Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (COMPLETE 10/26/16)

Your own tale of two mecha.
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rebel_cheese
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 44 12/24/12)

Arbiter GUNDAM wrote:So you shot Murrue and brought in the Destiny Druggies? Gotta say man, you got some Big Brass Ones. I approve. :)
Ironically, since I'm writing from a girl's POV here (cue "Cagalli is manly" joke here). XD

Yes, after a long time waiting . . . chapter 45. I have not found a consistent posting date for the fic yet, but I hope to find one soon and get the fic moving to the end of part 2.
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Chapter Forty-Five: Sweet Emotion

"Okay," Kuzzey said to me the next day. "Did you just turn lesbian all of a sudden or what?"

That would be marginally amusing if five other men hadn't told me the exact same thing before I approached my friends with Stellar right next to me.

"No, I haven't," I replied. "Don't be a wise guy right now."

"Why won't anyone tell me what a 'lesbian' is?" Stellar asked me.

"Don't worry about it," I said. I was getting used to what I was feeling, it was like my emotions could be moved around myself like an invisible aura I could control. I could send Stellar the feelings of reassurance without having to say anything at all.

"I'm honestly kinda shocked she's up and moving so soon. I heard she was dying," Miriallia said.

"Dying?" Stellar gasped. Oh, not again.

I squeezed Stellar's hand, just a little, and she calmed down when I sent her more reassuring feelings. It was going to take a lot of work to get Stellar to overcome this problem of hers. I could tell already.

"Please don't say that word around Stellar," I said. "She doesn't like it very much."

"Considering her eyes widened to the size of car rims I think that's pretty obvious," Kuzzey replied.

Stellar cocked her head to the side. "Isn't that physically impossible?"

Kuzzey slammed his head into the table he was sitting at. "Don't tell me she can't take a joke."

"Jokes are words, aren't they?" Stellar asked. "How can I take them? It's not like I can hold them in my hand."

It was getting really clear that Stellar didn't have much concept of human conversation. Stellar's weakness was just taking things way too literally, without allowing for any flexibility. This included the concept of death. She could not tolerate the mention of it, because she took it as a threat on her life.

I refused to give her any frustration. Truthfully, with Stellar around, I felt better than I had in weeks. Or even before I crashed into the desert. She was just so happy, nothing could bring her down other than the mention of death. It was infectious. I wasn't going to let anyone take her happiness away, or take mine away either.

"Stellar," I said. "There's a lot that you're gonna have to learn about the world outside that facility. We're going to be teaching you how to interact with people."

"'We'?" Miriallia asked. "Who's this 'we'?"

"You guys!" I said cheerfully.

They all stared at me blankly. Finally, Kuzzey raised his hand. "Not it."

"Come on! It's not like Stellar's gonna hurt anybody! Just don't mention the 'd' word and everything will go fine!" I said.

"Yeah . . . that's gonna be hard, considering we're on a warship and stuff," Kuzzey said.

"I think Kuzzey is pretty much right on this one," Tolle added, making my heart sink. "We . . . we don't have any clue what's going on here. Including why you two are suddenly attached to each other."

How . . . how could I explain this to them? That whatever Stellar had done to me, it had stopped her from dying? That she needed someone to bond to in order to live? And, in a way, it felt like she had saved me too. I don't know what was happening to me before Stellar did . . . did whatever she did, but I was beginning to fall apart, that much I was pretty sure of. I felt like my old self all of a sudden, with Stellar looming right next to me, the warmth I was feeling soothing all of my internal pain.

But if I said that to them, that would just isolate them from me, because . . . because they would think I was not like them anymore. And that wasn't true. Something got added to me, sure, but it wasn't like I've turned into some creature or angel or demon all of a sudden. I was still human. A Coordinator, sure, plus whatever Stellar did to me, but still a human being!

So I did the only thing I could do. Evade the details. "It was how I saved Stellar's life. It's . . . it's hard to explain, especially without the 'd' word, but if I didn't bond with her, she was in danger."

"Are . . . are you talking about-"

I stopped Stellar before she said "die" or "death" on her own accord and freak herself out. "No, I'm not. It's okay. It's just hard to explain."

"Oh." Stellar gave me the confused puppy expression again. "I don't see what's so hard."

How could I make her understand that I don't want to freak out my friends without saying that? I knew I should've rehearsed this with Stellar beforehand, but I had been walking on air since it happened. I just didn't account for it.

And I knew there had to be a catch with this, too. I just didn't know what it was, yet, being like Stellar, Auel, and Sting with this ESP-type of ability, being a "new type of human being". The catch of being a Coordinator was that many Coordinators had trouble having children with each other, particularly second and third-generation Coordinators. You could be effectively sterile, and the only way to have children was with a Natural if at all. The resulting child would still be a Coordinator, but Coordinators of a Coordinator/Natural couple tended to be looked down upon in PLANT society.

But there's no way this ESP didn't come without a catch. Auel and Stellar had tenuous grips on sanity, and Sting, while he seemed sane, was sardonic and cynical. It's true that the brutal conditioning and survival battles of the Extended program probably were the cause, but ESP can't really help. I was thinking that you could feel your friend's agony as he or she died. That was what I was afraid of.

If I concentrated, I could feel my friends. It wasn't like with Stellar, what I sensed wasn't as strong, probably because they were normal and hadn't had Stellar effectively transforming their brains or whatever she did. As I sensed them, I felt a brief wave of envy wash over me. I still wanted to be like them. I was afraid I had crossed some sort of road from where they were, and the barrier was one-way, I could not return, I could only make them come with me.

Realizing that brought thoughts of mind-control and zombie apocalypse to my mind and I squashed the thoughts. I wasn't going to do any "converting". And if Stellar could do it to anyone else, not just to the person she was bonding with, I wasn't going to let her. I had been altered against my will, and that was enough.

"Stellar, please. Let's have this conversation some other time," I said.

Stellar nodded, smiling. "Okay!"

I finally let go of her hand and walked over to the others. Kuzzey and Sai both seemed to tense up, and I did the mature thing: I made a face at them and put my hands in zombie-limp mode. "Booga booga, gimme your brains."

Kuzzey laughed nervously, Sai just frowned. "It's not funny, Cagalli."

"God, tough crowd." I look at Miriallia and Tolle, and both also looked uneasy.

"Look, it's not like I've been assimilated into something or another and I'm suddenly gonna turn into a hideous monster and assimilate you guys too after eatin' ya or something gross. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm getting some slop to eat before I see Elle, okay?"

"Why do you wanna eat slop?" Stellar asked.

"I'm making a sarcastic joke, Stellar. I'm am definitely gotta help you with that," I replied.

"I don't want help with 'sarcasm'. Sarcasm seems mean," Stellar said innocently.

"Just . . . just come with me. You clearly need help in the social skills department." I grabbed her by the arm and led her to the small line of crew waiting to be served.

I just faintly heard Kuzzey. "It's always those who claim they aren't gonna kill us that kill us. Remember that movie-"

Then I heard Tolle. "This isn't a horror movie, Kuzzey. And I know Cagalli."

"Do you?" Miriallia asked. "It's just freaking me out that she's acting like her old self all of a sudden."

"She got rewrote or something. And then she's gonna rewrite us all too," Kuzzey said.

"Listen to yourself, Kuzzey," Tolle groaned.

"You should not have said that," Kuzzey warned. "You'll be next now!"

Even Sai, who was clearly still mad at me judging by what I felt from him, couldn't take that one seriously. "Kuzzey, right now, I'll take old Cagalli even if it seems weird over the Cagalli we've been stuck with since she got rescued from Tassill, okay? Let's just leave it at that."

"You guys can all be assimiliated. She ain't getting me," Kuzzey said with finalty.

"You are aware Cagalli probably heard all of that," Miriallia said.

"You think so?" Kuzzey asked. I look over at Kuzzey just as he turned to look at me.

"Yeah, I did," I reply. "And this is for you, Kuzzey, old buddy, for being so confident in my non-zombieness."

I flipped him off.

Finally, everyone laughed. And I just smiled. Figured it would take a rude gesture to prove my humanity or whatever.

Probably says something about humanity as a whole, but I didn't care. It was nice to not feel alone. It was nice to feel like I wasn't falling apart. Stellar's warmth was like a blanket I could wrap myself in, and it made me feel warm too. Warm and secure and solid as a rock.

As long as I had that, I felt like I could do anything.

And I felt like I could escape the war, too.
***
"This room is getting crowded," Flay groaned as I brought Stellar into my room later that day.

"Look, Elle sleeps with me so it's not like the bed under you is ever used," I replied. "Stellar can sleep under you and Miriallia sleeps above me and Elle like always."

"Why does Elle sleep with you?" Stellar asked.

"Because she's a young girl who feels safer if she sleeps with the person protecting her. She like thinks of me like a big sister," I replied. I hadn't introduced Elle to Stellar yet, I had spent a couple of hours away from Stellar just to prove I didn't have to be stuck to her like glue, and spent those hours with Elle, and felt perfectly fine. So it's not like Stellar or I were going to fall into despair or something just because we were separated. That was nice to know. That wasn't the catch.

"Oh, like she's family?" Stellar asked.

"Exactly," I said. It was hard to bring up what happened to Elle's mother, who had been murdered on this ship, a murder that remained unresolved. I wasn't sure if it was ever going to be resolved. A part of me still thought it was Flay, but last I checked the primary suspect was still Miriallia, whose alibi had come off as suspicious to Natarle Badgiruel. But ultimately there was just no way to prove who had done it. There wasn't even a motive.

"She doesn't have a mother or father waiting for her when we get back home," I said, hoping to both lessen the blow for Stellar and also trying to avoid saying one of the dreaded "d" words. "I promised her I would take care of her until we make it back home, and then I hope my parents will take over. They're nice people. I'm sure they won't mind adopting Elle. They adopted me after all."

Thinking of my parents brought hope to me. After everything, we were almost to Orb. Just a week or so away, maybe, if no one else attacked us. Finally, I was going to make it back home. And . . .

I wanted to see them so much. They were my parents. They were the ones who loved me, and I was going to love them too. I just hoped they didn't mind me bringing Elle and Stellar along.

Elle and Stellar? That was right, I had two people attached to me somehow. And Stellar was psychologically damaged too.

Just to drive my thoughts register even more, Stellar voiced what I had been thinking. "Do you think your parents could adopt me too? I . . . I'd like to have a family."

"Spare me," Flay groaned from her bunk.

I knew why Flay was saying that. It wasn't like she had any family to come home too. I wouldn't be surprised if she went right to the Orb military after coming home, she had become a pilot and Orb was always needing pilots from what I knew.

I knew I was done with the military and fighting the moment we docked, though. I was going to go right back into college and let the war pass me by like nothing happened. The only proof that this whole thing had happened to me would be my memories and having Elle in my parents' care. Though I was probably going to have to change majors. If the Earth Alliance considered me a war criminal or deserter, I'm not going to be welcome in Earth Alliance territory. That doesn't make international relations exactly a wise major.

But Flay? She had nowhere else to go. The Orb military would take her in a heartbeat. Flay had battle experience, which made her even more valuable. Orb had avoided warfare for so long that the only officials who had fought in war were senior officers. The grunts, most noncommissioned, and the lower-ranked commissoned officers had never fought in war unless they had emigrated from another country.

And they'd want me for the same reason.

I forced myself to ignore Flay and keep my attention focused on Stellar. "We'll see, Stellar, okay? I hope so. You're different than Elle, though."

"I don't understand," Stellar replied.

"Well . . . it's kind of hard to explain," I said.

"I don't want to be alone anymore," Stellar replied. She wasn't crying, her words were coming out firmly, like a declaration. "I want to be part of a family, Cagalli. I want to be safe. Without a family, I don't know if I can be safe."

"Huh," Flay grunted from her bunk. "Kinda odd how you think the same things I do, and you've got a screwed-up head."

Stellar looked at Flay. "What is wrong about what I am asking for? Everything I can remember is death . . ."

She bit her lip. "Death. Death. Death."

"Stellar," I grabbed her and made her face me. "Don't do this to me. You're safe, okay? No one's attacking us, no one's attacking you. Okay?"

"Sorry," Stellar mumbled softly.

"See what I mean that you got a screwed-up head, Stellar? You can't hear those words without freaking out. How can anyone talk to you if they're gonna be scared that you're gonna freak out on them?" Flay asked.

Stellar just looked down. "I don't want to be screwed up. I just want to be safe. Does that make me screwed up?"

Well . . . at least Stellar knew what "screwed up" means. She wasn't completely oblivious to common terms. That was a good start.

"No, it doesn't make you screwed up, Stellar," I replied. "It's the way you're reacting to us using certain words even when you're not in danger."

Stellar bit her lip. "Say them to me."

"Huh?"

"Say them. Say them all. I won't freak out. I won't," Stellar said, her arms trembling.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun," Flay groaned.

"Please," Stellar said, with her piercing brown eyes, similar, yet just a little different from my own. It was truly like gazing at a little sister.

"All right. Die. Death. Dying," I fired right at her.

Stellar's eyes widened, and she grabbed head. "No. No. I'm not . . . I'm not gonna . . ."

"She's gonna blow," Flay said knowingly from the bunk.

"I'm not!" Stellar shouted. "Say them again!"

"Kill. Killing. Death. Die. Dying," I said, watching Stellar beginning to convulse as she backed up towards the closed hallway door, grabbing her head.

"I won't!" Stellar snarled, seemingly at herself. "I can take it! I can take it! I'm safe! I'm not gonna die!"

She fell to her knees, and it became obvious that she was drenched in sweat. "Just words . . . just words . . ."

She looked up at me. "Again."

"Stellar, you're already soaked in sweat. No," I replied.

"Please-"

"Stellar, this is something that needs to be practiced gradually!" I replied. "You can't just get over it in a couple of minutes!"

"Who says I can't?" Stellar asked.

Great. She's turned rebellious on me too. And she wanted to go again. She genuinely wanted to. I could sense her determination. This was all she's going to be thinking about for the next few days, getting past her block words, overriding them so she could stomach to hear them.

This would've been a good thing if I wasn't worried she was going to wind up killing someone, like, say, me, in the process.

Thankfully, at that moment Elle walked inside, Miriallia behind her. "Cagalli?" Elle asked.

"Elle!" I walked over to her. "Thank for keeping an eye on her, Miri. I'm going to introduce her to Stellar right now."

"Stellar?" Elle asked. At the sound of her name, Stellar turned around to look at Elle.

Elle gave Stellar a confused look. "She kinda looks like you, Cagalli, except her hair's a little poofier or something."

Stellar blushed at that. "Everyone says I look like Cagalli."

"Well, you don't sound like Cagalli," Elle says. "Cagalli almost sounds like a guy. You actually sound like a girl."

Gee, thanks, Elle. I thought we were past the point where you'd say I sound like a guy. I brushed it off though, I couldn't lose my temper, especially at Elle, in this moment. Not if I wanted Stellar and Elle to get off on the right foot.

Stellar's blush became a little more obvious. "Uh, thank you? Isn't that what I'm supposed to sound like? I have . . . I have girl stuff-"

"Stellar, too much information," I interrupted. "Anyway, Stellar, this is Elle. She's going to be part of my family soon, I hope."

Stellar looked down at Elle. "Oh wow."

Then a big smile broke out across her face. "So . . . if I become part of your family too, she's going to be like a little sister?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Yay!" Stellar ran up to Elle and picked Elle up, and she began twirling around in a circle, Elle in her arms. "I'm gonna have a family! I'm gonna have a family!"

"Put me dooooooooown!" Elle wailed, clearly dizzy.

Stellar laughed in pure joy as Elle yelled that, and she set Elle down in the next moment. "I want to be your big sister too, Elle! I want to have fun with you and, and . . . I don't know what else!"

"Okay . . ." Elle moaned.

I guessed that it was as good of a start to the relationship as I could've hoped for.
***
"I pray that your pretty little head hasn't ascended to some higher plane of serenity or something," Badgiruel growled at me that night. "I need you ready to fight at a moment's notice. I've let you have most of the day off but tomorrow I need you ready to go. We don't know who's going to come after us or when."

"You're really sure that we're gonna be attacked," La Flaga replied.

"Aren't you?" Badgiruel asked.

"Yeah," La Flaga sighed.

Badgiruel put her hand on the captain's chair. We were meeting on the bridge, all of the commissioned officers, which included Flay, but she had been silent the whole time, just listening, or perhaps pretending to be listening.

"We're deserters now," Badgiruel said. "I'm not going to blame Captain Ramius for what she did. It's clear to me that something evil was happening within that facility. And we have proof of the misdeeds in Stellar Louissier, Auel Neider, and Sting Oakley, not to mention all of the data I procured during the battle."

Her free hand clenched into a fist. "But . . . Captain Ramius' decision means that there will be no survival for us unless we make it to Orb. We cannot surrender, you understand? The Earth Alliance has reinstated the death penalty for deserters. I have no plans on dying until this information is out in the open, when it is impossible for the Earth Alliance to suppress it."

"I'm not sure if regular Earth Alliance is even aware of it," La Flaga said. "It seemed to be Blue Cosmos-related to me."

"Blue Cosmos is absorbing more and more power in the Earth Alliance as we speak," Badgiruel replied. "Soon they could be close to indistinguishable. There's no contemporary comparison, so let me use the best historical one, Blue Cosmos is becoming to the Earth Alliance what the SS became to the National Socialist Party in Germany during World War II in the Anno Domini era."

"The SS?" Flay asked.

"They were a legion of fanatics fighting for their political party and ideology more than for their country," I replied.

"Sounds like the ZAFT with PLANT," Flay replied.

"I know that," Badgiruel replied. "What I'm saying is that the Earth Alliance is starting to go in the same direction. And if they start truly losing the war, they could get desperate."

"They're already getting desperate," I said. "That Extended place is proof that they've been desperate since before the war."

Which was true. The accounts of the three Extended we rescued pretty much said they had been stuck in there for at least a decade or so. This was not something Blue Cosmos thought of overnight. It was something they planned, likely in reaction to something PLANT was doing, and whatever PLANT was doing was in response to something the Earth Alliance was doing. It's just a vicious cycle with everything escalating until something explodes.

Badgiruel glares at me. She clearly disagrees. "That facility is not 'desperate'. Too much thought was put into it to be 'desperate'. You want to know what 'desperate' is? What we're doing right now, that's what, Lieutenant Yamato. We're just hoping that Orb will provide us with shelter and exile because there's nowhere else for us to go. I don't even think the Junk Guild will take us in."

The Junk Guild was a loosely organized group of vagrants that stripped technology off of fallen machinery and sold it, often on the black market. They weren't necessarily evil, and the enemies they fought most of the time tended to be mercenaries or other members of the Guild. They were mostly annoyances to the Earth Alliance and PLANT, and if a member of the Junk Guild got in either's way he or she was basically swatted like a bug.

And, unfortunately, Badgiruel was right. The Junk Guild wouldn't take us in. We'd attract way too much attention to their organization.

So our only hope, our only chance, was in neutral Orb.

That meant we were desperate. And that Badgiruel was right.

"I want you all ready. We're going to be passing close to the ZAFT Carpentaria base in a couple of days. That will be ZAFT's last, best chance to get us. All of you, be ready for that," Badgiruel said.

Badgiruel sighed then. "I have nothing else to say besides orders. But we're getting too relaxed here and I don't like it. La Flaga, double the hours of Allster's training."

"What?" Flay cried.

"Are you arguing with your superior officer, Ensign?" Badgiruel asked.

Flay stared.

"Until it's officially otherwise, we are still Earth Alliance soldiers," Badgiruel replied. "We may be rogues but we're still part of their military. Don't forget that, Ensign Allster."

Flay looked down, muttering something.

"All right, I'll get on that," La Flaga replied awkwardly, scratching his head.

"Good." Badgiruel looked at me then. "As for you, Lieutenant Yamato . . . I've let you keep your head in the proverbial clouds for far too long. I want you to meet with Petty Officer Athha first thing tomorrow morning and perfect the Strike's O.S. the best you and he possibly can. Our next battle will likely be our last one . . . and possibly be our most vicious, depending on how much ZAFT decides to throw our way."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied. I know better than to argue, especially after seeing Badgiruel put Flay in her place.

"Thank you." Badgiruel turned around and looked outside. "Let's see if we can make it to Orb without anyone else dying."

I could agree with that sentiment.

No one else dies, I thought.

It was a vow I was going to take with me for the rest of my days on this ship, a vow I was going to fulfill.

Even if it meant taking it to my grave.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 45 3/2/13)

Yes, the story is still alive. Shocker.
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Chapter Forty-Six: Unity

No one else dies.

The thought had possessed me completely by the next day. It was inside every fiber of my being. I was determined, above all else, to make sure every single person onboard the Archangel made it to Orb alive. No one else would wind up like Murrue or Elle's mother. And Flay and Mu La Flaga were not going to get shot down.

If anyone was gonna die, it was gonna be me. Plain and simple.

No one else dies.

Stellar could find someone else to bond with if I died. Elle would be heartbroken but surely my friends could convince their parents to take her in or point her in the direction of my parents. I was debating writing a note in case I didn't make it and giving it to Elle so she could give it to my parents in the event I didn't make it.

I ultimately didn't do it. I knew Elle was going to open up any note I gave to her and read it anyway because she's a little kid and that's what they do. And then she would cry and then beg me to not act like I wasn't going to make it too.

I didn't want to die either. But I didn't want to leave Elle in the lurch if I got captured or was killed. I just didn't know what to do.

No one else dies.

That was the only thing I was sure of.

If I accomplished that, all of my worrying wouldn't mean a thing.

Kira gave me an odd look when I went over to the Strike the next morning. "What?" I snapped. I was crabby and tired, what can I say?

"You look like you didn't sleep at all last night," Kira says.

"Oh, I slept all right," I replied. "I just had nightmares keep waking me up. And don't ask me what they were, because I can't remember them."

That was true. I had woken up four times that night, all because of a terror I could not escape and yet could not remember. The most I could remember was something involving a room, something rising from the floor, me panicking, breaking through a door, running into a hallway and being chased. I made it outside, into a bustling, normal-looking city, but the supernatural entity was still chasing me, so I kept running and made this impossible jump over a railing onto a sidewalk and kept running until I woke up.

That was the only part of any of the nightmares I could remember, and I don't know why that stuck with me of all things.

My connection to Stellar also felt a little duller. Like a thin haze had enveloped it. I wasn't sure why it is, but the sensations I had felt yesterday weren't quite as strong. I wasn't going to worry about that yet, maybe I was just getting used to having them or something, but that was something to think about too.

"I hope Elle wasn't startled by you waking up so much," Kira said. It was close to common knowledge by that point that I was Elle's caretaker and she usually shared my bed.

"She slept fine, as much as I could tell," I replied. "Honestly, I don't get much sleep. It's either Elle waking up and crying or I waking up from a nightmare most days. Thank God both things don't usually happen on the same night or I'd be crazy."

Kira chuckled. "Well, to be honest, despite you looking exhausted you're not acting like the weight of the world's on your shoulders for once. It's like somebody took the weight off and you're like cooling down or something."

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"You just don't seem as stressed. Tired, sure, but you're more relaxed about it."

The truth was, I had someone taking the load off of me psychologically, and that was Stellar. But I knew I shouldn't explain that to Kira, or he'd think me weirder than ever. It was bad enough I felt a strange sense of familiarity with him at that point, like I should know him better than I did.

That feeling was not making me comfortable. No, I'd go as far to say as I was getting creeped out.

"I'm trying to relax," I replied, which was vague but also the truth. "I mean, I'm not doing meditation or anything but I'm just trying not to worry. I'm just thinking about Elle and my friends and try not to think about the Strike or the possibility of a fight."

Kira smiled. "Unfortunately, you gotta think about the Strike right now. It's pretty likely we're going to be fighting an aerial battle over the sea, and I'm trying to get the flight systems calibrated. You're going to be testing them in a simulator and then the real thing."

"So I'm getting my launch pack back," I said.

"Pretty much, yeah," Kira said. "Besides, we're over water. GUNDAMs can't walk on water yet. So unless you're in the mood for a deep sea dive, we gotta make sure the Strike can fly in the atmosphere, even if it's just rudimentary."

"I've already taken one deep sea dive too many," I replied. It did lead me to Stellar and her friends, but . . . that dive had also ultimately gotten Murrue killed.

No one else dies.

I wasn't going to make such a mistake again. I was staying out of the water for sure this time.

"All right, I think we're set for the simulator." Kira got out of the cockpit. "Give it a go and tell me what you think."

"Sounds good."

I played around with the Strike for about an hour. The entire time, Kira was watching me, and he shook his head multiple times when I simulated combat. I could feel apprehension from him, I didn't even need to look at him to know something was wrong. But I couldn't figure out what.

"Is something wrong?" I finally asked.

"Just making mental notes of stuff I overlooked," Kira said. "I need to sit back down and fix them."

"The Strike seems serviceable enough the way it is," I replied. "I think you need a break. You've been glued to this thing since before we set sail across the ocean."

Kira laughed. "Well, it's kind of my job. No one else knows how to improve the Strike besides me."

"Doesn't mean you can't take a few hours away from this thing before your eyeballs fall out," I replied. "Seriously, they're pretty bloodshot. Take some time away from the Strike."

Kira scratched the back of his neck. "Well . . . I guess I should. Lemme write down what I noticed was wrong though."

"Yeah, go ahead." But in truth, I couldn't wait for him to leave.

I felt like I should know Kira much better than I did, and I could not shake that feeling. It was a relief for Kira to leave the hangar, because I couldn't stand it anymore.

Why? Why did it feel like I should know him so much more?

I couldn't understand whatever Stellar had done to me, but it was starting to get seriously weird. I wanted to go back to normal. I wanted to turn whatever this was off.

I felt more helpless than ever.
***
"You feel it too," Jacqueline Grumman said to me when I spoke with her later on. "Wonderbar. Just what we both need, to be creepy psychics just like the Extended. I was hoping you had avoided that somehow."

"I clearly haven't," I said. "Have you figured out some sort of 'off' switch for this? I can just tell I'm going to get sick of being this way before too long."

"No," Jacqueline said softly. "I haven't. And I can't really concentrate. Auel's suddenly become very interested in what I do and he keeps trying to mess with my scalpel in particular."

Auel, possibly the craziest person among Stellar and her group of friends, with a scalpel. Yeah, that didn't bring to mind comforting thoughts. "Yeah. I'd give Auel the priority here."

Jacqueline sighed. "Actually, part of me wonders whether we are experiencing an 'off' switch right now. Has your connection to Stellar faded at all, even a tiny bit?"

"I guess so," I replied. "Everything feels a little more dull if it makes sense. It's not a big difference but I can tell."

Jacqueline nodded. "I've definitely detected a significant difference on my end. Even before the first day was over I could feel the sensations becoming less sharp and dramatic. I think our ESP is beginning to go away, Cagalli. Little by little."

Part of me didn't want to believe her. Part of me did. I was completely torn between both possibilities. I wanted Stellar's warmth, but at the same time, I wanted to go back to normal. I wanted to be like my friends again, well, at least as close to being like my friends as I could. I was creeping everyone out and if whatever Stellar did to me was wearing off . . .

But Stellar was so happy when I had turned into a 'new type of human being' just like her. It was like I had become her closest friend, the one person she could identify with and trust, and I was going to slip away slowly. And I enjoyed Stellar's warmth. Without saying a word, I would just feel better because of the feelings and emotions she was sending me. There was no need for conversation.

Which was better?

"I only feel a slight difference," I say. "I don't know if I'm just getting used to it or if it's going away. If it's like what you're saying though, it's going away . . . just not as fast."

"You're a Coordinator and you're also significantly younger than me," Jacqueline replied. "Those could be reasons why you may not be reverting as quickly. There's no way to tell, not without several experiments, and we don't have the equipment or the time to do them. Not to mention that I don't even know where to start."

She had a point there. "True. I don't want to be a guinea pig anyway."

"It's really fascinating, the sensations I feel, and this sense of connection. I can't find the words to describe it," Jacqueline said.

"I wonder why they're permanently that way and we aren't," I replied.

"They're not like the two of us. I'm a Natural, and you're a Coordinator. They are . . . 'Extended'. Whatever Blue Cosmos did to them made them that way and made it permanent," Jacqueline said. "They are truly a new type of human being."

"They were talking about other things, there being a Project X612 and a 'For All' project and God-knows what else," I said. "The Extended played a role in that. I wonder if Badgiruel has anything about those projects on her."

"Probably wouldn't tell you either way," Jacqueline replied, and I didn't need ESP to know she was telling the blunt truth there.

I didn't want to tell Jacqueline, or anyone else, the whispers of that 'Djibril' person, about how I would be perfect for this 'For All' Project, or that they were worried ZAFT would use me for 'Project X612'. It was becoming clear that even without being Extended-fied that I wasn't like anyone else and I didn't want that to become even more obvious.

Everything I had heard about me, from Hilda's brief mentions to Doctor Malcolm and 'Djibril' having their conversation, was terrifying. What was I, really?

"You're right about that," was all I said to Jacqueline.

The doctor smiled at me. "Are you all right? I don't need this ESP to know that you're clearly troubled. Perhaps that is why our little gifts are fading away for the both of us, neither of us need it."

"I've had a very long stint on this ship," I replied, shaking off the implication she was giving me about what I was feeling. "I'm tired and am sick of fighting and now I don't have Murrue Ramius onboard. She was a good captain and better person. I felt a lot better with her."

"The entire ship misses her," Jacqueline replied. "She was everyone's captain, even to I and the others who joined this ship at Artemis. I've had this feeling that this ship has become unified in a way that doesn't usually happen, even in the military."

"You think so?" I asked. I was kind of surprised by this. I never thought about this ship's crew that way, not to that extent.

"Yes. I could sense it from the moment Auel did what he did to me," Jacqueline replied. "All of us, regardless if whether we were there at the start, your refugee pod, or Artemis, or joined you as random stragglers in the desert, we are this ship's crew. I believe that if we hadn't become a rogue ship, most of us would not have left the Archangel at Orb. We would have stayed onboard until Alaska, for the sake of the ship and everyone onboard."

"What are you saying, like this ship was a melting pot or something?" I asked.

"Exactly, that's a good term for it," Jacqueline says. "We've all set aside our differences for the good of the ship and everyone else onboard. We are truly a special crew that way."

I had never truly realized this before. I had almost thought it a few times, but never really thought we were some band of brothers and sisters or something.

I suppose the doctor was right. We had become something like that, we had been forced to because of our struggles and all of the fighting.

First, there had been the decimated original crew who managed to keep the Archangel in one piece under Badgiruel's command at Heliopolis. The Archangel had succeeded in chasing Rau Le Creuset, the feared ZAFT special forces commander, off. I guess things have gone full circle that way, Badgiruel is back in command now.

Then they picked Murrue, Kira, myself, and Mu La Flaga all up. We survived the destruction of Heliopolis together. I brought the Orb refugee ship onboard. All of them save Elle have become part of this ship's crew, working on maintainence or on the guns or something else, and Elle is more than justified in not becoming a full-fledged member. Quite a few of them have even died for the sake of this ship, killed in action.

Then came Artemis. Scattered Artemis personnel who had initially planned on seizing this ship wound up staying on-board because they couldn't get off the vessel before it launched . . . or had opted to stay because they would be more likely to survive. They had made the right decision. Artemis was destroyed with the cost of almost to a man. Only four Mobile Armor pilots had gotten away besides the crew that had stayed onboard the Archangel. Those four were dead, dead because of my screw-up, and their deaths are among the many things I wish I could have back. But the surviving Artemis personnel, including Jacqueline Grumman, have intergrated into the ship's personnel just like the Orb citizens have. They've found roles and are seamlessly helping to guide a ship.

Then there was the small amount of personnel, mostly maintainence personnel, that came onboard from Halberton's fleet. Then, lastly, about a dozen or so special-forces troopers who had literally hoofed it from Tassil, where they had been sent to rescue me, all the way to the Archangel. They are the most battle-hardened of us all, and have formed the security force onboard. Three or four of them died in order to save me in the Blue Cosmos facility, but there are others still alive. I don't think I could have been saved if it weren't for those soldiers.

We had all become a part of this, and Murrue was . . . she was our leader. She had our respect and she knew she could not run such a diverse group of people like a typical military commander and did not try to. She ran things her own way and she created something that will likely never be replicated again. Now it was up to Badgiruel to try to hold things together until we could make it to a safe port.

"I guess," I finally said, "You're right. It's almost as if we've become a family."

"We are a family," Jacqueline says. "A big one, with all of us being different in our own ways. I think this ship has become home to us, at least in some small way. None of us are ever going to forget this ship or anyone who's served on it, no matter how long they've lived."

"I wouldn't go that far," I replied. "But we are different, I'll give you that."

Jacqueline just smiled. "True, we are."

"And I'm going to protect all of us. I think we're going to fight one last battle before we're safe," I said. "I'm going to fight it and win. And then we're done with this stupid war."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. There's the question of what will happen once we land in Orb," Jacqueline replied. "Orb will be harboring fugitives, after all."

"We'll worry about that once we get there," I said. "Right now, I'm just going to worry about the present. Which is all of us surviving, no matter what they throw at us. Or who 'they' turn out to be."

Jacqueline nodded. "I suppose you're right about this one, Cagalli."

I knew I was right. Unfortunately.
***
No one else dies.

The thought was gripping me again as I walked through the hallways. I just had this odd sense of dread. Like I could almost feel a battle approaching. I couldn't shake it and I was getting nervous, and it was becoming hard to control my adrenaline or my emotions. I just knew something was wrong. That something was coming.

I was getting really antsy and nervous and I had no idea what to do with myself. I just wanted to throw on my pilot's uniform and just wait on standby in the Strike.

No one else dies.

"Cagalli?"

I turned. It was Stellar. "Hi."

"You're scared."

"I guess so." I couldn't help but look away from Stellar's gaze. What Jacqueline had said was weighing on my mind.

"Stellar . . . do I feel farther away to you? Or something?" I asked.

I looked at Stellar to see her holding her arm shyly. "Yes," she finally said. "You do. I didn't want to say anything, but . . ."

That pretty much confirmed it. The wonderful feelings, the sense of connection I was feeling with her, it was all going to go away. I was fading, soon I wouldn't be like Stellar at all, I was just going to be me again. Perhaps it would be tomorrow, perhaps it would be next week. But I knew, right then and there, that I wasn't going to stay this way.

"Stellar, I just want you to know that everything I've said still counts," I said. "I guess I'm just not ready yet to be . . . like you. It doesn't change that I'm going to help you once we set foot in Orb. It's not going to change that you're going to have a family."

"I know." Stellar's eyes shimmered. "Your senses are still strong enough to feel it though, don't you? You know something's coming."

So Stellar felt it too. The sense of apprehension. "Yes. I feel it. If I were to guess, it's ZAFT. They're coming to capture us before we can finish our dash to Orb."

"You will still keep us safe, right?" Stellar asked.

"Yes, of course I will." I tried to smile to reassure her. "I'm not going to let them through to attack this ship. I promise. We're going to be safe. Like I said, Orb's a beautiful, peaceful, amazing country. You'll love it there."

"I know that. I know it because you mean it. You're not . . . you always tell the truth to me, Cagalli." Stellar returned my smile. "You don't tell 'jokes' to me."

I guess from Stellar's perspective that made me a great person. I just took it as meaning I needed to give Stellar more practice in casual conversation. "I don't lie to people I care about."

The feeling that battle was fast approaching seemed to get more palpable. I looked at Stellar. "I'm going to head to the pilots' room. I think I'm going to be needed shortly. Keep an eye on Elle for me."

"Okay, Cagalli." Stellar nodded and smiled, and I waved at her as I turned around and began walking away.

I tried to get myself ready. This was the last battle approaching. The battle that would decide whether we would make it to safety or not. I just needed to beat Athrun and his subordinates, Nicol, Dearka, and Asta. I was sure it was Athrun and his subordinates. It was just too perfect.

As I approached the pilots' dressing room, I heard the alarm go off, followed by Natarle Badgiruel's voice. "We have enemy Mobile Suits approaching the Archangel. All hands to primary combat stations!"

I knew it. I also knew that I was going to miss this ability of mine. This was the only battle I was going to have with it. I was going to use it all up in this battle and then head home and collapse and just wait out the rest of the war. That was my plan.

For the first time, I wanted to fight. I was anticipating it. Even eagerly waiting for my chance to get out there and win.

It wasn't a feeling of invulnerability. It wasn't a sense of 'we're almost there, we're gonna make it'. It wasn't anything like that.

I wanted to get out there and fight because I had made a promise to myself. Jacqueline Grumman's words reminded me how special of a ship this was, and how special the crew was, and how important every single life was onboard. It was my responsibility to defend this ship and everyone onboard.

I was ready to fight, and I was going to get it.

It was the first time I was going to approach battle with full confidence in myself, my machine, and my abilities.

I wasn't going to kill Athrun if I could help it. Or his friends. Or even Asta unless she forced the issue which wouldn't surprise me at all. But I was going to do what I had to do in order to make sure this ship made it to Orb. After Orb, whatever was gonna happen was gonna happen. I had no control over that.

This was what I had control over.

My hands clenched into fists briefly, and then I relaxed them, and opened the door to the dressing room.

No one else dies.

This was going to be my last battle, and I was going to win.

Once and for all.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
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Vent Noir
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 46 8/19/13)

Glad to see this back!
Vent Noir

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April 7, 1979: The first episode of Mobile Suit Gundam premieres. Fanboys declare Gundam "Ruined FOREVER".
rebel_cheese
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 46 8/19/13)

It's good to be back.

Next chapter should go up tomorrow. It's almost entirely a battle chapter and it's my first time writing a mecha battle in a while, so I'm making sure it looks good before I post it.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 46 8/19/13)

Chapter Forty-Seven: Commit This to Memory

"Crap, Cagalli, you're raring to go!" That was Miriallia talking to me as I was sitting in the Strike. Usually I wound up launching after La Flaga, but I had gotten myself ready before he did and now I was sitting on the catapult, ready to launch.

"Just let me know who's the enemy and point me to them," I said. "They won't get anywhere near this ship."

Badgiruel's voice. "I don't want you getting too aggressive out there, 2nd Lieutenant Yamato. Petty Officer Pal has identified four enemy bogeys heading our way, and they are Le Creuset's unit. The Aegis, the Buster, the rebuilt Duel, and the Blitz."

"So I'm up against all of them. Got it. Any other support?"

"There's no signs of enemy DINNs," Badgiruel replied. "It looks like to me that this is going to be a pretty straight-up attack to end the battle that began at Heliopolis here and now. They can't be let through to damage the Archangel. We are not far from Orb waters. If we can make it there, we win by default."

"That's right, we do," I said. "ZAFT won't be allowed to follow us in there, not without violating Orb's sovereignty. I doubt they want to drag Orb into the war when they're stretched enough as it is fighting the Earth Alliance."

I look at my sensors. "Give me the Aile Pack. I'm gonna need a balanced assault for this one."

"Not the Sword Pack? Isn't that the one you prefer using?" Miriallia asked.

"No. Not against four GUNDAMs in the atmosphere," I replied. "By the way, how the heck are they flying over here?"

Badgiruel's voice. "I've heard of this machine called a GUUL. The Mobile Suits ride on it like a human rides on a skateboard. Not the best analogy but the closest one I can think of."

That put a memorable image in my mind of a GUNDAM riding a skateboard up a half-pipe, losing control, and crashing head-first into the ground.

Hopefully I wasn't going to end up like that.

"All right, thank you. So obviously, if I remove the GUNDAM from its GUUL, the GUNDAM is going to go crashing into the water."

"Yes, probably. Except for the Aegis," Badgiruel answered. "The Aegis has a Mobile Armor mode, remember. It can fly in the atmosphere."

So Athrun, again, would be the most difficult to remove from the battle. Somehow that did not surprise me. "All right, thank you. I'm ready to launch anytime. How long do we have until we're in Orb waters?"

"About forty-five minutes," Miriallia replied.

"I won't need that long."

The hangar opened up, and I was staring at the partly cloudy sky in front of me. We were going to be fighting in perfect weather. That seemed appropriate. No variables interfering in the battle. Just me versus the four GUNDAMs that have been hounding me since Heliopolis. Well, three GUNDAMs and a very vengeful young woman who is piloting an advanced copy of a GUNDAM I actually managed to shoot down, but who cares about such technicalities?

I was ready to end this and go home and sit out the rest of the war.

"This is 2nd Lieutenant Cagalli Yamato," I replied. "Launching!"

I shot out into the atmosphere and powered up the Strike's launch pack. It wasn't going to be perfect but I was going to be able to fly. That was all I was going to need.

The four machines came up on my radar. "I'm moving to intercept! I won't let any of them reach the Archangel!" I shouted, and powered the Strike forward.

"Don't be a fool, 2nd Lieutenant!" Badgiruel shouted immediately. "You can't fight all four of them by yourself! Wait for La Flaga and Allster!"

"Watch me!" My senses felt dulled but I could still feel how the four GUNDAMs were going to move. The Buster and Blitz were going to hang back, and the Aegis and the Duel Assault Shroud were going to come right at me. I could just sense it.

A pain in my head. Buster was aiming at me. I just knew it.

I moved the Strike to the left and watched as a beam flew right past me. I had dodged it with ease.

Another pain, this time from the right. Asta and Athrun, the both of them, coming right for me.

What was this needle-like pain, and how was it directing me?

No . . . no, I was letting myself fall into a trap. They were going to try to box me in.

Good strategy, but I wasn't going to let that happen!

It wasn't going to end like this. I had promised myself that. There was no way Athrun and his subordinates were going to shoot me down.

I saw the brown seed appear in my mind's eye again, like I had fallen from reality and had gone to another world.

This time, I didn't feel afraid to let it break. In fact, I embraced the seed shattering.

I was going to use everything I could get to beat the four of them . . . or die trying.
***
I could see the battlefield with even greater clarity than before. I immediately began aiming at the Duel and let loose with a barrage that forced the Duel to back off. I sent Athrun the same message a moment later, forcing him to retreat. I felt the needle-like pain in my head again and I forced the Strike to fly upwards, dodging another sniping attempt by the Buster.

I was getting annoyed.

I powered up my engines and flew right towards the Buster.

It was then that it occurred to me.

The GUULs were not what they cracked up to be. Sure, they permitted the GUNDAMs to fly in the atmosphere, but the GUNDAMs could not manuever very well. They were moving in a clumsy way and that was why I was flying circles around them . . . and why they bothered to try to box me in rather than just charge through me on the way to the Archangel.

The Buster saw me coming and tried to fly off, but I wasn't trying to hit the Buster. I had no interest in hitting the Buster.

All I wanted was the GUUL.

I blasted the GUUL and it exploded right under the Buster's feet. The GUNDAM was blasted away like it was shot out of a cannon, and spiraled towards the ocean, out of control, before vanishing in a plume of water.

One down, three to go.

Another needle, this time seeming to remind me about my right flank. The Blitz this time.

That's right. The Blitz was hanging back with the Buster.

I was feeling confident. The most confident I had ever felt while piloting the Strike. It wasn't like I was feeling invincible, but I felt like I had years of battlefield experience directing me. I knew what to do and how to do it. Nicol and the Blitz seemed like a rookie to me.

I dodged a barrage from the Blitz and charged below the Blitz, flying right above the water. I spun my GUNDAM around so I was facing the sky, and saw the underside of the Blitz's GUUL for just a moment.

That was all I needed.

I squeezed the trigger and I blasted the GUUL, and while it wasn't a dramatic explosion like what happened to the Buster, the Blitz had to abandon the GUUL and it too fell right into the water, the smoking, out of control GUUL crashing into the ocean shortly thereafter.

Half of them, dispatched right at the beginning of the battle. I was winning. I was beating all four of them, and Mu La Flaga and Flay hadn't even joined the battle yet.

I felt the needle-like sensation again, and I turned around to see both the Duel and the Aegis coming at me, the Duel firing at me with an all-out fury that suggested the pilot was royally pissed off. Not that it surprised me . . . and I didn't really care either.

I dodged the flurry and I was immediately hailed thereafter. I wondered why I should bother, but I wound up answering the hail anyway. "Yes?"

It was Athrun. "Cagalli, I know you feel like you're doing your duty-"

"Athrun, I'm not going to play mind games with you. I'm protecting my ship and that's final. Don't even try to convince me otherwise."

"Cagalli, you have nowhere to go! The Earth Alliance has made you and the legged ship fugitives! You really think a tiny, neutral nation like Orb will be able to shelter all of you from the Earth Alliance's wrath? You'd be wiser to join ZAFT, Cagalli!"

"Athrun, I told you not to try to convince me. It's not going to work."

"Cagalli-"

"Athrun, I'm going home and staying there! I don't care what happens in this war anymore! I gave up all stake in it once the Archangel got branded a rogue ship! I'm going home and planting my ass in a soft, warm bed and enjoy the rest of my life! Everyone here has suffered enough!"

"Are you being dense on purpose, Cagalli? Haven't you heard a word I've said? How can Orb protect you from the Earth Alliance?"

"Athrun, right now, I'm not concerned about that. My concern is getting my ship home. And by the way, calling my ship 'the legged ship' isn't helping your case!"

Asta interrupted, her voice low and bitter. "Athrun, stop talking to her and shoot her down. I've had enough of hearing her voice . . . and yours too, for that matter."

"Asta, I had to make the attempt. It's important!"

Asta chuckled softly. "It is nothing more than your personal pipe dream. Now stand aside. If you won't kill Cagalli Yamato, I will. My brother deserves vengeance."

The needles were getting softer, like I was using my abilities up the more I used them. I was running out of time. I had to shoot them both down while I still had my ESP advantage!

Here came the Duel, charging for me, firing. I realized there was no way I was going to line up a shot and destroy the Duel's GUUL, so I moved to dodge the flurry of shots. Maybe one of them scraped my Phase Shift as the Duel flew by me, and turned in a wide, rounded pattern, its agility greatly weakened because of the GUUL.

I fired at the Duel's GUUL but Asta was a better pilot than Dearka and Nicol. She dodged my attempts to shoot her down by literally stopping the GUUL in mid-air, which caused my timed shots to fly in front of her, and before I could re-focus my aim, she restarted the GUUL and flew away, causing my shots to fly behind her.

She was a good pilot. By herself, she'd be a match with me. Teaming up with Athrun, however . . .

This was gonna be hard.

"This damn GUUL is so clumsy! Athrub, stop flying around and do something! You're supposed to be the commander!"

"I'm trying to find an opening, Asta. I'm also keeping an eye out for the Mobile Armors. They're heading our way."

"We wouldn't have to worry about them if we shot down this bitch, Athrun!"

Were they aware that I could hear every word they said?

At least this proved some of my assumptions. Asta was massively insubordinate, and that the GUULs were as clumsy to the GUNDAM pilots as they looked. I wasn't sure how to take advantage of either. Poking Asta into making a mistake seemed risky, and Athrun . . . Athrun would have to be a team effort with La Flaga and Flay.

Asta was still firing at me, and I was flying low to the water, relying on my speed to dodge her shots. Asta's firing seemed more than a little awkward. I wondered if it wasn't just the GUUL. Maybe she wasn't used to firing in the atmosphere period. She did not use her guns against me when she rushed me out of the ruins of Tassil, and she didn't do much of note during Waltfeld's final battle. Maybe she was a significantly better shot in space than she was on Earth.

I switched to my beam saber. As long as I was stuck flying in Asta's direction, I was going to rush her from below and stick the saber into her GUUL and knock her out of the battle too.

I used the needle pains to see where she was shooting. It was like I had a split second warning where she was going to fire before she actually did. It was fading, fading the more I used this ability, but it was still strong enough for me to know what Asta was doing.

"Oh come on!" Asta screamed as I powered the Strike towards her GUUL's underbelly.

I stabbed the GUUL and immediately withdrew as sparks flew from the machine.

"Damn it! This isn't over, Cagalli Yamato! I swear it on my life! I will kill you before I die!" The Duel, much like the Blitz, jumped off the GUUL and willingly fell into the water, which made me wonder if there was a submarine or something on standby to rescue them. Otherwise why would you willingly fall into the ocean? It'd be better than blowing up, but speaking from personal experience, GUNDAMs sink like rocks.

Still, with the Duel splashing down, all that was left was Athrun . . .

Athrun and a slew of reinforcements from nowhere.

Four DINNs had joined the battle, flanking Athrun. Looks like he had called for reinforcements.

I was getting hailed again by the Aegis. Looks like Athrun had changed channels while I was fighting Asta, and that's probably when he called for his backup.

"Yes, Athrun?" I asked.

"Cagalli, you won't be safe in Orb. Trust me on this. You need to give up and come with us. This is your last chance."

"How many times do I have to tell you 'no' before you get the hint, Athrun? Actually, wait, it's not just a 'hint'. I am literally shoving this in your face every single time we encounter each other! I am not joining up with you! I have a ship full of people to protect and that is my priority!"

Athrun sighed. "All right then. Take her down by force. Don't hit the cockpit."

The DINNs launched towards me and I immediately opened fire, before I realized that all four of them were going to strafe me. I dove down, again just keeping myself from hitting the water, and flew below the DINNs, one of which was smoking, but not out of action, from a shot I was able to connect.

I was gunning for Athrun himself and to his credit he realized it. "Crap."

He manuevered his GUUL to the left just enough for my attempt to shoot him to miss.

One of the DINNs, moving much more ably than the Aegis, moved into the Aegis' old position and took some potshots at me. I moved to the DINN's right flank and blew off his left leg with two rifle shots. Smoking, the DINN immediately withdrew.

The other smoking DINN, however, with a left arm that looked out of action, had other ideas. Using his retreating buddy for cover for the briefest of seconds, he began shooting at me and that forced me to literally stop the Strike and reverse my course. I was hit three times and my Phase Shift didn't like those shots at all.

I aimed for the DINN's chest and fired. [i}This
DINN exploded, covering everything in fire and smoke.

Yet another pilot I had killed in this war. I was privately hoping that this would be the last one.

La Flaga and Flay seemed to be keeping the other two DINNs occupied. It was just me and Athrun now.

I knew I was returning to normal more and more. The ESP I had relied on to win this battle was fading. Athrun had beaten me every time we had fought in space or on Earth, before Stellar did this to me. I couldn't afford to let this drag out.

I aimed at the Aegis and fired, and just as I expected, Athrun dodged the shot. He was maneuvering his clumsy GUUL with just enough skill to avoid me.

Athrun was still on the public channel. "You've improved dramatically. I never thought you'd be capable of pulling off what you've done. Not without years of experience, anyway."

"I guess that makes me full of surprises then." I kept firing at Athrun, trying to lure him into a position where I could finally hit him and knock him out of the battle, but Athrun seemed to know this because he wouldn't let himself get trapped. Every time I thought I had him, Athrun would maneuver away, and all of my work would be for nothing.

This battle was getting frustrating and I knew my time was running out. Both for my ESP and for the Phase Shift. I was using up a lot of power firing at Athrun like this.

"I told you I wasn't going to let you anywhere near the Archangel, Athrun," I said. "And I haven't. Even if you shoot me down, you've lost this battle. The Archangel is going to escape."

"I know." Athrun paused for a second. "It won't be a total loss if I take you and the Strike back to my superior officers, however."

Somehow, I knew he was still going to try and bring me to ZAFT. How was I not surprised? "It's not happening, Athrun. I know you care about me, and I . . ."

I was surprised. Even with my seed activated, I could feel something aching in my chest. Damn it, were these . . .

"And I care about you too. You were my best friend all of those years ago. I wish you were still my friend. I wish things were different, Athrun."

Out of time. This had to end right now!

"But guess what? This is the world we leave in and we've made different choices! And now we have to live with the consequences, Athrun!"

I blasted towards Athrun. I was going to stick my beam saber into hsi GUUL and send him crashing into the water just like Asta.

Athrun seemed to realize this. He let out a cry as he tried to blast me. I used every bit of my perception to dodge his attacks right before they would hit me. This was going to be my last assault. My powers would be to ofar gone for me to use them properly again if I failed in this attack. I was risking it all in one final charge to knock Athrun out of the battle.

"Commit this to memory, Athrun!" I powered the Strike upwards and I clipped the GUUL just as Athrun tried to dodge me. "I'm not going to do what you say just because you think it's the best for me! I'm not like that! I will keep moving forward in my life, and you need to do the same! We've made our choices and there's nothing we can do about it!"

"Cagalli . . ." The Aegis fell off of the GUUL then, and probably not willingly. I had sliced off one of the GUUL's wings, and that had sent the GUUL into a death spiral. That in turn had caused the Aegis to fall off the GUUL, out of control. Otherwise, the Aegis probably would've had a chance to go into Mobile Armor mode and continue the battle.

"And finally," I said. "Go soak your head."

The Aegis splashed down violently enough to make it seem like a geyser had momentarily been born into the ocean. And then silence.

I switched my coms. "I apologize, Archangel. This was something I had to do myself. All four GUNDAMs are out of action."

