and that was why the Minerva wasn't at the bottom of the ocean.

But he had betrayed his girlfriend. The first person he had loved since his family had been systematically killed off. It just didn't seem worth it in the end, he was with people who thought he was scum, and the one person who cared about him probably felt more betrayed and hurt than he did.

Why?

Why did things have to turn out like this?

If Mayu hadn't died, he wouldn't have been so full of hatred. He could have been fighting alongside Stellar right now, maybe, instead of against her.

It just didn't seem worth it.

The door slid open, and Shinn turned towards it. It was Meyrin.

"Shinn, you know breakfast is ready in the hall," Meyrin said.

"I'm not hungry."

Meyrin sighed. "Look, we all could die in the next five minutes. The least you can do is eat so you have the energy to do something about it."

The cold logic of that ate at Shinn's brain. "All right, fine."

He got up and followed Meyrin down the hallway. She turned her head at him and smiled. "See? No big deal. Let's just relax and enjoy some instant eggs with instant juice and instant bacon."

"I hate 'instant' stuff."

"Yeah, but we get it instantly!"

"You've been dying to say that, haven't you?"

Meyrin laughed. "For months, actually."

Figures.

Shinn smiled at Meyrin's antics, but he knew that they were calculated. She was trying to cheer him up in her good-natured way, but she couldn't take his mind off of things.

Still, she was a genuinely good person. Shinn sized her up. Did her shoulders look a little broader than usual? She seemed to be curvier and stronger, almost like . . .

Damn it, I'm putting Stellar's figure on Meyrin. I'm going crazy.

Meyrin turned back around and walked down the hallway backwards. "You feeling all right, Shinn? You're zoning out."

"I'm fine. Really."

Meyrin didn't look convinced, but she dropped the subject. They walked into the cafeteria, to find it was already close to deserted. Meyrin seemed fine with that. "I think you want the peace and quiet anyway, Shinn."

After they both got served their by-product filled meals, Shinn fidgeted with it but couldn't put more than a few mouthfuls into his stomach. He was just too worried about Stellar, he had no appetite at all.

Meyrin tried to start a conversation again. "I used to be a vegetarian. Then I realized that plants are being murdered too, just like animals. They're all equally dead. As I can't stop eating unless I want to be dead, I started eating meat again. Did you ever have a phase like that, Shinn?"

"No. Never really had the chance."

"Lunamaria's still a vegetarian. No matter how hard I try to convince her, she still lives that lifestyle. It means she's always hungry when we're on a ship like this, where we can't exactly afford to have so many different diets. She never eats enough so she's always cranky and snaps at people."

"Interesting."

Meyrin frowned. "Shinn, come on. You'd feel a lot better if you just talked. It can be about anything."

"All I can think about is that I attacked my girlfriend in some kind of berserker rage that I still don't understand. That's all I can think about," Shinn replied.

Meyrin sighed. "I've heard about that actually. SEED mode."

"You know what that is?"

Meyrin smiled innocently. "I peeked at some documents I probably wasn't supposed to see. The captain left herself signed into one of the military databases and I had a peek around. For some reason nobody wants to publicly admit there is a SEED mode but it's practically common knowledge to anyone who checks out a conspiracy website."

"Great. Am I some science experiment?"

"No, you may merely have found a way to access the next stage of evolution for humans."

Shinn stared.

Meyrin stared back. "What?" she finally asked.

Shinn shook his head. "Never mind. You're making my head spin."

SEED mode . . . it was undoubtedly named for the fact that he had seen a seed shatter before he snapped and ruthlessly assaulted every enemy in sight. A seed the color of his eyes. Whatever that seed represented, it unlocked something, something powerful. Something that made him better than any opponent he could face.
What did it all mean? Before he could think about it any further, warning sirens went off, and the captain's voice went on the intercom. "All hands to primary battle stations. We have an enemy assault upon the fleet. I repeat, all hands to primary battle stations." Meyrin looked shocked. "What's going on? I thought the Earth Alliance wasn't supposed to attack until we got to Madagascar?"

"Guess they have other ideas. I have to get to the hangar. I'll see you later," Shinn said.

Meyrin looked down for a second, before she met his gaze. Despite her effort to look pleasant, Shinn could tell she was disappointed, sad . . . and perhaps even worried[/i[ about him. "Yeah. See ya."

Shinn took off then, and charged towards the hangar as fast as he could. He knew he needed to treat Meyrin better, she was just trying to be his friend, and he badly needed one. But he couldn't keep his mind off of Stellar. Something was just nagging at him. Like something was horribly wrong.

He nearly bumped into Rey za Burrel as he rounded a corner. Barely stopping in time, he managed to quickly turn and follow Rey without turning his ankle.

"Rey, you have any idea what's going on?" Shinn asked.

"We're under attack by a rogue Mobile Suit. Looks like a GUNDAM," Rey replied.

Oh no, Shinn thought. "What GUNDAM is it?"

Rey's face remained grim even as he ran. "It looks like the Gaia."

The Gaia? But isn't that . . .?

Shinn suddenly froze.

That's Stellar's GUNDAM!

That meant only one thing.

Oh crap, I'm in trouble.
***
The scene was an aftermath of complete, utter pandemonium. Neo Roanoke couldn't believe his eyes. Doctors were lying everywhere, unconscious, moaning, bleeding, limbs bent in unnatural positions.

And the subject was missing.

He found one conscious doctor and approached him. "What happened here?" he asked sharply.

The doctor didn't look like he was one-hundred-percent in reality. Neo wondered if he had a concussion. "She . . . she broke her restraints. After the treatments were completed, when she came to . . . "

He moaned unintelligibly then, and Neo shook him. "You completed the treatments?"

"Yes . . . her memory's been altered. Completely. I can assure you . . . it was a success."

Neo looked around the whole room. "Doesn't look like one for me."

"Her eyes . . . they weren't right."

Neo turned right back to the doctor. He had a suspicion that the answer to everything was about to be spoken. "What do you mean, they weren't right?"

"Her eyes looked possessed. Like there was no soul on the other end. Just anger. We tried to sedate her but adrenaline burned it all off. She broke her restraints, and threw all of us around, and ran down the hallway yelling about something."

Damn it. I wasn't expecting the treatment to affect her this drastically, Neo thought. He now had a crazy soldier running around his ship. This was definitely bad.

But then, it got worse.

A female soldier ran up behind Neo and stopped, out of breath. Neo turned to her, and let the doctor fall to the ground where he could moan in peace. "Yes, Ensign?"

"We've had an unauthorized launch out of the Mobile Suit bay!" the soldier cried.

Neo's eyes widened. It's just as I feared.

"Which Mobile Suit?" he asked, knowing the answer but still wanting to make sure.

"The Gaia, sir. We also have four wounded mechanics."

Neo nodded. "Go. Scramble an emergency team. The pilot of the Gaia is not . . . right in the head. Gaia must be recovered before it's too late."

"Yes, sir!" the woman charged off then, and Neo sighed.

I should have tried to come up with a better way than messing with that girl's memory. Stupid doctors, if they made even one mistake, they could risk triggering a complete change in personality. I suppose they made more than one mistake..

There was nothing that could be done about that now. He was going to have to fix his mistake. And get Stellar Louissier back to the way she was before everything really did start going to hell.

Easier said than done.

This was going to take a lot of skill, and luck.

And likely him piloting a Mobile Suit himself.

Yes, that was it. He had just been rash with Stellar. He could have just transferred her to Siberia or something. He had Feizhi Aloquin waiting in the wings to try to fly a GUNDAM. He didn't need Stellar Louissier, not after a few more days. If she wanted to object, she could get to experience the lovely Siberian winters for the rest of her tour.

But before he could do any of that, he had to get her back.

She had stolen one of his possessions.
***
The angel was not happy. "You're late."

"I apologize," the benefactor said. "I was held up."

"That's what you always say."

"And it's always the truth," said the benefactor.

The angel shrugged. "Give me your report."

"You have enemies, sir. They are looking to strangle you. They don't know where to look, and they don't know you exist, but they know Blue Cosmos exists."

"Oh really now? Who are these enemies?" the angel asked.

"They call themselves the Three Ships Alliance, sir. They seem to be the people who killed Muruta Azrael in the last war."

The angel knew all about Muruta Azrael. That young man had been too rambunctious. He enjoyed personally destroying everything far too much. He could have been far more productive orchestrating everything from the shadows than trying to control people who wouldn't understand.

But at least, through his idiocy, Azrael had removed himself from the gene pool. He would no longer be polluting it with his immature anger.

But anyone who could kill a Blue Cosmos leader, even a stupid one, could not be taken lightly.

"Who is leading these fools?" the angel asked.

"It appears to be none other than Cagalli Yula Athha," the benefactor said.

The angel nodded. Suddenly, a plan developed in his head. He could use Cagalli. She had a weakness few knew about, but the angel did, thanks to his networks.

It was a weakness ridiculously easy to exploit.

"I understand," the angel said. "Keep watch on the Three Ships Alliance for now, Ms. Mitsuda. Do not show your hand. I'll have a way of neutralizing the Three Ships Alliance, and Ms. Athha, very soon."

The benefactor nodded. "Thank you, sir. I will do what I can."

The beautiful Japanese woman vanished from the screen, and the angel shook his head. He had still found a way to triumph. His plan was perfect. He had put a ringleader of Blue Cosmos into power, and not only that, had made her successfully pose as a maverick moderate.

The only flaw was that there was a possibility that the mask she wore would become her real face. Maybe it already had. Maybe she had already betrayed him and decided to embrace her moderate identity wholeheartedly. But even if she had, it wouldn't even stall his plans. He had ways of working around liabilities, and marginalizing those who didn't agree with him.

But still, she was beautiful, in that refined, Asian way. Asian women were gorgeous, and they aged so gracefully. Like the wine he loved to drink at the end of a long day.

Speaking of which, he was craving wine. It had been a couple of days since he last had a glass. It was as good of a time to celebrate as any, as it had taken mere seconds for him to figure out a way to wipe out the Three Ships Alliance once and for all.

He just needed to implement it.

And then, there would be no more obstacles at all. The Alliance had already done him the favor of destroying that imbecile Azrael, now he just needed to make sure the Alliance couldn't destroy him too.

It would be easy as snapping his fingers.

He was, after all, a living angel.

An angel of death.

And those he wanted to die would die the way he wanted them to.

[rebel_cheese]

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Pride

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Surprisingly, only five Mobile Suits were launched, in addition to those already trying to fight the rampaging Gaia GUNDAM. It was Dearka's unit, including Shinn Asuka himself, who had to face off against Gaia. The ZAFT still wanted to retake their Mobile Suit intact, and they also wanted to keep reserves ready in case enemy reinforcements arrived.

None of this helped Shinn at all. At first, it seemed that his secret that his well-known Earth Alliance girlfriend was not in the GUNDAM would stay intact, but it didn't stay that way. The moment they turned on the general frequency Shinn found himself exposed.

Stellar was screaming in rage. "Where are you, Shinn Asuka? You bastard! Get out here and fight me! Show yourself or I'll keep killing everybody!"

There was an awed whistle. Then Lunamaria spoke. "Lemme guess, your girlfriend, Shinn?"

"Ex-girlfriend, more likely," Shiho Westenfluss responded.

"I say we punt Shinn in crazy girl's direction," Lunamaria said.

Gee, thanks, Shinn thought as they approached the battle scene, where Stellar's machine was standing on a sinking cruiser. Wreckage lay everywhere, of sunken ships and bits and pieces of destroyed Mobile Suits.

Dearka sighed. "I'm not going to have fragging in the ranks, Luna. Now, let's come up with an actual plan."

Stellar interrupted everyone again. "Shinn Asuka! I know you're out there! Quit hiding! You sold me out and I'm going to make you pay!"

Lunamaria whistled again. "She seems just a bit angry."

"Your 'punting' idea seems to have merit," Rey za Burrel added.

"Shinn, you really know how to pick 'em," Shiho said.

Lay off, Shinn thought. This was all his fault anyway. If he hadn't attacked Stellar . . .

That's what all of this had to be about, right? That he had attacked Stellar while protecting the Minerva? But she seemed so enraged it was like Shinn had attacked her personally, like with a gun or knife. Or had attempted some unspeakable act, for that matter.

Dearka took charge. "Enough Shinn-abuse. He gets enough of that already. Like I said, we need a plan."

"I already came up with a plan," Lunamaria grumbled.

"That 'plan' is unacceptable," Dearka said curtly.

Suddenly, Gaia took off and charged right at the Mobile Suit group full speed. "SHINN!"

"Or we could just run for our lives!" Lunamaria wailed.

Stellar charged right towards Shinn. In desperation, Shinn ignited his beam saber, but then he saw that he wasn't going to have it up in time. Stellar's reflexes were beyond belief, superhumanly fast. Not even Coordinators could pilot a machine so fast. And Shinn was just too slow.

"Aw, hell," Shiho growled, and she barely got her Zaku up in time to block the blow.

"Shiho!" Shinn yelled.

"Shut up and help me!" Shiho shouted back.

Shinn didn't know what he could do. Fighting Stellar could just make it worse. He had to try to reason with her. But if he didn't strike now, Shiho wasn't going to hold on. Stellar was going to overwhelm her just like she had overwhelmed the entire ZAFT fleet up until this point.

He had to protect his wingmate. Shiho was all he had with him. If he let Shiho die, there was no way anyone in ZAFT would look him in the eye again.

So he attacked.

Beam saber clashed against beam saber. The exact same model, the Vajra.

"Stellar, stop it! This isn't like you!" Shinn yelled.

"I loved you!" Stellar shrieked.

"I'm sorry! Stellar, please-"

"'Sorry' doesn't mean anything anymore! You used me and tried to kill me!"

Stellar ferociously struck several more times, and Shinn could sense that the Impulse was reaching its limit. "A little help here?" he yelled to no one in particular.

"I can't get a clear shot, Asuka!" Rey yelled. "Get out of the way!"

Easier said than done, pretty boy.

Shinn tried anyway. He ducked under Stellar and tried to fly away, but Stellar immediately readjusted to his movements and was upon him in seconds.

Shinn blocked Stellar's lunge, then saw Stellar's true attack too late. The Gaia stomped on the Impulse's chest, right on the cockpit, and sent Shinn and the Impulse spiraling towards the ocean below.

Shinn barely kept himself from falling into the water, and saw sparks flying all over his cabin. He had to retreat. If he didn't get out of here in time-

Stellar re-emerged right in front of him! "You're dead!"

