Mobile Suit Gundam SEED ETERNITY

[ShadowCell]

aaaaaaaaaaand Phase 06

[ShadowCell]

aaaaaaand Phase 07 is up

i've been watching ZZ this month too, so while the basic plot of "ETERNITY" hasn't changed, there are probably some stylistic influences going on here too. although Meyrin has yet to find a chicken on her head.

and now that i think of it, there's probably some details in the previous two chapters i need to change.

[Antares]

Typo spotted:

ZAFT's officer

I think you meant "offer".

Other than that, waiting for the next one.

[Thundermuffin]

Caught up on the last couple. Looks like Emily gonna get her own "Stella" or "Puru", heh.

[ShadowCell]

Phase 08

also, this chapter put my word total at 52,000 or so, which means I won NaNoWriMo this year

BAM

[Antares]

Congrats on being one productive writer, Shadow.

On episode 8, ho-hum. And I thought the spanking Kira gave them was severe.
If the EA had this sort of material at their disposal, it seems that the Resistance would've been unavoidably doomed no matter what they did, and Chiao Xu's fantasies of assaulting Iceland would've been met with a swift and brutal end.

The Crusader brought Sven toe-to-toe and beyond with Shinn, and with ND HE and others, and some in "stock Gundams" no less, I couldn't see how this battle would've gone any other way. If anything, I expected you to ring out one casualty of the main cast as price for fleeing yet another doomed engagement. The colonists were going to be fodder from the second the Minerva came there, and despite Emily rather convincing Obi-wan -moment of lives being extinguished, it was expected and thus lacked impact. I was surprised to see the Avicenna go so quick, though. You try to strike a precarious balance between people you write up for dead from the start, and people who you'd expect more from but end up dying right away. This is pretty hard, I'm sure, especially given how large your cast become in both people and mobile suits. Honestly said, I'm starting to lose track a little of who's who and in which machine.

In summary, this entire episode was about a desperate fight and the only ones who died were peripheral characters that I, as a reader, didn't really care about and who I fully expected to die within the usual style of a Gundam-story. Everyone got their machines totaled, sure, but if they make it to Terminal and get new, improved Gundams handed to them then this engagement was pretty pointless.

So what's next, then? Since many, many of the Minerva's Gundams lost several appendices, I would argue that there is a limit of how much "secondary damage" they can take before it mounts up into primary damage. Besides, the pilot is a vital part of the machine too, but they don't seem to get injured seriously, by which I mean permanent handicaps. Sting and Auel were back in the saddle so quick it took the sting from their defeat away, you know? I know it sucks for them, but having Sting and Auel back in the controls of a powerful machine would be kind of saying "yeah I got shot but I'm all better now".

Um, I'd say I don't want to be telling you how to write your story but I think it's too late for that. And really I don't, you have your own story thought out so feel free to stick to it. I'm just saying how it looks to me.

[Rob DS Zeta]

Is it good or bad that I saw people talking about this story on /m/?

[Thundermuffin]

Yeah, like I was saying earlier in the Twilight thread, it's getting a bit conspicuous that no one from the Minerva's crew has died yet, considering the amount of battle they've seen. And now it's especially pronounced after half of the pilots are fighting in inferior machines.

If they're at the end of the rope, on the razor's edge, we should be feeling it a bit more.

[ShadowCell]

Man, first I'm killing too many people, now I'm not killing enough.

The reason I haven't killed anyone from the Minerva is that there's still mileage left to go in their characters. There are several points where I could have killed just about any of the Minerva's pilots, and there's points where I could have killed people from the Charlemagne or the Fortuna or anywhere else...but as far as I'm concerned, that would be a waste of a character. It's something I feel I did way too much in my DESTINY fic--hell, I killed off almost the entire remaining cast of Gundam SEED in one chapter--but I don't want to soak these stories in blood just for the sake of soaking them in blood. Plus there's the whole "grimdark" thing to avoid.

I will concede, looking back, that I probably jumped the gun in having Sting and Auel get back into the fight. But that can be remedied.

Is it good or bad that I saw people talking about this story on /m/?

Probably both. =P

[Soma Taozi]

Sorry I have been really lazy lately, so here is my feedback for the last 4 chapters. It is awesome how fast you are posting this story! I hope the fact that NaNoWriMo is over will not stop you from this trend. By the way, congrats on the completion of NaNoWriMo! I tried, but after 5000 words I stopped...just too busy. But anyway, back to the feedback.

I loved chatper 4, because it was almost just like the last epiosde of Stargazer, but only better. Selene surviving was so awesome as well! Poor Sol...