As if on cue, I seemed to lose my seed, and I truly felt normal again. And exhausted. Majorly exhausted. I wanted to fall asleep right in my cockpit. How far had I pushed myself to pull off what I just did?

I heard Badgiruel's voice. "I should chew you out and bust you down to Seaman for what you just pulled, Lieutenant . . . but at the same time, what you did worked. Return to the Archangel immediately. We're going to be approaching Orb waters shortly."

"Thank you, Captain." Truth be told, my rank didn't mean anything to me. All that mattered was Orb.

In a few minutes, my war was going to be over.
***
It was when I stepped out of the cockpit when it happened.

"Big sister Cagalli!"

I turned to my left and suddenly saw Stellar running towards me, her arms outstretched.

Uh oh.

She embraced me, which would've been fine by itself. The problem was that she hit me with so much momentum that I fell on my back, her arms wrapped around me tightly.

"You made it! You made it! You made it, Cagalli! I'm so happy!" Stellar cried.

"Yeah . . . I did. I guess I did," I said, lying on the walkway, staring at the ceiling.

I slowly wrapped my own arms around Stellar. It took me a moment to realize I could not feel her anymore. It felt like an illusion every time I tried to reach out. Like a mirage before me and it would vanish before I could remember how.

I had won, but I was no longer like Stellar. I was back to normal again. Still, what Stellar had given me had been worth it. I had won the battle, and no one else had died onboard the Archangel. I had acocmplished everything I had set out to do for the first time. Yes, there was the one DINN pilot I clearly killed, but . . . at this point, it was something that had to be done, and something I wouldn't have to do anymore.

I saw Kira then, cheerfully leaning over Stellar and looking at me. "Well, you did it, Cagalli. We're in Orb waters. We're already being hailed by the Orb fleet. We're going to make it."

"We are? We really made it?" I asked. It was a stupid question but it was so hard to believe. After everything that had happened, after all of these weeks of suffering and hardship and death, the mere idea of safety, of home, seemed so hard to believe.

When did this whole mess begin? January 25th? What was today? March 22nd? 23rd? Something like that?

Wow. Two months, give or take a couple of days. That's . . . that's a long time.

"We really made it, Cagalli. Thanks to you. You did great out there. That was the best flying I've ever seen from you," Kira said.

"I . . . I did my best, that's all," I said. "I did the best that I could do."

"The best was good enough," Kira said. "We made it. We're home, Cagalli. Now I need to get to the bridge so Orb doesn't accidentally blow us out of the water. I don't think they're going to attack us anyway, but . . . better safe than sorry at this point."

"Sounds good to me." I gave Kira a thumbs-up. "Do what you gotta do."

"I will. Thank you again. For everything." Kira vanished then, leaving me with Stellar still locking me in her embrace.

It took me a moment to realize that Kira was saying goodbye. Was he really? After everything else? Or . . .

No. If he was saying goodbye, he would say it. He was that kind of person. Still . . . after two months of him being at my side, supporting me and perfecting the Strike so I could protect this ship the absolute best I could . . . he wasn't going to be around anymore. He was a friend, a companion, someone I could trust, someone who seemed so familiar even though I had never met him before Heliopolis' destruction . . .

And soon he and I were going to part ways, likely never going to see each other again. Yeah, Kira said that I should become his political adviser, but did he really mean it? And was I really qualified for something like that?

Why was I even thinking about stuff like that anyway? I was home, right? That was all that mattered.

Thinking about it nearly made me cry. Somehow, some way, we had managed to pull it off. Everyone onboard this ship. We had managed to make it. It was over.

I hugged Stellar tightly. "We're safe, Stellar. We're finally safe. You'll never have to fight again."

"I know, Cagalli. I know. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're . . . you're welcome, Stellar."

I thought about everyone, my friends, Elle, the officiers, everyone I had met on this ship. I felt tears form in my eyes but I couldn't bring myself to stop them. I didn't even care. These were not the tears I had been crying for the last two months. They were a different kind of tears.

Tears of joy.

I'm home.

A big stupid grin crossed my face.

I'm finally home.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 47 8/26/13)

Chapter Forty-Eight: My World

"I can't believe it," Miriallia said softly as we stood in the hangar bay. Bagiruel had gathered everyone there, putting the Archangel on autopilot during the voyage to Onogoro Island, where the ship was going to dock. "The war's finally over."

I felt a funny ache in my chest and looked over at Tolle. He offered me a smile, but neither of us made a move to get closer to each other. I could tell there was something tense underneath the surface, I had lost my ESP but not my ability to read people's faces. I wondered if Tolle had heard the conversation between Athrun and I and had gotten the wrong idea.

I knew Tolle's and my relationship was getting rocky, but now that we were returning to Orb, I was wanting to reconnect with him. I had been distant, I had been altered, I had put up with a lot, but now, I felt the closest to being back to normal since the whole ordeal began. I had neglected Tolle's and my relationship since Tassill and I wasn't going to let that happen anymore.

Flay just shook her head. "It's not over. Not by a long shot. Earth Alliance and ZAFT are just gonna keep killing each other, and I'm sure they want to drag Orb into it too."

Kuzzey laughed nervously. "Man, I hope not. I've had enough of war and the military."

"I haven't." Flay opened and closed one of her fists. "I was going to register with the Orb military after a short breather. I know Orb's short on pilots. With my Skygrasper certification that'll be my way in."

Sai grumbled something and looked away. He and Flay had never reconnected after they fell out, and it looked like resurrecting that relationship was a pipe dream.

"You're really gonna join the military for real, Flay?" Kuzzey asked, surprised.

"My daddy's dead. I have no other family who can take me in. There's nowhere else for me to go, nothing else to do. I might as well serve the country that I've lived in for all of these years. I have the power to do it. I should put it to good use," Flay replied.

There was a grim undertone in Flay's words that was making me uncomfortable. "Look, let's worry about our future plans once we dock and get back on land. I know that we're scattered all over the damn country so we're not going to see each other in person again for a while," I said. "Not until they find a college for us to go to, anyway."

"Heh. Right 'bout that one," Tolle said.

"Tolle and I live on the same island," Miriallia said. "You actually live here on Onogoro yourself, right Cagalli?"

"Yeah, when my family didn't take up residence in Heliopolis itself," I replied. "My parents wanted to stay closer to me the last few years, and my father's business required him to shuffle between Onogoro and Heliopolis a lot, so it worked out."

Of course, with Heliopolis being destroyed . . . "I don't know what my dad is gonna do anymore, though. Heliopolis . . . doesn't exactly exist."

I saw Badgiruel approach the makeshift podium that had been set up for her. It looked like she had some prepared remarks for us. That was Badgiruel for you. Murrue had a tendency to speak off the cuff and improvise, but Badgiruel liked having everything as prepared as possible.

"Looks like she's finally gonna speak," Kuzzey said.

Badgiruel cleared her throat and I heard the mic come to life with a quick high-pitched squeal. "Good evening everyone. I summoned you all here to inform you that we have finally made it to safety. After two months of hardship and constant battle, we have managed to find refuge in the country of Orb. Naturally, many of you claim Orb as your home, so you not only have safety, but the freedom of your home country as well."

Her eyes shifted over the crowd before she continued. "I want all of you to know that your contributions are the reason why we have made it here. Essentially all of you, when given the opportunity, rose to the circumstances and became soldiers in order to help make sure as many people onboard this ship made it to safety as possible. For those of you who were already soldiers, you transformed into better ones. You all have my gratitude for your contributions and efforts."

She adjusted her papers. "Before we depart this ship, I have taken the opportunity to print out copies of a list of everyone who served on this ship from January 25th C.E., the day Heliopolis came under attack, to today, March 24th C.E.. The names are listed in order of boarding the ship, from the Archangel's original crew to our newest additions from that secret Earth Alliance base. I would like you to take one of the lists with you as you depart. Not everyone who started out this journey with us made it to our destination, and I wish for their names to not be forgotten. They fought, and died, for us to be here today. A red mark next to their names indicate that they were killed in action. Unmarked means that they are on this ship now, they survived to the end of the journey."

Badgiruel sighed. "I know that the journey was rough on all of us. We had limited supplies and a lot of people who had to learn on the fly. People had to be shuffled around and learn things they were originally not trained to do. And we had crises and disagreements and more people thrown into the brig than we all wished. But we made it work. We held together and became a crew under Captain Ramius and we managed to hold together even after losing her. That was all that was asked of you all, and you pulled it off, no matter how major or minor your contribution was. Thank you again, so very much."

She shuffle her papers again. Badgiruel actually seemed to be on the brink of crying in her last few words, but her eyes hardened and she was back to business again.

"Orb civilians. Due to us becoming a rogue ship, I do not believe the Earth Alliance will release the pay that was owed to you for your service. I sincerely apologize for that. There is nothing I can do about that. What I was able to do was send a message to Orb to contact your loved ones. Hopefully many of them will be there to greet us when you depart this ship."

A lot of people began cheering, and I felt a silly grin cross my face too. My parents . . . my parents have to know I'm alive then. I hope they did okay without me. I was gone for such a long time.

"Earth Alliance personnel from Atlantic and Eurasian Federations," Badgiruel boomed, drowning out the scattered applause. "I apologize to you as well. Because we are fugitives, we cannot return home without being court-martialed and likely put to death. I wish there was something more I could do for you right now. The least I can do is expose the truth of that military base in the Indian Ocean and try to facilitate the downfall of the Earth Alliance forces that would have us destroyed for what we know. Only then will we be able to return home. For now, you have your lives and your peace. And I will not stop until justice is served, for us, and for our fallen captain, Murrue Ramius."

She took a deep breath, and looked out over us for what seemed to be a long time, perhaps hours. Then she took her papers in her hand and clsoed her eyes. "Thank you again for your service. You are all dismissed."

Cheers erupted from the hangar. I don't think very many people cared that they weren't going to see a dime for their services onboard this ship. They were just happy to make it home, or to any kind of safety. The hope was, obviously that because they were in a neutral nation the war was over for them. I wanted to believe that. We had been fighting almost nonstop for so very long. We all deserved a long break from any kind of violence in general.

I looked for Tolle but lost him and my friends in the tumult of the crowd. Feeling squeezed in, I escaped the crowd and left the hangar bay.

I was going to celebrate in my own way. If I couldn't find my friends and celebrate with them, I was just going to be the first person off this ship and celebrate with my parents. I hoped they knew that I was alive. I truly hoped word had gotten out to them. I just wanted to go home, to my real home, and flop on a bed and just sleep for the rest of my life. No more war. No more violence.

But I had a bigger family now too. I knew my mom and dad would just be thrilled about Stellar. Elle they'd adjust to quicker. I doubted that Elle would find a relative that would adopt her, and she wouldn't be willing to be adopted by anyone other than me and maybe Miriallia anyway. Stellar was different. With her conditioning and struggle with certain words, it was going to be hard to get her to adjust to civilian life.

I knew it was something I shouldn't worry about until I saw my parents, but I couldn't help myself. I was thinking of my life post-war. I was full of ideas and dreams again, for the first time in two months. I didn't care if I spent the rest of my life knitting. I just wanted peace and I wanted to be with my family, however strange it was.

It was then that I ran into Natarle Badgiruel for what I thought would be the last time.
***
I was about to gather Elle and Stellar when Badgiruel approached me in one of the hallways. "2nd Lieutenant Yamato, I would like a moment with you."

Even though I was pretty much discharged, she was going to keep the military ranks going until the end. Now, I find that kind of endearing about Natarle Badgiruel. Then, not so much.

"Yes, ma'am?" I asked.

She walked up to me. "Cagalli Yamato, you are a loose cannon, you're extremely aggressive in adversity, you attack every problem in your path, and you stay fervently loyal to what you believe in even when logic tells you otherwise."

I figured there was a "but" in there somewhere and so didn't interrupt her while she was talking. "Yes?" I finally asked.

"You refused to let what happened to you corrupt you. I find that commendable. Captain Ramius is the only other person I knew who is like you that way. I respect that about you both."

Badgiruel chuckled softly. "My wish for you, Cagalli Yamato, is to not let that aspect of yourself change. Continue fighting for what you believe in. I could not do the same, and that gave me a trick cartilage in my knee that forced me to change military careers, where I became an officer in the navy. And no, I can't talk about the injury or what I did. That remains classified and I'd prefer it to remain so."

I didn't see the point considering she was no longer part of the Earth Alliance, she was a fugitive like me now. A deserter. "You know, you're not beholden to the Earth Aliance military anymore. I'm sure-"

"You'll know when I feel ready to disclose the information," Badgiruel replied.

There was a firmness to her words that strongly suggested that I drop the subject. "All right," I said.

"What are your plans now?" Badgiruel asked.

"Go back to school. After that I don't know," I replied. "I don't plan on fighting for any military ever again."

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by that answer," Badgiruel said. "I do think Orb would be happy to have you in their own military." "It's not what I want to do," I replied. "I was going to be a diplomat, a translator. You've seen that I can speak several languages."

"You need to work on your diplomatic skills considering how confrontational you are," Badgiruel raid with a bit of a knowing smirk on her face. "Just some words of advice."

I smiled back. "What do you know. Lieutenant-Commander Natarle Badgiruel has a sense of humor. Who knew?"

"Just you and me now, apparently." Badgiruel's smile faded then. "This wasn't the main reason why I'm here, however. I do have some more words for you. A warning."

The moment she said 'warning' any sense of humor I had immediately vanished. "Yes?"

"After what we did, it's likely there will be infiltrators after you. Blue Cosmos will not look kindly upon what we did, or upon you. I think there is a good chance that Blue Cosmos or a ZAFT infiltration team will make an attempt on your life before this war is over, to either capture you and force you to fight, or to ensure you will never be used against them. I'm not saying that this is guaranteed, but I want you to watch yourself."

This was the last thing I wanted to hear, but I didn't want to argue with her. Regardless, she was right.

Hilda Harken, before we turned her back over to ZAFT, told me basically that the upper echelons of the PLANT government wanted me killed because I was fighting for the Earth Alliance. Perhaps that's why the GUNDAMs kept coming after me instead of be deployed where they could be more useful. The objective was to kill me. That might change now that I was in Orb and intended to stay there, but that didn't rule out being kidnapped or just getting killed anyway just so I'm no longer some random intangible.

And then there's Blue Cosmos. Now that I'm no longer killing my own kind, they could think the first thing I'll do is join ZAFT and fight them, so they may want me dead before that can happen.

Damn it. I hope Badgiruel is just being paranoid. But her words have too much truth behind them to just be paranoia.

"I'll be careful," I replied with complete honesty. "Even if it means I have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my lie, I'll be careful."

"Thank you," Badgiruel replied.

She turns around. "Captain Ramius would be proud of you, Cagalli. Just don't let her sacrifice go to waste. She traded her life for yours."

"I won't," I replied. "I promise."

Badgiruel nodded once, and departed without a further word. I guess there was nothing else to say.

Still, she was right. I couldn't let what Murrue had done for me go to waste. My whole life was ahead of me now because Murrue had come back for me. I had to live a fulfilling life, a good life, to try to make up for what Murrue gave up in order to save me.

It's what Murrue would have wanted for me anyway.

I just wasn't sure where to start.
***
"Auel's going to be moving on with that doctor lady," Stellar said to me as we departed the Archangel. It was sad to see that while Elle had bags, Stellar didn't have much of anything. While I was wearing my outfit from that day in Heliopolis, we had to put Stellar in a skirt and sweater owned, but not worn by, Elle's mother. Both were too big on her but not so big that Stellar would look ridiculous. "I think that means he's going to stay on the ship, that's what the doctor lady plans on doing."

"And what about Sting?" I asked.

"He's just going to stay on the ship and help too," Stellar says. "He doesn't have anywhere better to go."

So both Sting and Auel were going to stay on the Archangel and probably try to join the crew, or at least serve as some kind of child auxiliaries. Orb did have a few of those. Some paperwork and both Sting and Auel could become child auxiliaries and be allowed to assist on the ship, though they wouldn't be allowed to operate any weaponry.

Still . . . "Are you sure you want to leave the ship then, and come with me? Sting and Auel are your friends, Stellar."

"Cagalli . . . I want to stay with you. Please," Stellar said.

"All right. Just making sure that this is what you want," I replied.

"I want to see your mom and dad," Stellar said. "I want to see this peaceful country. I want to be safe. That's all I want."

"What are your mom and dad like, Cagalli?" Elle chimed in.

I was surprised by that question, and even further surprised that neither one of them had asked that before.

"They're good people," I said. "Very good people. Loving and kind. My mom's strong and brave, and my father is smart and supportive. You'll like them both. I'm sure they'll like you in return, Elle."

Elle smiled slightly at that, but I could see the nervousness in her eyes. She was worried she was going to be rejected. Stellar was blissfully off in her own world, not really thinking about that possibility, which I honestly kinda envy her for. But Elle? While she was still a young girl, these two months of war and losing her mother had aged her internally. Some of her innocence was gone long before it should have.

Plus, her mother's murder had never been resolved. It was eating at me as we left the ship and walked through the harbor. The murderer of Dorothy Eliarez was walking off scot-free. Why Dorothy Eliarez had to be murdered, and who did it, seemed like it was going to be a mystery forever.

It could have been Flay, she had been massively unstable back then. Natarle Badgiruel was fixated on Miriallia being the murderer but I just couldn't see Miriallia capable of that.

So who could've done it?

Would I ever know? Just like with my birth parents. Would I ever know who they were? What happened to them?

Caridad Yamato and Haruma Yamato, my adoptive mother and father respectively, are actually my maternal aunt and uncle. I don't consider them that. They are my mother and father. They've never had any children of their own, not for lack of trying. But I've always been their child, their daughter, and you know what, that's what matters to me. My birth parents never were an issue, nor was the fact that neither spoke much about them. I didn't even know the names of my birth parents. And I didn't care. Caridad and Haruma Yamato were my parents.

As I've said, I don't look like my parents. That's how I figured out I was adopted. My mother shares some facial features with me like the shape of our eyes and that's it, and my father doesn't look one bit like me. They've never told me much about my birth mother and father. I've never pried deeply. It's never been much of a concern to me.

Now I wondered if I should start asking those questions. Who my birth parents were. And why I was abandoned by them.

And then I saw Caridad and Haruma Yamato and all of those questions vanished from my mind.

I stopped in the middle of the walkway the moment I saw them. Both are in their late thirties, my mother's a beautiful woman who always dyes her hair blue, the same color of her eyes, and she has this deep, rich, smooth voice that I wish I had. My father is tall, stout, handsome, with dark hair and eyes, and his voice is soft and resonant, he gets your attention without raising his voice at all.

I wanted to get their attention but when I attempted to speak all that came out was a soft croak. "Mom . . . Dad."

"Cagalli?" Elle asked.

"Are you okay?" Stellar asked.

My eyes and heart were both aching upon seeing them. My eyes were blurring with tears, and I frantically rubbed my eyes on my sleeve. I couldn't help myself. It had been so long, and they knew I was alive. I could see them scanning the crowd that was leaving the Archangel, trying to find me.

I couldn't do anything more than run forward towards them, pushing and shoving my way through the crowd.

"Cagalli!" I could hear Stellar grab Elle and try to follow me through the crowd, but I didn't stop to wait for them. I couldn't. All I wanted in that moment was my mother and father.

Finally, I got through. I felt like I had run a marathon to get through the crowd, and now, the crowd had parted just enough for me to get a clear view of my parents.

My mother saw me first. Her face, her beautiful, youthful face, turned towards me, and her eyes widened, and her mouth fell open, just a little. "C-Cagalli?"

My father reacted next. "Cagalli!"

I croaked out my words again. "Mom . . . Dad."

I wanted to just fall on my knees but instead I forced myself to run forward. I could barely see them through my hazy vision, and I nearly stumbled and fell on my face twice, but I wouldn't let anything stop me. Not anymore.

Finally, my vocal cords began working as I came within arm's reach. "Mom! Dad!"

I wound up falling into the arms of Mom first. I buried my head in her shoulder and just let myself cry. It just felt like months and months of stress and sorrow and anger and everything else I could imagine was pouring out of me all at once. Mom's arms wrapped around me and I let her hold me for a while.

"It's okay, Cagalli," Mom said softly. "It's okay."

"I love you," I somehow managed to say. "I love you, Mom. I love you, Dad."

"We love you too," Dad said.

It took me a moment to see that Mom and Dad were on the brink of tears too.

We had all missed each other so much.

"We thought you were dead," Mom said. "You have no idea how much of a shock we got a couple of hours ago when we were told you were still alive, that you were on a warship."

"I know," I said. "I know."

I didn't know where to begin with telling them what had happened to me. My journey from Heliopolis all the way to here. How to explain I wound up piloting some secret giant robot called a GUNDAM and piloted it and had to protect the ship and how I killed people . . .

How my childhood best friend wound up becoming my enemy and yet somehow saved my life when I was plummeting into the atmosphere.

"Cagalli!" Stellar's voice jarred me back to reality. I turned from Mom's arms and looked over at a breathless Stellar Louissier, and an equally breathless Elle Eliarez, who's hand was wrapped in Stellar's own hand.

"I'm sorry," I said, wiping my eyes. "This is my mom and dad. Mom, Dad, this is Stellar Louissier and Elle Eliarez. I kinda picked up some little sisters along the way."

"You what now?" Dad said, looking like his mind had been blown (sorry, Dad!).

"What happened to you?" Mom asked. "Are they war orphans?"

"It'll take a long time to explain," I said, wiping my eyes again. "I'll probably have to put it in writing to make any sense of it."

"I can guess," Mom said, looking as dumbfounded as Dad did.

"Don't guess. Your wildest guesses are going to be way off," I said. I turned them both and forced a smile. "It's a long story."
***
Someday, I will come to love my world. Yes, it's crazy. Yes, it is full of hatred. Yes, it is full of violence. Yes, it is even full of betrayal. But it is full of people who I care about and who care about me.

I am not going to let the world kill me. I am not going to let the world's cruelty change me into something I'm not, into the very thing I am fighting.

That's not who I am. I refuse to be that way.

I'm Cagalli Yamato and that will never change, no matter who my parents were, or what people try to turn me into.

There are many things in this world that are wonderful and I will protect them. As long as there is more happiness than pain there is still a point to living.

I have to do my best to protect my world and all who reside in it and share it with me, and to defeat those that seek to destroy it. I may not have been put on this earth to do that, but that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to let destiny or biology or super-special genetics or anything like that dictate what I become. Only I will dictate what I will become. And those who don't believe so are going to learn that the hard way.

I'm not giving up. Not on this world, not on the PLANTs, not on Coordinators, not on Naturals. I won't do that. If I do that I am little more than the monsters I fight, if not worse.

I will never give up. I'm not built that way.

And I'm not built to crumble.

That is me, that is Cagalli Yamato.

And that is how I'm going to live my life, and appreciate all of the little moments that transpire within it.

And I will never forget that. Never.

PART 2: MOMENT FINIS
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
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The Green Flame
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 48 8/31/13)

Well that was a pretty nice finish to part 2. Cagalli and the Archangel funky bunch made it to Orb relatively intact and they only lost Murrue. Now I shall await Part 3 where Cagalli gets hounded by Zaft and Blue Cosmos and Tolle has been sleeping with Miriallia the entire trip :x
Last edited by The Green Flame on Fri Sep 13, 2013 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 48 8/31/13)

Thank you for the compliment. It was a fun ride.

I have decided to rehost Gundam SEED: Bloodlines at Spacebattles.com starting with Part 3.

Please read on from here.

I have a lot of personal reasons for doing this (well, that and I feel that the fanfiction board around these parts is pretty much dead), but I am leaving the mechatalk.net forums. Thank you for having me here and for reading this.

Later. =)
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
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Vent Noir
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 48 8/31/13)

Sad to see you leaving. I'm not on the Spacebattles board (and don't really want to go there), so is there some way I can be notified when new chapters come out?
Vent Noir

@AJDynon on Twitter

April 7, 1979: The first episode of Mobile Suit Gundam premieres. Fanboys declare Gundam "Ruined FOREVER".
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 48 8/31/13)

I will continue to upload to fanfiction.net. I need some time to figure out the best way to notify you otherwise.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 48 8/31/13)

Oh meh, who am I kidding? I'll post chapter 49 anyway.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Part Three: Believe

Chapter Forty-Nine: River

It was a week after I reunited with my parents.

I was still settling down then, trying to put everything behind me. Problem was, Elle and Stellar served as reminders that what I went through was real, that it indeed happened, so I could never forget it. Finally, I started writing out the beginning of my story, starting with the day the violence began, just to see if it would make me feel better. None of it seemed to helping.

Mom and Dad adjusted enough to having two extra mouths to feed. They wanted to adopt Elle away to any willing relatvies but she refused to leave my side. Those months of caring for her, that and being the one person onboard the Archangel guaranteed to not have killed her mother made me the only person Elle could trust in the world. To leave me for some aunt or uncle or cousin she barely knew was tantamount to being alone forever.

Stellar . . . Stellar got along with them well. She was just full of happiness. After giving Mom and Dad careful warnings about some of Stellar's issues, they were able to avoid freaking Stellar out. And Stellar without any words triggering her breakdowns was a model child. She'd do anything for anyone who considered her a familymember. Albeit, she needed to be taught everything first. Washing dishes was not something she was taught as an Extended.

But me? I spent a lot of time alone by a river near where I lived, just lost in thought, occasionally writing a passage of my experiences on my tablet. I couldn't help myself. I just needed to think. For the last two months, I had a purpose. I had a mission. Now I had nothing and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I had been turned into a soldier and now I wasn't one.

What was I going to do with my life?

I couldn't stand around doing nothing. I exercised, tried my hand at parkour again to find out my skills had atrophied and moves I used to be able to make were no longer doable. After several scrapes and falls, I had to downgrade the intensity of my workouts.

Writing wasn't satisfying my need for an outlet either. Then what would?

That's when Mom appeared to me one day at the river.

"Are you all right, Cagalli?"

Hearing that asked of me still nearly brought me to tears. I had never been asked that onboard the Archangel. Not by anyone other than a couple people like Kira and Murrue. To most of them I was akin to a weapon or a shield. Only to a few was I something more than that, that I was a human being with flaws and emotions. Hearing that question at that moment just made me feel vulnerable.

"No," I replied honestly. "I'm restless and depressed and feel like I'm going crazy. I just have no idea what I want to do right now."

Mom sat down next to me. "I understand. It's only been a week since you came home. It must still be a shock to you."

I had told Mom and Dad some of what happened to me, how that I had no choice but to fight and kill. It was the only way I was going to live. I didn't go into extreme detail, though. I wasn't comfortable talking about the extreme details, particularly of the later battles on the Earth. I wasn't sure if I would ever feel comfortable describing the Earth battles in detail or anyone ever again.

"It is. I got used to being on that ship, Mom, despite all of the danger and exhaustion that came with it. I got sick of being on that ship and killing people . . . and I still have nightmares about what I had to do . . . and I don't know how I'm going to move on."

Mom wrapped her shoulder around me. "We're going to help you, Cagalli. You're a strong girl. You were really brave. You know we're proud of you, and we're going to do whatever we can to help you re-adjust. I promise."

Mom's words were warm and comforting, but they didn't help as much as I wanted them to. In fact, all she and Dad reminded me about was the rumors about who or what I really was. Why ZAFT and Blue Cosmos regarded me as so important. What was I, then, to be considered so important by two vastly different organizations? Did it have to do with how I was born? Why I never knew my birth parents? Why I kept envisioning a brown seed shatter and then I could pilot like no one else?

"Thank you, Mom," I said softly, and I let myself lean into Mom's shoulder, just for a moment.

"Mom, what am I?"

"Cagalli?" Mom sounded confused, but I could hear the slight change of tone in her voice. She sounded like she had been bracing herself for my question.

"Everyone either wanted me dead or on their side while I was on that ship," I said. "They kept coming after me. I had several attempts on my life. Is it because I'm a Coordinator who was fighting on an Earth Alliance ship? Or is there something more? Why am I a Coordinator, Mom?"

Mom's hand gripped me, just a little harder. "Cagalli . . ."

"I'm scared, Mom. I used to not care why I was made a Coordinator by my birth parents or even who they were. But now that seems highly important to other people and if you know something, anything, you have to tell me. So I have some idea of what's going on."

"Your birth mother, who was my sister . . . was a brilliant, compassionate woman," Mom replied finally. "She did not marry a good man. Your birth father was many things, he was a brilliant scientist, he was talented, he had a clear vision . . . but he was not the most moral person. His research and breakthroughs became more important to him than life itself. I wished for you to have a life as far away from that as possible. I wanted you to have a peaceful, wonderful life."

"I know, Mom." She was absolutely right about that. Mom and Dad were nothing if not supportive of me. And I knew I spent a good portion of my childhood in those Coordinator academies because they wanted the best for me. They wanted me to succeed. "You and Dad have worked so hard for my sake. We spent way too much time apart when I was a little kid being spirited to those acadmies on the Moon."

"Neither of us wanted you to have any baggage," Mom says. "That's why we've never told you anything, even after you figured out you were adopted. We just wanted you to be happy, Cagalli. And right now, I'd still prefer if you did not know, but if you wish to . . . there isn't much I can do to stop you, is there?"

Suddenly, Mom's free hand, her right, reached into her pocket and she pulled out a music player. "This . . . this player has . . . has your mother's voice. She recorded . . . a lot in her final months in this world. You will hear your father's voice as well. Is this something you wish to hear, Cagalli?"

I wondered if my answers to my questions were on that player. All it would take was listening to it. I could take it from Mom's hand right now and start listening. And then . . .

What?

What was I going to do with all of this information? I knew nothing good had to be on that player, otherwise Mom wouldn't be so reluctant to let me listen. Clearly it was something bad. Clearly.

"No," I finally said. "Put it away. I don't want to hear it right now."

"You sure?" Mom masked. "If you think you are ready to hear it, I will let you listen."

"Just . . . just tell me my birth parents' names. That's all I want to know."

Mom bit her lip. "What I'm afraid of, Cagalli, is that you'll try to dig in deeper and deeper the more information you have. I-"

"I'm not going to do that, Mom. Have I ever lied to you?"

"No." Mom's lips relaxed. "Your parents' names were Ulen Hibiki and Via Hibiki. Via was my sister."

"Thank you." Of course, I had more questions to ask, but I wasn't going to break my promise to Mom.

"What was my birth mother like?" I finally asked.

"She was . . . she was a good person. Via Hibiki was ethical and she loved you very much," Mom said. "She barely got to see you before she died. When she sensed that she was in imminent danger, she passed you on to me. I never saw or even heard of her again until one day I found out she was dead."

I could piece enough together to figure out what had probably happened. "Were my birth parents killed because I was made into a Coordinator, Mom?"

"I don't know, and that's the truth," Mom replied. Her hand around my shoulder squeezed me even tighter. "I'm not sure I ever want to know why your birth parents were killed. They got themselves involved in dangerous business at your birth father's behest. What kind of dangerous business I don't know either. All I know is what Via recorded and passed on to me."

I could sense that reminiscing about this was painful for Mom. Incredibly painful.

"Thank you, Mom." I turned and faced her, and tried to smile. Mom's eyes were shimmering, like she was struggling to keep from crying. "You don't need to say anything more. You're my mom. You'll always be my mom. I love you."

I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. She returned the embrace. "Thank you, Cagalli," she finally said.

I knew that someday I was going to want to listen to the recordings my birth mother made. They were clearly important. Perhaps they'd shine light on what I was, and why I seemed to be different, even from other Coordinators.

But now wasn't the time. That time would be years away, I thought. I just wanted to enjoy the time I had with my parents and try to relax. After all, I felt a little more piece of mind knowing my parents' names at long last. Ulen and Via Hibiki. And they were scientists. I was assuming, but I thought that it was pretty clear they had a role in creating the modern Coordinators and that was probably why I was made into one. And I wasn't going to begrudge them for it. I was born before ZAFT and PLANT became their own separate political entities from Earth. And I wasn't going to begrudge my adoptive parents either for keeping things hidden from me. They wanted me to grow up as a normal girl (albeit a normal Coordinator girl) and find my own path through life.

I can't blame them for it.

After all, considering what happened next, Mom and Dad's beliefs would turn out to be totally justified.

I wasn't ready to know.
***
It was a good enough evening, full of relaxation and good food. Then people came over to try and kill me.

It was a normal dinner at first. Mom's a great cook. She can make anything from any type of cuisine and put her own personal touch on it and make it amazing. She used to be a chef in one of those exclusive restaurants patronized by VIP-types, so that kind of justifies it. Mom mostly writes adult romance novels (and teen urban fantasy novels under a pseudonym) as her pastime now, supplementing Dad's income. Not a day would go by without at least call and subsequent argument with her editors and publishers. Her teen novels actually sold better than the romance stuff she released under her real name, which was a constant source of annoyance or amusement, depending on Mom's mood.

Dad was tired. His company was restructuring after the Heliopolis debacle and he was spending a lot of late nights there. While he didn't work for Morgenroete directly, his company supplied a lot of the parts Morgenroete used. While Morgenroete was big enough that it could brush off Heliopolis' destruction, Dad's company was not. It was struggling and still laying a lot of people off, and there were concerns that they wouldn't be able to make their quota in sales this quarter.

Stellar found everything fascinating as usual. I was amazed at how much chatter came flying out of her mouth. Elle was quiet, she usually ate in silence unless spoken to. I think we reminded her of her former family to a degree because she clearly looked lonely.

"So how are you rich if so much of your money is in stocks?" Stellar asked. "I don't get it. You don't get access to stocks unless you buy them, but if you buy them, you use up money that you have and then you have this invisible thing that goes up and down. How do you have money when you have stocks?"

Dad and Mom looked at each other. Then Dad looked at Stellar. "You'll understand if you go to business school."

"Business school?" Stellar asked. "You have to go to school to be employed by a business?"

"No, not exactly," Dad said, clearly wanting to end this conversation. He had dark circles under his eyes, he obviously just wanted to finish his dinner and go to sleep.

"Then why does business school exist?" Stellar asked. "It just seems pointless to me."

Dad, a business school graduate, just hung his head. Mom rubbed his back encouragingly. "We can explain this another time," Dad finally said.

"You say that a lot," Stellar replied.

Dad hung his head again. Mom managed to smile uneasily. "Right now, we're just trying to get you acclimated, Stellar. We can answer your more difficult questions at another time."

"Oh." Stellar picked at her food. "That makes sense."

I could just hear Dad's soft sigh of relief.

I looked over at Elle, who was eating in silence. "You all right, Elle? You haven't said a word."

"I'm okay. The food is good," Elle replied.

"Thank you, I'm glad you like it, Elle," Mom said. She seemed to like Elle, which was comforting. Then again, Elle was a normal girl. Stellar wasn't. Elle was going to adjust much quicker than Stellar ever would.

Stellar suddenly set her utensils down. "Something's wrong."

"Hmm?" Dad asked.

"Outside. Something's wrong. I can feel it."

"Outside?" Mom asked. "What're you talking about?"

"Front of the house. Something's wrong. Something . . . something bad." Stellar got up from her seat. "Something bad is coming our way."

Mom and Dad both looked confused. But I wasn't. I had experience with Stellar's abilities. I even had them myself for a little while. I knew full well what Stellar was trying to say and it was already putting butterflies in my stomach and sending shivers down my spine. This was the last thing I wanted or expected.

"Mom, Dad, what Stellar's saying is that we're in trouble," I say. "She thinks someone is here to . . ." I just bit back the words 'kill us'. Barely. Last thing I wanted was Stellar freaking out.

But Mom understood. Her eyes widened and she turned to Dad. "Honey, grab the guns. Hurry."

"Wait, what?" Dad asked.

"Grab them. Cagalli, get the children into the basement and stay there," Mom said. "We'll see if something is-"

That's when it began.

Gunfire strafing the house.

Immediately I grabbed Elle and dove to the ground as bullets shot through the front of the house. They were high-caliber machine-gun bullets, capable of shooting through several walls at a time. The dining room was in the back of the house and bullets were still powering their way through the plaster and over our heads.

Elle was screaming. I wanted to scream too. I also wanted to throw up. My stomach, full of food, seemed to be flipping over and over inside me.

I thought about my parents, and turned to see they had dived to the ground too. "What the hell?" was the only coherent words I heard, from my father.

I looked up at Stellar, who had ducked at all. The look in her violet eyes scared me to death.

"They're . . . they're here to . . ."

I immediately knew where this was going. "Stellar, calm down. We can't have you freaking out on us now. Keep it together. Please, Stellar, keep it together."

"They're . . . they're gonna-"

"Stellar, don't say it. Damn it, don't say it!"

"We're . . . we're gonna die."

That's when Stellar's eyes changed completely, and I saw the hardened look of the killer I had seen in the Indian Ocean Blue Cosmos facility.

"Stellar, look, I'm not-"

Stellar sprung to her feet and took off, just as the bullets finally came to a rest.

"Where's she going?" Dad asked, holding his hands over his ears.

"She's gonna kill them all," I said.

"She's what?" Mom asked.

That's when I heard masculine cries of pain and guns beginning to go off. Rifles. Inside the house. They had shot up the house and now they had sent in a squad to mop up, only to find Stellar as berserk as ever.

"She's already started," I said. I grabbed a sobbing Elle and picked her up. "I'm heading to the basement. I think you . . . you should just stay out of Stellar's way until she's done. I don't know if . . . if she can tell friend from foe right now . . ."

It was unnerving. The way I was talking, the way I was rationalizing what was going on. It was like I was used to it. Of course I was. I had been a soldier. I had only a week of rest between the Archangel arriving in Orb and now this. It wasn't much of a break at all. I had little opportunity to become an ordinary civilian again.

"What the hell is she?" Dad asked, his voice soft, maybe even a little scared.

"I told you what she was," I replied. "She was being trained to be a super-soldier."

More masculine cries of pain, and Stellar yelling something unintelligible above more loud cracks of gunfire. She was killing them all. That's what she was trained to do. She was a soldier too.

Mom ran into the kitchen, and she overturned a couple of drawers until she drew a pistol. "Mom, where'd you get that?" I asked. I had no idea that my parents had owned weapons, and Mom's admission just seconds before about 'getting the guns' had been lost on me for some reason.

"Your father and I have been prepared for a while for an assassin coming to kill you," Mom said, and she handed Dad another pistol. "We weren't prepared for an entire team, though."

Suddenly Mom raised her pistol. She was clearly not a soldier but she had obviously taken courses in how to properly handle the weapon. She fired three times, and I heard another masculine grunt of pain and a sickening spack type of noise, followed by a thump.

"Soldiers," Mom said softly, her eyes wide in fright and shock. "The people that are attacking us . . . they're soldiers."

Elle whimpered in my arms. "It's okay," I said. "It's okay, Elle. We're gonna protect you, all right? You're going to be safe."

I walked out to where Mom was standing, making sure to stay hidden behind the wall. I saw the soldier Mom had shot up, and I wished I didn't. Mom had hit him in the chest and drilled him in the head. There was blood all over the corpse.

I could still hear the background chaos. Most of it sounded like it was happening outside now. Stellar was still alive, there wouldn't be so much gunfire right now if she wasn't. She had clearly taken the fight to the rest of the squad, platoon, or whoever was here to kill us.

Dad walked up to the soldier and ripped off the right shoulder patch. "Earth Alliance," he said grimly. "Atlantic Federation."

"Atlantic Federation?" I asked. "I just fought for the Atlantic Federation! There's no way!"

But I was lying to myself and I knew it. I had royally pissed off Blue Cosmos. These people didn't really serve the Atlantic Federation. They were from Blue Cosmos, and they were here for me. They knew where I lived.

"Cagalli," Mom said. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I barely resisted the urge to deck my own mother out of pure fear. I looked into her blue eyes and forced myself to keep calm. I couldn't freak out. Not right now.

"Cagalli, take Elle to the basement. Stay there. Your father and I may not be soldiers but we can take care of ourselves. This is our responsibility."

I knew she was right, but I still didn't want to leave. "Mom . . . Dad, you're both going to need to calm Stellar down. Remind her, when the battle is over, that she's safe. Say it how many times it needs to be said, ten, fifty, a hundred, whatever. Just reinforce it to her that . . . that's she's safe. She'll . . . she'll get ahold of herself."

"We will," Mom said. "Now get out of here. Haruma, call . . . call the authorities, if the line's not down."

"I-I'm already on it," Haruma managed as he was dialing the phone. "I-I think . . . I think the line's been d-disabled."

"May not matter," Mom said. "All of this noise has to have gotten somebody's attention."

She looked at me. "Cagalli, what are you doing? Go!"

"R-Right, Mom."

I took Elle then and ran her into the basement, where the girl desperately clung to me. I found a corner and sat down, cradling her in my arms, whispering to her that we were going to be okay. That Stellar and Mom and Dad were going to make sure that we were all going to be okay.

Because there was no way we wouldn't be okay. There just wasn't.

But I knew, in my heart, that it wasn't true. I had thought that I had finally found safety, that I had found peace, but it had turned out to be an illusion.

They were hunting me. Blue Cosmos and probably ZAFT too. Both of them, either wanting to seize me or ensure that I could never be used against them. I was little more than a pawn to either organization, waiting to be used or taken out of their horrific game.

I sat in the basement, and I waited.

And waited.

Waited for the peace, waited for the quiet.

Waited for the illusion to appear again.

Waited just to believe, even if it was just one more second . . .

That I was safe.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 49 9/16/13)

I guess I'm (sheepishly) not done with this board yet. I really can't walk away considering we're more than halfway done with the fic.

Beware. This chapter is very emo. VERY.
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Chapter Fifty: Hurt

At some point, Mom came down to the basement and told me I was safe.

It was a lie. I wasn't safe. If I could be assaulted by a black-ops team in my own home, I wasn't safe. I was never going to be safe again. And neither were my parents or anyone I've ever cared about. We would never be safe again. Not as long as I was here.

But I followed Mom up the stairs to find that Orb military police were all over the house, inspecting the damage and the dead, talking to my father. I saw Stellar, a white blanket draped around her and her torn clothing, an empty, hollow look in her violet eyes. She looked like she wanted to cry and leave reality all at the same time.

I had failed Stellar. I had failed Elle. I had promised them safety and they didn't even have a speck of it.

I handed Elle to Mom. Elle didn't want to let go. "Cagalli, no!"

"Let Mom take care of you. I need to talk to Stellar. It's okay, Elle."

"Cagalli!" Elle was shushed by Mom, who gently carried Elle away, leaving me just to look at Stellar.

It didn't take a genius to tell that Stellar had killed all of the attackers, besides the trooper Mom shot. My parents had been ready for an attacker. Probably ready for years for someone to come for me. They hadn't accounted for an entire squad, however. There was no way Mom and Dad would have been able to stop a squad. If it weren't for Stellar, they'd be dead. Elle would be dead too. And me? Either I'd be in their hands or dead myself. Considering they had shot up the entire house, most likely dead.

Stellar, for her part, had blood all over her and several rips and tears in her clothing. It looked like she hadn't just shot people, she had gotten into knife fights as well. And she had somehow won all of them. It looked like she had a few scratches and bruises on her but she didn't seem to have any injuries that would leave lasting harm.

What kind of girl was she to decimate an entire black-ops squad without serious injury?

I knelt down in front of Stellar, and she did not pay me any attention at all. The smell of blood wafted through my nostrils and I bit back the urge to throw up. I couldn't do that, not in front of Stellar. "Stellar, it's me. Are you all right?"

"You promised me I would be safe."

Her voice, soft, resonant, accusatory, angry, bitter, despairing. All at once. It made replying almost impossible.

"I-I know, Stellar."

"You promised me I would be safe."

Her violet eyes were looking at me now. They wore the look of betrayal. And I felt afraid. I felt afraid that Stellar would do to me that she did to the attackers, that she did to anyone who crossed her.

"S-Stellar . . . please . . ."

I felt pathetic in that instant, as I realized I was on the verge of begging Stellar for my life. I was so afraid. I was nothing but fear in front of Stellar in that moment, believing that this girl would, at any second, attempt to murder me.

"I wanted to be safe," she said then, her voice softer. Some of her aggression was gone, but enough of it was still there that my hairs were still standing on end and I was finding it difficult to breathe. The tension wasn't just audible, it was close to visible.

"I-I know. It's all my fault," I managed. "They were after me, Stellar. Not you."

"You?" Stellar asked.

"They wanted to kill me, Stellar. That's why they came here. They somehow knew where I lived and they wanted me dead. I would not have survived that assault if it weren't for you, Stellar. You saved my life."

"I . . . saved you?" Stellar's eyes and voice both softened, just a little bit.

"Yes, you did," I said. "You saved me. Thank you."

"I saved you." Stellar bit her lip. "I saved you, Cagalli? I really did?"

The chill in my spine faded, just a little. Somehow, telling her that she had saved me had triggered something, and Stellar was calming down, returning to how she normally was. "You fought them for a reason, Stellar, and that was to protect me. Thank you," I said.

"Big sister Cagalli," Stellar said. Her lips trembled and I suddenly saw tears spill from her eyes. She suddenly lurched forward and fell into my arms.

"Big sister Cagalli, big sister Cagalli," Stellar cried softly as she held me tight.

"It's okay, Stellar," I managed. "It's okay. Thank you. Thank you so much."

Now she wasn't an elite super-soldier in training. She was Stellar Louissier again. A fourteen-year-old girl who had clear psychological aliments that she needed to overcome and a supreme athleticism that allowed her to just do things other Naturals couldn't do. Even with the drugs out of her system, Stellar clearly could still be an elite soldier. I could only imagine how terrifying Stellar would be to face under the drugs' influence. I had only seen glimpses of that back on that Blue Cosmos island.

But then again, Stellar was different. She was an Extended, a 'new type of human being'. She had something I could never have, not without Stellar bestowing it upon me. That probably was the deciding factor in that battle, Stellar just knew what her enemies were going to do right before they were going to do it, and that was how she could annihilate a squad of elite soldiers on her own.

"I love you, big sister Cagalli," Stellar moaned.

"Thank you. I love you too," I said. I was surprised that I said that, to be honest. The words had come out of my mouth without me even thinking about it. It felt like the right words to say, to this girl who wanted to be part of my family, who had called me 'big sister' virtually the moment after she came onboard the Archangel.

Eventually, Stellar began calming down, and her grip on me loosened. Her next words were a whisper next to my ear. "What's wrong with me?"

"Stellar?" I asked, completely confused. I hadn't expected Stellar to say something like that at all.

"I . . . why was I crying?" Stellar asked. "I never cried after . . . after . . . k-killing people . . . before . . ."

Stellar hands dug into my back and I bit back a yelp. She was fighting her programming now, fighting her fear of the word 'kill' that triggered her berserk rampages. I could hear it in Stellar's breathing, in her soft moans, her fighting the urge to go right back into the unstoppable killing machine she also was. She was using me as a way to keep herself level, to fight the urge to want to kill everything in sight.

"Is . . .?" Stellar sounded like she was clenching her teeth. "Is . . . it bad to cry . . . after what I've done, Cagalli?"

Her hands stopped digging into my back and I just barely kept my sigh of relief soft. Barely. It took me a few seconds in order to answer after basking in the relief of Stellar no longer maintaining a death grip.

"No," I finally said. "You're not wrong to cry. I've cried a lot after I had to . . . um, end people. That means you're sorry for what you've done, Stellar. You knew you had no choice but you're sad because you didn't want to do it."

It was hard, trying to explain to this girl the concept of being human. Of being moral. Of being a good person, even though she had to kill. Considering Stellar could easily get confused, I wasn't sure if I would accidentally send her the wrong message. I wasn't sure what Stellar was trying to tell me and what I needed to say, so I had to be cxtremely careful.

"I'm not weak?" Stellar asked.

I knew how to answer that one. I had lucked out, huge. "No, you're not weak, Stellar. You're anything but weak."

"So crying . . . isn't weakness?" Stellar asked.

"It can be weakness," I said, "But it's not weakness here. What you're feeling right now . . . is sorrow. This is not because of weakness, Stellar."

"Sorrow." Stellar doesn't say anything for a second. Then . . . "So sorrow is when my heart hurts even though it hasn't been injured."

"Yeah," I said. "That's sorrow."

That's when I saw him.

He was walking in disguise. He clearly didn't want to cause a scene, hiding under a hat and casual clothing. But I saw his face, and there were unmistakable bodyguards following him.

The beard gave it away.

Uzumi Nara Athha, the Prime Minister of Orb and a member of the royal family that controlled the country . . . and also Kira's father.

What was he doing here?

He didn't look at me or even seem to notice me. Perhaps he did and he thought that if he and I looked at each other I would notice him, and by ignoring him I would ignore him too.

It's not like that. I was a political science major. My studies had me virtually drown in politics. I had heard his voice, and seen his face, so many times that I could not forget it even if I wanted to.

And coming out here, in the middle of nowhere, in a disguise, right after a shooting, is not something a Prime Minister of Orb does.

No, something else was going on.

Something big.

My curiosity seized control of me. I had to know what and why he was doing here. The back of my head seized on conspiracy theories and some of them were about me. Again, my mother and the recorder this morning, and the many, many hints that I was not like everyone else . . .

I had to follow. I had to.

"Stellar," I said. "I need to go. Something else is up."

"There . . . there shouldn't be any other danger," Stellar said.

"Yeah, but I still don't like it. I'm going to follow that man," I said. "Stay here."

"Cagalli-"

"Stellar, please stay here. I'll be all right."

But when I got up to follow Uzumi Nara Athha, Stellar followed me anyway.
***
I stopped trying to shake Stellar off after a while. She seemed to realize right away that I was trying to sneak around and she clammed right up and followed me as quietly as possible. And she was good at being quiet.

What I wound up doing was follow Athha and his bodyguards towards my parents' bedroom and they closed the door behind them. I followed them right to the bedroom door and stopped right outside it, careful to sit down outside without making any noise.

That's when Uzumi Nara Athha spoke and my suspicions were confirmed. "Caridad, Haruma, are you both all right?"

First-name basis with my parents. Holy crap.

Mom's voice. "We're all right, Lord Uzumi. That girl Cagalli brought home, Stellar . . . she's the reason we're still alive. She eliminated virtually the entire enemy squad on her own."

"Yes, the Extended children," Lord Uzumi said, in what sounded like a grave tone. "They seem to have incredible abilities even without the drugs that one of them, Sting Oakley, told us about. Extrasensory perception . . . I did not think it was possible in any shape or form until I met that young man."

Stellar opened her mouth and I made a "shush" motion with my finger and lips. Stellar nodded and kept her mouth shut.

"I didn't grasp what she was until she took them all out," Dad said. "She scares the hell out of me now, but I can't very well turn her away either. We all owe her our lives."

"What have you been able to figure out?" Mom asked. "Were they after Cagalli or Stellar or both?"

"I doubt they had any idea Stellar was there. Otherwise they would have come prepared for her," Lord Uzumi replied. "From what my people have been able to discern, they are Blue Cosmos agents. They came here to kill Cagalli."

Immediately I looked at Stellar and frantically motioned at Stellar to shush. Stellar seemed to be resisting the urge to freak out and finally she covered her ears with her hands to block out the voices.

At least this way she wouldn't accidentally cause a disturbance. She wasn't going to have a clue as to what was going on, though?

"I had a feeling you were right," Mom said. "Haruma and I have hidden guns in the home for a . . . very long time, in the event someone came for Cagalli. But what just happened is beyond anything Haruma and I can do."

"Damn Ulen and his experiments," Haruma growled. "If he hadn't done what he did to Cagalli none of this would be happening!"

My heart almost stopped for a second. My father . . . my birth father . . . actually experimented on me? Was that why . . .?

I almost couldn't function after hearing that. It took concentration just to keep listening.

"We can't change that now," Lord Uzumi said. "Anymore than we can change the journey Kira and Cagalli took on the Archangel."

"I don't think we can hide the truth from Cagalli any longer," Mom said. "She was asking me about her origins this morning, not closely, mind you, but she was. After what just happened she's going to demand to know everything. That's how she is."

"I'm still shocked Cagalli didn't realize the truth about Kira and her after two whole months on that ship with him," Dad said.

Truth? My mind raced. What truth with Kira and I? What did Dad mean by that? Was Kira like me, or was he something else?

"I never imagined Kira and Cagalli would ever see each other again," Lord Uzumi said. "Much less spend two whole months together on that ship, working as a team to keep the Archangel safe. I'd almost say it was fate."

What was he talking about? Had I met Kira sometime before, long ago? Maybe when we were little kids? I couldn't remember ever meeting anyone who looked remotely like Kira. Or felt that strange sense of familiarity and trust with anyone else before, either. He had felt like an old friend so quickly after I met him, and . . .

Why?

"Is the truth still being kept from Kira?" Dad asked.

"His past does not have Cagalli's baggage," Lord Uzumi said. "He is a Natural. His father spared him the experiments he subjected Cagalli to."

My mind immediately erupted.

Instantly, I made all of the connections in my mind.

The familiarity I felt with Kira, like I should have known him even though I did not. The 'experiments' dialogue, where it was outright said my own birth father experimented on me and . . . that meant that since Kira was spared . . .

Kira was my brother.

I had spent all that time on that ship, and he was right there. My brother, helping me all along. And I never knew.

"Ulen had no right to do what he did," Mom spat with a viciousness I almost never heard from her. "He subjected my sister to so much pain and torment over what he did! And now his work is finally coming to haunt all of us, including the children he left behind because of his immorality!"

What were they talking about?

I heard a recorded voice playing. It sounded like a woman's voice.

"Give her back to me!" the female voice cried. "Give her back! Don't do this to her, Ulen! You're playing God with our daughter!"

"I've almost cracked it! The last subject was almost perfect! I have to continue in this direction! I must!" the deep, almost-domineering voice of what had to be my birth father replied.

"That poor girl you experimented on will be lucky to make it through more than a decade of life!" the woman's voice said. "I won't let you do this to our daughter! I won't let those bastards use her!"

"That girl is my daughter, Via!" my birth father replied, confirming that the sobbing, crying woman was indeed my birth mother. "I will do with her what I have to do for the sake of the project! Your son is expendable and frankly so are you. Do yourself and your son a favor and not interfere with my work!"

I heard a click and the recording stopped, and I could hear Mom struggling to hold back sobs of her own. "V-Via died over this . . . over what that bastard did to Cagalli, Lord Uzumi. W-What are we supposed to d-do, huh? Before we all end up like Via and Ulen?"

It took me a moment to realize I was beginning to cry myself. My face had heated up and I could feel my eyes moistening and see what seemed to be a layer of mist form over my vision. I was crying.

I . . . I'm an experiment?

Imagine hearing that for the first time. That you're definitely not normal. In fact, you didn't even make it through your mother's womb without being experimented upon! Maybe I wasn't even born inside my mother's womb! My mother . . . my poor mother was screaming over me being taken from her . . . had I been yanked from her womb?

Did that mean I was a child of no one?

I suddenly heard Lord Uzumi's voice, and it was grave. "I believe I hear your daughter crying outside the door. I . . . I think we should decide what to do with her first."

They had heard me. I couldn't keep myself quiet enough to keep from being heard. I barely staggered to my feet in time for the door to open and I found myself staring at Lord Uzumi and my parents.

"Cagalli," Dad said.

"Oh my God," Mom gasped, her hands in front of her mouth.

Seeing them just made more tears spill from my eyes and I couldn't even muster the effort to wipe them away.

"What . . . w-what am I?" I forced out.

"Cagalli, I . . . I'm so sorry," Mom said.

"Mom, what am I?" I shouted.

Lord Uzumi approached me. "Cagalli, what you have heard is out of context. You need to calm down and-"

He seemed to be trying like a kindly old uncle and that terrified me. I took my hands and shoved him away from me. "Stay away from me! Stay away!"

"Cagalli, you need to calm down!" Dad pleaded.

"Calm down?" I screamed. "How can I calm down? I just found out I'm a freak! That's all I am! A freak everyone's fighting over like I'm some stupid pawn!"

"Cagalli," Mom begged, her voice choked up. "Please."

"Shut up!" I couldn't control myself anymore. All I had was panic and rage and sadness and it was an unstoppable wave of emotion that I could not stop. "Shut up! You're just a liar! All of you and everyone else! You just lie to me!"

"Cagalli," Mom begged again. "Please stop b-backing a-away. W-We love you, Cagalli. P-Please."

Mom's eyes, shaped like my own, crying just as I was, brought the temptation to stay. But it wasn't anywhere close enough to what I needed. In fact, seeing her cry just made me angrier.

"Go to hell you bitch!" I screamed before I could stop myself.

Mom gasped and her eyes widened in shock.

Dad's eyes widened too. Even Uzumi and his bodyguards looked stunned.

It hit me too, what I had said to my mother, my real mother, who I had told that very morning that I loved her.

"Oh . . . I . . ." I couldn't talk anymore, staring at Mom who looked like she was going to completely fall into pieces in front of my eyes.

Mom, who I had just . . . I had just . . .

Dad could still talk. "Cagalli . . . I know you . . ."

I couldn't stay there anymore. I did what kids do when they scream hateful things at their parents.

I ran away.
***
It felt like miles before I finally collapsed at the side of a river and just sobbed into the grass, my hands pulling out clumps of weeds, grass, and dirt as I wailed at . . . at something. At myself, at my birth parents, at my real parents, at the Prime Minister . . . maybe even at Kira. I didn't know anymore. I just felt like I shouldn't even exist.

I felt like the lowliest piece of scum to ever inhabit the world. Part of me wanted to wither away and die and just be forgotten by everyone and everything. I didn't even want my body to remain after I died. I just wanted be burned into ash and blown away by the wind until I either became food for trees or fish or something so there would be nothing left of me.

The other part of me wanted to run back to my house, to Mom, and cry into her arms and tell her I'm sorry and I didn't mean it. I wanted the warmth I had felt with her that morning, right before all of this had happened. And yet I felt like I no longer deserved such things. I had condemned my own mother, who had given me nothing but love, and this is what I deserved. Being alone.

I was a science experiment. I wasn't even a Coordinator who had gotten modified while I was in the womb! I was physically yanked out of it! Violated by my own birth father!

No wonder I wasn't like everyone else! What right did I have to live? What gave me the right to murder human beings in war when I wasn't like them? I was just the result of my insane birth father's tinkering with things he barely understood!

What was I? A monster? A super-soldier? A time-bomb? Something else?

I crawled my exhausted, aching body over to the river and stared at the reflection of my red, puffy face and bloodshot eyes, and it just made me feel even more disgusted. I cupped my face into my hands and resumed crying. There was nothing else I could do.

I felt like I couldn't go back home and yet I couldn't move on either. I was lost, hopeless, and felt like absolutely nothing.

I was nothing but a science experiment brought to life like Frankenstein's monster. That's all I was.

My world had completely collapsed and there was nothing I could do but cry.

And that's when I heard footsteps.

Someone else was here.

I didn't want whoever it was anywhere near me. I turned towards the figure and I couldn't see who he or she was through my blurred, misty vision. "What the hell do you want, huh? Go away! Leave me alone!"

"I can't do that, Cagalli."

That voice . . . I knew that voice!

"I-It's you? I-I thought . . ." It was someone I could trust, but that person wasn't supposed to be anywhere near Onogoro! Why? What was this person doing here?

"I was. Then I found out I had no choice but to come here."

The person's voice was so hollow, so despairing, like the person had gone past the point of tears and was just going through the motions of life.

And then the person raised something. And then I blinked, and I saw a pistol in the person's hand.

Oh my God. I didn't just feel hopeless anymore. I felt like an ant who was finally going to be squashed underfoot, left to be carried away by its comrades who would also be squashed by the same cruelty that killed me.

"W-Why?" I finally asked. "I-I trusted you."

"I was given no choice," the person said. "If I don't . . . if I don't . . ."

The person sighed. "Never mind. Goodbye, Cagalli."

The person aimed at me and the person's finger began to press on the trigger.

And my life began to flash before my eyes as I waited to die.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 50 9/19/13)

Today's my birthday. Special chapter to commemorate it. Unfortunately, it also has a lot of emo in it.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Fifty-One: Bait and Switch

"Tolle! Wait! Please!" I screamed as his finger closed around the trigger.

Tolle's eyes shimmered. "Cagalli! I can't! If I don't-"

"Why the hell are you doing this? I trusted you! I loved you! Was it you the whole time? Were you the one who murdered Dorothy Eliarez? Have you just been some spy waiting for your chance to kill me? Is that all you are, huh? Just another lie?"

I couldn't even look at him anymore. I just buried my face in my hands and cried.

This was perfect. Just too perfect. Now my boyfriend was revealed to be out to kill me the entire time! I had nobody, nobody at all! And now I was going to die out here, far away from anyone who remotely cared about me, completely alone, in the hands of someone who had played me like a fool and had succeeded!

"You think this is what I want to do?" Tolle shouted. His voice was trembling, like he wanted to cry himself. "I love you too, you know! But I was given no choice!"

"You have a choice you stupid bastard!" I screamed as I looked at him through blurred vision. "You don't have to kill me!"

"If I don't kill you my entire family's going to die!" Tolle shouted back. "It's them or it's you! That's what they told me!"

'They'? Who was 'they'?

Who was I kidding? I knew who 'they' were without much thinking.

"Blue Cosmos, huh? They put you up to this?" I asked. "You've been deceiving me? Playing me? Just so you can kill me?"

"I have no choice!" Tolle shouted. "What part of this don't you understand? One of the people you rescued in that lifeboat was a Blue Cosmos spy and she put me up to this! Said that she knew where I lived and if I didn't take care of you she would make sure my family would die! I begged Miri for help and she said she would! So when the woman got hurt Miriallia and I stuck our necks out for you! I'm the one who killed Dorothy Eliarez but Miriallia made sure she was seen so she'd be the suspect instead! I thought it would be over after that!"

The shock seemed to freeze the entire world for the next few seconds. My whole body shook and I was back down to my hands and knees, staring at the ground I had torn up with my hands just moments earlier.

Dorothy Eliarez . . . she was . . . she was just a Blue Cosmos agent, the whole time? But then she entrusted her daughter to me for babysitting multiple times before she died! Why would she do that, have a Coordinator babysit her own child?

This made no sense!

"T-Tolle?" I finally asked.

"I love you, Cagalli! I did everything I could to avoid this!" Tolle shouted. He looked like he was going to collapse himself. His knees were quivering and the grip on his gun was becoming increasingly shaky. He could accidentally fire the gun at any time. He could miss me completely or drill me in the head or anywhere in between, the way that gun was shaking.

"They came back for me, Cagalli! Once they get you there's no e-escape from them," Tolle managed through his choked voice. "They just force you to do whatever the hell they want, and they don't care how they make you do it."

"Tolle, don't do this! They could have murdered your family anyway and just kill you once you kill me!" I pleaded. "You'd just be a loose end, Tolle!"

"I know that! But . . ." Tolle just shook his head. "But I have to go with the choice that even gives my family a slim chance of survival. Do you understand that?"

I could. But I'd also try to find any way possible to try to avoid killing someone I love in order to protect someone else I love. I wouldn't just give up. Not like this, and do something evil.

But in the condition I was in, I felt nothing but despair. I was going to be murdered by my own boyfriend who was reluctantly playing the puppet being controlled by Blue Cosmos. I wasn't sure if Tolle didn't secretly plan to join me in death himself after he murdered me, the way he was acting in front of me.

It seemed to be a fitting way to go, after everything I had gone through. To die in maximum suffering.

"Tolle . . ."

"I'm probably a d-dead guy after this is over. But maybe . . . m-maybe my parents, and the r-rest of my family . . . and Miri too, they'll be left alone," Tolle said, tears pouring from his eyes. "I love you, Cagalli . . . but it's either we all die or just you and probably me. Y-You know what choice I have to make."

I could understand. And in that moment, after finding out what I was, where I had come from, and had finally an inkling of what had been done to me . . .

I almost wanted Tolle to kill me.

It would be so much easier if I were to die right here and now. It would be fitting too. My family would be so completely heartbroken and I had likely secured myself a place in hell for my actions in the war and over what I had screamed at Mom. I was suffering in that moment and I thought I was ready to face an eternity of nothing but suffering.

"Go ahead, I won't stop you," I managed. I blinked away my tears so I could see my executioner clearly. "Goodbye, Tolle."

"Damn it," Tolle said. His arms were quivering even worse than before. "Damn it . . . I can't do this . . . you're . . ."

I heard a soft snap of a dead twig to my right. Tolle lowered his pistol then, and a small, bittersweet smile crossed his lips and he closed his eyes.

"Okay," he said. "Do it."

It took me a second to realize exactly what Tolle meant and by then it was too late.

Pop. Pop. Tolle's body spasmed from being hit by gunshots twice from my right.

As I saw Tolle fall, I could not scream, or gasp, or even breathe. My whole body just ceased to function other than my eyes, who could not look away from my falling boyfriend.

Tolle landed on his back, blood seeping from his wounds, breathing raggedly. A pool of blood was rapidly forming under him, he had been shot by high-velocity rounds. He didn't have more than a minute to live at best, that much I could tell.

A few seconds later, I re-discovered how to breathe. And scream.

"Tolle!" I scrambled over to him, but as I reached him I heard a male voice from my right. A familiar male voice, now without radio distortion for the first time since I met him at Heliopolis.

"Cagalli!" I turned and I saw Athrun run out of the trees and into the field, a silenced pistol in his own hands.

He was wearing street clothes and now that I could finally see him clearly he looked surprisingly handsome, looking much more like his beautiful mother than his cruel-looking father.

"A-Athrun?" was all I could say before Athrun made it to my side and grabbed my arm.

"Cagalli, we've got to get you out of here," Athrun said. "Blue Cosmos is after you with a vengeance."

"B-But Athrun!" I wouldn't budge. Not after what just happened. Tolle was dying in front of my eyes and I didn't want to go anywhere! I didn't feel like running or doing anything else! I had just about given up on everything and I honestly did not care if I lived or died anymore. I just wanted to be by Tolle.

"Cagalli! I have intelligence that says they have personnel to go after you three more times!" Athrun shouted. "You have to come with me if you want to live."

"W-What if I don't, huh?" I asked.

"What?" Athrun asked, his blue eyes widening in amazement.

The tears re-appeared in my eyes and I could just barely make my voice work. I felt empty and useless and had nothing but pain in my thoughts. "What if I . . . if I don't want to live, Athrun? What do you say to that?"

"Dammit, Cagalli!" Athrun slapped me with the palm of his hand.

The shock of his action jarred me out of my stupor, just for a moment, as Athrun grabbed my shoulders and physically shook me for a couple of seconds.

"Cagalli, I am risking my life and the lives of my entire team to get you out of here!" Athrun shouted. "You aren't dying here! You hear me? Now get ahold of yourself!"

His voice was resonant enough that somehow I didn't feel quite so empty. It just made me cry more. "A-Athrun . . ."

Athrun's hands gripped my shoulders tightly. "Come on, Cagalli. Snap out of it. Pull yourself together! I know I shot someone close to you but if you don't pull yourself together everything will be for nothing! Please!"

It wasn't just that, but Athrun wouldn't know that, of course. He hadn't been privy to that revealing little conversation between Lord Uzumi and my parents.

I knew for sure I didn't want him to know either. I didn't want him to think I was a freak too.

The moment I thought that, I realized I still wanted to live. If I still cared what Athrun thought of me, I still desired to live. I still wanted to be cared about and liked. I didn't want to die, especially not here in some random field in the middle of nowhere.

"O-Okay, Athrun," I said finally. I looked over at Tolle, who was gasping for air and moaning softly, clearly in great pain.

"Tolle . . ." I managed.

Athrun let go of me and leaned over Tolle. "I heard most of the conversation, Tolle," Athrun said. "I'm sorry I had to do this."

"I . . . I heard you break that twig . . . I saw . . . your gun . . ." Tolle managed a grimance that vaguely resembled a smile. "I . . . I knew what . . . you were . . . gonna do . . ."

"Tolle!" I pleaded but Athrun grabbed me before I got too close.

"Cagalli . . . just . . . just don't let these monsters . . . win, okay? Don't . . . let yourself die . . . please don't die . . . until you beat them . . ." Tolle said, his eyes turning to me. "P-Promise me."

He began coughing and blood came up from his mouth and I got a little bit of it spewed onto my face, which I wiped with the back of my hand. I forced myself to ignore the nauseating scent of blood as I looked at him. "I . . . I promise, Tolle."

That sealed it. No matter how much despair I felt or how difficult the path in front of me was. Not until Blue Cosmos was beaten could I stop. No surrender, and death was not an option.

I do not lie to people and I do not break my promises. That's me.

"You . . ." Tolle said, his eyes beginning to close but managing to focus just enough on Athrun, "Please . . . protect her . . ."

"I will," Athrun said solemnly. "I promise that too."

"Thank you . . ." Tolle's head turned to the side then, and with his eyes still half-open, I heard him go completely silent. No longer breathing.

"Tolle?" I reached out to him only to be grabbed by Athrun. "Tolle?"

"Cagalli, we have to go!" Athrun shouted as he pulled me to my feet.

But in that moment, I remembered something Aisha had said to me inside the cockpit of Andrew Waltfeld's LaGOWE. That the hearing of a person was the last thing to go.

"Tolle," I said, fighting Athrun for just long enough for me to still be next to his face, "Don't blame yourself. I still love you, Tolle. I still do."

I bit my lip. "Goodbye, Tolle."

Then I finally let myself get led away by Athrun, as we vanished into the forest, leaving Tolle behind . . . forever.
***
What had happened still hadn't registered as Athrun led me through the forest. I couldn't say a word and I was still wiping away my eyes. I still couldn't believe what had happened. Tolle, my boyfriend . . . forced to serve Blue Cosmos,dead. Killed by none other than Athrun. Tolle, who killed Dorothy Eliarez, who was a Blue Cosmos agent herself and wanted Tolle to kill me. Tolle, who had been so understanding despite me gradually falling apart over the course of the Archangel's journey . . . and he was gone.

I still couldn't believe it.

He didn't deserve that at all! Tolle didn't deserve to die! But at the same time, he was going to kill me! Athrun killed Tolle but he saved my life in the process! I didn't know how to feel that at all.

I thought about resisting Athrun but after everything that had happened my will to resist was just gone. Blue Cosmos had plans for three more attempts on my life? What much more could they possibly do to kill me? They sent a black-ops squad to kill me and when that failed they forced Tolle to do it. What could possibly be next?

It felt like I had no choice but to let Athrun lead me away from my home. It was the only way I could stay alive . . . and for those I cared about and had alienated to live too. Blue Cosmos had no reason to go after my loved ones if I was no longer there.

"Cagalli," Athrun said. "I'm going to lead us to a fairly secluded park where my driver is waiting. Doing what I did kind of blew up my mission so my team's gotta get out of here."

"Uh huh," I said, not really understanding or caring. I couldn't get my mind off of Tolle.

"Cagalli, just follow my lead through this. That's all you have to do. You will be safe."

Yeah, until ZAFT forces me to fight again, I thought. The mere idea of me fighting for ZAFT seemed alien and impossible, but if Athrun successfully got me out of Orb that was precisely what was going to happen.

Then I heard a shout behind me. "Big sister Cagalli!"

My heart nearly stopped.

Oh no, Stellar.

Somehow, she had found me. She had chased me down and found me.

She was coming to rescue me. Because she loved me. Because I was her family.

"Damn it!" Athrun began yanking his gun out of his holster.

Immediately, the nightmare of Stellar shooting Athrun went through my head and I grabbed Athrun's arm. "No, don't do it!"

"Cagalli?" Athrun's eyes widened in shock.

"You do it she'll-"

Before I could finish, Stellar burst through the trees and appeared behind us, almost out of breath. As I had expected, Stellar had a gun of her own. It was not Tolle's gun, Athrun had taken it himself, it was likely a pistol that belonged to my parents. "Big sister . . . Cagalli."

"Stellar," was all I could say.

"Let her go." Stellar aimed at Athrun like the professional soldier she was. "Let her go. Let my big sister go!"

"What the hell is going on?" Athrun asked.

"Stellar, don't shoot him! Please don't shoot him! He's my friend!" I shouted.

"Friends don't take their friends away!" Stellar yelled. Tears were already appearing in her eyes. "Friends don't do this! He's not your friend, Cagalli!"

Stellar's simplistic logic didn't completely apply to this situation but the stark clarity of her words brought a funny feeling to my heart. In a way, she was absolutely right, Athrun was basically kidnapping me and that was something a friend should not do to someone he considers a friend. But what Stellar was missing was how my life was in peril and if I was in peril so would Stellar and everyone else.

"H-He's trying to save my life," I finally said, as calmly as I could.

"How?" Stellar asked. "How is he saving your life? He's taking you away, big sister Cagalli!"

She looked at him. "I bet he's a Coordinator, isn't he? He's trying to take you into the war! I can't let him do that! I'm not letting you fight again, Cagalli! I can't!"

She was going to do it. In the name of protecting me she was going to do it. Kill Athrun, and I was going to lose another friend over this, and then I would be left with nothing.

"Stellar, if I don't let him take me away . . . it's hard to explain," I finally said.

"If it's so hard to explain then why are you letting him do this?" Stellar asked.

I heard Athrun suddenly whisper "In position?"

I didn't need to be a genius to know what that meant. Athrun had a sniper covering him. That sniper was going to blow Stellar's head off.

"Please don't, Athrun!" I pleaded.

Athrun gave me a look, but immediately said "Nonlethal. She's Cagalli's friend . . . sister . . . something."

"W-What? What's going on?" Stellar asked, her eyes wide in confusion and a steady realization that she was about to be fired upon.

That's when I heard a pop from the left and a dart struck Stellar right in the neck.

Stellar's eyes widened and she gasped in shock. She dropped her weapon and tried to yank the dart out of her, but the dart emptied its contents before she could.

I ran towards her but Stellar was already falling to her knees before I could get to her. I caught her just as her body went limp.

"B-Big sister C-Cagalli? Why?" Stellar forced out in a near-whisper. "It's so we all stay alive," I said. "Including you. I'm protecting you by doing this, Stellar."

"I-I don't . . . understand . . ."

Stellar's voice broke my heart. It really did. I was crying all over again holding her in arms, watching Stellar fade away into unconsciousness.

"If . . . if I don't go with ZAFT," I said, "Blue Cosmos . . . Blue Cosmos is going to keep . . . k-keep trying to kill me, Stellar. And they'll kill you too if I'm still here. The only way for you and Elle to be safe . . . is for me to leave. I'm sorry, Stellar . . . please take care of Elle for me until I come back."

"I . . . I . . ." I saw in her eyes a brief glimpse of her berserker rampage, over my use of the word 'kill', but it couldn't burn off the tranquilizer. She fell unconscious then, completely limp in my arms, lost to the world including myself.

"I-I'm really sorry." It was then when Athrun grabbed my shoulder.

"She'll live," Athrun said. "But we can't take her with us. We have to go, Cagalli."

I knew he was right. I knew he was right, but . . .

I couldn't help wishing there was a better way.

Without hurting someone else who I loved, and who loved me.
***
Athrun led me to a sedan that was his getaway car where he and the green-haired young man named Nicol both met up. The driver was someone else I didn't recognize, but it wasn't Dearka or Asta for sure. Had to be another ZAFT agent. Wouldn't surprise me if he was the sniper Athrun had talked to.

As it slowly hit me that Tolle had been killed by Athrun, and that Stellar had been tranquilized on Athrun's orders, I wanted to throw up. No matter what I could do I could not escape the war. The war had come and yanked me back in.

This was so messed up and confusing. It made my brain hurt which just made my nausea worse.

"You look pale," Athrun finally said. He was in the rear seat with me, and Nicol had taken the passenger's seat in the front of the sedan.

"I want to throw up," I said. It was clear Athrun was assuming it was entirely over what had happened to Tolle and Stellar and I was content with leaving that impression. As much as I wanted to talk about what I had learned just hours before, about how I was an experiment of my own birth father, I couldn't say a word about it. I just couldn't. I had cut off ties with everyone else over what I had learned and I didn't want to risk losing Athrun. I didn't want him to think I was a freak too.

Athrun was all I had left after the way I had melted down. I couldn't lose him. He was the one person who still cared about me that I had not completely alienated or seen killed in front of my eyes. If I pushed him away, or made me scared or queasy about me . . . I would have absolutely no one.

The fear and sadness of being alone was still gripping me. Now that I had control over my emotions, however, tenuous as it was, I knew I never wanted to feel that level of despair ever again. I could not let myself feel that I deserved pain or despair. I had promised Tolle, in practice, that I would avenge him, and destroy Blue Cosmos. If I gave into despair I would never accomplish that and just be another dead Coordinator.

In a way, what was happening to me was playing right into the hands of the revenge quest. Now I was in ZAFT's hands. They were likely bringing me to their base and I was going to be given a Mobile Suit and forced to fight. I was being brought back into the war. I would likely be pit against Blue Cosmos. I could destroy them right on the field of battle.

So even in that moment, I could not hate Athrun even though he had killed Tolle. Hating Athrun would just make me alone again. I had lost everything and all I had gained from it was my childhood friend who had done what he had to in order to save my life.

Tolle had let Athrun shoot him. He was so far gone into despair himself that he had allowed Athrun to kill him in order to protect me. He had taken the third option out of the three horrific choices he had: the scenario where he failed his mission by dying and where Athrun led me away, and Tolle's family would not come to harm because Tolle hadn't disobeyed orders. The only life lost would be Tolle's own life.

What if Tolle had known about me? The truth, that I was a concoction of my birth father's laboratory or something? Would he have made the same decision then?

No, I knew Tolle. He had said the truth and nothing but the truth back there and he cared for me so much that the choice he had to make had driven him past the brink of despair, where he preferred death over murdering me. He would have accepted me, even with knowing what I was. He would have made the same exact choice.

Athrun . . . I could not be sure.

"Cagalli." Athrun's voice jarred me from my thoughts. "I . . . I know you must hate my guts right now, and . . . please, I-"

"Athrun, I know why you did what you did," I said. "You saved my life. I'd be crazy if I hated you for it. Just don't talk to me about it. He was my boyfriend, and she . . . she was my adopted little sister."

"Okay." Athrun looked away then.

I looked at him as he was staring out the window. He looked . . . sad. I had forgotten how melancholy he looked much of the time. Even when he was a child, he was sensitive and didn't smile very often, and when he did it was usually around me when I tried to cheer him up. He always seemed like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, legitimately. You wanted to slap him but knew you would be in the wrong for slapping him, if that makes any sense at all.

"This . . . this wasn't how . . . I wanted to see you in person again," Athrun said. "I . . . I wanted something different."

"Athrun . . ." I reached out and grabbed his arm and pulled him closer.

"Cagalli." He looked absolutely stunned.

"Just . . . just let me grab your arm for a while," I said. "I've . . . I've had a really bad day."

"Okay," Athrun said. He didn't even wince in pain and I knew I was holding him tightly. His arm wasn't big by any means but it was sinewy and strong and I took comfort from that. I needed something firm and strong. It would help me re-center myself.

The green-haired young man, Nicol, looked back at us. "I'm . . . I'm glad you're still alive to be honest, Cagalli Yamato. We were sent here to check on the Archangel's status and whether you were intending on staying a civilian or going to fight for the Earth Alliance. Athrun kinda deviated from the mission here to grab you after what Blue Cosmos tried to do to you. I'm amazed you're still alive."

"Someone saved my life," I said. "Someone who's very good at killing." I didn't have the heart to tell Athrun that the person in question was Stellar.

"We saw," Nicol said. "I'm sorry for . . . for reminding you of that. You've been through a lot today."

"You have no idea," I answered.

"Anyway . . . I'm Nicol Amalfi," Nicol said. "If . . . if you want to say anything . . . I'm here too, okay?"

He smiled at me and I know he was trying to comfort me but I didn't want Nicol's comfort, I just wanted to hold onto Athrun's arm. So I looked away from Nicol, but I didn't look at Athrun either, I just looked out the window to my left side, and watched the world pass by. My home, which I was going to leave.

The creeping realization that I was just going to ZAFT to fight for the Coordinators was not helping.

I thought I was done with the war. Blue Cosmos made it pretty clear I wouldn't be done with the war until I was dead. And now ZAFT had come to drag me into it on their side. Now I was going to kill Earth Alliance personnel, after two months protecting a bunch of Earth Alliance personnel on the Archangel.

But I wasn't going to despair again. I couldn't. I promised Tolle no despair. I promised Tolle that Blue Cosmos would cease to exist. I promised Tolle without directly saying so that his death would not be in vain. I was going to tear apart their twisted machinations no matter how hard I had to work or how long it took. I could not give up. That was an option that was no longer acceptable.

But there was more than that too. Kira was my brother, and it seemed almost beyond doubt that he was my twin brother at that. He deserved to hear it from me personally that he was my brother. He was not going to discover this post-mortem or never find out period. I was going to return here and tell him right to his face that he was my brother.

And my Mom and Dad . . . who I had spewed such hateful words at, calling them liars and telling Mom to go to hell. And Stellar, who I had left behind in the forest, tranquilized and likely feeling betrayed by me. And Elle, who I had handed off to Mom and never saw again.

There was no way I could let things end like that. I needed to return and apologize to them all for my stupidity and callousness.

Especially to my parents. No wonder they had never told me. I had completely melted down upon knowing. They knew I would. They knew me better than I knew myself.

I had reasons to live yet. No more despair.

"Cagalli . . . are you okay?" Athrun asked me.

"I'm fine," I said.

"I'm starting to lose feeling in my arm . . . and you're not saying a word. If you have anything to say . . ."

I loosened my grip on his arm, just a little, but there was no way I could articulate what I felt to Athrun. The words weren't coming out.

"Athrun, there is nothing I can say without making everything worse. Words will only . . . they'd only make things worse because I'll screw it up. If you know me . . . truly know me . . . you'll know I don't have to say anything at all."

Athrun's free arm, his right, reached across and gripped one of my hands wrapped around his left arm. "Then I won't say anything either."

We looked at each other, just for a moment, before we both looked away.

We drove for a while in silence. I enjoyed the quiet. After everything that had happened, silence was golden. No music, no voices, windows rolled up to block all outside noise, the only discernible sound being the hum of the car's engine. That's all I wanted, all that I needed, in that moment.

"We'll . . . we'll be coming up on the extraction site shortly," Athrun said softly after what seemed like hours of silence. "You will be okay."

"If you say so," I said.

"Athrun . . ." That was Nicol, from the front. "You know they're going to press her into service as soon as possible after you make your report . . . perhaps even the moment we arrive at Carpentaria. Are you sure that's the right thing to say?"

"Nicol, Athrun, I know they're going to make me fight, okay? It's not a shock to me," I said. "I . . . I just need a few days to get over what's happened . . . and then I will be ready to fight. Okay?"

I did not like PLANT or ZAFT. My low opinion of the PLANT government still stood. I still thought PLANT was effectively controlled by ZAFT, thus turning PLANT into a military dictatorship in all but name only. But fighting for ZAFT would serve my purposes. Blue Cosmos had ruined my life, my peace. They had tried to kill me, kill my family, and forced my boyfriend into an impossible choice where his only out was his own death. All because of the mere fear that I could fight against them.

Pathetic. That's what those bigots were. Completely, hopelessly, pathetic, to be afraid of a girl a month away from her seventeenth birthday, science experiment or not.

As long as they didn't make me fight Orb, I didn't care where they sent me. I was going to make Blue Cosmos pay.

"I promise you both," I said. "I will be ready to fight. And I don't break my promises."

Nicol gave me an uneasy look and he just returned to his seat. "Um . . . not the answer I was expecting . . . but okay."

"Cagalli . . ." Athrun said softly, looking shocked.

"I told you that words were just going to make everything worse. Just don't talk to me right now," I said.

"All right," Athrun said nervously.

I let the conversation end there. I just concentrated on what was going to happen in the future.

I had just survived the worst day of my life. I could, without any doubt, call it that. This was worse than Heliopolis, worse than Tassil. It was when the illusion of my safety was taken from me, when everything about my life was overturned, when I discovered what my birth father had done to me, and my boyfriend had to die in order for me to live.

If I could survive a day like this, and come out stronger . . . no one was going to kill me, no matter if it was Blue Cosmos or ZAFT. I promised myself that.

Whatever happened to me, I was going to face it, and I was going to win. That was my promise to myself, not just to Tolle.

And like I said to Athrun, Nicol, and to everyone else . . . I don't break my promises.

Everyone was going to learn that the hard way. And if they didn't like it, I honestly did not care anymore. My feelings for how people felt about me had been beaten out of me because of that day. All that mattered to me was ending this stupid war. It was clear it would not end unless I fought in it and ended it myself.

So that was what I was going to do, as impossible as the goal seemed.

That was my promise . . .

My unbreakable promise.
Last edited by rebel_cheese on Fri Sep 27, 2013 10:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 51 9/24/13)

"It's me Cagalli! It was me! It was me, all along Cagalli!"

Things sure have escalated.
rebel_cheese
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 51 9/24/13)

Yeah, yeah, I know. That was a little bit cheesy, I admit it. It's not Gundam without something like that somewhere in the series though.

Cagalli is the toughest girl on Earth to deal with all of the crap that's getting dumped on her, I swear. Breakdowns and all, she's still willing to fight on. There's enough determination left that in the end, all Blue Cosmos has done is royally piss her off. And Cagalli when she's pissed off is a terrifying foe.

Things have escalated indeed. After all, we're about to get bird's eye view of ZAFT and Athrun's squadmates.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 51 9/24/13)

Chapter Fifty-Two: Turning Into You

The hatred was palpable in the room. I stared into her eyes, the eyes of the young woman who despised me personally more than anyone I ever met. The eyes that resembled her younger brother, who I had killed in the descent into Earth's atmosphere.

"Asta," I said, as if that would help my situation at all.

She had silver hair and blue eyes like her brother, but she parted her hair in the middle so she didn't have bangs, and she also wore her hair fairly long. I'm amazed she could fit her hair into her helmet, to be honest, considering it went down to just past her shoulders. Probably had to tie it into a bun or something.

This was not the first time I had seen her. I had met her before in Banadiya. She tried to shoot me dead, and I was saved by Aisha. And now she and I were in the same room on one of ZAFT's transport aircraft, whose name and designation I didn't bother to memorize. I honestly didn't care.

I had been brought out here by submarine and stayed maybe five minutes on a ZAFT aircraft carrier before being airlifted away to Carpentaria with the rest of Athrun's squad. I hadn't said very much to anyone during the two days since I had allowed Athrun to abduct me out of Orb. I didn't want to talk. I was just thinking what I was going to do once ZAFT forced me to fight for them.

But now, I had no choice but to converse. It was clear there would be no relieving the tension in this plane until Asta and I worked things out.

"Asta," I said again. "If there's anything you want to say to me, get it out. I'm sick of being stared at."

Yeah, I was provoking her. I didn't care. I should've.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" Asta growled, barely keeping her temper in check. "You murdered my little brother."

"Your brother was attempting a suicide run on the ship I was protecting," I said. "I did what I had to do to save my ship. Your brother was dead either way."

"You were protecting Naturals," Asta replied through clenched teeth. "You're saying a bunch of worthless Naturals are more important than one of us? Our race?"

Great, just what I needed to hear. More spewing of the 'Coordinators are superior' creed that was increasingly dominant in PLANT propaganda those days. "Those 'worthless Naturals' were my friends and the people who took me in so I would not die in Heliopolis after you people destroyed it. I owed them my life. I wasn't going to fail them or the people onboard. I was their best hope for survival."

Asta's eyes narrowed and I braced myself for her to attack me. Instead she restrained herself and just coughed into her right fist a couple of times. She had a sickly, phlegm-filled cough.

I saw her arms involuntarily flex under her uniform and she was strong. Practically an Amazon underneath her red ZAFT uniform. She did not look like a girl riddled with illness like what Aisha told me. But the cough told the whole story. She was clearly sick, perpetually sick, and it was likely going to kill her before long.

It fit Aisha's narrative, though, when she said that Asta had devoted her whole life just to living for her younger brother's sake. It would make sense Asta would make herself as strong and healthy as possible to try to help her chances of survival.

Athrun had been watching the whole conversation in silence. Now he finally spoke. "It's very likely they're going to have Cagalli serve in our unit, Asta. You've heard the rumors that we're building new Mobile Suits based on the GUNDAM designs found on Heliopolis. One of those machines is likely going to be Cagalli's."

Oh great. Just what I needed to hear. More secret Mobile Suits for me to deal with! Hadn't I had enough to deal with for a lifetime?

"What's your point?" Asta spat.

"The two of you are going to have to co-exist," Athrun said. "And, for the record, Asta, I will not tolerate you trying to bully or intimidate Cagalli. Yzak was my friend but Cagalli made the decision she felt was right. I respect that choice given the situation she was in. I would have done the same thing in her position."

"It makes her a blood traitor," Asta said. "What makes her different from anyone else who betrays us?"

"How could I betray you people if I wasn't on your side?" I asked.

Asta's eyes narrowed again and I heard both Athrun and Nicol take a step forward. I heard the third boy, Dearka, moan "Oh boy."

"What do you mean by that?" Asta growled.

"I never fought for ZAFT or was even a citizen of the PLANTs at any point in my life. I was a foreigner the whole time I attended Coordinator academies when I was a kid. I'm a citizen of Orb. Have always been. How could I have betrayed ZAFT or the PLANTs?"

"You made the conscious decision to fight against your race!" Asta shouted. There was very little holding her back now, and I sensed the other three young men in the room ready to grab her if she tried to attack me. "You killed your own kind in the service of our blood enemies! That counts as treachery in my book!"

Asta turned her head to the side and coughed several times, each one sounding deeper and sicker than the one before. She finally stopped and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Damn it . . ."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a canister and put a couple of pills into her hands. She took a half-full bottle of water that I assume was hers and she took the pills and the rest of the water in one long gulp.

"I assume that helps with the coughing," I said, consciously trying to change the subject.

"It alleviates the symptoms. It works . . . for maybe three or four hours. The time it works is becoming shorter and shorter," Asta said after a moment. "Soon it won't help at all. When it stops working, I will likely not have long to live."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"I don't want your pity," Asta said, her teeth clenched again, her voice full of bitterness. "I've lived twice as long as anyone expected me to. And I'm not ready to die yet. Not until . . ."

She punched the empty seat next to her and she gave me a look full of hatred. "I will have no choice but to be your ally if you truly do fight for us, Cagalli Yamato. But after this war is over . . . watch your back, you hear me? My brother will be avenged."

Great, just what I needed to hear. Something else to worry about even after this war was over.

"Asta, I told you not to intimidate Cagalli," Athrun said sternly. "You won't do anything of the sort. Understand?"

"If you weren't my commanding officer," Asta growled, "I'd tell you to go to hell."

She stomped away, leaving me with just the three young men around my age, the blond, dark-skinned Dearka Elsman, the green-haired Nicol Amalfi, and finally Athrun Zala, my old friend.

"She's a piece of work," Nicol finally said. "She is a really good pilot, though. Plus a lot of people admire her. People like her happen more often than we like to admit."

"What kind of people?" I asked.

"People born with weak, sickly bodies," Nicol said. "It happens sometimes with second-and-third-generation Coordinators. One thing PLANT doesn't like to talk about publicly is that it can be . . . extremely difficult for Coordinators to conceive, and when they do conceive . . . the children can be flawed. Often it's worse than what Asta has. Mutations or being born paralyzed in some way happens too."

"I see," I said. I remembered my science classes with Dr. Kato had said something to this effect, that there were rumors that second and especially third-generation Coordinators could be difficult to conceive, much less carry to term. Unlike first-generation Coordinators, which was what I thought I was, where the child has Natural parents but was genetically modified in the mother's womb, second-and-third-generation Coordinators are children born from a Coordinator's womb. And sometimes conception could be complicated. Some people were born sterile, for example, and then there was the 'weak body' example that Asta represented. And then . . .

I don't feel like writing about the more horrifying examples. Sorry. Let's just say maternity wards have a high turnover rate.

"Asta Joule is an example of how someone with a weak body can still accomplish a lot for PLANT and the ZAFT," Dearka said. "If you watch PLANT television, or just bring up her name on the street, she's actually somewhat of a celebrity. Not an A-list celebrity, mind you . . . but someone a lot of average people know about."

"Just as long as they don't make her duet with Lacus Clyne," I replied, which made Dearka snort.

"Idol singing isn't Asta's style. There's nothing to worry about there," Dearka replied, a small smile appearing across his face.

"That's good to hear," I replied, and somehow managed to return the smile. I couldn't escape the feeling that something inside me had died over the prior couple of days but now I had managed to get myself to the point where I could still tell jokes, as small and lame as they were.

Asta returned then. "We will be landing in Carpentaria in less than an hour. We will be debriefed and told of our new assignments. It doesn't sound like they want to attack Orb."

I felt mildly relieved at that, but I didn't let it show.

Athrun replied to her. "Our intelligence-gathering showed that the Archangel is no longer serving the Earth Alliance. The ship and its crew have defected to Orb. As Orb is a neutral we can't take action against this without violating Orb's neutrality and sovereignty."

"Pity." Asta gave me a nasty look and I knew where she was going with this in an instant. "It would have been interesting if they made Cagalli here fight her own country."

"Stop provoking her," Athrun said. "This is my final warning. She has been through a helluva lot."

"I'm surprised she isn't ripping your head off considering what happened to her," Asta said. She turned to face me. "Didn't Athrun murder your Natural boyfriend, Cagalli? Why aren't you mad?"

She was not asking that question honestly. She was provoking me again, feeling me out, wanting to see if I was mad at Athrun. And I had every right to be. Athrun had killed my boyfriend and then ordered Stellar shot with a tranquilizer dart. I should have been livid, but I couldn't manage the anger.

The truth was that Athrun did exactly what he had to do to save me. He shot Tolle because Tolle had threatened my life, and in a sense it was a mercy kill. And he could have had Stellar shot dead but ordered a switch to nonlethal ammunition which just sent Stellar flopping to the ground unconscious. Athrun had shown no spite nor anything but the desire to protect me. He did what he did in the interest of saving my life.

And that's what I said to her. "He saved my life, Asta. He's saved me more than once now, actually. You expect me to be yell at him, to hate him, when he's saved me? I can't do it."

Asta scoffed. "Your answer doesn't surprise me at all. Makes me wonder why I asked it in the first place."

"Look," Dearka said, kicking back in his seat, "She's one of us now. Considering how often she's kicked our asses that's a good thing. Now she can kick the Earth Alliance's asses instead."

Asta shook her head. "You just don't get it."

She left again, leaving us all in silence.

"I don't think she and Cagalli are going to co-exist if Cagalli's assigned to our unit, Athrun," Nicol said.

"They'll have to," Athrun said grimly. "There's no choice. Way too much is at stake here."

The grave tone in Athrun's words brought a nervous, tightening feelings to my stomach. I couldn't help but think that something big was about to go down. Something that was a game changer, above everything else ZAFT had tried to end the war.

I was scared. I didn't want to know what it was. But I knew I was going to.

There was no way I was not going to fight for ZAFT. No way at all. They'd make sure of it.

The only mystery was in what capacity . . . and what machine would be assigned for me to fly.

One thing was for sure. I was about to get clued in.
***
Once we landed in Carpentaria Athrun led me away from the transport. "Follow me. I need to report this to my own commander in person and I'm sure he wants to see you. You were a bit of a thorn in his side when we were chasing after you and the legged ship."

"Sure," I said softly, biting back a number of cruel, sarcastic one-liners that would be aimed at Athrun and the entire ZAFT force in general.

"Thank you." I followed Athrun out of the airfield when we were immediately approached by a woman in a green ZAFT uniform, she looked like a young, freshly minted officer.

"Captain Zala! I was ordered by headquarters to meet you here!" the woman said as she saluted.

"Yes?" Athrun asked. "Please go ahead."

"You and your squadron are to depart for the Mass Driver as soon as possible once 1st Lieutenant Yamato is ready to join you! Your detachment is being temporarily withdrawn to the PLANTs!" the woman said.

"W-Wait, what?" I asked, completely shocked by what I had just heard. "I'm a 1st Lieutenant now?"

The woman turned towards me and smiled. "Unofficially. The paperwork has been prepared for your commission, 1st Lieutenant Yamato. It will be waiting for you to sign when you pick up your uniform. Congratulations, you are being inducted into the ZAFT as an elite pilot. In other words you're going to be wearing a red uniform."

It took me a moment to process all of that before I could even manage a feeble protest. "H-How did you move on this all of a sudden? It's only been two and a half days since I boarded a ZAFT vessel!"

"I'll explain all of this to her," Athrun broke in, with an awkward look on his face. "Just tell me where to go for her to pick up her paperwork and . . . yeah."

"Oh, certainly! I have something for her to give the desk too!" After handing me some sort of official document, the woman gave us the directions while I could scarcely memorize over the shock of already receiving my commission. That was fast. Inhumanly fast. They were wasting no time inducting me into their military.

Like they were already waiting for me to join them.

As I followed Athrun away, the woman waved at me. "Thank you so very much for joining us, 1st Lieutenant! You're going to make so many people happy!"

I mustered an awkward wave back, and then turned right to Athrun. "What the hell is going on?"

"There's not many Coordinators left on Earth who don't serve in ZAFT's military," Athrun said. "It's rather surprising when it happens nowadays. You may be a bit of a celebrity for a while."

"Wait, what?" I looked around. More than a few people were looking at me. None of them looked that unhappy to see me. They were mostly gawking, and a couple were even waving and smiling.

"I guess my report to Carpentaria got leaked, so . . . it has to be a morale booster for everyone," Athrun said.

"What did you say on your report?" I asked as we entered the vestibule of the building we had been directed to. The vestibule was thankfully deserted so I felt I could speak frankly.

"I did the only thing I could do to prevent people from being furious at you for killing so many of our soldiers," Athrun replied. "I fudged the truth. I glossed over your service to the Earth Alliance and reported that I convinced you to willingly defect to ZAFT."

I came very close to punching him in the face. I even began the punching motion before I stopped myself. "That's not what happened. I came because I had no choice!"

"Yeah, well, if I reported that, people would be pissed at you instead of glad you're here!" Athrun responded, no humor in his eyes anymore. "I managed to write the report in a way so you wouldn't be portrayed as a blood traitor, but as an honorable person who did what she needed to do to protect civilians from a neutral nation! And now that you accomplished your task you are finally joining our side!"

"You know what a half-truth is, Athrun? A whole lie! That's what you've told ZAFT!" I replied. "Like I told Asta-"

"I know what you told Asta! But there's a lot of people like Asta, they see things the way she does!"

Athrun took a deep breath and exhaled, and closed his eyes for a moment, like he was resetting himself. "So I did what I had to do to portray you in the best possible light, Cagalli. You are a good person and you deserve to be treated that way. You've come all this way, you deserve to be welcomed, not to be shunned and treated like a traitor."

"I'd rather have the truth come out as it should be, regardless of the consequences," I said.

"Cagalli, please. Just roll with it. What furor there is will die down soon enough," Athrun said. "Please."

I could see the pleading in his eyes and I knew I had to acquiescence. "Fine. But let go of me. Now."

"Yes, Cagalli." Athrun did so and I immediately turned and walked towards the door.

"Wait here, please. I want to get my paperwork and my uniforms on my own," I said.

"S-Sure," Athrun said, now looking a bit nervous.

"I'm not going to spoil your little story of me," I said. "But you do anything like that again, or dress up what you've told of me even a smidgen more . . . I am never speaking to you again. You hear me? I don't lie to people. That's something I don't do."

"Okay," Athrun sighed. "I understand."

"Thank you, sir," I said, putting emphasis on the 'sir' just to get on his nerves. I walked out of the vestibule then, and went to collect my paperwork and uniforms.

I was already starting to hate this stupid military.
***
The officers at the desk initially did not recognize me. "Well hello there, how can I help you?" asked a 'Lieutenant Mustang'. He was a muscular man with dark hair and eyes, and was clean-shaven.

The woman next to him, an 'Ensign Albarn' who had amber eyes and dark hair, rolled her eyes. Something told me that Mustang was a bit of an oddball. And he was either going to hit on me or be yet another person who would assume I was some kind of young boy.

"I am here to collect my paperwork and my uniform," I said, handing him that official document from that officer lady that I hadn't bothered to read.

Mustang glanced at it. "Damn, you're being inducted as an elite pilot, red uniform and all? Right onto Team Zala, one of the most specialized units in our forces? And at a 1st Lieutenant's commission? What the hell did you do to earn that right off the bat? It doesn't even look like you were ever in our forces or the academy!"

"Things," I replied.

"'Things', young man?" Mustang repeated.

"Don't start the repeating game with me," I said. "And by the way, I'm a young woman."

Mustang blinked. "Oops. Was wonderin' if you were too pretty-looking to be a boy. You've got one of those faces, you know, where it's hard to tell-"

I was getting really annoyed with the guy and so I interrupted his apology, which he was screwing up anyway. "I'm here to collect my paperwork and my uniforms and I just want to go."

"Okay, okay," Mustang said. "It's official and signed by a 'Commander Le Creuset'. Let me authenticate it and we'll get it rolling."

Commander Le Creuset? That was Rau Le Creuset! My enemy up in space! So he was involved in this too? Why was he getting involved in this?

No wait. He was Athrun's commanding officer. He likely authorized Athrun's excursion into Orb personally. And when Athrun reported he had me, only someone like Rau Le Creuset would plow through the bureaucratic red tape at such a speed so I could immediately join ZAFT's service.

And Le Creuset had witnessed what I could do firsthand. I had held off all of his elite goon squad and then some for two whole months. A lot of it was Mu La Flaga and the Archangel and its crew, but if I had been shot down there would not have been much keeping the Archangel from getting destroyed. I was the best deterrent Archangel had and I succeeded in my mission.

"All right," Mustang said. "Looks like it checks out after all. You've got some serious brass backing you here. Commander Le Creuset is quite heralded in ZAFT."

Suddenly, a goofy smile crossed his lips. "I should mention that the ZAFT Redcoat uniform comes in two versions for female officers! One is the standard uniform but the other has this really cute pink miniskirt! You wouldn't be mistaken for a boy with-"

Ensign Albarn grabbed Mustang's ear. "Travis! What did I tell you about trying to form your miniskirt army?"

"B-But Laura! Miniskirts!" Mustang whined through obvious pain.

Laura Albarn sighed and released Travis Mustang, but did it in a way that would cause Mustang's head to slam into the desk. Mustang just moaned quietly as Albarn turned towards me. "Please ignore the pervert. He has fantasies of making all of the female officers wear tiny miniskirts."

"It'll happen one day!" Mustang vowed from the indentation he had left in the desk. "When I get promoted high enough!"

Personally, if this was an example of his typical behavior, I'm still surprised he had even gotten promoted this far. He should've gotten tossed into the brig for sexual harassment a long time ago.

Albarn stuck out her hand. "I assume you want the standard uniform, Lieutenant Yamato, not this pervert's 'custom' job."

"Yes, definitely," I say.

Mustang just moaned in both pain and disappointment.

"All right then. Please come with me. We'll get you fitted and you will walk out of here with two dress uniforms and a pilot's suit and helmet," Albarn said. "In red, of course."

"Thank you, Ensign," I said, grateful that at least she had her head screwed on straight, unlike the beefcake she was partnered with.

"No thanks are necessary. I should be thanking you," Albarn said. "You must be seriously good to be commissioned right into the elite pilots without doing time in the academy or in the field. We're clearly lucky to have you."

"Thank you," I said. I wondered how friendly she would be if she knew the truth, that I had fought for the Earth Alliance for two months before I was here.

I decided it was best neither she or Travis Mustang would know.
***
I returned to Athrun with one of my uniforms on and the other dress uniform wrapped around my right arm. My left hand carried my bag which held my pilot's gear. Athrun just stared at me from the vestibule, as if he was both shocked and amazed.

"What?" I asked as I opened the glass door into the vestibule and shut it behind me.

"You . . . you look good. In the uniform, I mean."

"Hmmph." I didn't think I looked that good at all. It was just a uniform to me. And it looked strange on me. I was so used to wearing Earth Alliance colors. Wearing ZAFT red just . . . seemed surreal.

"I guess this means I've finally become like you. Which is what you've wanted all along, right?" I asked.

The bitterness really struck Athrun hard because he couldn't meet my eyes anymore. "Cagalli . . . that's not what I meant."

"All that time you chased after me in space and on Earth, always trying to get me to defect, to bring me onto your side. You've finally accomplished it. Now I wear the same uniform as you. Does that make you happy, Athrun?"

He didn't answer.

"Doesn't make you happy, does it? You probably thought it was going to be a dream and guess what, it's not. Better hope I don't die in the field, Athrun, or you're really going to regret this."

Athrun's eyes widened, but he still did not say anything or even turn to meet my gaze.

"Was Blue Cosmos really going to make another attempt on my life, Athrun, or was it just another story?"

"It was real," Athrun said. "Everything I told you about Blue Cosmos was real. They had contingency plans for three more attempts on your life if the first two failed. I found this out by interrogating a Blue Cosmos operative myself. That's why I did what I did and took you away. I can prove it."

He wasn't lying. There wasn't anything shifty about his eyes or his voice. Still, he was pissing me off.

"Well then, I guess this means I won't do any time in the brig for insubordination," I said, and I walked past him.

"Cagalli-"

"Athrun, I did not join ZAFT for you. I joined it to protect the people I love," I interrupted. I didn't even look at him. I didn't want to see his face anymore. Looking at my sleeves, at my legs, seeing the ZAFT uniform in general . . . I just felt angry. At Athrun, and at myself.

"My enemy is not the Earth Alliance. I knew people from the Earth Alliance. They were kind to me. Especially a woman named Murrue Ramius," I said after a moment. "My enemies are the extremists that are taking control of the Earth Alliance. Blue Cosmos is my target. Those are the people I want to kill, not the Naturals or any politicians or soldiers."

"Cagalli . . ."

"What, Athrun? Stop saying my name like a moron and make your point."