Laser shots came in from the right, and one of them impacted the Gaia. Stellar yelled something unintelligible and flew off. Shiho's stressed but overall calm voice entered the frequency. "Shinn, get out of here. You can't take another hit like that."

"This is my fault. I have to-"

"You stay in this battle you're gonna die!" Shiho yelled.

Stellar charged Shiho. The Zaku Warrior Shiho flew barely got its Tomahawk up in time to deflect the blow, but just like before, Shiho's machine was being stressed to its limits and was now out of position.

Shinn yanked out his beam rifle and shot wildly at Stellar before he could even realize what he was doing. It was all reflex. It wasn't until one of the beams hit Stellar's machine that he realized he had been shooting at his girlfriend with the intent to kill.

The Gaia's left leg was completely blown off. Stellar screamed in surprise and pain, and the Gaia fell away from Shiho out of control. Rey, Dearka, and Lunamaria, who had been circling the battle this whole time, immediately let loose with an all-out barrage on the Gaia. Stellar somehow managed to regain control of her machine to dodge the barrage and immediately make a run for it right above the ocean water.

"Thanks," Shiho said, perhaps slightly grudgingly.

"Yeah," Shinn replied, and he leaned back against his seat. He couldn't believe what he had just done. He didn't even have the excuse of SEED mode this time. He had really shot at Stellar with the intent to kill her. Even though it was to protect his wingmate it still didn't seem right to shoot at Stellar. Wasn't it just a short time ago that he had nearly defected to the Earth Alliance for her?

What the hell had happened? Dearka spoke then. "Shiho, Shinn, both of you get out of here. We'll take it from here. Get back to the Minerva."

"Dearka," Shinn said, "Don't kill her. Please. Take her alive."

There was a pause. "No promises."

Then the Savior and its two escorts flew off, giving chase to the receding Gaia. And Shinn was left to wonder if he would ever see Stellar again.
***
Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Shinn Asuka should be dead. Blown to pieces. The memory of him shooting her in the stomach blazed within her. She could still see that evil, vicious captain handing Shinn the gun and ordering him to shoot her. And he obeyed, with no emotion on his face.

I thought you loved me.

Love was something that she didn't have a lot of. She had been an orphan for as long as she could remember. She didn't even know if 'Stellar' was what her parents had named her or what the orphanage had named her. She thought she could have opened her heart to him, because he seemed to understand. He truly seemed to be what she had been missing for her entire life.

But this is what she got in return.

She wasn't going to rest until he was dead for what he did to her.

No one used a person like that. No one made her think she was the most precious thing in the world and then just shoot her.

But now her machine was missing a leg, and even with her boiling anger she knew she could no longer fight. She had to run. Neo Roanoke was going to be so angry at her for damaging the Gaia, especially when the Earth Alliance was running so low on replacement parts. Maybe destroying a significant portion of the ZAFT fleet by herself would offset getting the Gaia beat up, but who knew what went through the man's head?

Lasers shot all around her. Three of the ZAFT machines were still chasing her. Shinn, the coward, wasn't among them. He was probably going to crawl away inside the Minerva.

Next time, she wasn't going to bother wiping out the fleet in sequential order. She was just going to destroy the Minerva so Shinn wouldn't have anywhere to run.

Stellar took out her beam rifle and traded fire, but didn't come close to hitting anything. All she was doing was annoying them.

Annoying them wasn't going to be good enough if she wanted to get out of here alive.

These weren't normal pilots. They were elite. She could not run through them like she could the average ZAFT pilot, even when she was swarmed. That had been her mistake. She had forgotten that in her anger. She had to fight these pilots smarter, not harder.

But it was kind of late for that. They were catching up to her and it wouldn't be long before they surrounded her. And who knew what they'd do then?

I won't get taken alive by them. I'm not going to have Shinn gloat at me!

Suddenly, more lasers joined the barrage, but they were friendly. Her reinforcements had indeed come. Neo was going to rescue her.

Surprisingly, the GUNDAM machines piloted by her friends weren't among them. These were all Windams. But Stellar would take them, especially as they made the ZAFT machines scatter and immediately pull back. The ZAFT commander wasn't stupid to fight against these odds. Though, now that she thought about it, it seemed she had fought greater odds than these and didn't even get a scratch until she fought Shinn. Why was that?

It had been the rage again. It was all hazy now, but she could almost recall it. She had seen something shatter. But what?

She couldn't remember.

Neo's voice entered the com. "Ensign Louissier, you need to report back to base immediately!"

Stellar knew better than to refuse. "Yes, sir."

Neo had come personally. The Windams continued to open fire, and after some brief exchanges the ZAFT machines gave up the battle and fled. The Windams did not pursue.

It was official. She had made a suicide run and somehow still survived. Stellar couldn't believe it. How had she done it?

Neo's voice sounded more stern than ever. "Now, Ensign Loussier."

"I'm pulling back."

"You better have a good explanation for this."

"Yes, sir."

But Stellar knew, despite her feelings, that she didn't have one. All she had was her anger. And who was going to accept that?

She could never have a shot at attacking Shinn again.

And that was something she wasn't going to accept.
***
The meeting had broken up. Dearka and Shiho had to leave because of a military alert, and one by one the rest joined them, leaving just the original occupants of the bunker here by themselves.

Lacus knew that one of the great mysteries of the first war had been unveiled at long last. The genocidal rampage of the Earth Alliance in the closing stages of the war finally made sense. As corny as it sounded, a secret society had been responsible for the Earth Alliance's behavior. And they were still entrenched, and more than willing to try again at making their dreams of extermination a reality.

But could they really trust the Earth Alliance leader on this? Cagalli seemed sure of it. But Cagalli's word just didn't seem good enough in this situation, as odd as that sounded.

Cagalli was adjusted her collar a bit when Lacus approached her. Kira and Athrun were out of the way, having their own discussion, and Murrue was busy disconnecting everything. The time was right to see what Cagalli was up to.

Cagalli turned towards Lacus. She smiled knowingly. "You're going to tell me we can't trust Ms. Mitsuda."

"That's exactly right. We can't."

"I can vouch for her. She and I have had many discussions since Orb officially became an ally of the Earth Alliance. I think she might be able to steadily reduce the influence of Blue Cosmos, and if she does that, all we need is to figure out what Durandal is doing and we'll end the war. It's simple."

"Doesn't it sound just a bit too convenient, Cagalli?"

Cagalli's face became steely. "Lacus, even if she is playing me, I have a counterstrike ready and waiting. You don't know everything I've been doing in case we are betrayed. Ms. Mitsuda won't know what hit her."

Lacus folded her arms. "And what is that?"

"That is classified," Cagalli said simply.

Lacus sighed. She couldn't believe what she was about to say, but it was fitting all too well. "You really are becoming a typical politician, Cagalli."

Cagalli's eyes lit up. "What did you say?"

"I thought you were better than this. And yet, here you are, bragging about secret deals and black operations, flouting your power. I thought your father's ideals meant something to you."

Cagalli, surprisingly, didn't turn away. She just got right in Lacus' face, and Lacus was uncomfortably reminded that Cagalli was significantly taller than her. "I learned something when I became my country's representative. Yuna and Unato are up to their necks in political mud. And they're more than willing to be submerged completely to hold onto their power. It's impossible to be above it all when you're forced to associate with people like them. Not even Athrun is aware of all of the backroom deals they've cut. So I have to get my hands dirty too."

"You're just turning into your enemies," Lacus said.

"I'm being pragmatic, just like my father. He did what he had to do to keep my country from getting dragged into the last war. And I did the pragmatic thing to keep the war from coming to Orb this time."

"You know what happened to your father in the end," Lacus replied.

Lacus immediately realized that was the wrong thing to say. Cagalli looked close to murderous after that comment. Even with all of her self-control, the princess could not keep her hands from closing into fists and trembling, and Cagalli could barely keep her teeth from clenching when she spoke.

"Never talk about my father's death like that again," Cagalli said.

"I'm sorry," Lacus said. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Do I need to bring up that your father is dead too? And Athrun's? All of our fathers died because of the choices they made, Lacus. Will it happen to me too? Maybe, maybe not. I'm just doing the best I can."

Cagalli turned to walk away, but Lacus immediately ran and blocked the way out. "Wait, Cagalli!"

"What is it?" Cagalli borderline-snarled.

"Could you at least give Kira a call once in a while? He needs to know you still care. I think he would be doing better if he knew his sister supports him."

Cagalli didn't answer for a second, and she sighed. "I'll try. Just tell him to start eating. I'm tired of looking at his skin and bones. Now let me go, I'm due for a meeting with the Sierans soon. If I don't make it, they'll get suspicious, and the last thing I need is for them to think I'm up to something."

"Maybe if you weren't up to something you wouldn't have to worry about it," Lacus replied.

Cagalli laughed curtly. "Maybe once this war is over and the Sierans are no longer a threat I can be clean again. But we're all up to something, Lacus. Including you. We like to criticize conspiracies, but we're part of one too. Don't forget that."

And just like that, Cagalli brushed past Lacus and walked down the hallway. Murrue approached Lacus then, and the older woman put a hand on Lacus' shoulder.

"Cagalli's just stressed. That's her anger talking, not what she really thinks."

"Are you really sure?" Lacus asked.

Murrue's silence confirmed Lacus' answer.
***
It hurt.

Knowing that Stellar despised him hurt.

He could make all the excuses he wanted. But it didn't change a thing. What he had done was turn the girl he loved into an enemy. And it was obvious that she was not going to stop until he died, no matter what he tried to do.

I made her hate me. This is all my fault.

There was nothing to take solace in. He was just lost in his world, the world a blur. He remembered how happy Stellar had been with him before all of this had started. When his greatest worry was Stellar maxing out his credit card. It hadn't occurred to him, before knowing she was gone, how much she truly meant to him.

And how alone he felt knowing she was no longer there.

He was stuck here now. Among people who disrespected him or despised him. The shallow attitudes of Yolant and Vino were pointless, his wingmates' questions were hollow.

They had both been alone before they had met, and now because of him they were alone again. But at least Stellar had a couple of friends. Shinn didn't have anyone. Vino and Yolant just seemed so stupid to him right now, and Meyrin didn't really count either, she was just there.

He wasn't going to kill himself, even though the thought occurred to him. It wouldn't make Mayu happy. She'd want him to keep on living. But for what? He had no loyalty to the ZAFT, or any patriotism motivating him to keep fighting. He was an outcast no matter where he went.

He could feel pressure rising inside him. He knew he was going to cry. There was no helping it. He could feel it coming. He had to get in his room and hide. If he didn't do that he was going to be weeping like a child in front of everyone. Then, he wouldn't even have his self-esteem anymore. He wouldn't even have a bit of pride left.

He made his way to his room as his eyes ached and he felt them water. He grabbed his chest and forced himself to breathe as he shoved his hand on the scanner to unlock the door. The moment it opened he ran inside and collapsed by his bed and cried.

It was pathetic and he knew it and yet he didn't care. He had loved her so much. He hadn't realized how stronger or happier he had been with her. He had come to rely on her to keep him propped up, and she had been everything he looked forward to. Being in love had been the most amazing feeling and knowing it was gone just left an emptiness that would never go away.

No wonder Stellar had snapped. She felt hollow too. But unlike her, Shinn couldn't summon up even a hint of anger at her. He knew he was to blame for it all. The only person he could be angry at was himself.

He had blown it.

He wished Mayu was still alive. He wished that he'd wake up and Stellar would be there and all of this was just a horrid nightmare. He longed for a fantasy world where none of this pain existed but even as he imagined these worlds they vanished in seconds as he knew they were impossible, and he could not make them real no matter how badly he wanted them to be.

Suddenly he heard knocking on the door. "Shinn? Are you okay? It's Meyrin."

He didn't want to answer. He couldn't even speak even if he wanted to. He didn't even have the strength to stand up anymore. He just stared at the closed door, hoping that he had locked it so she wouldn't come in and see what a pathetic sight he was. The last thing he needed was Meyrin to disrespect him too, or worse, pity him.

"Shinn, everyone's worried about you. You just took off on everyone. Come on, open the door."

Go away.

"Shinn, don't make me hack the scanner. You're scaring me. At least answer."

He could not speak. He literally couldn't. His voice was so choked up he couldn't make a sound. Even his crying was close to completely silent. He was completely weak.

Suddenly, the door opened, and he saw Meyrin standing there. One second, she seemed normal, the second, her eyes widened. "Oh, Shinn."

She walked over to him and went down to her knees. "Shinn, I-"

Suddenly, Shinn found his voice. "What? Are you going to tell me it's going to be okay? It's not going to be okay! Just leave me alone, I don't want to talk to anyone!"

Meyrin put his hands on his shoulders. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

She embraced him.

Shinn lost his voice again the moment she did that. He had no idea . . . how long had Meyrin . . .

She felt so firm, so warm. She reminded him of Stellar. He almost wanted to pretend she was Stellar. But he still knew better. But she seemed so strong and kind and mature, all of a sudden. When had that happened to Meyrin? She had always seemed to be the moderately annoying little sister type of person before . . .

When had she grown up?

When did she start to care about him?

How deeply did she really care?

Meyrin whispered softly. "I'm here, Shinn. Don't cry by yourself, that doesn't help you or anyone else. Please don't do this again. I'm your friend, aren't I?"

Shinn hadn't remembered when that had happened. All of this time it just seemed that Meyrin was trying to be a friend but really wasn't one, because Shinn had been careful to keep his distance. But now . . . there was no distance. Not anymore.

"Yeah," Shinn managed to whisper.

"Then you're not alone."

That was all it took. The realization filled Shinn with something crazy that he could barely fathom. Shinn looked at Meyrin, and put his hands on her shoulders. She seemed so serene and mature, even though she had such a girlish hairstyle and face. And yet she seemed more like an adult than he did. "I . . . I . . ."

"Or do you need me to be more than a friend?" Meyrin asked.

Shinn bit his lip. He wasn't sure what he really wanted but he wanted Meyrin to stay.

Meyrin made up his mind for him.

She kissed him.

They stayed together for the better part of the next hour. It was almost enough to make Shinn forget about Stellar.

Almost.

[The Green Flame]

Updates! Updates everywhere!

Glad to see you're still doing this :D

[Blightstrider]

The last scene with Shinn and Meyrin was suprising, despite the subtle implications that it was heading down this path. The relationship progession however was done wonderfully, it wasn't sudden and adrupt, like the GSD Shinn and Luna. We could see the two getting along better as the story progessed and were still suprised at the sudden jump at the end. However, it was a believable one, something like a leap of faith that can be seen in some other relationships. Sudden, but believable. If that made any sense.

