Mobile Suit Gundam SEED DESTINY Alternate Universe

[Thundermuffin]

While I still don't find what you've done with Kira that believable, it did have the effect of polarizing a lot of the other characters personalities.

That was the most meaningful characterization of Lacus I've probably ever seen or read.

[Xess]

I'm on Phase 12 or 13 of your GSD fic and have read all the previous fics as well. My favorite was by far Pain, very well written.

I care far more about your version of the characters than I do about them in the anime, well done.

But all of this is countered by your stupid cyclical history BS. It completely destroys SOD and drags the story down by several orders of magnitude. There is absolutely no way a civilization could reach interplanetary scale tech and then collapse and leave so little evidence of itself that only a handful of people know about it only a few thousand years later. Hell the Egyptians are common knowledge and they left a way smaller impact on the planet than a interplanetary civilization would. The only way its possible is if every trace of our society vanished, bar a few videotapes or some such, but that would also mean that no descendant civilization could ever leave the stone age because all the easily mined metals would be gone. Cyclical history is just not possible, in terms of the story its like trying to ignore the neon pink 800 pound gorilla sitting on your chest.

[RedShirt0909]

Just finished the whole thing, and good job. You did a great many things better than Fukada, including giving Shinn the ability to think for himself, and giving the EAs bioweapons brains to go with the brawn they've always had. The only thing I found wrong is that you dropped Kira's IQ by a ton; he had forgiven Athrun already for killing Tolle, probrably his best friend after Athrun based on SEED ( Tolle was the one who always stood up for Kira when his status as a Coordinater in the EA was brought up). You had him be easily maniplualted through an attractive woman, a classic for sure, but he probrably wouldn't have fallen for it enough to cap his sister or Lacus. Overall though, I prefer this over the canon. Great work, and keep it coming.

[ShadowCell]

Hey, remember how I used to, like, post updates to this thing and stuff?

Me too.

Phase 04 of "Soldiers of Old" is up.

For what it's worth, I'm considering expanding "Golden Goddess" to six chapters. It means I'd have more space to work with in terms of story and characterization, fleshing out the old SEED cast more, but it also means more work, and I'm looking forward to the day where I can be totally done with this thing. Thoughts?

[ShadowCell]

Well, thank you all for that spirited and contemplative round of feedback.

As a reward, Phase 05 of "Soldiers of Old" is up.

[Thundermuffin]

I gotta say, it's nice to see a Cagalli that isn't "neutered".

It's easy to forget what she was like in Seed after seeing Destiny...

[ShadowCell]

Phase 06 of "Soldiers of Old" is up.

The next two chapters will be entirely action, so either I'll finish them up really quickly or really not-quickly.

[rebel_cheese]

I just read the prologue and am now reading through the chapters in chronological order until I reach Destiny.

It's good so far, you're excellent with dialogue and you're letting the characters evolve quite a bit. Good twist on a classic situation with Valentine manipulating Kira. And it's always great to see Cagalli ready to kick some *** (not sure if that's a word allowed).

My main problem are the sudden POV shifts in the middle of the scene. I know Herbert got away with it in Dune but it was distracting when I read that book and it's jarring when I read your stuff.

Otherwise, great work here! I think I'm going to enjoy reading through your stuff over the next week or so.

[ShadowCell]

My main problem are the sudden POV shifts in the middle of the scene. I know Herbert got away with it in Dune but it was distracting when I read that book and it's jarring when I read your stuff.

What do you mean: changing scenes as in changing locations or what?

[rebel_cheese]

Let me give you an example:

Rau paused, glancing down at his screen. GENESIS's heat signature was rising—soon it would be destroyed. Someone must have tampered with the reactor to—

He pushed the thoughts out of his mind and swarmed his DRAGOON units around the Freedom Gundam again. It didn't matter if GENESIS was destroyed now. He glanced pointedly back at the Dominion's escape shuttle, and smirked. He had an even better weapon now.

"Kira!"

Rau's smirk grew feral as he saw the Justice Gundam, accompanied by the Strike Rouge and two M1 Astrays, come darting into the fray. The final piece had arrived.

The Justice opened fire with its beam rifle, and Rau dodged, splitting a handful of DRAGOON units off to deal with Athrun. The Providence ignited its beam saber and dropped in to slam it against the Justice's shield.

"You too, Athrun?" Rau laughed. The Freedom swung in to help, but the DRAGOON units rose to meet him.

"Athrun!" Kira cried as the Freedom was forced back. Rau looked over at the shuttle and pulled away, pulling his DRAGOON units back to encompass the battlefield. He darted towards the shuttle, positioned himself in front of it, and fired at the Justice. Athrun grunted as the shot slammed against his shield, and raised his own beam rifle to attack.