"It's nothing much." Athrun suddenly appeared at my right side, a melancholy look on his face. "Your tone reminds me of my father. He always speaks with the bitterness and anger you're showing right now."

"Huh?" That was something I hadn't expected, being compared to Athrun's own father.

"I believe my father is going to become Chairman. They're giving Siegel Clyne a vote of no confidence on his conduct of the war," Athrun said. "My father advocates a more aggressive approach and people on the Council are rallying behind him. He is not the man he was before Junius Seven. My mother . . . his wife, died there. He changed. He's a much crueler man, and if he becomes Chairman . . ."

"What's your point?" I asked.

"Don't let your anger and hatred eat you alive," Athrun said. "Hatred has already consumed my father. I hope it won't take you too."

"Athrun!" I wanted to say more but Athrun opened the door to the outside.

"Cagalli, my father . . . he wanted you dead or to use you. That's why I used every bit of clout I have and even used my commanding officer's influence to make sure you were assigned to my unit. So my father won't have his way with you once he becomes Chairman," Athrun said. "So please, don't become like him. My father hated Blue Cosmos exclusively at first, but then . . ."

He stopped. "Never mind."

"Athrun, don't just stop mid-sentence when-"

"You'll find out the rest when we meet my father," Athrun said. "Now come on. We need to set up departure arrangements as soon as possible."

"Uh . . ." Athrun was done with this conversation, I could tell. And I could also tell was I pushing him away. I had really cut him to the bone with what I've said, but he wasn't getting angry with me. Just, just growing more distant. Which wasn't what I wanted, as angry as I was over the whole situation.

I had no friends in ZAFT or PLANT. No one. Just Athrun. If I lost Athrun . . .

"I'm sorry," I finally said. "I'm just angry over everything."

"It's all right. I knew you weren't going to be happy," Athrun said. "We can talk more while we're on our way to the PLANTs. Just follow me."

"All right." I followed Athrun out of the building, and walked with him in the sun.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Admit it, you wanted to know how and why Lunamaria Hawke was wearing a pink miniskirt in GSD. NOW YOU KNOW.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
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The Green Flame
Posts: 161
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 51 9/24/13)

Pls come back Mustang, we need your miniskirt ideals to survive.
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 51 9/24/13)

Yes, we need tiny miniskirts in order to survive! 100% agreement! XD
______________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Fifty-Three: Welcome to the Masquerade

"So . . . you are the pilot who has somehow been beating the very best pilots and machines under my command."

Finally meeting Rau Le Creuset, Athrun's commanding officer, in person was . . . eerie. That was the best word for it. Eerie. He had long blonde hair and hid his eyes behind this white mask that also hid his pupils. There was no way to read this guy, the most I could figure was that underneath this odd serenity was a storm of intensity he kept clamped down. He wore a white officer's uniform, signifying he was of a Commander's rank and that he was in control of a sizable force.

"Yes," I said. "I am 1st Lieutenant Cagalli Yamato, Zala Team-"

"You don't need to give me the full details. I helped Athrun arrange your induction into ZAFT and assigned you to his unit. I know everything."

"Oh, right." I felt a wave of heat rush to my face and I knew I was blushing in embarrassment. The man's gaze and his resonant voice had a way of completely throwing me off guard without even trying to. I had never met a man like him before. And I wasn't sure whether I should respect him or cower in fear of him . . . or both.

Athrun was in the room with me, which made me feel a little better. "I heard we were being detached from your command and being sent back to the PLANTs, Commander. Do you have any information as to why it is or what our new assignment will be?"

"Ah, yes." Le Creuset walked back to his desk. "Right now I am preoccupied with the planning for Operation Spitbreak and all of my forces are in reserve. They want your team transferred into the service of the special forces operated by National Defense Committee. I believe they want you to deal with a small Earth fleet that has been causing some damage to our preparations. Then your team will drop into the atmosphere and assist the planetary insertion forces in building a beachhead, after which you will likely be transferred back into my command."

Sounded like they wanted me to drop right into the fire, not that it surprised me. But I was also confused. Athrun seemed familiar with the plans but I certainly was not. "Excuse me, but what's Operation Spitbreak?"

"Oh, right. You wouldn't know." Le Creuset turned to face me and I again felt like I was being cross-examined by that mask of his. I almost wanted to back away. "It's our effort to end the war in single blow. A lot of our forces are being committed to this operation. The plans I have indicate that the offensive will be conducted against the Earth Alliance in Panama."

"Panama? Why Panama?" I ask.

"The Earth Alliance only has one Mass Driver remaining, and that is in Panama," Le Creuset replied. "As you know, Mass Drivers are the only way we can transport large amounts of troops and cargo into outer space. If we conquer Panama, we cut off the Earth Alliance forces in space from any significant resupply on the ground."

"So effectively the war would be over," I replied. "Without any way to resupply the Earth Alliance's space forces are sitting ducks. Then ZAFT controls all of space and can besiege both the Earth Alliance's Moon bases and any city or country they wish at will. The only way out for the Earth Alliance would be to surrender."

"That's the general idea," Le Creuset agreed. "You catch on fast, 1st Lieutenant."

He smiled then. I was fairly certain he intended for it to be friendly but that mask gave it an enigmatic touch that made it seem mysterious, almost sinister. Why the hell did he wear that mask? And why did ZAFT allow him to wear it?

"I . . . participated in a lot of military operations," I said. "Lots of intricate planning when I was onboard the Archangel. I learned a lot."

"Clearly," Le Creuset said. He folded his arms in front of his face then. "Any issues we need to be worried about with you before you join Zala Team and leave the planet?"

"I, uh . . ." I couldn't really think of anything, but I knew there was something that was an active annoyance.

"Still get spacesick, Cagalli?" Athrun asked.

That's what it was! Spacesickness! I had that all the time while up in space, it took me almost the entire trip to finally get used to space enough to not need the anti-spacesickness pills. I highly doubted that ZAFT would be so patient with me this time.

"Yes," I said. Le Creuset just continued to stare at me, though, almost expression-less, which was creeping me out more than ever.

"Spacesickness, huh?" Le Creuset said. "We can't have that. Not at all."

"Huh?" I intelligently replied.

Le Creuset got up and began sifting through his desk. "I was worried about something like this. Coordinators aren't allowed to have spacesickness these days. Most of us live in space. It limits our effectiveness if we're spacesick."

"Well . . . I took anti-spacesickness pills while onboard the Archangel," I said. "It was a good enough fix. That's all I need, sir."

"We need something more permanent than that," Le Creuset said, and his voice, combined with that mask, served to scare the hell out of me in that instant.

"W-What do you mean?" I asked.

"A-ha." Suddenly Le Creuset had a syringe full of clear fluid from one of the drawers in his desk. Seeing immediately made me back away, behind Athrun, almost at the door. I was having no part in being injected with anything. I had already learned I was a glorified science experiment by my own father, and my boyfriend had been killed not only by Athrun but was forced into things by a manipulative organization. Not to mention said manipulative organization had plans to brainwash me and that likely involved injections too! No one was injecting anything into me. Ever.

"This should correct the genetic anomaly that gives you spacesickness," Le Creuset said nonchalantly, as if he wasn't noticing that I was completely terrified. "You didn't know that the PLANTs broke the code on that, did you?"

"I'll give her the injection, sir," Athrun said. "You're clearly making her nervous."

"Am I?" Le Creuset turned towards us then and that mask further made him seem eerie.

"She's, well . . . she's been through a lot the last few days, sir. A lot of people were trying to kill her before I took her out of Orb," Athrun said. "She is . . . justifiably paranoid. It's best that someone she trusts provides the injection." "I see. That is understandable, then." Le Creuset reached across the desk and Athrun took the syringe out of Le Creuset's hand. "There is a nurse's office down the hall. Give her the injection there. As a commanding officer you do know basic medical procedures, correct?"

"Yes, I do, Commander," Athrun said.

"Excellent. Please give that to her before you both leave."

"I will, sir."

I didn't like Athrun pointing out that I was being a bit of a paranoid lunatic in that room but at the same time I was legitimately frightened. The way Le Creuset was acting . . . he was almost expecting me to admit I got spacesick. It was like with Hilda Harken. He was acting like he didn't know anything but had carefully manipulated the conversation so I'd admit I got spacesick.

Did this man know about me? Could that be the reason why he was so eager to get onboard ZAFT that he provided the assistance Athrun needed to get me into the elite pilot corps and get me attached to Athrun's unit? Or did he have something else beyond that in mind for me?

Whatever the case, I was glad when we left Le Creuset's office. The man was scary. And when I looked back into the room, and saw him . . .

The same mask that obscured his eyes and that little enigmatic smile was still there.

Yeah, I was glad I wasn't going to see him again for a ]long time.

Though I preferred never.
***
"You sure you want me to do this and not a nurse?" Athrun said as we sat down in the empty room. "I can get a nurse right now. There's plenty of them."

"Just do it, Athrun. But check and make sure it is what it says it is."

Athrun blinked. "Cagalli, I highly doubt Commander Le Creuset would-"

"Just humor me, Athrun," I said.

"Uh, okay." Athrun looked at the syringe and sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm going to have to bring a nurse in here. I've got no idea how to check this out to make sure it is what it says it is."

"Oh, fine." I growled.

Athrun called a nurse then and she came and took the syringe away, hopefully not adding any additional modifications to the formula, whatever it was. We sat in silence for a little bit, before Athrun spoke again.

"You are okay, right?" Athrun asked. "You're acting extremely paranoid, Cagalli. I understand why, but no one in ZAFT is out to get you. I promise."

Athrun didn't know what I knew, that I had been modified even more than a Coordinator usually was. And he clearly didn't know what Hilda Harken had told me, that the PLANT's top officials had some inkling of what I really was and they were really desperate to either get their hands on me or have me eliminated.

"Look," I said. "After everything that's happened, I'm scared, okay? What if that concoction in the syringe has been modified to do more than just get rid of spacesickness, huh? What if it has little passengers inside it? What if it introduces cancer or some other time bomb that makes sure I'm dead before-"

"Cagalli." Athrun's eyes were wide in shock. "We'd never do anything like that to you. I swear."

"You wouldn't," I said. "But you can't say anything about the top officials in PLANT and ZAFT, can you?"

"Cagalli, please stop talking like this," Athrun said, his voice becoming edgy. "You are one of us now. We wouldn't do anything to modify you or kill you or anything like that."

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "You're scaring me, Cagalli. You weren't like this. Not before . . ."

"Before what, Athrun?"

"The Cagalli I remember wasn't afraid of anything," Athrun finally said.

So he was thinking back to when we were kids, best friends, huh? "The Cagalli back then didn't spent a couple of months in war with everyone trying to kill her, and didn't have Blue Cosmos gunning for her head," I said.

"I've spent the entire last year involved in this war in some way," Athrun replied, his eyes looking right into mine. "And also, it is Blue Cosmos that is out to kill you. Not us."

That look in his eyes, where he looked both concerned and scared for me, finally made me stop. There was something about the way Athrun's eyes would reveal this burst of honest emotion he was otherwise suppressing. And it kept making me realize that he did genuinely care about me and that would make my paranoia, my fear, go away. If only for a little while.

"I'm sorry," I finally said. "I just . . . it's just hard to . . ."

"Cagalli." Athrun reached out and held my hands. "You're going to be all right. I promised Tolle I would keep you safe. I promise you that you're going to be okay. I mean it."

I didn't like being reminded that he had killed my boyfriend again, but I knew he was trying to comfort me. He did genuinely care. He was my best friend for many years, after all. I spent those years looking out for Athrun. And now he was looking out for me in return, at least, I was sure that's how he was thinking about it.

"Thank you, Athrun," I said, but that's when he finally hugged me.

"A-Athrun?" I asked, as my heart began slamming against my chest, both from surprise and from the feelings that emerged the moment he hugged me.

Before I knew it, my arms were around Athrun as well, my hands on his back, my head on his shoulder.

"This . . . this is something I've wanted for the longest time," Athrun said. "We were best friends, Cagalli. You were always looking out for me in the Academy . . . always starting fights because of me and everything . . ."

He was leading up to a confession. I could tell. He was going to meander around for a while and he was finally going to confess to me, or, more likely, I would get sick of him dodging the question and force him to confess. That's how this kind of stuff worked.

But being reminded of what we had, being reminded of him kissing me in the park years ago, when we were both thirteen . . . it also reminded me, for some reason, of a girl I had met on the Archangel. A girl who I punched in the face.

Lacus Clyne.

Damn it.

It was actually surprising for me to realize how frustrated I was in remembering Athrun and Lacus Clyne were supposed to be married soon.

"Athrun," I finally said. "You are engaged to someone, aren't you?"

Athrun's body immediately tensed up. "Y-Yes. To Lacus Clyne."

"Don't say anything more about how you feel about me," I said. "Please. I'm not going to have you become someone who cheats on a girl."

"I-I'm sorry," Athrun said. "I was . . . I was getting ahead of myself, and . . ."

He wanted to let go of me. I still wanted to hold him. I felt . . . kind of serene, actually, in that instance, knowing that Athrun's feelings for me were . . . were nothing short of love. I really had somehow won him over in our days in the academy on the moon. All of those years basically being his protector from bullies and his motivational coach must have made an impression on him, so much of an impression that when puberty and all of the interesting things that come with that hit him . . .

No, it wasn't just that. It was making the impression on him and then vanishing from his life for so many years. All that did was make his feelings for me stronger. I had moved on, I found another boyfriend, but he . . . even though he was engaged to Lacus Clyne, it was an arranged marriage. Arranged marriages could result in love eventually, but still . . .

I had let go of him, but he had never let go of me. That meant that all of the insults I heaved his way, all of the anger and yelling and everyone else I had lobbed his way while fighting in the Strike . . . it must have affected him deeply on a personal level. And yet, now that I was here, he clearly still . . . still had . . .

I couldn't bring myself to think of the 'L' word.

"Athrun," I finally said. "We can still be best friends, okay? I'll be your best friend again. I'll be at your side."

"Cagalli?" Athrun asked, his body relaxing again.

There was no feelings of embarrassment or anything. I felt warm, happy, with him here. "f you want me to become more than your best friend you need to end the engagement with Lacus Clyne first. I won't let us become more than that unless you do so. And remember that Lacus is a good person, too. I met her once. She genuinely does care about you, Athrun. Don't just throw her away."

"O-Okay," Athrun said. "I won't."

"Thank you," I said.

That's when the nurse barged into the room. "The contents are exactly as they're supposed to be. . ."

We all stared at each other for a few seconds.

Immediately Athrun and I scrambled away from each other, Athrun's face a deep red and I'm sure my face was the same considering how hot it suddenly felt. The nurse was blushing too. "Oh my . . . was I interrupting something?"

"N-No, nothing," Athrun said. "Please give the 1st Lieutenant the shot, please."

"Um, sure." the nurse said, finally entering the room and closing the door behind her.

Athrun and I didn't say another word as she dabbed my arm with alcohol and a pad to prepare for the shot. I was so embarrassed it didn't even register that I was about to be injected with something I barely understood.

The nurse just shook her head at last. "Next time . . . just get a room, okay? Preferably not here? You're both supposed to be professional soldiers, after all." Athrun's face turned so red I thought his head was going to explode or melt or both.

I'm sure I didn't look any better.
***
After launching in the shuttle and dealing with weightlessness, I realized that the cure they had injected me with was already working its magic. I didn't feel the least bit sick at all. Not even a sign of nausea or headaches. Being weightless felt completely natural and almost comfortable. Almost.

I was left alone with my thoughts, mostly. As I laid in one of the cots designed specifically for weightless situations, I took the time alone to think about everything that had happened, especially regarding Tolle's final words to me before Athrun shot him. It was finally registering to me, now that I had peace and quiet. About Dorothy Eliarez, about what both he and Miriallia had done.

No wonder Miriallia was the primary suspect. She had been involved. She just wasn't the murderer. She was the lookout while Tolle did it. And that meant she knew. She knew Dorothy Eliarez was a Blue Cosmos agent.

Both she and Tolle knew everything and I was left in the dark. No wonder they both started becoming distant, even strange, in regards to me. They had a shared secret I wasn't privy to.

It also explained the occasional anti-Coordinator talk from Elle. Lines like 'you're the only nice Coordinator' now had a whole lot more meaning than they did at the time. I never picked up on lines like that, I blamed Elle's talk on Flay, when I should have realized that it ran deeper than that. Elle was innocent, she didn't know any better, but she had been exposed to anti-Coordinator rhetoric, and she was blithely repeating it because she had no clue what it meant.

I wondered what Elle thought of me now. Did she think I was scum because I had left for ZAFT. That I left without saying goodbye?

Probably. My parents would have to be careful with her. Not just Elle, Stellar too. I had saddled my parents with both of them and they both potentially could become problematic.

And what was I doing instead? Fighting for a cause I didn't believe in and risking alienating my best friend every time I snapped at him.

Not to mention said best friend was also my commanding officer. I had to obey his orders.

I couldn't just snap at people the way I did on the Archangel. I snapped at everybody on that ship more than once. Insulted them, yelled at them, and said some extremely stupid things and got a lot of lectures over them. I probably drove my commanding officersi nsane on the Archangel.

Everything had changed for me. And I wasn't sure what I was going to do.

That's when the door slid open and someone else floated into the room. I opened my eyes and saw her, and she promptly looked at me.

"God damn," Asta Joule growled. "You have to be sleeping here?"

"It's the women's sleeping area," I said. "So I'm gonna sleep. I'm not going to bother you, I'm already zipped up tight and everything."

"Your mere presence bothers me."

"I know." I just bit back the follow-up to that statement which would have only served to provoke a fight. "That's why I'm not going to say anything to you. Just pretend I'm not here."

"I can't do that," Asta replied, rather predictably.

"Look, I just want to get some sleep," I replied. I was getting nervous here. Was Asta trying to provoke a fight herself? Did she want to prove that she and I could not co-exist on the same unit? Either she wanted me transferred out or she was going to get herself transferred out. One way or another, she was going to get it done.

"So do I." Finally, though, Asta sighed. "I guess I have no choice."

She floated to a cot on the opposite side of the room and undressed. She looked extremely strong, with clear, visible muscles on her arms, legs, and her stomach, not like a girl who was born with a weak body at all.

"Athrun and the others told me you were born with a weak body," I finally said. "You don't look weak. You look the opposite."

"I thought you weren't going to talk to me," Asta growled as she twisted her way into her cot.

"I was paying you a compliment, that's all," I said.

"Hmmph." Asta zipped herself up. "Your compliment is noted."

She was still being prickly with me. I guess that her response was the best I could hope from her.

I tried to close my eyes and sleep, but somewhere between falling asleep I saw a small light pierce through my eyelids and my eyes shot open. I slowly looked at Asta, and she seemed to be looking at some kind of keychain. The light was just bright enough for me to see that the keychain had a face on it. The keychain was too far away for me to see clear details but considering I could make out silver and red, she had to be looking at the picture of her little brother.

She kissed the face on the keychain softly and pocketed it. The light went out in the next moment.

That just made me feel more guilty than ever, seeing that. They had been close. That much was certain.

Suddenly Asta spoke. "You saw that, didn't you?"

I knew better than to pretend I was asleep. "Yes, I did."

"I loved him, Cagalli. I loved him so much and you took him away from me."

Damn it. Did we really need this conversation now, in the middle of the night? "He gave me no choice. He was going to ram the Archangel, Asta. He was going to die either way and I took the route that involved him not killing everyone on that ship. It came at what I thought would be the cost of my own life, but Athrun saved me while I was plunging into the atmosphere."

"They were Naturals. They were using you up and spitting you out. What made them more important than anything else?"

"Everyone on that ship was just trying to survive, Asta. Including me. There were a lot of Orb civilians on that ship, most of them at some point volunteered to help out in various areas of the ship that were short-staffed. I helped out in the best way I could, which was flying the Strike."

"You're not answering my question. Why the Naturals?"

I was getting really angry at her obstinance and I could barely keep my voice even. "Because the Naturals are people too, you know? They have lives and children and jobs and everything else, just like Coordinators!"

"What makes them better people than us, then?"

"Naturals are no better or worse than we are! We're all human beings here! There's good Naturals and there's bad Naturals, just like there is with Coordinators! Whether they were genetically modified or not has nothing to do with how they are as people, Asta!"

Asta chuckled then. "You sound like Siegel Clyne. My mother was talking to me about Siegel the other day, about how he was saying Coordinators didn't evolve from Naturals. What are we if not an evolution, Cagalli?"

The sad thing is that I was in agreement with Siegel Clyne, even though it was filtered through Asta's obvious bias. "He's right, though. We didn't evolve. The Coordinator was originally created by Naturals. We're enhanced, not evolved. We're not even a true different species. Coordinators and Naturals can have children together, it's been documented. If we were a different species that would not be possible."

"You and your technicalities, just like Siegel Clyne. No wonder he's going to be losing his Chairmanship. Perhaps he's already lost it by this point."

I wondered if she was implying that I could be shunted out of this unit just like Siegel Clyne was being removed from his post. If so, that was an implied threat.

"The 'technicalities' reveal a blunt truth, Asta. Something that a lot of people on both sides are choosing to ignore. If you're going to ignore it too be my guest. But I'm just saying the technicalities are there for a reason."

"Hmmph." Asta twisted in her cot then, clearly trying to get comfortable. "Just keep telling yourself that."

"Asta, I know nothing I say will ever make you forgive me for what I did to your brother," I said, deciding to change the subject. This was the core of our differences and I was going to settle it once and for all. "But you don't need to keep provoking me. I know you loved your brother. And I'm sorry I had to kill him. But like I said multiple times, I was given no choice. He was going to die no matter what I did, Asta. And that was Yzak's own choice."

"He was my everything," Asta said. I could hear her voice shaking with emotion. She had been steely the whole conversation but the change in subject was already affecting her. "My reason to live. I promised him I would . . . I would live to see him become a man."

It was just like what other people had told me, and it was becoming clear as day that Asta had devoted herself to Yzak. "So you've been willing yourself to live, all this time."

"That's one way to look at it." Asta paused, clearly because she was wondering whether I should know her personal thoughts. "They say I have a weak body, but that's not entirely true. It's more like I have weak organs. My mother was only fifteen when I was born, Cagalli. When people realized she wasn't sterile she needed to have a child immediately. But when I was born, they told her I was lucky to be alive at all and that I would not live to see the age of ten. But my mother was not dissuaded. She was determined to show that she could contribute to the betterment of our society and gave birth to Yzak, who turned out perfect."

She finally made eye contact with me. "There's two organs that are as strong as they should be. My heart and my lungs. Every other organ is weak, especially my liver. It is hard for me to digest food. I've been on a strict organic diet my whole life, I can't have anything that is processed or artificial or even has the tiniest preservative because it could tax my liver too much and kill me."

So, ironically, the Coordinator could only have 'natural' food. It took everything I had to not point this out to Asta.

"I was seven when the symptoms began appearing," Asta said. "And my brother . . . he was not stupid. When he saw me coughing up blood he freaked out and cried. I still remember the day he found out. I held him in my arms and tried with everything I had to not cough all over him as he cried. And I did it. I managed to stop the coughing in that moment with just my will."

"So you promised him you would live," I said. "You promised him you would see him become a man. "

"I did." Asta was clearly crying by that point, I could not see her face clearly but her breaking voice told the whole story. "I promised him I would live. So I did everything I could to make my body as strong and healthy as possible. My heart being normal allowed me to exert myself so I could make myself strong. And the years kept going by. Yzak turned seven, nine, twelve, fifteen years old, and I was still here. I had managed to keep my promise. And then came Junius Seven and the war."

Asta was sobbing then, she sobbed for several seconds before she regained control of herself. "I-I joined the military to show solidarity with Y-Yzak, who was already . . . already in the Academy. I had good piloting scores, I passed well enough to earn a red suit but they confined me to a desk anyway. He graduated and . . . and . . ."

Suddenly her voice raised and nearly startled me out of my cot. "And then you took him from me!"

I half-expected her to tear herself out of her cot and try to strangle me, but she stayed. She did not move. She just cried.

"I'm sorry," I finally said, because I had to say something, even though it would not help.

"There's n-nothing left," Asta sobbed. "There's nothing. You completely obliterated him. I don't even have ash."

Hearing her cry just made me feel like scum. Here was the result of what I did in the war. There were a lot of other people just like her, crying over loved ones, because of what I did. Except I had the misfortune to meet one of the people who had loved someone I had killed.

"So you . . . you asked them to give you a machine," I said. "So you could avenge him."

"They needed pilots and my scores were . . . were g-good. So . . . so they were building a new GUNDAM using the Morgenroete designs as . . . as a template, but I asked to pilot it and have it modeled after my brother's machine. So . . . so that's what they did. Rau Le Creuset and my mother pulled the strings I needed to get the machine and have it built the way I wanted it. And then I set out to kill you."

"And now you can't," I said. "Because I'm on your side now."

"Don't remind me," Asta said bitterly.

Asta's tone of voice was the verbal equivalent of a nerve being rubbed raw. She was in a lot of pain and she was furious and she was lashing out at the outside world. I didn't think it was just over Yzak, though. I think being born with weak organs also had something to do with this anger. I think she wished she could trade places with Yzak, but I didn't dare to ask whether that was true.

Being reminded of her pain, though, also reminded me of Tassil. She had that town destroyed. Blown out of existence. And for what reason? To get to me?

"You did blow Tassil up," I said. "You ever given a thought to how the family members of those who died in Tassil feel too?"

"They're Naturals. I don't care."

"You should. They're people too."

"I said I don't care. Honestly, they deserve all of the pain they get. They created us and now seek to destroy us because they're afraid of us. If they live in agony and fear and suffer the most painful deaths imaginable, it's deserved, whether it's a five-year-old child or a eighty-year-old grandparent and everyone in-between. They're all guilty. All of them."

Her words were cruel and heartless and I honestly didn't want to talk to her again after hearing that. After all, Tolle suffering a painful, agonized death was still on my mind. I was sure Asta would be glad to hear that Tolle, my boyfriend, had died in such a way.

She was blinded by her hatred and she didn't much care that it did. People like her rarely do. And she was probably going to get worse with her anti-Natural talk because there was no outlet for her anger anymore. I was no longer her target. So it was all of the Naturals instead.

It was never going to end. This hopeless cycle of violence, hatred, and revenge.

"Why aren't you responding?" Asta asked. "Why? Do you really care for the Naturals, our enemies, so much?"

"Don't you at least care for the Oceanic Union and Africa?" I asked. I didn't want to talk to her anymore but I at least wanted to see if there was any compromise in her at all. "They are Naturals but they have sided with ZAFT."

"Not really, no," Asta said. "They're opportunists who threw their lot in with the force that has the superior military equipment. They're not buying into the PLANTs' ideals one bit. They're cowards who are siding with the people they think will win. Neither country has sent a single soldier to support us. They just let us dock in their ports and land in their airfields."

Guess that answered that question right then and there.

"I'm not going to debate this with you any further," I said. "I'm just going to close my eyes and go to sleep. I'm going to need it in the morning."

"People like you are becoming a dying breed, Cagalli Yamato," Asta said. "There's not going to be any room for the Naturals at the rate things are going . . . or for those who would tolerate their existences. You should accept-"

"I'll accept nothing." That did it. I had finally snapped. All I could think about were the people I loved, and the people on the Archangel, and Kira, my brother. All of whom were Naturals, and all of whom Asta was wishing death upon.

"I was raised by Natural parents," I said. "I have a brother, he's a Natural too. My friends are Naturals. I'd sooner be dead than have them be exterminated. Now shut up and let me sleep."

"You may get your wish soon enough," Asta growled. But she didn't say anything more.

I truly did feel alone in the room. There was truly no one who cared about me here, and Asta just reinforced that. I was just a soldier to them, a potentially disobedient one who disagreed with the fanatics. Oh, and if they had any clue who I really was, and Hilda Harken back in the Sahara Desert pretty much said they did . . .

I was in for a world of hurt. Especially if that Rau Le Creuset was involved. He, more than anyone else, seemed to be hiding behind a masquerade he presented to other people.

All I had was Athrun. I had given everything else up for Athrun.

Other than him I was alone.

And it was looking like I was going to stay that way.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
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The Green Flame
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Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 53 10/2/13)

Well Cagalli is certainly making friends.
rebel_cheese
Posts: 305
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 7:43 pm
Location: Illinois, USA

Re: Gundam SEED: Bloodlines (Chapter 53 10/2/13)

The Green Flame wrote:Well Cagalli is certainly making friends.
Yes indeedy. She'll making a lot of friends while stuck in ZAFT. @_@
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Fifty-Four: You Are A Tourist

I hadn't been in a PLANT since I was a young child, and that was only for a brief visit while my mother and father were debating what academies to send their Coordinator daughter to. They opted for an academy on the Moon in the end, because it would be easier for the three of us to see each other than to try to get through PLANT security. Even back then, in relatively peaceful times, PLANT security was infamous for shaking down Naturals.

There was just something annoyingly perfect about PLANT environments that was different, and somehow worse, than Heliopolis. PLANTs generally did a stupendous job of mimicking the Earth, and the weather was always as predicted, without the Earth's random violence like tornadoes and hurricanes and other lovely phenomena. It was just this sense of everything being scheduled, like this artificial little greenhouse disguised as an ethereal paradise, that drove me insane. I just wanted to break one of these PLANTs open like a tin can.

Nevertheless, I couldn't help but gawk at everything. The pristine nature of it all was simply amazing and I could barely take it all in.

"You weren't kidding when you said you never lived here," Dearka Elsman said, clearly amused. "You look like a Natural visiting us right now with your eyes so damn wide."

"Dearka, everyone who visits a PLANT always looks at everything like that," Nicol Amalfi replied. "It's nothing new."

"It's new if it's a Coordinator," Dearka said.

"Enough, Dearka," Athrun said. "We're not here to be tourists. We're almost at the building right now, and we're going to meet the Chairman . . . well, the new Chairman."

"Yeah, your father," Asta said.

"Just because Athrun's father is the Chairman now doesn't stop him from being Chairman," Dearka replied.

"Just find it interesting, that's all," Asta said coolly.

Athrun looked like he wanted to forget the whole conversation. "Just follow me, please."

As I was semi-expecting to hear when we landed at the PLANTs, Patrick Zala, Athrun's father, did indeed take the Chairmanship away from Siegel Clyne. Although Siegel Clyne remained on the Supreme Council, he and his coalition had significantly less influence, or so the media was saying, and Patrick Zala's strength had come from a promise to end the war quickly.

If Patrick Zala wanted to end the war as soon as possible, he needed to get results and get them now. That meant he needed victories. Maybe just one victory, a big one, would be enough to ensure the Earth Alliance's defeat.

Operation "Spitbreak" was probably the victory Patrick Zala was looking for to end the war. Our role in that is probably why we were assigned here. We're going to plow the road to make sure Spitbreak doesn't have much interference from Earth Alliance forces in space before the operation begins in full.

The PLANT governmental house was multi-faceted, but it was a purely functional facility. No one permanently lived here, not even the Chairman. Siegel Clyne, for example, lived in his own estate and commuted to this building when he was Chairman. It was considered a way to appear less isolated from the populace and to show solidarity if you didn't live in a governmental building and instead had to travel there like everyone else.

Still, it was beautiful. So many stories and surrounded by a gorgeous garden filled with the once-thought-impossible blue roses. The blue rose was a symbol of what Coordinators were capable of and it, along with other beautiful flowers similarly brought into existence, filled the garden. All were creations of Coordinators.

"Never saw blue roses up close before, have you?" Nicol asked.

"No, I haven't," I admitted. "They're beautiful."

"They are," Nicol said. "Not much of a scent with these modern roses though. That is one thing we have not been able to manage. We've managed to create the appearance of the blue rose but can't come up with an appropriate scent that will last in the species. Every scent we've tried just gradually fades away with each passing generation."

"That's . . . sad," I said. It made me think about the problems Coordinators had with live births with each generation. It was parallel to the blue rose in a lot of ways. The blue rose had an inherent flaw that prevented a strong scent, a rose's trademark, from remaining in the flower with each generation. Did that mean that Coordinators had an inherent flaw as well?

And what did that say about me, too? What were my flaws? If I was experimented on, what was going to happen to me when I got older?

I was starting to get scared again.

"Enough about these dumb flowers," Asta growled. "Can we just get inside and get our assignment? We may be getting a personal assignment from Chairman Zala himself, after all."

"Yeah," Athrun sighed. "Come on. The Chairman doesn't want to be kept waiting."

"You mean your dad," Dearka said with a knowing smile.

"He's both," Asta sighed. She coughed then, holding her chest and her hand.

"You all right?" Athrun asked.

"I'm fine. Probably best to not cough in front of your father," Asta said after clearing her throat. She reached into her pocket and downed a couple of pills dry.

"There, that'll help," Asta said.

"Good," Athrun sighed. "Follow me inside. Let's get this over with."

"What, the meeting or your obvious embarrassment?" Dearka asked, that stupid grin of his showing teeth.

Athrun just groaned wordlessly.
***
"Damn, looks like they're moving some things out," Dearka said as we walked past various machines and people holding various possessions ranging from desks to paintings past us.

"Siegel Clyne is no longer the Chairman," Nicol said. "If he had personal possessions inside the Chairman's office, they probably need to be removed unless he wants Chairman Zala to keep them."

"Sounds like he wants the Chairman to keep nothing," Dearka said.

"That's kinda weird, actually," Nicol said. "Aren't your father and Siegel Clyne friends?"

"Yes," Athrun said. "There's nothing to insinuate here. Most things leave when a Chairman leaves the office. It's normal."

There was something just a little defensive about Athrun's tone of voice that suggested that Siegel Clyne and Patrick Zala were not as friendly with each other as they once were. Not that I would know.

It was when we were coming up on the office when we heard the conversation.

"Patrick, I implore you to take a look at the Earth Alliance's peace offering," a middle-aged male voice said. "I know you shot this down in the Supreme Council meeting, but you no longer need to grandstand. We're in private. We may not get a better offer than this."

"Siegel, as I told you, I will look at the offering. I'll do whatever it takes to put an end to this war," said the voice that I recognized as Patrick Zala's. His voice had not changed much from when I was a child and Athrun's friend. "But the Earth Alliance has not been put in a position of absolute weakness. We need to have a clear advantage over them before any peace offering can be considered."

"That's not a peace offering, that's surrender," Siegel Clyne said.

"Which is the ideal peace offering from the enemy side, Siegel," Patrick Zala replied. "While you were Chairman our military was planning Operation 'Spitbreak'. We must allow this operation to be attempted before we can consider any peace offerings. Bomb them to the negotiating table, so to speak."

"I see," Siegel Clyne replied. "What if 'Spitbreak' were to fail, Chairman?"

"It won't, I'll see to that," Patrick Zala replied. "I have my own ideas about 'Spitbreak' that I will be relaying shortly."

"I understand," Siegel Clyne replied with a sigh.

"Siegel, I know you have the best intentions in mind, but we need to fight with more force against the Naturals," Patrick Zala said. "We need to show them there is no longer any point in continuing resistance against us. I think one look at our new Mobile Suits will have them thinking twice about continuing to resist. They think their casualties are bad now? Imagine when our new Mobile Suits are arrayed against them."

"New Mobile Suits?" Dearka asked dumbly.

"Out of everything in that conversation, that's what you're picking up on first?" Asta sighed. I was actually inclined to agree with her on that one.

"The Freedom and the Providence were both delayed in order to accommodate Ezalia and Asta Joule's wishes to have the Duel rebuilt in Yzak Joule's honor," Siegel Clyne replied. "You signed off on that as a member of the Council when Ezalia put the issue on the table. You know as well as I do the only new Mobile Suit ready to launch is the Justice."

"Siegel, you are flunking War 101," Patrick Zala said, his voice finally turning edgy. "The Freedom will be ready post-'Spitbreak' and the Providence soon thereafter, not to mention . . ."

Suddenly, Patrick sighed. "I am speaking too much. I have a meeting with Zala Team that was supposed to have begun five minutes ago and I am sure they are eavesdropping right behind that door. They are special forces but not that special. We will need to continue this some other time."

We weren't going to find out what the 'not to mention' part meant that day. Which was annoying. I was growing sick and tired of secrets.

Though, judging by the looks on everyone else's faces, they were more embarrassed and worried about what Chairman Zala was going to do to them over the eavesdropping.

"I understand, Chairman," Siegel said, and we immediately heard his footsteps approach the door.

We immediately backed away from the door as one and stood to attention. I saw the way they were saluting and barely mimicked their postures in time for Siegel Clyne to emerge and walk on by.

He was a kindly-looking man but clearly weathered by the war and his responsibility. He looked at us, and managed a smile. "Good luck in there."

"Thank you, former Chairman," Athrun replied.

Siegel Clyne said nothing more before turning and walking down the hallway. There was a depressed look to his movements, like a man lost in melancholic thoughts.

"Zala Team?" Patrick Zala's voice barked. "You may enter."

"Yes, Chairman," Athrun said. He led the way inside, and the four of us followed him. They all made that strange salute motion and just like before I barely adjusted my posture in time to match theirs.

I was not going to get used to this odd salute. I could already tell.

The office was barren, but it wasn't going to stay that way. Unless Patrick Zala was a really odd individual, anyway. He looked at the five of us, seeming to sizing us up.

"At ease," he said, which was a relief because I couldn't keep the odd salute up for much longer. He paused for a while, looking between the five us.

Finally, he said "Our best weapons in this war are in the hands of children. The oldest among you is eighteen. If we had any choice we would have given adults your weapons a long time ago. Unfortunately, our casualties and numbers are such we've had no choice but to conscript teenagers since the very beginning."

I wondered what his point was, or if he had anything good to say to us. He was already criticizing us before we even had a chance to know what he was summoning us here for.

"That being said," Zala finally said, "Zala Team is one of the most elite units on our military and with the addition of your fifth member you are finally complete at long last."

Suddenly, he eyed me. "Step forward, 1st Lieutenant Yamato."

My heart almost skipped a beat and my back tensed up. "Uh, y-yes, Chairman!"

I took a step towards the Chairman, who was sitting behind his sparse metallic desk. Zala folded his hands and gave me a long stare.

"Is something wrong, Chairman?" I asked, doing my very best to keep my voice even and formal but not entirely succeeding.

"I don't know whether to be proud of you or to completely despise you," Zala said, his voice a low growl. "You killed one of our finest officers in our entire military out in the Sahara. You put Commander Le Creuset's forces on a wild goose chase throughout space and the Earth and heads would have rolled if the Earth Alliance's Ninth Fleet had not gotten destroyed in the process. You are personally responsible for the deaths of many of our pilots and you did it to protect Naturals which I still have trouble fathoming."

I didn't know whether to brace myself or to wait for him to reveal some kind of silver lining. Well, a silver lining from his perspective.

"At the same time . . . in order to pull all of this off, you have a lot of skill," Zala finally said. "Especially to kill General Waltfeld. I questioned my son's desire to recruit you instead of destroying you, but, much to my surprise, my son has succeeded. After all, you are standing here in this office right now."

"Yes . . . he did succeed," I said, not knowing what else to say without costing myself any of the goodwill he had just shown me now.

"Indeed. I look forward to seeing what you are capable of, 1st Lieutenant Yamato," Zala said, this time with the clear intent to end our little discussion.

"You won't be disappointed," was all I could think of to say.

Zala turned his attention to everyone else then. "Now we can finally get down to business. I know you can't be seated, so please remain standing. I will make this brief."

He got up from the desk and activated a hologram map of the world as well as its close orbit. It was heavily detailed, even including the Debris Belt that surrounded the planet.

"As you five no doubt heard, the planning for Operation Spitbreak is at full throttle," Zala said. "I recalled Zala Team up here because I have a specific role in mind for this team in the waning days, and the day of, the operation."

He used his hands to enlarge a section of the map, specifically a section of the Debris Belt. "We have had Earth Alliance activity in the Debris Belt, fairly close to the L1 Colonies. They are raiding our forces that are trying to assemble in the staging area for Spitbreak. Your team is going to eliminate them so there will be no further interference. I have instructed the Vesalius to be the flagship of the strike force, and Zala Team will be the team posted to the Vesalius."

"A question, Chairman," Asta said, raising her hand.

"Acknowledged," Zala replied.

"Why would we be necessary to eliminate the Earth Alliance's raiding force?" Asta asked. "The staging area is swelling with ZAFT ships, the map shows that. Can't the staging area simply break off some of its fleet to eliminate the raiders?"

"There would be a lot more casualties this way than to have the Vesalius and Zala Team eliminate it," Zala replied. "After all, Zala Team is going to be assigned our newest Mobile Suit, the Justice. Apparently the Justice is capable of incredible feats. I want a demonstration of them."

"Isn't the Justice an ace in the hole?" Athrun asked. Clearly he had no problems questioning his own father. "Wouldn't it be better to save it for 'Spitbreak'?"

"Those raiders have been achieving multiple local victories," Zala replied. "I want them smashed in such a way as to demoralize the entire Earth Alliance . . . and make them fear us as well. After all, how can a small strike force eliminate a whole fleet? There has to be something secret, isn't there? Something the Earth Alliance has no hope of stopping."

"You're thinking that because it's difficult to communicate in the Debris Belt that they won't be able to report a new Mobile Suit," Athrun said all of a sudden. "They will just suddenly cease to exist. And even if they do report a new Mobile Suit, there won't be any time to put in countermeasures before Spitbreak begins. It'll just be another blow to morale."

"Exactly," Patrick Zala said.

"Who's gonna pilot the new Mobile Suit?" Dearka asked.

"Considering who has given us a really strong assessment of her abilities so far . . . 1st Lieutenant Yamato will be piloting the Justice," Zala said, confirming the suspicions that were in the back of my mind the whole time. "However, Athrun Zala will remain in command. You five are going to be the lead spear of Spitbreak . . . and 1st Lieutenant Yamato will be the very tip."

"I must protest," Asta said, which was also not surprising. "She was fighting us not three weeks ago. Why give her the newest, strongest machine in our forces? She has given us no reason to trust her."

"I have misgivings myself about this decision, but if I cannot trust your team leader, I can't trust anyone," Zala said, looking right at Athrun. The implications were quite clear. If Patrick Zala can't trust the judgment of his only family, his sole child, there is no one left to trust. "He has written some glowing reports about her abilities, and what 1st Lieutenant Yamato has pulled off while in servitude to the Naturals is quite impressive. Including, not to trudge up bad memories, 1st Lieutenant Joule, defeating your brother who was an elite pilot himself."

Asta literally shook upon hearing that but she stopped herself from lashing out. Instead she managed a "I understand, Chairman."

"Good. Now you are all dismissed. You will depart tomorrow onboard the Vesalius," Zala said. "Except for you, 1st Lieutenant Yamato. I'm going to introduce you to your new machine."

"Uh, yes, Chairman," I said. I knew immediately what this meant. Zala was going to try to size me up, to see if I really am suitable for the Justice. Not to mention trustworthy.

I was in for a grilling and if I did not pass Zala's likely test I was going to lose the Justice . . . and possibly get booted off of Athrun's team altogether. I was pretty sure of that.

Asta's warning from yesterday night was stark. What if there was no room left for people like me, who believed in tolerance? What if I was already going to get shunted out, before my service even began, because of what I believed?

What if I had come all this way for absolutely nothing?

I was scared as the others, including Athrun, were dismissed. Exceptionally scared. I tried not to let it show but I was not sure if I was successful. This guy was more terrifying than even Natarle Badgiruel at her worst. And he held a lot more authority.

"Well then," Patrick Zala said. "Let's show you your new machine."

"Yes, Chairman," I replied.

At that point, I just wanted to get it over with without screwing up.

Easier said than done.
***
I tried to say as little as possible to Patrick Zala on the way to the facility where the Justice was waiting. Patrick Zala, perhaps noticing that I was going to stay quiet and not say so much, didn't waste too much time trying to encourage me to small talk. After three failed attempts to get me to open up about my experiences so far in ZAFT, he got down to business.

"The Vesalius was not designed to carry the Justice," Zala said to me. "Because of that, the only Mobile Suit team the Vesalius will be carrying is the Zala Team. There is a ship specifically designed for carrying the Justice, but it is not complete yet. I intended to give it to General Waltfeld as a reward for his exemplary service in the Sahara, but as he is dead I must find another officier. I wonder what happened to that lover of his."

"Her name was Aisha," I said. "I believe she is still in Orb. I captured her personally. We treated her quite humanely, I promise you, Chairman."

"Of course they would, with you around to keep them honest," Zala scoffed.

"We had an honorable and humane captain in charge," I said. "Her name was Murrue Ramius. She became a close friend. She did sincerely care about me."

"What happened?" Zala asked.

"She's dead," I said. "I was captured and taken to a secret base in the Indian Ocean. It was operated by Blue Cosmos and . . . Murrue decided to try and save me. She did . . . but it was at the cost of her own life."

Damn it. I didn't want to admit any of this to him. What right did he have to know? Even now, thinking of Murrue was still bringing me to the brink of tears.

"My son was part of ZAFT's investigation into that base. We had no idea what the facility was, all we knew was that there was a lot of random combat and explosions at first," Zala said. "When we investigated, all we found were ruins and bodies. Well, that and signs that Blue Cosmos made a rushed attempt to clear the base out of anything still valuable."

"Did you find Murrue Ramius' body?" I asked.

"I wouldn't know," Zala replied.

It seemed he was telling the truth but I wasn't happy with that response. All that meant was that I couldn't get any closure over what Murrue did, and sacrificed, for my sake.

"How can you . . . feel so much compassion for the Naturals?" Zala asked.

"I have lived in Orb my whole life," I said. "All of my friends were Naturals. There was . . . some intolerance at first, but when everyone realized I was their best hope for survival, they stopped protesting. And eventually they all began supporting me because they realized I was a human being just like them."

I didn't want to say much more, in case I was coming off as a bleeding heart who may have to be removed from her post. "I sound like Siegel Clyne, don't I?"

"Your language is remarkably close to his," Zala said enigmatically.

Great. "I'm not going to lie to you. I did not enjoy killing Coordinators . . . or killing anybody for that matter. But at the same time I can't ignore that we are human beings fighting human beings. This war is a tragedy, sir."

He remained silent, just staring at me.

"I will kill Naturals in service of ZAFT and PLANT," I said. "I would not have allowed your son to extradite me if I was not willing to serve. I am here because Athrun is my best friend. He needs me and this is what friends do."

"I see," Zala said. The car suddenly stopped.

"I guess we must be here," I said.

"We are. Follow me," Zala said.

He exited the car, followed by his bodyguards, and I walked beside him into what seemed to be a ZAFT airbase. The place seemed to be a maze but Patrick Zala knew exactly where he was going. I wondered how many times he had visited this place in order to make a beeline right for the Justice.

Finally, some doors slid open and we walked onto a metal hallway extended high from the ground . . . right in front of what had to be the chest plate of the Justice.

It looked just like the GUNDAM machines. I could not keep my surprise out of my voice. "Is that . . . is that a GUNDAM?"

"'GUNDAM'?" Zala asked curiously.

"The abbreviation for the type of Mobile Suits taken from Heliopolis," I said. "It came out as 'GUNDAM'."

"Huh." Zala looked up at the Mobile Suit. "Well, the official designation is the ZGMF-X09A Justice. And it will be the weapon that will win us this war, 1st Lieutenant."

I looked up at the massive robotic beast. That was pretty much the best way to describe it. It looked like an absolute monster of a machine in comparison to the Aegis and Strike and all of the others. It screamed 'power' even without its Phase Shift up and running.

"It has a built-in N-Jammer Canceler," Zala said. "New technology manufactured by ZAFT. It uses nuclear power and so will never run out of power. It is equipped with a support unit, the FATHOM-00, that can operate independently of the Justice or serve as the Justice's long-range weaponry, however you wish. The FATHOM-00 is equipped with the Fortis Beam Cannon, which is perhaps the most versatile weapon we have ever designed for a Mobile Suit, along with a variety of other, more traditional, weaponry."

"How expensive was this to make?" I asked.

"Extremely expensive," Zala said. "Specialized machines like this can't be made in quantity. Quality will have to do."

"And you're giving this to me," I said, still somewhat in disbelief.

"Assigning it to you," Zala corrected. "I did not want to say this in front of the others, but my son loves you, 1st Lieutenant."

"I know," I said. "I think he always has." Zala scoffed. "He kissed you right in front of my face almost four years ago now, and even though he's tried to hide it from me he's missed you ever since. Even that pop star, Lacus Clyne, isn't enough to take his mind off of you. I wanted to know what the hell he sees in you, 1st Lieutenant. Why some girl who reminds me honestly of a boy more than a woman is the one my son cares for the most. And why he would place so much trust in you even though you fought him for two months in the service of Naturals."

"And what do you think, Chairman?" I asked.

"The fact that I am still assigning you to the Justice in spite of everything should give you enough of an answer, 1st Lieutenant," Zala said.

I guessed that meant I passed. But by the cold, hard look in Zala's eyes, just barely.

"You want me to make the deaths of everyone I've killed worth it," I said. "Starting with Waltfeld."

"Not just 'worth it'. I want you to inflict more pain on the Naturals than you inflicted on us. Much more pain," Zala said. "I want the Naturals cowering in fear of you and this machine, 1st Lieutenant. That's what I want from you. I want you to end this war with the Naturals surrendering to us. Can you do this for me? For ZAFT and PLANT?"

I knew immediately how I had to answer. "Yes, Chairman. I will."

Finally, for the first time, Zala smiled. Only just. It was barely there, for maybe a second, and it was not a smile full of good humor either. He reminded me more of a man trying to seek vengeance than anything else in that moment.

"Excellent. Maybe now I finally see what it is my son sees in you. You were born to be a soldier," Zala said.

His words just brought Commandant Garcia back to my mind. He had said almost exactly the same thing.

"Thank you, sir," I said, not sure of what else I should say.

"You are dismissed, 1st Lieutenant," Zala said. "You will be escorted here tomorow morning to take the Justice and fly it to the Vesalius. Until then . . . do as you wish. But when you fly this Mobile Suit, I am going to want results. Prove to me that you are worth all of this pain, death, and struggle it took to bring you here."

"I will, Chairman," I said.

Zala nodded, and then turned to his bodyguards. "You two, escort the 1st Lieutenant out of the airbase. I wish to remain here a while longer."

"Yes, Mr. Chairman," one of the guards said and two of them walked up to me.

"Farewell," I said.

Zala did not respond, He was staring up at the Justice, lost in his own thoughts.

There was nothing left to say. I let them escort me out, and I emerged in a bath of a fake sunset, with the artificial sky orange and violet.

I found myself wanting to launch the Justice right this second. This just didn't feel right. The perfection was just getting to me.

I just did not belong here. I was a stranger, a foreigner, a tourist, what have you. I just couldn't stand it. I wanted Heliopolis and all of its clear, obvious flaws, or the Earth and its random, natural occurrences. Not here. Anywhere but here.

I told Patrick Zala I would fight for PLANT, but it was damn clear I did not believe in what I was fighting for. This was not my country. This was not where I belonged.

I felt like a traitor who was discovering that betrayal was the wrong decision to make.

But there was no turning back now. I had made my choice. If I had wanted to I could have resisted Athrun's attempt to take me here. I did not. And so I was stuck. And if I were to betray Athrun's trust, and by extension the Chairman's trust . . . all I'd do was make the war even worse.

I was being handed a weapon of mass destruction. That's what the Justice was.

It was an oxymoron to attach a lofty name like 'Justice' to a machine designed only for mass murder.

So what was I going to do?

A car suddenly pulled up then, and the window was rolled down. That's when I saw her.

"H-Hilda?" I asked.

There was clear scarring on her face, but she had both eyes now and there was no mistaking her golden hair either. Hilda Harken had just pulled up in front of the airbase.

The two men who has escorted me out stepped forward. "What business do you have here?"

"I am here on behalf of Siegel Clyne," Hilda said. "He would like to speak to 1st Lieutenant Yamato. That is, if the 1st Lieutenant would permit it."

So, Siegel Clyne wanted to see me too. What was I, a pawn everyone wanted to get their hands on?

At the same time, though, I had heard the things Siegel Clyne said. He was clearly far more moderate than Patrick Zala. He had a different idea of how to conduct the war. He also seemed far less bloodthirsty and far more sane than Patrick Zala.

"I do permit it," I said. "I'll ride with you, um . . ."

"Lieutenant-Commander Harken," Hilda said.

"Right. Lieutenant-Commander Harken," I said.

The men looked at each other, and then they shrugged. "Fine. But 1st Lieutenant Yamato better be back here tomorrow to launch the Justice."

"I will," I promised.

I walked around the car and got inside, sitting next to Hilda. "What's going on here, um, ma'am?"

"I'll let you know once we get on the road," Hilda said as she rolled up the window.

"You're really gonna play that game with me?" I asked.

"Yes," Hilda said, with just a hint of wry humor. "Yes, I am."

She put the car in gear then and we began driving down the road.
MURRUE: Infallible accuracy?? I thought you just usually shot all your weapons at random and they just happened to hit stuff.

KIRA: What do you think this is; a cartoon?
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