Secondly, my one concern is this, Djibril, as a villian, is nearly impossible to be taken seriously. I believe its that in GSD, he was portrayed as the most pathetic character, I have a hard time seeing him as a villian. He was just that bad in GSD. Well, we shall have to see where this goes.

Great work. Keep it up.

[rebel_cheese]

Updates! Updates everywhere!

Glad to see you're still doing this

I'm flying lately. I don't know why or how. I've already written the next chapter. XD

I'll keep going as long as I can before I burn out, which I always do.

The last scene with Shinn and Meyrin was suprising, despite the subtle implications that it was heading down this path. The relationship progession however was done wonderfully, it wasn't sudden and adrupt, like the GSD Shinn and Luna. We could see the two getting along better as the story progessed and were still suprised at the sudden jump at the end. However, it was a believable one, something like a leap of faith that can be seen in some other relationships. Sudden, but believable. If that made any sense.

Secondly, my one concern is this, Djibril, as a villian, is nearly impossible to be taken seriously. I believe its that in GSD, he was portrayed as the most pathetic character, I have a hard time seeing him as a villian. He was just that bad in GSD. Well, we shall have to see where this goes.

Great work. Keep it up.

Shinn/Meyrin is something not really thought about, and I wanted to play with that for a while. The kiss, though, was one of the moments in this fic where the characters completely went against my plan. It just happened, and now I have to adjust my entire story because of this. I'm glad that it seems natural because I had not planned this at all, and it still feels weird to me.

Djibril . . . just like Meer, I'm trying to write him seriously and not as a pathetic joke. I'm trying to keep his flair without the stupidity, sort of like the way he was portrayed in Destiny's earlier episodes before he became a joke. We'll see if I can make him truly believable as a threat.

Thanks for reading!

[rebel_cheese]

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Pragmaticism

And at his prow the pilot held within his hands his freight of lives, eyes wide open, full of moonlight.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery, "Night Flight"

Neo Roanoke was exhausted after the fifth sleepless night in a row after recovering Stellar Louissier and her GUNDAM machine.

All this time had been spent fixing the mistakes that had been made. Stellar's personality had been thrown way off by the treatments, and so much time had been wasted, with the fleet vulnerable to a ZAFT raid, trying to keep her at least moderately reasonable.

Not only that, but in order for her to believe the fantasy Neo had concocted, her friends' memories had to be altered too. Her friends had been easy. Stellar, for some reason, was the difficult one. And Neo couldn't figure out why.

It couldn't just be her love for her ZAFT boyfriend. Memory modification had been done on lovers before, and while there were some complications, they had never been on this scale before. Something else was going on, and interfering with the modifications. And it could also explain why Stellar wasn't fully sane.

But what could it be?

Nobody could figure it out. It was the general concensus that something repressed deep down had to be the reason why, and that worried Neo.

It was making him think that the Earth Alliance had a ticking time bomb on their hands.

And if it exploded . . . he didn't even want to consider the consequences.

He was here to win a war by doing whatever needed to be done. But the last conversation with his superior grated at him.

"I'm reversing the mental shift on Loussier. It's made her emotionally and psychologically unstable."

"Will she fight without the memory changes?"

"She said she would be an objector before this whole mess got started in the first place."

"Then the answer is no, Colonel Roanoke."

"But-"

"We need soldiers, and Stellar Loussier is a rather unique asset. The changes stay. Make them work."

And that was that.

But it still seemed like he was preparing oil to throw on a great blaze.

Stellar Loussier, heavily sedated, was still asleep. Neo wondered what would happen when she finally woke up. Would she have something resembling mental stability? Or would she still be crazy and looking for blood?

Memory changes could be used to benefit the military, but Neo failed to see the improvements here. But he had to do his job. He had to win the war.

And that meant winning in the upcoming battle, Madagascar.

He was not looking forward to that.
***
"I'm not looking forward to this," Waltfield groaned as he examined the latest update.

"For once someone agrees with me," Arthur Trine said, with a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

"Like it or not," Talia said, "We're stuck with this situation. Even with support from Madagascar, we're still going to be outnumbered. We have to win, or face one hell of an arduous retreat."

"Arduous retreat," Arthur repeated. "Define that for me, please."

Andrew Waltfield sighed. "If the Earth Alliance gets the upper hand, there'll be a full-fledged evacuation of ZAFT personnel and civilians from Madagascar. All non-essential personnel are already being evacuated but if the battle is lost we're going to have to escort a massive convoy."

"There's only one option," Talia said. "Flee to South America where we have some allied nations."

"No," Waltfield said, "There is one other option. We do a mirror image of what the Archangel, or "Legged Ship" did in the last war, we run to a neutral nation."

Arthur frowned. "There are no neutral nations left. Orb was the last one."

Then he paused, and his eyes widened. "Wait, there is one left."

"That's right," Waltfield said. "It won't be pretty if we take this route, but if we have to, we can fly up through the Suez and head to the neutral nation of Israel. We'll be causing a political nightmare but if the way to South America can't be made it will be our only option."

Talia shook her head. She understood the massively-demoted colonel's thought process but he truly didn't know the political ramifications. "'Political nightmare' doesn't even begin to describe it. Israel shoots at everyone who enters their waters. They are an isolated, paranoid nation who believes everyone is out to kill them."

"I'd vastly prefer a hot, humid jungle over encountering the Israelis," Arthur moaned.

Waltfield shook his hand. "We need to at least have that as a back-up plan. Maybe Durandal can pull some strings if we're stuck fleeing in that direction. I'd much rather head to South America too. But, as a last resort option . . ."

Talia sighed. "Fine."

It wasn't something she particularly wanted to do. Israel was a nation of ten million people, surrounded by a colossal country that wanted it destroyed for religious reasons. The people were trained to be soldiers regardless of who they were. And they trusted no one. They had been sold out by every member of the Earth Alliance, including in the last war in order to gain the cooperation of the North Africans and Arabs that were fighting Waltfield. And they had never trusted the ZAFT one bit.

She hoped she wouldn't have to make that decision. Not only was Israel a political nightmare, but having to take the Suez left them wide open to attacks from every direction. And the ZAFT had close to no penetration in Europe. They would be running to an unwilling host and preparing for a long siege.

The ZAFT were planning on multiple counter-offensives to gain some ground. To give Orb an headache they were planning on retaking some old bases on Australia. Raids were being planned on many Earth Alliance bases. But Talia didn't know every plan the ZAFT had, and she doubted that fighting in Europe or Arabia would be among them. It just caused too many problems.

It made a lot more sense to partner up with allies in South America and then move to take out the Atlantic Federation. Removing them from the equation would make life extremely difficult for the Earth Alliance.

But that was what she would do. She was a soldier. It was ultimately up to a politician to lead the ZAFT in a war. Naomi Mitsuda, for her part, had been a soldier. And Cagalli Yula Athha had seen combat too. Durandal had never even come close to being on a battlefield.

But he was what the ZAFT had, and the ZAFT had to win the war with him in charge.

But how would they do that?

How?

There was no good answer.

And there would never be one.
***
She was so hungry.

She had never fathomed not having a consistent supply line. Her diet was getting slashed more and more every day, it seemed. There were less and less fruits and vegetables, and what was there was becoming more and more disgusting. Hell, she'd go as far to say they were icky.

Lunamaria Hawke found her vegetarian beliefs harder and harder to follow with each passing day.

I want some corn. I want some bread. I want some juice. I want some apples. I want some cheese. I want some eggs. Damn it, when are we going to get a supply line?

If Meyrin wasn't so busy sucking face with Shinn Asuka, she'd be telling Luna "I told you so" over and over and over. Luna wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

The type of relationship that Meyrin and Shinn were rumored to have was not healthy. It was the type that would seem so special and then explode in an instant. Luna couldn't help but be worried for her younger sister for having an relationship with such an unstable person. Shinn Asuka had no subtlety about him, anyone could tell when he was hurting, all of his feelings were on the surface. With him all broken and weak, he was exceptionally vulnerable, but also could develop mood swings. Violent ones.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her stomach growling again. Luna tried to ignore it as she went into her room, which she shared with Meyrin. Shinn, for his part, still had a room all to himself, thanks to his roommate getting killed the first day of the war.

Shinn's roommate hadn't even unpacked his stuff before he had been shot down by one of the GUNDAM machines.

At least Meyrin wasn't going to get killed and leave Luna to a room all by herself. The only way one of the Hawke sisters would be on their own was if Luna were to die. And that's the way Luna wanted it. No way in hell she was going to let Meyrin go out there in a Mobile Suit. For any reason, whatsoever.

If anyone was going to kill Meyrin, they'd have to go through Luna first. That's how it had always been, and until Meyrin grew up, that's the way it was going to stay.

That's why Luna was worried about Meyrin. She hadn't grown up yet. What made her think she was ready for a relationship with anyone, much less an unstable Slant?

Even though their blood was only seventy-five percent Coordinator, they were still Coordinators. They still fit in with the rest of the ZAFT as long as that little "impure blood" detail was left unnoticed. But Meyrin was asking for trouble by being with Shinn publicly, too. Why would a Coordinator be in love with a Slant in the ZAFT when Slants were second-class citizens?

Luna was wondering what to say to Meyrin when she entered the room, and saw Meyrin standing there, looking at herself in the mirror.

She looked different. The twin ponytails she had on each side of her head were gone, replaced by one ponytail in the back with overall shorter hair. The athletic body she had worked so hard on to impress Shinn made her seem taller and older than she really was.

When the hell did Meyrin turn into a woman?

Meyrin noticed Luna and spun around, and blushed slightly. "Just . . . trying something different. Something more grown-up."

Luna sighed. "Meyrin, come on. You're the youngest person on-board."

"I just want to fit in."

Luna shook her head. "You're just trying to see what strikes Shinn's fancy. You're so concerned about being what he wants that you're forgetting about who you are. You're too young for this, you're not even sixteen."

"He told me things, Luna."

Luna folded her arms. "Like what?"

"They're none of your business. But they were . . . sad. I don't even think he told Stellar some of the things he told me."

"Oh, please. You're falling for his sappy past?" Luna sighed. "We all have bad pasts. We had a really crappy war three years ago. There's been trouble ever since the Coordinators were first created. He's not the only one who has skeletons in his closet."

"He's the kind of person who needs to be propped up by something," Meyrin said. "First, it was his little sister, Mayu. Then it was his hatred for the Earth Alliance. Then, it was Stellar Loussier, who helped him get over his hatred for the Alliance. Now, I guess it's me."

"And you just accept that?" Luna asked.

"I didn't just accept it. I chose it."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Relationships like these always end badly, Meyrin. You may think you love him but soon you're going to get sick of propping him up and when you do everything's going to crash down and be destroyed."

"That won't happen," Meyrin said.

"Everyone always says that too," Luna replied.

Meyrin looked away. "I couldn't let him sit there and cry, Luna. I couldn't. When I saw him so defeated and vulnerable . . ."

She took a deep breath, and exhaled. "I can't let Shinn be vulnerable like this. He needs to knows he's loved, and he needs to know that when he needs me I'm going to be there. When he knows that, he'll be better. And he'll let go of Stellar Loussier."

Luna couldn't believe her ears. "Wait, wait, wait. You're saying he's not even committed to you?"

"He will be," Meyrin said as she walked towards the exit. "He will be soon. I'm transforming myself for him, Luna. I'm becoming a new Meyrin. And the new Meyrin will be someone he will never waver his commitment to."

And then she was gone.

Luna sighed as she leaned back on her bed. They always wreck it by being someone they're not, too.

Her stomach growled.

Oh, shut up. I don't need your opinion.
***
"You guys sure you don't want some back-up?"

Athrun had just pulled up his car to drop Kira and Lacus off at the orphanage. Kira and Lacus' stay in the capital city had been longer than either of them wanted, but Orb had recently begun issuing passes to get through military checkpoints being set up everywhere. Orb was definitely on a war footing now, and it had taken a few days, even with Cagalli's help, to cut through the red tape so Kira and Lacus could leave city limits . . . albeit under false identities.

It felt strange for Kira to think of himself under a different name. He had always been Kira Yamato. Always. He couldn't consider having a different name even after knowing who his biological parents are, and especially now. It was his identity.

Lacus said "No, Athrun. I'm trying to teach the children there's a better way to do things than through force. I don't need soldiers around to muddle that message. Not to mention I don't want people thinking there's somebody important here."

Athrun smiled. "Good point."

"C'mon, Kira," Lacus said, and she got out of the front passenger seat. Kira, sitting in the back, followed, and Athrun waved.

"I'll make sure to stop by!" Athrun yelled over the roar of his engine.

"Tell Cagalli to call!" Lacus yelled.

"I'll remind her every day! Bye!"

He drove off into the distance, and Kira wondered if Athrun really intended to follow through. Out of all of the Three Ships Alliance, Athrun was the one who remained the closest to both Kira and Lacus, but even he seemed to be drifting farther away. Kira didn't want to lose his best friend over his problems, too.

Lacus sighed. "C'mon, Kira. Let's just be happy it's a weekend. No classes today."

"Oh yeah. Today's Saturday."

Lacus smiled. "See? We just get a chance to relax . . . unless Fletcher feels like picking on the new teacher."

Kira grimaced. "I hope he hasn't set any more traps."

Lacus sighed. "He'll get out of that phase soon."

"For Athrun's sake, he better."

Lacus laughed. "Fletcher has been getting the best of Athrun. I wonder if Athrun is plotting his revenge."

"Athrun, plotting revenge. Somehow I don't see it."

Lacus laughed again, and Kira felt a little better after that. Something ephermal and yet pleasant was nice. It would be nice to have a good day, without worrying about becoming a mental wreck yet again.
***
Kira and Lacus couldn't know it, but they were being watched.

The special-ops soldier, with his dynamic camouflage activated, was virtually invisible. It was based on Mirage Celloid technology, but had been modified to be used on normal clothing. All that could be seen was a slight shimmer in the air, and that was why the soldier had to be careful to keep his distance. He could still be spotted.

But there was no doubt who they were. It was just as rumored. Lacus Clyne and Kira Yamato.

He could have killed them both right now, if that was his objective. He was still tempted to. His superiors were going to open a Pandora's Box with their plan of theirs. But he was a good soldier, and good soldiers obeyed their orders. He was only going to keep watch, and then report in.

And then the operation would happen very, very soon.

Lacus Clyne and Kira Yamato were about to get hit hard.

As would anyone who got in the way.

All part of the day's work for the special-ops soldier.

[rebel_cheese]

I've updated to chapter 10 on FF.net. I'll try to get up to 13-14 up soon.

[Antares]

The relationship turn between Shinn and Meyrin is indeed pretty good, although maybe just a tad too rapid. Then again, it is Meyrin's intention to be fast and supplant Stellar completely. I have to say the reasoning certainly sounds very human, and I am willing to guess that more than one reader can either recognize those symptoms either in him/herself or remembers seeing them in someone else. What Luna said was painfully true; sad-struck individuals given a rebound-girl, even if not consciously so, tend not to stay with the rebound-girl. Then again Meyrin seems intent on getting in for the long-haul, and that might be what Shinn needs.

Out of curiosity, aren't there any rules in ZAFT about relationships between servicemembers, especially ones as young as Meyrin? Probably wouldn't make much of a difference but would be one more aspect to consider.

Oh and Cagalli-the-politician is heart-breakingly pragmatic. She, too, is probably doing what she thinks has to be done, because it is the only way she can deal with the idea of getting dirty in politics. Hopefully Athrun can try to offer some support before pragmatism takes the form of realpolitik.

[rebel_cheese]

@Antares:

I was worried that I'm taking Shinn and Meyrin too fast, especially as I hadn't planned on it happening at all. I don't know if it still seems too fast. Part of the reason for Meyrin getting the focus of the last chapter was so she could explain why she's doing what she's doing. And who knows if it'll work out? Just like you said, the rebound-girl usually doesn't get the guy, whether that's right or not.

Considering Meyrin's so young (and that's canon), I'm not sure whether the ZAFT would have any regulations on relationships or fraternization. Neither series really hints at any, though I think it's because the situation was so desperate for the principal characters that any regulations would be ignored.

Cagalli is intentionally being portrayed as the exact opposite of how she was portrayed in Destiny. However, as you can see, that isn't necessarily a good thing, either. Cagalli could find herself going down a dark path if she isn't careful.

Thank you for reading! The Next chapter is on its way!

[rebel_cheese]

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Pincer

Stare like a zombie while the mother
Holds the child, watches him die
Hands to the sky crying "Why oh why?"
Because I need to watch things die
From a distance . . .
Vicariously I live
While the whole world dies . . .
-Tool, "Vicarious"

Had it already been a week?

It didn't feel like it. But when Shinn Asuka checked, he was stunned. It really didn't feel like it had been that long since the last battle. It felt like a much shorter span of time had passed. Not that Shinn minded. He was happy. Just . . . happy.

He had no idea what it is he did that made Meyrin like him so much but he was happy he had. His heartbreak over Stellar didn't hurt as much. Meyrin was more than willing to fill the void in his heart, and right now Shinn knew for his sanity he needed to forget Stellar.

But he couldn't. Not completely.

It still didn't seem right. He and Stellar had been so close. How could one instance have wrecked it all? Stellar undoubtedly should have been hurt and confused, but enraged? It didn't seem to be part of her personality. It just didn't add up, now that he had time to reflect on it.

Had the Earth Alliance done something to her? Conditioned her? Drugged her? It wasn't unheard of.

But to Stellar?

Why?

It didn't make sense, and Shinn had no idea how to figure it out. It wasn't like he could sneak onboard Stellar's ship like a spy and creep around until he found out. It was a mystery that couldn't be solved.

And he was worried about her. Because if they had drugged her up or messed with her . . .

There was going to be hell to pay.

But for right now, he was happy with Meyrin. The girl had a gift of making him feel better. She knew how to be intimate without being sensual, her maturity made her seem older and wiser than her years, her gentleness was honest and soft, her strength layered and comforting.

It was like she was growing older with each passing day, like she was turning into an adult. It was peculiar but Shinn didn't really care. Meyrin brought joy and love into his life, and that was something he needed.

Right now, they were just walking towards the cafeteria, holding hands. He felt almost embarrassed about it, but Meyrin seemed proud of it, so Shinn felt it was only right to match her pride, at least externally.

As they sat down to enjoy the increasingly runny slop that had become their rations, Meyrin smiled at him. "We're supposed to be arriving at Madagascar soon. That'll solve this supply problem, hopefully."

"Great, because I don't want to eat this." "Do what I do, don't let it touch your taste buds. It goes down a lot easier that way."

Shinn found it more difficult than how Meyrin described it. She giggled at what had to be an unintentionally funny expression on his face.

After swallowing the drivel, Shinn sized her up again. Damn it, she reminded him of Stellar. That was the one thing that was holding him back. She was so much like Stellar that he couldn't stop thinking about the other girl, even though he knew he should be moving on, getting over it.

Meyrin looked concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"When did you start liking me?" Shinn asked. "I've said so much to you, but you really haven't told me anything about yourself. I'd like to know you."

Meyrin blushed. "It was a crush at first. Just your normal schoolgirl-like crush, and I started trying to become stronger so I could impress you. When you saved us from that big Mobile Armor the crush started becoming more. But it wasn't until I saw you crying when my feelings, well . . ."

"Yeah."

Meyrin laughed awkwardly. "Luna says I have something for emo guys, but that's not it."
"
Emo?"

"You're not emo, Shinn. Emo people are that way because they choose to be. You didn't choose to be in pain. Even more than the rest of us soldiers, a lot's happened to you. You've lost everyone close to you. But you need to be strong. You can't collapse in your room every time something bad happens. You practically shut down. Everyone here needs you, Shinn. Without you we're frankly screwed."

Shinn chuckled sarcastically, softly. "Yeah, right."
"
It's true, Shinn. You're the reason we're still here right now. I thought we were all gonna die when that thing tried to kill us near Orb. But you destroyed that thing. Everybody here owes you one."

"I got lucky," Shinn said.

Meyrin sighed. "That wasn't luck. That was something else. Something special. And when I saw you single-handedly save us, I decided I wasn't going to cry anymore. I'm not going to panic again when we're in trouble. I don't just have Luna out there. I also have you."

"Meyrin-"

"And as long as you're out there, I know I'll be safe, that the entire ship will stay safe. Because nothing will get through you."

Her hands reached across the table and enfolded one of Shinn's hands. "I know we'll be okay as long as you're here. You are a fighter, Shinn, no matter what other people may think or say. You are a fighter. If you weren't, you would have been dead years ago."

Shinn wanted to believe Meyrin, but he couldn't quite bring himself too. Why? Her words were honestly inspirational. But they still seemed hollow to him. Like she was trying to weave together a work of fiction that he would be willing to believe.

But on the same token, she was trying so hard to grow up and be strong for him. Shinn knew he couldn't reject her, not when he needed her so much. But he wasn't sure how he felt, though. All she did was remind him of Stellar.

But he couldn't bear to break her heart, either. It would destroy all of her warm strength, and he'd just be alone again.

Meyrin's eyes became concerned again. "Shinn, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Your hair, um, it looks great."

Meyrin smiled. "Thank you. I'm glad you noticed."

Shinn bit his lip as he tried to figure out what words to say. Meyrin was definitely waiting for him to say something, and to her credit she was being patient about it. He looked from her hands, still enfolding his, to her face, framed so nicely by the new hairstyle.

The words that finally emerged from his mouth weren't what he was expecting.

It was a plea. "Don't go."

"Shinn?"

"Don't go. I need . . . I need you to stay here."

"It's all right. I'm not going anywhere." Her grip became tighter. "I decided that the moment I kissed you for the first time. Wherever you go so will I."

"Meyrin, I . . ."

"You don't need to say anything at all."

The warning klaxon suddenly blared. Talia Gladys' voice echoed throughout the many speakers on the ship. "All personnel to primary battle station. I repeat, all personnel to primary stations."

"What's happening?" Shinn asked.

"I guess the Earth Alliance decided to attack. They've been chasing us this whole time, remember," Meyrin said.

"Meyrin, stay safe."

Meyrin smiled. "I know I will be, as long as you and Luna are out there, like I said. Now go out there and do what you have to. Give me a shout if you need a Silhouette."

Shinn wanted to smile back, to reassure her, but the recurring mental block known as "Stellar" reared its ugly head again. He couldn't quite promise everything would be fine, not as long as he had to keep fighting Stellar.

He still couldn't quite commit to Meyrin.

Instead, he just said "Thank you."

And then he and Meyrin went their separate ways.
***
Neo Roanoke had insisted on fighting personally in this battle, even though he only had a Windam. There was supposed to be something special being developed that could destroy all GUNDAMs, like the Zamzasa, but it wasn't finished yet. Until then, he had to make due with standard-issue equipment.

Neo needed to observe Stellar Loussier more closely. Why was the mental treatments not working as planned? Sting Oakley's and Auel Neider's had gone according to plan, and without much trouble. But Stellar was still unstable. Why?

There was something else going on, something he and the doctors hadn't been able to figure out. Maybe by observing Stellar in battle, listening to her, fighting with her, he might find some sort of clue. In any case, they needed Stellar out there fighting the ZAFT, and with her unstable they might Neo out here to shoot her down.

What a mess. He should have just been patient and wait for Feizhi Aloquin to recover and give her the Gaia. Now he couldn't backtrack from his mistake, and if he gave Stellar her memories back who knew what she'd do then. She'd remember that Neo had shot her, not Shinn Asuka.

Make that a SNAFU.

Neo had one thing on his side, though. Numbers. He was on the verge of overwhelming the ZAFT, even with their Madagascar defenses and reinforcements supporting them. Most of Madagascar had been evacuated, leaving just military personnel ready to pack up and leave the moment the defenses couldn't hold.

Neo's plan was simple. He was going to try to draw out the Madagascar troops by attacking the ZAFT fleet, what was left of it after Stellar's rampage a week ago. By drawing the Madagascar troops out, they would become exposed and spread out. That was when he would send in his reserves, shatter the defenses, and capture the island.

Simple, yet effective.

The ZAFT knew he was coming, they had begun launching their own Mobile Suit contingent. But their troops were tired and thin. Neo had plenty of replacements to hurl into the battle.

And that's exactly what he did.

Windam clashed against Zaku. As everything everywhere erupted into fire, Neo followed Stellar through the crossfire. She seemed to be looking for something, she was on a mission.

Neo knew full well what that was.

But it could work. By destroying the Minerva it would break the backbone of the ZAFT fleet. With the Minerva destroyed they would be able to pick off the rest of the fleet as their leisure, and then surround and systematically destroy Madagascar's defenses.

Suddenly, she found what she was looking for.

"Shinn Asuka!"

She charged straight for that Impulse GUNDAM, and immediately they were locked in battle again.

Now Neo had to make sure the girl wasn't going to get killed.

Easier said than done.
***
"Meyrin, I need the Sword Silhouette! Hurry!"

"It's on the way, Shinn," Meyrin Hawke said.

Talia Gladys, for her part, while she was enjoying Meyrin Hawke's calmness in battle, was slightly unnerved that the Sword Silhouette was needed so early in the battle. Usually Shinn didn't need that immediately. Then again, he did have a GUNDAM bearing down on him.

She was also frustrated. They had almost made it to Madagascar, too. Now who knew if they'd ever get there, much less escape to somewhere else in the world?

A couple of Windams got too close to the bridge, before anti-aircraft fire blasted both of them down. Talia got on the horn and shouted "Gunners, aim before firing! That was too close!"

Arthur unhelpfully added "I don't mind wasting ammunition if it means we leave here alive."

"Arthur, do us all a favor and shut up."

"Yes, Captain."

What was the Earth Alliance planning? They could have attacked the fleet long ago. It couldn't be just because they wanted the Minerva's supplies to become even fewer. No, there was something else going on.

But what?

The commander of the Madagascar garrison came on. "Captain Gladys, do you need reinforcements?"

"Not yet," Talia said. "Hold your positions. We can still fight."

A ZAFT destroyer, as if on cue, immediately blew up and sank. It seemed one of the GUNDAM machines, the Abyss, had done it in.

I really don't want to deploy the Madagascar troops. We might need them later if this becomes a siege.

If they could just make it so they could become a natural part of the defense, instead of risking everything by drawing Madagascar's forces out . . .

They needed ten minutes. Ten minutes and Madagascar's troops could deploy without heavy exposure. But as another ZAFT destroyer exploded, Talia wondered if even that short amount of time was much too long.

Damn it, can't we just hold on for a little longer? Can't we?
***
She had found Shinn Asuka again. And he was not going down without a fight.

Why wouldn't the bastard just die?

They continued to clash against each other, as battle raged all around them. It was as if they were having their own private duel in a bubble, separated from everything else going around them.

Stellar hoped it would stay that way until this duel ended. She wished she could figure out a way to use her Mobile Suit's transformable options to her advantage, but she needed land to do that, and there weren't any land to be found.

But, as they flew near a smoking ZAFT cruiser, Stellar got an idea.

She dashed around the other side of the Mobile Suit, and immediately transformed her GUNDAM into the BuCUE-shaped thing that was built for fighting on land. She charged up the flaming towers of the ZAFT cruiser, her machine's claws digging into every balcony she could find.

Just as she had expected, Shinn Asuka had pursued, but now didn't react. He was confused, he had no idea what she was doing.

Too bad for him.

Stellar leapt off the top of the tower, and managed to get enough force to fall behind Shinn Asuka. The blade in the BuCUE's mouth ignited.

I've won.

That was when Stellar was shot.

What?

Stellar was propelled towards the ocean by the shot, and Stellar barely managed to transform her GUNDAM machine in time. She tried to regroup, see who shot her. It seemed to be an ordinary Zaku.

In fact, the same ordinary Zaku who had interfered last time.

Dumb bastard..

She was sick and tired of that machine interfering with her vengeance. That machine's pilot had to die.

Now.

She flung her beam saber at the Zaku, and cleaved it in half right below the cockpit. She had no idea if that was a kill strike, though, because then Shinn Asuka came bearing down on her again. And now she had no melee weapon to face Shinn with.

Or did she?

She flew away from Shinn, blasting away until she found the rapidly faling Zaku machine she had just severely damaged. She reached and yanked the Beam Tomahawk out of its holster, and let it fall towards the ocean again. She made a couple of moves with the Tomahawk, to practice with it. This was going to have to be her weapon against Shinn's oversize twin blades.

Then came a sound she never wanted to hear.

Beep-beep.

She was out of this battle, all of its energy was being consumed. She needed to pull back or she would risk losing power in battle. There was no guarantee she would kill Shinn before her energy ran out, and despite her desire to kill, she knew what the smarter decision was.

If this became a siege, she would get another chance. Third time's the charm, as the old saying went.

She drained the Beam Tomahawk of all of its energy to give her a small, temporary boost, and then dropped the useless hunk of metal into the ocean. Then she flew off. Thankfully, Shinn and his GUNDAM did not bother to chase her. In fact, he seemed to be wanting to check up on the fallen Zaku.