Rau grinned, and time slowed to a crawl.

Kira watched the Justice fire, but the shot missed the Providence. He opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came out. The shot drilled through the Dominion's escape shuttle—

"FLLAY!"

Athrun's beam rifle fell, the DRAGOON units were silent, and the Providence backed away.

"K-Kira," Athrun stuttered, "I—"

Kira cut him off with a sob, staring in horror, tears clouding his eyes, at the field of debris that remained of the Dominion's escape shuttle.

"Fllay!" he screamed, the Freedom diving down towards the debris. "Fllay! You can't—Fllay! FLLAY!"

The Freedom stopped amidst the debris, as Athrun watched in horror and Rau in amusement.

"Kira!" Athrun exclaimed. "I was aiming at Rau, but—"

"YOU KILLED HER!" Kira shrieked. The Freedom turned and roared up towards the Justice to slam its saber against Athrun's shield. Athrun grunted under the blow. "YOU KILLED HER, ATHRUN!"

"Kira!" Athrun exclaimed. "You don't understand, Kira! I didn't—"

"YOU KILLED HER!"

The Freedom pressed its attack, firing its railguns and plasma cannons as it tore down towards the Justice. Athrun dove out of the way of the attack and deflected the follow-up saber strike, diving away from the Freedom.

The Providence retrieved its DRAGOON units and quietly slipped away.

"YOU KILLED HER!" Kira screamed as the Freedom charged. "ATHRUN! YOU KILLED HER! YOU—"

Then the world went white.

Athrun's instinct kicked in and he dove behind a warship wreck, as GENESIS began its fiery death throes. Risking one last glance around the battlefield, he latched onto the wreck to ride out the blast.

You see, you started off with Rau, but then went into Kira's head and then warped into Athrun seamlessly. It generally makes the fic harder to read because just when you're wrapping your head around Rau, suddenly you find yourself contending with Kira without any warning. And then we find ourselves with Athrun.

I'm sorry if I sound like a snob, but omniscence isn't really all that popular nowadays because it makes it difficult to truly understand the characters.

However, The Power To Protect doesn't seem to have this problem two chapters into that, so maybe this was an exception.

[ShadowCell]

Let me give you an example:

*snip*

You see, you started off with Rau, but then went into Kira's head and then warped into Athrun seamlessly. It generally makes the fic harder to read because just when you're wrapping your head around Rau, suddenly you find yourself contending with Kira without any warning. And then we find ourselves with Athrun.

I'm sorry if I sound like a snob, but omniscence isn't really all that popular nowadays because it makes it difficult to truly understand the characters.

However, The Power To Protect doesn't seem to have this problem two chapters into that, so maybe this was an exception.

I see what you're getting at. Usually during combat scenes, I switch POVs in order to portray what's going on in different cockpits without having to either write really long narratives from one POV, or parse every scene into tiny fragments. It's supposed to simulate the effect you would see on screen, where you'd see a slice of the screen showing one character saying something as the mobile suit does something else, and then switch over to the other character and the other mobile suit. But now that you mention it, I should mark that down as another thing to go back and look at during the editing phase.

[ShadowCell]

Gweh. Some updates and stuff.

Phase 07
Phase 08
Phase 09

It's so close I could lean over and spit in its eye.

[Thundermuffin]

Cool. I was wondering when Sven and co. were going to get involved.

Keep up the good work.

[ShadowCell]

Phase 10 of "Soldiers of Old" is up.

Arrrrrrrrrgh.

[lordyu]

Good stuff.

[Thundermuffin]

It's probably mentioned somewhere, but I must have missed it or don't remember-

Where's Kisaka and Erica Simmons in all of this?

[ShadowCell]

...ohcrap.

Um. They're going to show up when I go back and edit this beast for such things as, say, forgetting about characters.

In the meantime, I'll be over here feeling stupid.

><

[Ragormha]

*cough*Lie about it and say they eloped, then make a four-phase romance side story to justify it, it'll be cool. *cough*

[ShadowCell]

Uh. Well. My brilliant plan for work and school this summer has gone horribly awry (six hours of chemistry, four days a week, anyone? No? How about six hours of biology, four days a week? Sound fun? No? Too bad), so finishing this thing might take longer than expected.

Although I've come this far, so dammit, I will finish it, and I will faithfully adhere to my deadline of "when it's done."

[ShadowCell]

Phase 11 of "Soldiers of Old" is up.

One more chapter aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh.