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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:24 pm 
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((This is pretty much going to set the standard for what you can expect from this thread... and by that I mean Monty Python material.))

Scene: A large posh office. Bright and Amuro, well-dressed Londo Bell officers, sit facing a large table at which stands Mr. Carbine, the CEO of Anaheim Electronics.

Mr. Carbine: "Well, gentlemen, we have two architectural designs for this new battleship of yours and I thought it best if the architects themselves explained the particular advantages of their designs."

**There is a knock at the door.**

Mr. Carbine: "Ah! That's probably the first architect now. Come in."

**Yazan Gable enters.**

Yazan: "Good morning, gentlemen."

Bright and Amuro: "Good morning."

Yazan **pointing out features on his model**: "This is a standard gravity block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The crew arrive here and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort, past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these..."

Bright: "Excuse me."

Yazan: "Yes?"

Bright: "Did you say 'knives'?"

Yazan: "Rotating knives, yes."

Amuro: "Do I take it that you are proposing to slaughter our pilots?"

Yazan: "...Does that not fit in with your plans?"

Bright: "Not really. We asked for a simple block of flats for quarters."

Yazan: "Oh. I hadn't fully divined your attitude towards the crewmen. You see I mainly design slaughter houses."

Bright and Amuro: "Ah."

Yazan: "Pity."

Bright and Amuro: "Yes."

Yazan **Pointing at the model again**: "Mind you, this is a real beaut. None of your blood caked on the walls and flesh flying out of the windows incommoding the passers-by with this one."

Yazan **In a confidential tone**: "My life has been leading up to this."

Amuro: "Yes, and well done, but we wanted a battleship."

Yazan: "May I ask you to reconsider."

Bright and Amuro: "Well..."

Yazan: "You wouldn't regret this. Think of the tourist trade."

Bright: "I'm sorry. We want a battleship, not an abattoir."

Yazan **Indignantly; Slowly gets louder and louder**: "...I see. Well, of course, this is just the sort of blinkered philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement, you whining hypocritical toadies with your panoramic monitors and your hobby Hizacks and your bleeding Londo Bell secret handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards!! Well I wouldn't become a Londo Bell pilot now if you went down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me!!!"

Amuro **Calmly**: "We're sorry you feel that way, but we did want a simple ship, nice though the abattoir is."

Yazan **Dismissively**: "Oh sod the abattoir, that's not important."

**He dashes forward and kneels in front of them.**

Yazan **Almost pleading**: But if any of you could put in a word for me I'd love to be a pilot. The Londo Bell opens doors. I'd be very quiet, I was a bit on edge just now but if I were a pilot I'd fly at the back and not get in anyone's way.

Bright **politely**: "Thank you."

Yazan: "...I've got a second-hand helmet."

Amuro: "Thank you."

**Yazan hurries to the door but stops...**

Yazan **Hopefully**: "I nearly got in at Dakar."

Bright: "Thank you."

**Yazan exits. Mr. Carbine rises.**

Mr. Carbine: "I'm sorry about that. Now the second architect is Mr. Scirocco of Scirocco and Morses."

**Paptimus Scirocco enters, carrying his model with great care. He places it on the table**

Paptimus **Launching into his spiel**: "Good morning gentlemen. This is a scale model of the ship, 480 meters long, with 8 mobile suit compartments. It has three main lifts and two launch catapults. Access would be from the combat bridge."

**The model falls over. Paptimus quickly places it upright again.**

Paptimus **Continuing**: "The structure is built on a central pillar system with..."

**The model falls over again. Paptimus tries to make it stand up, but it won't, so he has to hold it upright.**

Paptimus: "...with cantilevered floors in pre-stressed titanium and concrete. The dividing walls on each floor section are fixed by recessed magnalium-flanged grooves."

**The bottom fin of the model gives way and it partly collapses.**

Paptimus: "By avoiding wood and timber derivatives and all other inflammables we have almost totally removed the risk of...."

**The model begins to smoke. Flames can be seen. Paptimus looks at Bright and Amuro.**

Paptimus: "Frankly, I think the engine mounts may need strengthening."

Amuro: "Is that going to put the cost up?"

Paptimus: "I'm afraid so."

Amuro: "I don't know we need to worry too much about strengthening that. After all, this isn’t meant to be a luxury ship."

Bright: "Absolutely. If we make sure the crew are of light build and relatively sedentary and if the weather's on our side, I think we have a winner here."

Paptimus **Happy**: "Thank you."

**The model explodes.**

Amuro: "I quite agree."

Paptimus: "Well, thank you both very much."

**They all shake hands, giving the secret Londo Bell handshake.**

**Cut to Yazan watching at the window.**

Yazan **Breaking the 4th Wall**: "It opens doors, I'm telling you."

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:35 pm 
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I realise that by saying what I am about to say I may be excommunicated from the mod cricles, but I have never seen any Monty Python material in my life. Anything I know about is only what I have read or seen online. Sorry Fritz, this work here goes right over my head, but is still interesting as far as how one might go about chooseing various designs for a new warship, in this case the Ra Callum.

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:39 pm 
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Direct adaptations have never been my bag of tea, but I commend you for not falling into the trap of using the ZOINKS Holy Grail as your material, instead opting for the much superior Flying Circus. Pretty well adapted, but it's really not my kinda thing. :)

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I realise that by saying what I am about to say I may be excommunicated from the mod cricles...


Moreso the mcred circles :P

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:47 pm 
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Speaking of the "**** Holy Grail", too bad we don't see Enigma around much any more. I expected this piece to appeal to the Python fans, so I'm basically waiting on Red (and I think it was Ascension?). :roll:

But at least the few of us can laugh together about stupid things like this like it's a secret club or something.

EDIT: I guess that's a "How to Spot a Jovian" picture.

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:41 pm 
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He just needs a bowler hat...

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:56 pm 
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Wingnut, you're not the only one who hasnt seen much of Monty Python's work. Like you, I've only read about some of his stuff. :oops:

Anyways, I enjoyed this Fritz. Yazan should have been a bit more brutal to be more "in-character" (think New Adventures of Tomino-sama brutal...), but overall a good read. :D

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:03 pm 
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Good stuff, Fritzy. Good stuff.


Cardiy wrote:
Moreso the mcred circles


Pardon?

Anyway, someone get the Holy Hand Grenade, for we must punish the Wingnut for his lack of knowledge (It would have been funnier if it was Heretic saying that, as we could then call him a heretic and have all sorts of fun!).

Fritzy wrote:
EDIT: I guess that's a "How to Spot a Jovian" picture.


For whatever odd reason, it made me think of both the Kinghts Who Say Ni and 'How Not To Be Seen'.

EZero8 wrote:
Wingnut, you're not the only one who hasnt seen much of Monty Python's work. Like you, I've only read about some of his stuff.


Shall I point out Monty Python isn't a single person but rather a group of men? :mrgreen:

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:12 pm 
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mcred23 wrote:
Shall I point out Monty Python isn't a single person but rather a group of men? :mrgreen:


I thought about quoting him and saying "That alone proves he's not lying,", but I didn't.

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:14 pm 
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Someone really should combine Gundam and "How not to be seen"

mcred23 wrote:
Anyway, someone get the Holy Hand Grenade, for we must punish the Wingnut for his lack of knowledge (It would have been funnier if it was Heretic saying that, as we could then call him a heretic and have all sorts of fun!).


http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b287/ ... 1edaa3.jpg
Here's the Holy Hand Grenade.

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:18 pm 
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Well, I did toss in a few "How Not To Be Seen" comments in back in one of the old Random Image Thread's, with pictures of MS standing up in wide open spaces. Plus, I think Fritzy had reworded the entire Holy Hand Grenade scene, with me as King Arthur. :twisted:

Makes me miss Monty Gundam And The Holy E-Pac. :roll: (Or was it E-Cap? It's been so long I can't remember!)

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 Post Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:21 pm 
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It was a toss-up between what I was going to do next. The Dead Haro sketch or How Not To Be Seen. I guess "How Not To Be Seen" is COMING SOON.

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 Post Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:23 am 
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Narrator (Char): "In this picture there are forty people. None of them can be seen. In this film we hope to show you how not to be seen."

**Title card**

Char: "In this film we hope to show how not to be seen. This is Mr. G. Zabi of Napier Court, Black Lion Road, Zum City. He can not be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up. Mr. Zabi will you stand up please."

**In the distance Garma stands up. There is a loud gunshot as Garma is shot in the chest. He crumples to the ground.**

Char: "This demonstrates the value of not being seen."

**Cut to another location**

Char: "In this picture we cannot see Mrs. K Zabi of 13, The Crescent, Granada. Mrs. Zabi will you stand up please."

**Kycilia stands up and her head is blown off by a bazooka. Cut to another area**

Char: "This is Mr. Zabi of Harlow, Core 3. Mr. Zabi would you stand up please. **nothing happens** Mr. Zabi has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover."

**The bush explodes and you hear a muffled scream. Cut to another scene**

Char: "Mr. D Zabi of Homeleigh, The Burrows, Tigerbaum, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out. **the left-hand bush explodes, then the right-hand bush explodes, and then the middle bush explodes. There is a muffled scream as Dozle is blown up** Yes it was the middle one."

**Cut to another location**

Char: "Mr D.S. Zabi, of Leighton Road, Zum City has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the car, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel."

**The water barrel blows up in a huge explosion. Cut to another location**

Char: "Mr. and Mrs. Ray of Ivy Cottage, Worplesdon Road, Londenion, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However a neighbor told us where they were."

**The camera pans around and stops on a obvious looking hut, which blows up. Cut to a house with Hayato standing out front**

Char: And here is the neighbor **he blows up, leaving just his boots. Cut to the Audhumla** Here is where he lived **The plane blows up - cut to a building** And this is where Capt. Bright lived who refused to speak to us **it blows up**. So did the gentleman who lived here... **shot of a house - it blows up** and here... **another building blows up** and of course here... **BOOM**

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 Post Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:45 am 
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Wow... you must have had alot of time on your hands Fritz... :shock:

Nonetheless, it was very entertaining. Blowing everything up must be a hobby of yours. :D

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 Post Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 6:34 am 
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Well, I couldn't look at all the pictures right now (png takes longer to load...) but I still laughed. The titled card made me fall out of my chair (again) as I thought about Zeon Paratroopers. 8)

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 Post Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:48 am 
 
Well we have Kill-them-all Tomino and Flashback-them-all Fukuda.
Er mind being Blowup-them-all Fritz? :lol:


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 Post Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 3:41 pm 
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Did someone say Ascension was a Monty Python fan? Someone was right! Yay!

However, someone did not realize that Ascension doesn't ordinarily read the Fanfiction section, thus leading to an incredibly long delay between this being posted and the aforementioned Mr. Ascension finding it.

That being said, I have reason to believe that Ascension has now read said parody, and quite enjoyed it. I have yet to confirm this story, but several eyewitness accounts state that laughter was involved.

It is no secret that he also deeply misses Monty Gundam and the Holy E-Pac... He wishes he had saved a copy someplace in the event that it disappeared from the internet as we know it...

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 Post Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 8:34 pm 
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**two Zeon junior officers sit silently hunched over a computer**

**Von August walks in**

Von August: Hey, what are you guys looking at?

Officers: **they answer in unison without looking at Von August** Dopps.

VA: What kind of Dopps?

Os: Green ones.

VA: Can you talk to the Dopps?

Officer 1: **on radio** New pickup, Great Canyon.

VA: Can the Dopps talk back?

Garma Zabi’s voice: **over radio** Great Canyon, roger that.

VA: **curious** Do it again.

Officer 1: No, the Dopps have work to do. We don’t agitate the Dopps.

Officer 2: **turns and looks sternly at Von August** We don’t agitate the Dopps.

Norris Packard: **appears in doorway eating cake** Who’s agitating my Dopps? ** he looks at Von August and takes a bite of cake** You agitating my Dopps?

Announcer: Hervic fighter/bomber planes with GPS tracker. Get things done instantly. Available at Zeonic or Hervic retailers. The Dopp, from Hervic.

EDIT: For whoever doesn't get it. WATCH MORE TELEVISION!

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 Post Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 9:37 pm 
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Nice. Any more commercials that you can Gundam-ize?

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REGENE: (Grins) Any last words, Buuuuur-ing?
(Bring just grits his teeth and the Garazzo’s escape pod breaks off from its main body, flying straight up.)
REGENE: (Shakes head) Right then. Forgot we don’t talk on Planet You.


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 Post Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 6:32 am 
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Cwazy and funny as always Fritzy, although the tech-crazy person in me kept going "Did Hervic build the Dopp?".

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 Post Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:19 pm 
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mcred23 wrote:
Cwazy and funny as always Fritzy, although the tech-crazy person in me kept going "Did Hervic build the Dopp?".

Actually, no they didn't. Hervic built the more modern fighters for the Federation such as the FF-X7 Core Fighter, FF-S3 Saberfish, and the FF-6 TIN Cod. We don't know what company actually built the Dopp.

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