That was fine with Stellar. This meant he didn't have the same killer instinct she did.

He was going to regret that. That misguided compassion that he had denied Stellar and was using on that Zaku pilot was going to get him killed.

Now, how could Stellar use that to her advantage?

She was sure she'd come up with something.

The whole flight back to the Girty Lue, Stellar never considered the real fact that Shinn's apparent compassion was completely at odds with his portrayal in her memories.

Why would she?

After all, her memories were real, weren't they?

Who could tamper with something she knew to be real?

[rebel_cheese]

Chapter Thirty should be up tomorrow, it's the longest chapter in a while so people who like reading should be happy. Chapter 31, however, will kick off a string of emotional and action-packed doozies that I don't think will stop until the mid-forties. My stories, for better or for worse, have always been slow burns, and at long last there will be a blaze.

Have fun, kids!

[Blightstrider]

This raises a question I have thought on for a long time, yet keep forgetting to say. Many chapters aim to finish their adaptions in 50 chapters, and as a result, end up dragging it out or cutting it short in terms of story development. My question is, are you aiming for fifty chapters, or going down the path of, "Screw being a fifty chapter conformist".

Other than that, the new chapter for tomorrow sounds exciting, I shall be eagerly waiting.

[rebel_cheese]

"Screw being a fifty chapter conformist"

That's what I'm doing. It'll likely end somewhere in the sixties, possibly the seventies. From the outset, I have never aimed for a "one chapter=one episode" format for this fic. It just doesn't mesh with my writing style.

Chapter Thirty will be the final "breather" chapter for a while. Enjoy it.

[rebel_cheese]

Chapter Thirty: Moment

From childhood's hours
I have not been
-As others were.
I have not seen
What others saw.
Edgar Allan Poe, "Alone"


Cagalli's latest meeting with her uncle and cousin was not going well.

"For the last time, tell the Republic of East Asia the answer's no! We are not deploying an expeditionary force!"

Unato Sieran sighed. "Please give me substantive reasons why to refuse their request, Representative."

Cagalli buried her face in her hands. "Haven't I told you my points already?"

"Let's pretend you haven't," Yuna said.

Athrun knew Yuna was sensing victory. Yuna had war glory on the mind, it had been becoming clearer over the last couple of weeks that Yuna wanted to lead an Orb Expeditionary Force and win battles. There were multiple flaws in that strategy, ranging from Yuna's motivation to his lack of military experience.

Cagalli looked at both of them. "First off, the majority of our forces are in space, and are playing a pivotal role in keeping the Earth from facing ZAFT attack at will. They cannot be deployed down here without making the orbital front precarious. Second, we don't know if the ZAFT is going to try to retake their old Carpentaria base as a staging point to attack us. We'll need every available soldier in the event of that. Now tell me, what is the flaw in my points?"

Yuna sighed. "The Earth Alliance is expecting a lot more out of us than what we've been doing. Especially East Asia, they've been flooding us with requests to take a more proactive approach to fighting the war."

"Which, as I said, we can't do, from either an idealistic or a logical standpoint," Cagalli said.

"You gave up your father's ideals by allying with the Earth Alliance," Yuna said. "What hold does your father have over our affairs anymore?"

Athrun closed his eyes, and awaited the inevitable Cagalli explosion. But Cagalli did not explode, but instead let a subtle anger seep into her words. "Orb has never been a warmongering nation and I will not take part in an offensive military campaign unless Orb is in immediate danger. That has been a trait of our government since its inception. It is not just Izumi's ideals, but the ideals of every leader of Orb throughout its history."

Yuna sighed again, and shook his head. "You still don't understand. If we go on the offensive, and get some victories, we'll have even more influence in the Earth Alliance! Imagine what we could do!"

"I do not have confidence you would earn victories," Cagalli said curtly. "You do not have military experience. You have never been on the battlefield. You have not killed, or seen death."

"What does it matter? I practice in simulations all the time!" Yuna said. "I'm an effective strategist!"

"War is never played like it is in simulations," Cagalli said. "Your skill in a glorified video game hardly qualifies you to command an expeditionary force."

Unato finally intervened. "Enough squabbling, both of you. I understand both points being made, but the central issue is this: we have the equipment and supplies to form an expeditionary force. That's why the Earth Alliance wants us to join them in the war."

"We don't have the manpower," Cagalli said.

"The Earth Alliance said we could solve it within twenty-four hours."

There was a pause, and then Athrun realized Unato's point. And judging from the wide-eyed look Cagalli had on her face, she knew it too.

"You can't be recommending conscription, Uncle," Cagalli said.

"That is the only option to get the manpower," Unato said calmly. "During this, we'll buy ourselves time. It will take weeks, months, to get a force trained. We can use this time to try to manipulate things so the expeditionary force does not go to a highly active front."

"Conscription is against everything Orb has stood for," Cagalli said.

"It is not your decision. Remember, Cagalli, that you are not in charge. I still am," Unato said. "You make a persuasive argument but you don't grasp how forceful East Asia has been. They are more than willing to run the conscription themselves, and that means Orb citizens will be scattered everywhere, as random replacements in Earth Alliance forces. If we do not capitulate in this issue, that will be the fate of every conscripted Orb soldier."

"And like I said, we can use this to improve our standing and influence," Yuna added. "Orb can become a world-class power, and possibly even be in position to dominate the Earth Alliance! We cannot pass this up!"

Athrun looked at Cagalli, who seemed to be trembling. He couldn't figure out a way to argue against Unato and Yuna, but Cagalli still could. She was a politician, after all.

Finally, Cagalli stood up. "I need to think this over. Please excuse me."

She turned and marched right out the conference room door, and Athrun dutifully followed. Cagalli stopped in the middle of the hallway, and leaned against the wall, her hand pressed against her forehead like she had a headache.

"Athrun," she asked, "What's happened to us? Is this all my fault?"

Athrun sighed. "It doesn't sound like we have much of a choice. We had to ally with the Earth Alliance before we became a battleground. It's been snowballing from there."

"Don't parrot me. Tell me what you really think, Athrun."

Athrun took a deep breath. He honestly thought Cagalli was doing everything she could, but there had to be a better way to win this argument.

"Maybe I could take command of the expeditionary force. Unato and Yuna know who I am. My hair's growing out again, so I'm looking more and more like classic Athrun Zala. I think that most people would agree that I'm qualified."

"Athrun, you're a pilot. You're hardly more qualified than Yuna to command a fleet."

Cagalli hadn't intended that to be an insult, but that still stung a bit. "Murrue Ramius?"

"The Earth Alliance officially still has her listed as a traitor to be tried by death penalty. And even if I had Naomi Mitsuda pull some strings, Ms. Ramius would be demoted to the point where she won't have influence at all."

Athrun was running short on ideas. Now he wished Andrew Waltfield wasn't back in the ZAFT camp, even though he was meant to be a diversion for Dearka.

"Maybe you?" Athrun asked.

Cagalli sighed. "I'm not much better than Yuna, either. And this doesn't solve the problem of getting us out of conscripting our citizens to fight this war. And no matter who takes command, he or she will be overmatched and people are gonna die."

"I'm just trying ideas," Athrun said.

"Well, come up with better ones, because I'm out, and I have to go back in there and find some way to keep my uncle and Yuna from doing something stupid."

Athrun rubbed his forehead. "I don't know. The last person I have is Lacus. She's a good leader."

"She's not a soldier. She doesn't have it in her to kill. Now, if she did kill somebody one day, she might be able to stomach fighting a war. And she's smart. She'd make a good general."

Athrun could sense what was coming. "But . . .?"

Cagalli shook her head. "The day we gain Lacus the soldier is when we lose Lacus the idealist, Lacus the optimist, Lacus the faithful. Lacus is the core of our hope. If she were to lose that idealism, that innocence, by taking someone's life . . ."

"She wouldn't be Lacus anymore," Athrun said.

"That's right," Cagalli said. "So no, she's not an option either. Not to mention that the other problem is the Lacus-imposter. How are we supposed to deal with that?"

"Good point," Athrun said.

Cagalli turned back towards the door. "We must be insane. Look at us, we're considering throwing Lacus into this. Is there any way to get out of this?"

"We need to offer the Earth Alliance something valuable. Do we have a new Mobile Suit design to throw at them?"

"There's the Akatsuki, there's the Destroy, and there's the Pele, named for the daughter of the mother-goddess Haumea. And then there's a pair of projects only in the design stage."

"Which one's the farthest along?"

"The Akatsuki, but I'll never give it up to the Earth Alliance. That one is my father's personal design. I guess the next in line would be the Destroy. It was the rival design to the Murasame, and the Destroy was considered too expensive. We can build twelve Murasame for one Destroy, and that's by conservative estimates."

Athrun sighed. "We're going to have to give up the Destroy designs, and any built prototypes if some exist."

"There's one in existence. I guess the blueprints, prototype, parts, and specifications might buy us some time, but it's only delaying the demand to conscript."

"Maybe the delay's all we need to end this war before it's necessary," Athrun said.

"I hope so." Cagalli took a deep breath. "All right, I'll present the idea to Unato and Yuna. It might help us, and it'll give Morgenroete some business and demand, not to mention profits, by manufacturing the things."

"Then present it. We don't have anything else to lose," Athrun said.

"I can't help but feel we're making a mistake, though. There's a reason why it was called the Destroy. And who knows what the Earth Alliance will do to try to make the Destroy even better at performing its namesake."

"There's nothing they can do, not without driving up the costs even more. I doubt we'll be able to build more than five or six of those things before the Earth Alliance gives up," Athrun said.

"I hope so," Cagalli said.

"I know so," Athrun said. "Unless they send the prototype into battle, it'll take months before a Destroy will be deployed. We'll be able to end this war before the Destroy will ever see battle."

"Then let's hope we can," Cagalli said. "Before that thing is used."

"We will," Athrun said. "I'm sure of it."

Cagalli nodded. "Thank you." She kissed him on the cheek.

Athrun smiled. "Just trying my best."

Cagalli returned the smile. "Anything to keep our citizens from being killed from Yuna's delusions of grandeur."

They opened the door, and resumed the meeting.
***
Madagascar was under siege, and Talia Gladys couldn't do anything to stop it.

The Earth Alliance was hammering the entire island. Escape had been cut off as the Mass Driver had been blasted out of existence in the opening minutes. So far, however, there wasn't a firm beachhead established anywhere on the island. ZAFT gunners and Mobile Suits were pinning the Earth Alliance down everywhere, and stationery guns, and ships hiding in the harbors, were blasting any ship that got too close.

Right now, though, the Minerva wasn't taking part in the battle. They were deep inside the harbor, as every available crewman desperately shuttled supplies into the ship. She could even see the Mobile Suit pilots hard at work, grabbing boxes of what she could only call stuff and bringing them up the runway by hand.

Would it be enough?

Her vidscreen turned on, and Talia found herself staring at the commander of the Madagascar garrison. "Rear-Admiral Kimlinger, sir."

He was a middle-aged man, with a graying goatee and balding head not well-disguised by his naval cap. "Captain Gladys, you've certainly brought us a hefty amount of party crashers."

"I apologize, sir. We could not have made it to South America without stopping here, our supplies were growing short and so were our numbers."

Kimlinger sighed, and fiddled with his cap. "Enemy forces remain pinned down, but it's only a matter of time before the Earth Alliance force a breakthrough. They have those GUNDAM weapons in reserve, and they will be used to secure a beachhead."

"We'll meet GUNDAM with GUNDAM," Talia said. "We have three, and they have three. There will be no breakthrough."

Kimlinger nodded. "Yes, but we only have so much ammunition. What will be used up first, the Earth Alliance's soldiers or our bullets and energy?"

Talia folded her hands. "I don't know. Just tell your men to keep holding out, they're doing a magnificent job so far."

"I will," Kimlinger said. "We will make this island the Omaha Beach of the Cosmic Era, so help us."

And then he was gone.

That was the wrong battle to invoke, Talia thought as she observed Shinn Asuka and the Hawke sisters in the distance driving a small car full of boxes towards the Minerva.

The Germans lost the battle of Omaha Beach.
***
It was Sunday night, and that meant tomorrow was going to be a school day. Kira Yamato was looking forward to his reduced workload. No matter how hard he tried, he was not a natural teacher, and he was out of his element on some things. Senna was going to make his life much easier to take.

But this didn't solve the primary problem: how much longer would he be able to disguise his personal issues? It was only a matter of time before Senna would find out.

And who knew what would unfold when the young woman discovered Kira's PTSD.

Kira had a feeling, and he didn't like it.

Or was it something else that was making him feel uneasy. He wanted to think it was merely that, but he couldn't help but feel it was something else. Something worse.

Was it just his imagination?

"Kira," he heard. Kira turned and saw Lacus, her smile radiant even in the relative darkness of the room they shard.

"Are you okay? You just vanished after dinner."

"I'm fine," Kira said. "Just tired. I haven't eaten that much in a while."

Lacus chuckled. "Looks like you're taking Cagalli's advice. She's always going on about how you're so skinny."

"Just as long as I don't get a gut."

Lacus laid down next to him on the bed. "Kira, the last thing you should worry about is you getting a gut. It wouldn't change anything between us."

Damn it, she looked beautiful tonight. More beautiful than usual.

He felt her hand, and she squeezed it. "Lacus, thank you. For everything."

"You don't need to thank me, Kira. I love you."

Kira chuckled sadly. "Yeah."

"What's wrong?"

Kira stared up at the ceiling. "I just wish . . . that I would magically get better. That these nightmares would just end. That I would stop remembering the last war. Why me? Why not anyone else?"

Lacus didn't speak for a long moment. "Well, anyone can have trauma from war. I think we all have it, you just have it in a more overt way. Killing's not in your nature, Kira, even more than the rest of us. Killing changed Athrun, it changed Cagalli, and it changed you. Everyone's a different person after they've killed."

"No, Lacus. I think there's one more person who can't kill, more than me."

Lacus sighed. "The answer's me, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Lacus shook her head, and that caused strands of her long pink hair to touch Kira's face. It tickled, but he resisted the urge to brush it away.

"Kira, I would kill for the children, and for you. I know I would."

"Really?"

"Really. And why are we having such a sad conversation, anyway? Kira, if you'd stop obsessing about this you'd be feeling better."

"I'm sorry."

Lacus pulled Kira closer. "Stop apologizing."

She kissed him, and Kira forgot all about apologies.
***
The angel shook his head. Predictable. Orb was so predictable! They were willing to do anything to stay out of the fighting, even if that meant selling a horrible, borderline-genocidal machine!

He had expected this to happen. The eldest Sieran, Unato, was more moderate than he let on, he was inclined to side with his niece Cagalli Yula Athha if her arguments were persuasive. In a way, the angel had hoped that Yuna Sieran's ambitions for glory and machismo would triumph over anti-war sentiment, but the chances had been slim to none. Yuna Sieran was rumored to be an incompetent inside Orb circles, and that probably helped the decision.

The Destroy, however, was an incredible weapon. It would need changes in order to be mass-produced, many changes. It would need to be smaller, streamlined, lighter. This meant that the raw destructive power that it was named for would be significantly weaker. But the prototype was a murdering machine. It would slaughter, even with a mediocre pilot.

It was worth acquiring. There was one thing Orb had forgotten, though.

The Destroy needed a pilot.

The angel wasn't going to waste a valuable pilot in a experimental machine. No, he planned on acquiring the desired pilot.

And he knew just how to do it.

He picked up the phone, and stared at the picture of the desired pilot.

The voice he wanted to answer came on. "Yes, who is this?"

"I am Lord Djibril, I'm the one who purchased your wonderful Destroy machine."

"Ah, yes. I've heard rumors about you. Blue Cosmos, right?"

"Correct. I am here to see the obliteration of the Coordinators."

"Wonderful propaganda as usual. Now tell me what the hell you woke me up in the middle of the night for, Lord Chinrill or whoever you are."

The man's insolence, especially for his age, was staggering. But the angel could suppress his temper. That was part of the job description. There was a time to be angry, and this wasn't one of them. That had been something that Azrael had forgotten, among a lot of other things.

The angel sighed. "You are giving me a lot of valuable documents and machinery. I am missing a very important piece of the package, however." "Yes, what?"

"I need a pilot."

There was a long silence. "A pilot. What kind of pilot?"

"I have someone in mind."

"Who?"

The angel told him, and the man on the other side of the line could not believe his ears.

"Are you insane? I can't do that!"

"Why?"

"It's too personal! I truly can't do that. Not to-"

"One pilot, versus thousands upon thousands of Orb citizens? Tell me, which one is more important to you? The one person, or the national interest?"

Another long silence. "You're not giving me much of a choice."

"Not unless you want to send a bunch of green, unwilling soldiers to their certain deaths," the angel said.

The man on the other side of the line growled. "You have no shame, do you, Lord Djibril."

"Well, to be honest, you have no concept of loyalty, either. You care too much about the people who despise you instead of those who protect you. Now give me the coordinates on the pilot's location."

There were soft clicking, clacking noises on the other end of the line. The man spoke the location, and who was there.

Djibril was not displeased. In fact, he was the champion of this strategy. And now, he was going to get his desired pilot.

And he didn't even need to invade the country to get it. Such a deal.

Djibril patiently waited for the re-call upon completion of the mission. Time was something he had in plenty.

He had been waiting for so long already. What was a few more weeks?

Really, how much worth did time have anymore?
***
The special-ops soldier got off the com. "We've been giving authorization. Shoot to wound or stun, there are children inside, we don't want to scare them too much."

"Roger that, sir," said one of his subordinates.

So began the latest phase of this special forces experiment. It had better work. This had taken up a lot of time and planning to make this happen.

The special-ops soldier felt he could.

He readied his rifle, and prepared it to shoot. It was time they went for the kill.

And then he would finally take his place in the history book of his nation.

That's what mattered, more than anyone or anything else.

Succeeding in a difficult operation like this was a helluva way to get promoted and finding better work.

This shouldn't be too hard, there were just more children around.

After, what could face him?

A blind reverend, a former pop star, a bunch of kids, and the suffering PTSD-ridden hero of the last war?

It would be amusing if it weren't for the fact it was so sad.

The soldier made a signal. It was time to move in.

The squad inched in the grasses. They would be attacking very soon . . . and in possession of the cargo they wanted.

And what valuable cargo it was indeed.

[Antares]

Wow, the thought of Kira shoved into a Destroy with his broken psyche. That sounds nasty. The only thing nastier woud've been if Djibril had managed twist Orb's arm a little more and give them Athrun. Of course, it would've been more than likely he wouldn't have co-operated, but that would've been a sneaky ploy to get him out Orb and... removed.

Also nicely done now to give Shinn take on Meyrin; it seems he cannot shake the feeling that on some level, Meyrin is being too good for him. He needs her support, needed more than that before, but now he has a few doubts whether or not he up and went ruined the relationship they had. It's near-impossible to go back to platonic friendship after that. I just hope Meyrin feels she gets something out of it too, or the poor thing has sacrificed a lot of herself for nothing.

The battle in episode 29 seemed a little abrupt, with Stellar and Shinn suddenly at it. I gather you didn't want to get into a lengthy battle but one of the usual touch-and-go -fights of CE (or Gundams in general).

One thing though; even conscription takes several months, speaking as a person who has went throught that particular military training. Of course if what the EA is looking for is a show of force, then it won't matter if the greenhorns don't know which end the bullets come out of. And I can see how conscription would be against the principles of the island of space-hippies, but it doesn't necessarily entail a de facto militarization of the entire populace. Knowing what we know from GSD, I guess with the Destroy -deal Orb jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[rebel_cheese]

Wow, the thought of Kira shoved into a Destroy with his broken psyche. That sounds nasty. The only thing nastier woud've been if Djibril had managed twist Orb's arm a little more and give them Athrun. Of course, it would've been more than likely he wouldn't have co-operated, but that would've been a sneaky ploy to get him out Orb and... removed.

Also nicely done now to give Shinn take on Meyrin; it seems he cannot shake the feeling that on some level, Meyrin is being too good for him. He needs her support, needed more than that before, but now he has a few doubts whether or not he up and went ruined the relationship they had. It's near-impossible to go back to platonic friendship after that. I just hope Meyrin feels she gets something out of it too, or the poor thing has sacrificed a lot of herself for nothing.

The battle in episode 29 seemed a little abrupt, with Stellar and Shinn suddenly at it. I gather you didn't want to get into a lengthy battle but one of the usual touch-and-go -fights of CE (or Gundams in general).

One thing though; even conscription takes several months, speaking as a person who has went throught that particular military training. Of course if what the EA is looking for is a show of force, then it won't matter if the greenhorns don't know which end the bullets come out of. And I can see how conscription would be against the principles of the island of space-hippies, but it doesn't necessarily entail a de facto militarization of the entire populace. Knowing what we know from GSD, I guess with the Destroy -deal Orb jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

I actually considered Athrun, but that would have ended the story too soon. XD Athrun wouldn't have cooperated, and Cagalli would have taken the opportunity to destroy everything in sight. Djibril would've gotten pwned. Because, it is much easier to manipulate someone with a broken psyche than it would be to manipulate Athrun, and Djibril likely knows this.

Shinn is not ready to embrace Meyrin. Like it or not, he still has feelings for Stellar, and he wants to find out why she's acting this way. Meyrin's feelings are amazing, but he can't quite shake the feeling about how wrong it feels. It is that Meyrin's being too good for him, but he also isn't getting over Stellar, and Meyrin's altruism for his sake is making him feel really conflicted. Is it the right decision to embrace Meyrin, or should he try to reconcile with Stellar after finding out what's wrong? It's a hard decision to make.

You're right, I didn't want to go into a lengthy battle there. There'll be long battles later, but I wasn't in the mood to write one then. So I wrote a touch-and-go. Hopefully it wasn't too bad.

Your comment just reminded me of a typo I had made. Unato was supposed to say "weeks, no, months," as if he realized the situation was far less easy to solve than that while talking. I, for whatever reason, didn't write that fully, so I made everyone sound far stupider in military affairs than I meant them to be. It does hang a light over Cagalli's comments about how ill-prepared all of them are to lead a military, though! XD

Another thing to keep in mind is that to a bunch of space hippies, conscription isn't much different from militarization. XD

Thanks for reading! As a bonus, here's the first doozy chapter. Without the Doozybots. And with a very subtle G Gundam reference (no, it's what what you think)
__________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Thirty-One: Operation "Scarred Seed"

In absence of orders, go find something and kill it.
-General Erwin Rommel

It was the realm of darkness again, surrounding him with emptiness. He was just floating in mid-air, yet seemed to be moving towards something he could not know or describe.

Then there was a face.

It was her again.

"Hi again, Kira."

"Not you! Can't you leave me alone?"

"I've hardly bothered you the last few days."

"Why are you 'bothering' me at all?"

The girl sighed and looked up towards the darkness above. "I've told you why I'm here so many times. I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over."

"How are you even possible?"

"Maybe I'll tell you, someday." There was a pause, then the girl turned to face him. Her eyes seemed develop an eerie glow.

"I'm going to need you to wake up now."

"Huh? Why?"

"You're not safe anymore."

And then he was bombarded with a blinding light.
***
Kira jolted straight up in bed, and immediately held his head. Damn it, even when I'm not having nightmares my dreams are still creepy.

Lacus stirred besides him. "Kira, is something wrong?"

"Just . . . just another weird dream, Lacus."

"What?"

"It wasn't violent or anything, just cryptic."

"You mean you had another one with the little girl?"

"Yeah."

Lacus sighed softly. "Just sleep, Kira. You're fine."

Kira rubbed his forehead and tried to think. What was it the girl said? He couldn't quite remember anymore . . .

"I'm going to get a glass of water. Then I'll go back into bed. I promise," Kira said.

Lacus sighed again. "Go ahead. Just watch your step. Fletcher's been setting a lot of traps lately. The boy has these paranoid delusions of strange men coming to get him and he seems to find time to set a new trap every night."

Kira chuckled softly. "Don't worry, I'll be careful."

"I don't want you ending up like Athrun with a bucket on your head, okay?"

"It won't happen, I promise."

Kira grunted as he got up, and he rubbed his violet eyes and he walked towards the door. Those words were what he needed, he felt better already as he entered the hallway.

Of course, the hallway being dark, it felt creepier than it normally would have. Kira had lived in many places over the course of his life, and never had properly settled down. He never had a close relationship with the people who turned out to be his adoptive parents, he would make one set of friends and then wind up in an entirely different place right afterwards.

He never really thought of anywhere as a home. The time he had spent here with Lacus had been the longest stay in any one spot since he was Athrun's friend at the Moon academy. Even his journey on the Achangel, as difficult as it had been, was less than a year.

That meant there was never anything comfortably familiar in the dark.

He found the sink quickly enough, and a clean glass in the cabinet. He was filling the glass with water when he felt something press up against the back of his head.

Even in the dark, he knew what it was.

His glass fell into the sink and shattered, the crash being muffled by the sink.

The voice was soft, masculine, and harsh. "Turn the sink off, and stay quiet, and everything will be quick and painless."

Kira reached for the sink, and the gun to his head pressed against him harder. "Slowly."

His head spun. Now he remembered what the girl, whatshername, had said. He was no longer safe. And that meant this place wasn't safe, and nobody insider here was safe.

He gritted his teeth as he turned off the faucet. He knew what he had to do. He knew Lacus was going to hate him for dying on her, when she had tried so hard.

But he couldn't get the children out of his mind. He had to protect them. He had to protect the reverend. Senna.

Lacus.

So he yelled as loud as he could.

"Lacus! Get everyone out of here now!"

He immediately felt a cloth cover up his mouth and nostrils. He tried to struggle, but his weakened body couldn't offer up any resistance, especially after breathing the substance on the cloth.

It was a classic. Chloroform.

It was the one sleep inducer guaranteed to work long-term on Coordinators, as all Coordinators had built-in resistances to most tranquilizers in existence. These soldiers had done their homework.

And that meant Kira lost consciousness in the next few seconds, as his body crumpled out from under him.

He hoped Lacus had heard him.

He didn't want her to get hurt. Not by these men.

Not because of him . . .
***
Lacus heard Kira's yell and immediately leapt out of the bed, and ran into the hallway. "Kira? Kira, are you all right?"

Silenced gunshots answered her call, and she barely ducked back in time to avoid the bullets. The door across the hallway opened, revealing the reverend. "Lacus, what's going on?"

"Reverend Malchio, you and Senna get the children out of here! There's soldiers inside the school!" Lacus hissed.

"What are you going to do?"

"They're after Kira! I have to stop them! Just get the children out of harm's way!"

Before Malchio could respond, Lacus ran out into the hallway. This time there were no gunshots.

Did they already have Kira?

No. They can't. Not already.

But she knew it was the truth.

Senna wandered out of her room, rubbing her eyes. "Lacus, what's all this yelling going on about?"

"Senna, you and the reverend get the children and get them out of here. We're under attack, and they're after Kira."

"Kira? Why?"

"I don't know. Just get the children out of here."

Malchio emerged from his room. "Lacus, now's not the time to be rash."

Lacus looked at the blind reverend. Even though he could not see her, she knew he could sense her resolve. "I have to help him. I can't let these people, whoever they are, take him. Now get out of here, and call Athrun. He'll be able to scramble somebody to help us out."

"Lacus-"

"I have the key to the sealed cabinet. With what's in there I should be able to do something to stop them. Now get out of here!"

And then she took off down the hall, in the direction of the kitchen, before either of the adults could say anything.

How can I help Kira? I'm not a soldier!

Cagalli had given Lacus a couple of shooting lessons after the war, but it wasn't like Lacus practiced firing a gun on a daily basis. She stood no chance against trained commandos, and she knew it. Even if these commandos were Naturals she was an easy target.

She made it into the kitchen, and saw a cloth laying down in the middle of the floor. Even without examining it she knew what it was.

Chloroform. These people knew they were going for a Coordinator.

She fiddled with her keys as she walked towards the only locked compartment in the entire kitchen. Her eyes looked across the room cautiously, as she wondered if any of the soldiers were still around. It didn't seem they were. They had what they had come for.

I have to hurry. I can't let them take Kira. If they want Kira, it's because they know he's the Ultimate Coordinator. Who knows what they'll make him do. Who knows what they'll do to him.

She unlocked the compartment.

I can't let them hurt him!

The compartment was fairly bare, but what was there was striking. A pistol with multiple clips of ammunition, a zip-line, and a controller.

She heard rumbles in the distance. Mobile Suits.

She was already almost too late.

She reached for the controller and zip-line, but hesitated as she saw the pistol.

If I want to save Kira, I'm going to have to kill. There's no way around it.

She shook her head. I'm not a soldier. What am I thinking? I'm just going to get killed and that won't help Kira at all.

But then a new voice entered her brain, speaking as if it was Lacus Clyne, too. I love him. And I know he needs me.

I can't help him.

Yes, I can. I have what I need to help him.

I'm not a killer!

Anyone can be a killer.

Not me!

Yes, me.

Suddenly, she saw it.

Is this . . . is this what Kira sees?

I know the answer to that question.

Why am I seeing it?

Because I know what I must do.

It suddenly began to crack, slowly, subtly.

What's going to happen to me?

I'll be what I need to be.

How am I seeing a SEED? What is this?

There was a long silence, other than the soft cracks of the seed slowly crumbling away in her mind's eye.

I must save Kira.

Lacus suddenly felt a massive headache overcome her, and she fell to her hands and knees, clutching her head as the pain got worse and worse.

I'm a berserker. I have to save Kira. I have no choice.

Lacus tried to force herself back to her head, but everything was blurry, disorienting. She couldn't focus on anything other than that steadily shattering seed, the seed the same color as her baby blue eyes, cracking and crumbling to unleash something so utterly frightful inside her that she could not control.

His face kept flashing in front of her. The young man she loved so much and had striven to heal and help for so long. He was being ripped away and she was never going to see him again. If she didn't change, Kira would be lost forever. And she'd be left all alone.

Kira must be saved. He can't be taken away. I have to kill.

Was that her voice, or the voice of some berserker? She couldn't know. There was no way of knowing. Everything was blending, warping. Everything was hurting. The gun was becoming more and more alluring as was the power to kill and the power to destroy and the power to hold someone's life in the palm of her hand-

I'm not a killer. I'm not a killer. I'm not going to kill. I can't kill. That isn't me!

I am a killer. I just never knew it until now.

The seed finally shattered, and Lacus felt the stabbing pain rush from her head throughout the rest of her body.

Tears streamed down her face, and her body was soaked in sweat.

What she was becoming was so paradoxical against her nature that morphing her mindset was complete, total agony.

Finally, the pain became so much that she had no choice but to scream.

And the Lacus Clyne she had always been was gone.
***
Everyone heard the scream.

The private, nicknamed "Giraffe" because of his unusual height, turned around and aimed his gun at the schoolhouse that the squad had just exited. His buddy next to him shook his head. "What the hell was that?"

A third trooper chimed in. "That was the worst sound I've ever heard in my life."

The sergeant took charge. "Wolf, you and Giraffe see what the hell's going on in there. One of us better not be screwing around."

Wolf nodded. "Understood. C'mon, Giraffe."

How Giraffe hated his callsign. Right now, though, it was the least of his concerns. He thought the squad had been accounted for, but it wouldn't be the first time a commando squad had broken discipline in order to get some easy action.

They walked up to the door. Wolf whispered "Just go in, make sure nothing's going on, and get out. We can't fall behind. I got your six."

That was what doomed Giraffe in the end.

He would become the first person to be murdered by the young woman he was about to see.

He had just entered when he nearly bumped into her.

He got a good look at her eyes. They were lifeless, focused, alien, and yet tears were relentlessly streaming from them, as if some inner self was trying to break out of her emotionless facade.

Wait a minute, Giraffe thought. Is that Lacus-

The gun in her hand was raised in front of her forehead.

Oh no.

A gunshot put an end to his musings forever.
***
There was no control. There was no end. There was just her and the enemy.

The enemy that had taken Kira away.

She could feel her usual self wailing and screaming and crying and she ignored all of it. She could only focus on the mission. Just the mission.

I must save Kira.

Another soldier entered the hallway. Her reflexes and senses heightened in her SEED state, she shot him in the head, the exact same way she had killed the previous commando.

The wailing became even more cacophonic, but also easier to ignore.

She methodically stepped forward, and picked up the soldier's silenced submachine-gun. Logic dictated that she was going to need this a lot more than just a pistol.

She was going to need the night-vision goggles too.

I must save Kira.

She checked the ammunition count. In her usual state, it would have wasted several valuable seconds. But she could move really fast, all of a sudden. Or was the rest of the world just moving slow? Whatever the case, she knew the soldier had a full clip inside the submachine-gun in a mere second, and she shoved the clip back inside the gun.

Another caveat of SEED mode. She knew how to hold the thing, just by seeing how both soldiers had carried the weapon before. She had always been a fast learner, and she was memorizing at a inhuman pace.

But as she stepped outside, she could hear engines. Mobile Suits and a transport, all taking off.

She was almost too late.

Almost.

There was one thing she could do.

I must save Kira.

She pulled out the controller, and turned on the microphone.

"Voice authorization, Lacus Clyne. Password, Shining God."

The rumble to her left confirmed her entry, and she strode towards the sound, and the hulking machine rising from the ground, almost nonchalantly, as if nothing was wrong.

This was what being in SEED mode did.

There was no life, there was no purpose, there was no hesitation.

She had to do what she needed to do, with whatever she needed to use at her disposal.

As she used the zip-line to go all the way up to the cockpit, she got a brief look at her reflection. She was still crying, even though she could see clearly.

Why? Why was she still crying?

She couldn't understand. It didn't make any sense to cry.

She wiped her eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop. It was as if something was bleeding inside of her, and the tears was representing that.

She had to ignore it.

She had a mission, and she could not stop until she had accomplished it.

I must save Kira.

She ignited the engines, and her gigantic machine roared to life and soared through the night sky.
***
The special-ops soldier thought he had the chance to breathe. The operation had gone fairly smoothly, other than the loss of a pair of troopers, losses he had been prepared for. He had already known that Wolf and Giraffe had been doomed the moment he sent them in there.

That was not a cry of physical anguish.

That was all mental.

He just knew.

He knew some things about SEED mode. They had done tests on it. Supposedly, any Coordinator could do it, plus most Slants, and even a few Naturals. And even the most gentle, sweet-hearted Coordinator could become a killing machine with the SEED mode activated.

He had a feeling that was what had happened, and he had sent Wolf and Giraffe in to buy some time so everyone else could get away before the squad was on the receiving end of a SEED rampage.

The squad had been sent with Mobile Suits in addition to the transport, where their target was still unconscious and unresponsive. Hopefully, they'd be gone before the person who went SEED caught up. The last thing the special-ops soldier wanted to do was die to a former pop princess.

She wasn't the target, though. There was no need to try and kill her. Who would believe her, anyway? They had a perfect Lacus Clyne already. Ironically, the real Lacus Clyne would be considered the imposter.

Suddenly, a sensor beeped. The special-ops soldier got on the com. "What is it?"

"We have an enemy Mobile Suit inbound. It's classification is . . . is the GUNDAM Freedom."

So our SEEDed pursuer caught up anyway. The soldier sighed. "You and the rest of the Zakus make a diversion, distract her in order for us to get away. Remember, the rendezvous is the old Carpentaria base."

"Understood," the pilot said, and communication was stopped.

The specal-ops soldier knew he would never speak to that pilot again, or any of the Zaku pilots for that matter. Even an untrained pilot could do some spectacular damage in the Freedom, especially in SEED mode.

Now the only hope was to escape.

The special-ops soldier did not want to see what would happen if the SEED berserker, whetjher it was Lacus Clyne or someone else, caught up.

The results were not going to be pretty.

Also likely to be fatal.

I should have killed her, the soldier thought. This was the price he was going to pay for his mercy.

He hoped he would live so he could regret it.
***
The target was trying to flee, while the escorts were going to try to rush her, in order to stop her once and for all.

She didn't have proper training on this GUNDAM, or any GUNDAM for that matter, but she knew how Kira flew it. It wouldn't be that hard to perform a passable imitation.

She turned on the automatic targeting, and locked on to all of the pursuers. She needed to wipe them all out at once before they tried to surround her. It would be an easy task, all it took was one pull of the trigger after she was locked on to every enemy she desired to destroy.

She fired.

Several bright flashes erupted from her machine's cannons, and rushed with utmost precision towards all of her targets. They were all hit in the chest areas, in the cockpits, vaporizing the occupants. The machines sparked and exploded one after another, illuminating the night with bright fireballs before they fell to to the ground in burnt, shattered pieces.

With those obstacles out of the way, she could track the transport carrying the one she loved. And she found it.

Immediately she put power to the engines and accelerated. Her machine's powerful thrust pressed her back against her seat as the machine propelled itself towards its target.

She wasn't going to dare to try to shoot the transport down. Doing that would risk killing Kira.

No, she was going to have to take a different tact if she wanted him back.

She caught up to the transport in less than a minute, and as she expected, it was defenseless. They had shot their bolt when the Zakus had been annihilated.

But she needed to bring the transport down anyway.

She moved the Freedom's right hand towards the cockpit, while the left reached towards a different area of the transport.

The Freedom's hands became vises.

The cockpit imploded, with both the pilot and co-pilot being crushed inside the Freedom''s right fist. The left hand, for its part, immediately halted all momentum, and effectively made the transport docile and helpless in her hands.

She was almost finished. She had almost won.

The next part of this was going to be the hard part. She could not risk killing Kira. She was going to have to defeat the final soldiers with the gun she had grabbed from the dead commando back at the school.

She could do it. There was no fear in her anymore, or any remorse. By being in SEED mode, she had parted ways with all of that, at least temporarily.

The Freedom landed on the ground, and carefully set the shattered transport to the ground.

She prepared the submachine-gun. Once this was finished, she wouldn't have to kill again. She could try to go back to the way she had been.

But was it even possible anymore?

No, it wasn't her problem. She couldn't fret about it. She would lose her focus, and the cause of the anger and torment that had sent her into this rampage in the first place. The moment she snapped out of it, she would die.

She could not die.

She needed to finish what she had started.

She unlocked the cockpit, and prepared the zip-line.

Kira, I've almost saved you.

She descended to the ground, and prepared for her final assault.
***
Kira stirred in time to discover that he had been restrained in a chair, handcuffs keeping him unable to move. He tried to get a clear vision on things, but he couldn't see well enough, or hear. What had they done to him?

Oh wait, the chloroform. The classic sleep inducer. The soldiers had put him to sleep.

Suddenly, he felt someone touching his hands. "Who's there?"

"It's me."

The voice was familiar, but it sounded so hollow, so far away. "Who?"

"It's me, Kira."

Kira's eyes finally opened, and he finally saw the room.

He was in the back on some ruined transport aircraft, and there were three commandos laying on the ground, blasted in the head with precision. They had been completely, utterly, slaughtered.

"Where . . . where the hell am I?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm here to save you. We'll be back where we belong soon."

Suddenly, the handcuffs fell away, and Kira felt his arms become free. He examined them, to make sure nothing was broken. Surprisingly, none were. Despite how brittle he had to be, he hadn't been harmed in any way by his kidnappers, other than being on the receiving end of chloroform.

The source of the voice suddenly appeared to his right and walked in front of him, the source's back turned. But Kira knew who it was, just by looking at the hair.

Lacus?

Lacus turned around, and Kira saw a horrifying sight.

It wasn't just that her nightgown was torn in multiple places. Or the fact that she was carrying a gun. Or even that specks of blood were all over her.

It was her eyes.

They were so cold, emotionless, focused, fearless, without remorse. It looked like she had been crying recently, but had stopped.

Then Kira realized what that meant.

Lacus . . . Lacus saw the SEED?

"Do you need help, Kira?" Lacus asked softly. Even her voice sounded like it was coming from another world, or another being, like she wasn't quite human.

"Uh, no, Lacus," Kira managed awkwardly, and he forced himself to his feet. The smell in her was becoming repugnant, he could barely keep himself from throwing up. He had to get out of here, out of this nightmare.

As he began to stagger out of the transport, Lacus calmly led the way towards the Freedom. Kira was stunned to see it. Lacus had the code and voice authorization to activate it, but he had no idea she could actually use it. Unless she truly had no idea to fly it, and all of this was because of the SEED.

Kira had a feeling what the truth was.

"Please grab on," Lacus said, as she aimed her zip-line at the cockpit. Kira obeyed without a sound, and they were brought up to the open cockpit.

The cockpit hissed shut, and Lacus turned on the engines. The Freedom roared to life and took off, and it took Kira a lot of effort to not bump into Lacus as they blasted away.

There was only silence for the next several moments. Kira wanted to say something, but wasn't sure what. Finally, he came up with something.

"Lacus, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Kira."

"Lacus, you can calm down. It's over."

"I said I'm fine."

The slight tremble in her voice suggested that SEED mode was finally failing. Kira knew he had to keep pressing. He needed to see Lacus again. The Lacus he knew. Not this . . . berserk variation.

"Lacus, it's all right. Please, i'm right here. Just relax."

"Kira . . ."

"You can relax."

There was silence, and then Lacus took a teary, soft breath. "Oh, Kira . . . ."

"You see, you're fine."

Lacus held her hands in front of her face ,as if she had never seen them before. Her voice trembled with sadness and horror. "Kira, what have I done? I couldn't . . . . I couldn't stop myself, Kira . . ."

She brought her hands to her face and sobbed. The Freedom immediately started going off course and Kira had to engage the autopilot in order to keep them from falling into the ocean.

Lacus' trembling hands ran through her hair as she shook violently. "I became a monster, Kira . . . I felt nothing. I felt nothing at all."

"Lacus, it's okay," Kira said softly, as he wrapped his arms around her the best he could. The pain in her voice was so heartwrenching that he felt himself beginning to cry too.

She had killed so many people for him.

It wasn't right. It should have been anyone but Lacus. Anyone else.

"Is this . . . is this what it felt like, Kira? To have no feelings, to only kill . . . Kira, this is why you're in so much pain, isn't it? I finally understand, Kira . . . I finally understand."

And she sobbed into his thin chest as they flew through the sky.

Kira tried to stay calm, but couldn't. Lacus had done all of this for his sake. It was like he had thought earlier. She had changed herself to suit his needs, and now she had done so again, becoming the berserker in order to get the power to rescue him.

How long ago would the roles have been reversed?

It wasn't right, it wasn't right at all.

The Freedom made it to the school, then, and Kira moved to take control, despite not actually being in the seat. He could fly this thing from an awkward position, the Freedom was really easy to control for a Coordinator.

He picked up something on sensors, and he turned one of the Freedom's cameras on. He saw them, then, the reverend, Senna, and the children.

He smiled. They were all right, they weren't hurt because of-

Then he realized something was wrong.

There were more people.

And they weren't from Orb, he could see that already.

More special-ops soldiers. And they looked different from the last group.

Rather than being safe, every occupant of the school had become an hostage.

And this time, no amount of gunplay was going to save them.

Damn it, Kira thought. They won anyway..

He struggled not to cry as he landed the Freedom in the middle of nowhere.

[rebel_cheese]

Chapter Thirty-Two: Humans Being

Hope requires the contender
Who sees no virtue in surrender.
From the cradle to the bier,
The heart must persevere.
-Dean Koontz; The Book of Counted Joys


Here, the chaos of war seemed far away, impossible, a total fantasy. But Shinn Asuka knew that it was much closer than anyone dared to say, that soon the Minerva would be fighting for its life to get out of the siege.

And he knew the moment he went out there Stellar would inevitably rush him again. She had nearly killed Shiho Hassenfuss the last time. It was still 50/50 that Shiho's replacement Zaku would be loaded onto the Minerva before departure. If the replacement Zaku, a Blaze Zaku Phantom judging by rumors, failed to load, that meant Shinn would be facing Stellar alone.

It was a terrifying prospect, especially if her friends joined the battle. He had been lucky in the first two encounters. But Sting and Auel would join with her eventually, and there'd be no way he could fight them off by himself. It was doubtful that he'd win even with Shiho's help.

That second wingmate better show up, for my sake. He had heard rumors that this new guy would be a member of FAITH. Becoming a part of FAITH, ZAFT's special forces, was highly prestigious, one could only join by appointment by the Supreme Chairman himself.

Would a FAITH member, though, accept being demoted under Shinn? Or would Shinn be giving up the Impulse GUNDAM to this guy? Or would there be a compromise, where Shinn would keep the Impulse but be under the command of the FAITH member?

But that was just speculation, again. At least with the new guy he would have even numbers against Stellar and her pair of friends.

But Shinn didn't have it in him to kill Stellar and she was always going for the kill. With intangibles to consider, he was still at a disadvantage.

How am I going to get out of this? Stellar won't stop trying to kill me, and she nearly got Shiho killed. It was pure dumb luck that saved Shiho. I can't count on that again.

His door opened, and Shinn looked up from his bed. It was Meyrin.

"Hi, Shinn. I noticed you weren't in the cafeteria."

"I'm not hungry."

"Fresh food for the first time in weeks and you're not hungry? Luna was practically pigging out!"

Shinn saw something being flipped from her hand and he barely got his hand out in time to catch it. It was an apple, meticulously perfected without even a hint of a bruise or scar.

But what else could he expect from ZAFT growers?

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Shinn bit into the apple. It was nice to have something fresh and juicy, and had no relation at all to the slimy mystery meat that had begun dominating the diets around here. At least for a few days, the mystery meat would be staved off.

That is, if they survived.

"See? There's more like it in the cafeteria. We have an overstock, actually."

"I'll think about it," Shinn said. He paused for a moment. "Why are you here?"

"What, I'm not allowed to come in?"

"Of course you are! I'm just asking why." Meyrin smiled knowingly. "I'm your girlfriend now, remember? I'm allowed to see if my boyfriend's okay."

Shinn felt his face heat up and he looked away. "Oh. Oh yeah, right."

I keep forgetting I'm not with Stellar anymore. Why do I keep doing that?

He looked at the person who was supposed to be his new girlfriend. Why do I keep wanting to push her away? Why doesn't this feel right?

In truth, he was feeling more and more awkward about the relationship every passing day. Other than the moment where he had said practically everything to her in an emotional torrent, he hadn't felt completely comfortable with her. And he knew it all led back to Stellar.

He just could not let go of Stellar.

Meyrin sat down beside him, and Shinn felt his chest tighten as her hand brushed against his. Just because he was still conflicted over Stellar did not mean he didn't feel embarrassment or bashfulness around Meyrin.

"You're wearing your 'worried' look. What is it this time?"

Shinn searched his mind, and found something he could actually tell Meyrin without breaking her heart. "I'm thinking about tomorrow. We're supposed to try and break out."

"Oh." Meyrin sighed and her eyes seemed to go elsewhere. "The captain was arguing about this with Waltfield and Trine. They don't know where to try to go, whether to try to head towards the Suez, or go to South America, and by that I mean the Caribbean."

"Why the heck would we head towards the Suez? There's nothing there!"

"The captain says the Supreme Chairman's trying to twist Israel's arm."

"Israel? Aren't they supposed to be paranoid shut-ins?"

"They have been sold out by everybody except us, I guess they have a right to be."

Shinn groaned as he laid on his bed. "We go through the Suez we're doomed. There's nothing for us up there, and we'll just be surrounded."

"It's the same everywhere we go, until we start invading and trying to retake ground. I bet the Supreme Chairman's going to try to take Greece or Italy or something, so we have more of presence there."

Shinn sat back up. "How do you know all this?"

Meyrin gave him a mischievous look. "The captain isn't aware of how sneaky I can be."

"You mean you eavesdrop."

"You don't have to put it like that."

Shinn sighed. "I guess not."

Meyrin frowned. "I wasn't being serious with that last comment, Shinn."

"Sorry. I guess I'm just not in a joking mood."

There was silence before Meyrin spoke again. "You're worried about facing Stellar again, aren't you?"

Shinn was not surprised Meyrin knew that, but her bringing Stellar up still made his heart pound against his chest. "Yeah. I could be fighting her by myself."

"I could ask Luna to help you. She'd do it, grudgingly."

"You don't need to-"

"Shinn, I'm not going to let your psychotic ex-girlfriend throw you around. I can't, okay?"

Meyrin's forceful voice shattered Shinn out of his reverie and he sighed. "All right, all right, if Shiho can't help you can ask Luna."

"Thank you."

There was another silence, and then Shinn felt Meyrin's fingers brush up against his own again. "Shinn . . . I know you still have feelings for Stellar."

Shinn lost the ability to breathe.

"But I understand that. She was a special girl. I don't know what made her go psycho but I know she had to be amazing if you were going to defect for her."

Please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me-

Meyrin's right hand clasped his left. "I just . . . Shinn, I promised you I wouldn't go. Can't you at least promise me the same? I need you, too."

Shinn rediscovered the ability to breathe, and somehow managed to speak a coherent sentence. "I think you'd be better off without me."

"Shinn?"

"You don't deserve me."

"Shinn, please-"

"I just feel like I'm going to drag you down."

"You're not going to drag me down. Not unless you leave me." Her grip became tighter. "Shinn . . . you asked me, just a couple of days ago, for me to stay. 'Don't go', you said. Don't do this to me. Please."

Her voice was breaking by the end, and that was made Shinn stop. I really can't do this. I can't leave Meyrin a crying mess.

Shinn took his left arm and wrapped it around Meyrin, and brought her close. "I'm sorry. I'm just . . . having a difficult time, Meyrin. I'm sorry."

Meyrin looked up at him, and Shinn was uncomfortably reminded that despite her attempts to look older this was a girl who couldn't get a driver's license in any of the PLANTs. Her face was just so innocent, so earnest, so young.

It was a face he couldn't bear to hurt.

"You're not the problem, Meyrin. It's me."

"Shinn . . ."

"You asked me if you needed to be more than a friend, right before you kissed me for the first time. I never got to answer it. Meyrin, I do need you to be more than a friend. I'll stay with you, Meyrin. No matter what."

Meyrin's eyes seemed to shimmer for a second, and Shinn felt more and more guilty over this young girl. How could he break this girl's heart over someone he would likely never see in person again? Over a fantasy of rescuing Stellar from her insanity? Meyrin was just too innocent to hurt.

"Thank you," she whispered. She wrapped herself around him, and they shared a kiss.

She was too good for him, and getting far too little in exchange for her opening her heart. Shinn knew that if he left Meyrin, he would be leaving her a jaded, heartbroken, depressed girl who would wonder what she did wrong for years. A lot of guys could do that without even a hint of guilt, but Shinn couldn't.

He could not bring pain to this girl's face.

He couldn't bear to destroy her innocence.

He couldn't make her efforts to grow up be wasted, as her struggles to mature were all for him.

But, perhaps more than everything else, he knew he could not leave Meyrin crying all alone.

When he was crying, Meyrin had been there for him.

But what if? What he left, and then Luna died? Who'd be there for Meyrin then? Who knew what disgusting people lived onboard this ship, and would take advantage of a heartbroken girl?

He just couldn't do it.

But now, there was something else, something heavier than his desire for Stellar, infesting his heart.

It was guilt.

Simple, unfiltered, guilt.

And it would be with him forever.
***
Gilbert Durandal was not happy with the report he was getting on the other end of the line. "What do you mean, the squad has been lost?"

"I'm telling the truth! The squad's vital signs are all reading KIA. The Mobile Suits and the transport are all listed as destroyed, too. Something attacked them, and I don't think it was Earth Alliance or Orb."

Gilbert Durandal had a sinking feeling who the culprit was. "Thank you for your report, soldier. Please, try to find something conclusive."

"Yes, sir!"

The connection was disabled, and Gilbert closed his end. He hadn't expected his attempt to save Ultimate Coordinator from Blue Cosmos to be defeated so easily. Especially as the only person who could have done it was the real Lacus Clyne.

How the hell could that glorified pop singer fly a Mobile Suit?

He heard an all-knowing, smoky chuckle behind him. Durandal turned, and saw Meer Campbell, now in her preferred adult form, looking ever so smug.

Damn Method actresses.

"What are you amused about, Meer?" Gilbert asked, carefully keeping his voice even.

"The irony, Chairman! The irony. You tried to kidnap Kira Yamato in order to save him from a kidnapping, but instead Lacus Clyne or whoever kicked your commandos' asses! But instead of saving Kira, the rescuer's doomed Kira because that means the Earth Alliance will kidnap him after all!" And then she launched into another wild, noblewoman-esque tirade of laughter.

Gilbert didn't find the latest turn of events amusing at all.

"Speaking of things not according to plan, your last three speeches all broke from the script," he said.

Meer stopped laughing, and gave him an indignant look. "You hired me to become Lacus Clyne, not become your sexy mouthpiece, Supreme Chairman. Lacus Clyne would never say the things you want her to say. I did manage to slip in some slight pro-ZAFT bias into the last one, but that's because of the siege of Madagascar. You need to give Lacus something that will make her side with the ZAFT over everyone else."

"I did not hire you to write your own scripts."

"You're right. You hired me because I can become anyone I desire, Supreme Chairman." As if to mock him, she smoothly transformed herself back into Lacus Clyne. "Including becoming indistinguishable from the real thing."

Gilbert folded his hands. "And you feel it is prudent to lecture me?"

"Certainly. The real Lacus Clyne would lecture you too. Just staying in character, Supreme Chairman." Meer-Lacus gave him a knowing wink. "Speaking of which, I do believe I have a concert coming up in a matter of hours. Better get the singing voice warmed up. Goodbye!"

And she strutted out of the office like she owned the place.

Gilbert rubbed his forehead. How he wished he could remove Meer, but the woman, as always, brought up a good point. She was definitely performing as Lacus Clyne with each speech she made. Trying to force her to stick to the script would make people suspicious.

But this was giving him a headache he did not anticipate.

At least he had a backup plan for dealing with Kira Yamato if he wound up fighting against the ZAFT.

He had no backup plan for Meer, especially if she, in some delusion, went rogue.

He needed to come up with one, and fast, before his headaches multiplied at an alarming rate.

Before these headaches would be the least of his concern . . .
***
Kira and Lacus cautiously approached the squad of soldiers surrounding the reverend, Senna, and the children. The soldiers were ready to shoot at a moment's notice, and Kira knew there was no way either he or Lacus would accept any harm coming to the children.

But what did that mean? That he would have to just give himself up?

What did he do? Why did people want him so badly?

One of the soldiers approached them. "You're Kira Yamato, aren't you?"

"Yes," Kira said.

The soldier made a signal to one of his squadmates, and the squadmate nodded and went on the com, saying something Kira couldn't make out at this distance.

The soldier then looked back at Kira. "You're coming with us."

"He will not!" Lacus yelled.

The soldier aimed his gun at Lacus. "You have no say in this."

"Yes, I do! Kira doesn't deserve whatever you're going to do to him!"

The soldier sighed. "I don't want to kill you, Lacus Clyne. Your survival complicates things for the ZAFT and the imposter they're using."

Kira was shocked. "You know that there's an imposter Lacus?"

"Of course I do. I have excellent intel on the subject," the soldier said. "And that's why I don't want to shoot your girlfriend unless she forces the issue. She makes things much more dangerous for the ZAFT, which is useful for our purposes."

"So you are Earth Alliance."

"What tipped you off? Who else is fighting the ZAFT but us? Now look, give yourself up, Kira Yamato, or I will shoot a child every minute until you do. Once I'm out of children, I'll shoot the reverend, the young lady, and finally Lacus Clyne, and capture you anyway. You know there's no way out of this."

Kira gritted his teeth. He wished for Athrun to arrive and wipe these guys out, but he had a feeling no one was coming. These soldiers had rounded everyone up, and had done so without attracting any sort of attention. The battle against the ZAFT commandos had to have triggered some alarm, but who knew how long it would be before Orb Mobile Suits would get here?

Kira decided to play that tactic anyway. "You know that I stall the more likely it'll be that Orb will do something about this."

"You'd be right, Kira Yamato, if it weren't for the fact that we used an EMP before deploying. All electronics, including communications, have been fried in a mile-long radius. A good thing too, or our pretty teacher here would have raised the alarm."

Kira looked at Senna, and the bespectacled teacher still looked defiant, despite looking roughed up.

But defiance wasn't going to do anything here.

Kira raised his hands. "Fine, then."

"Kira, wait!" Lacus cried.

"Lacus, there's no choice. The children are the future, remember?"

Lacus looked away. "They're going to make you kill."

"I know that. I have to deal with it." Kira wished he was a quarter as confident as he sounded. His brave mask was precisely that, a mask, trying to cover up all of his fear and trepidation over what was going to happen to him.

Kira stepped forward, and the soldier immediately restrained him with the handcuffs, just like the ZAFT commando had.

"Good," the soldier said. "I don't like killing kids."

He pushed Kira along, and Kira couldn't bear to look back at Lacus.

After all of her efforts, after killing so many people to save him, it had all been for nothing.

All he could hope for now was for Lacus to stay strong. If she could manage that . . .

The soldier got on the com. "Operation 'Scarred Seed' is a success. Tell Delivery Warehouse that. Thank you."

They know I'm not okay and they're still going to use me for something. What the hell is wrong with these guys? Why do they want to use me?

Kira had a frightening idea why.

He was going to be used as a weapon.

In the end, the Ultimate Coordinator to the Earth Alliance was not a person. Just a weapon to be aimed.

He hoped there would be enough of him left so he wouldn't be a monster.

He didn't want to become his nightmare.

He wouldn't be able to bear it . . .