I know you may be getting this question a lot (or maybe not) but would it be possible for you to repost some of your lineart for your new mecha? You used to have them all up on the Art Page of mechatalk, but the pictures are gone from the link.

Stuff like the new Strike Freedom and those suits that Kira's henchmen are piloting would be awesome to see! Of course, maybe you are waiting until EVERYONE gets an upgrade before reposting them.

Chapter 5: the battle with Kira was pretty awesome, but like everyone else I was surprised by how easily he took down some of our heros. Maybe it is because I am not sure the full capabilities of the Verga SF, but at the very least I second the motion of making it clear that the Minerva's mobile suit team are getting in each others way.

Oh and maybe I missed it, but where the hell did Aoma go in the last few chapters? Maybe there should be a scene where she hears of the Minerva's problems and decides to igrone their plea for help...

So I really enjoyed chapter 6 and 7, because they basically introduced us to the new characters in this story. My favorite by far is Lily, because I always had a soft spot for Puru even if she was annoying at times.

SO now for chapter 8. I liked it. Honestly I am not sure what everyone is talking about when they wanted more character death. Really there are so many characters in that last battle that, yes one would expect more to die, but the fact that barely anyone kicked the bucket (expect for poor Rax) was surprising in its own way. I mean, sure as long as it doesn't happen ALL the time to the point of being unrealistic, but it is nice that you are putting thought into how the Minerva's mobile suit team is losing their Gundams. And it was really cool seeing Rau and the others go out in Mass produced models.

Right so two more things.

ND HE is Kira. Is it possible for this clone of Kira to get on the Minerva's side? A Kira vs Kira battle would be pretty sweet. Besides doesn't that mean that Athrun might want to try to save his friend? Sure it is a clone...but it is still Kira in there. A Kira that might just remember his friends...a Kira that didn't lose Flay or at least doesn't remeber it, didn't get brain washed by Rau, and has the same abilites as fallen Kira? Just a fan wondering and maybe this has to do with the fact I just finished the Force Unleashed II...but this has the potential to be awesome!

Oh and this is just a newbie question, but just what the frak is /m/?

[Nitramy]

What the frak is /m/?

4chan's /m/echa board.

[Antares]

Nitramy wrote:

Soma Taozi wrote:

What the frak is /m/?

4chan's /m/echa board.

And you will enter at your own peril.

ShadowCell said:

Man, first I'm killing too many people, now I'm not killing enough.

That's a fair critique for your fickle fans. I appreciate how hard it is to balance the two, especially since you don't want to go grimdark again (and why should you?). And I fully understand you want to run through the whole mileage with your guys, and that is fair enough. I only thought you'd give some physical grievance to a few more pilots, given how horribly outmatched they've been twice in a row now. A bit of blood in the cockpit, even if it doesn't end in a fatality, gives a bit more "on-knife's-edge" feel to our heroes, which I assume what you were going for.

[ShadowCell]

Phase 09 is up.

I took a couple weeks off after finishing chapter eight for finals-related madness at school and because after NaNo I kind of didn't want to look at this thing for a while.

[rebel_cheese]

Why does Trojan remind me of Andrew Waltfeld? XD Seriously, Emily's encounter with him brought flashbacks to Gundam SEED (which I am rewatching currently to get details in a fanfic right).

Anyway, good update here. I don't understand what's going on completely because I took in your nine chapters all at once, which means I should probably read them again at a slower pace.

[Antares]

Character development is tasty. Good touch on giving Auel and Sting a bit of physical grief. I must confess that I am nearly completely oblivious to the carbon copies mentioned in the Astrays, I mean I know who ND HE is supposed to be but I don't really know how all that worked/works out. Guess I'll read your story and assume that's the way it went previously, too.

[ShadowCell]

Phase 10 is up. Holidays are kicking my ass.

[Thundermuffin]

Whoo, Shinn and Meyrin, go!

I still think Shinn and Athrun should be keeping more of an eye on Rau. I mean, the second Emily tells one of them what Rau's been telling her, all sorta warning lights should be flashing. That is, if Emily tells them...

[The Green Flame]

An Artificial Newtype Sven? The horror D:

Also this is just makes me want Stargazer to appear in the next DWG >.>

[Antares]

I agree with Thundermuffin wholeheartedly. If anyone other than Selene could see Rau salivating at the feet of the Gabriel... I mean even she got the distinct whiff that he was rotten to the core. Of course, that makes his villainy even more tantalizing because it is out there in plain sight.

Will Shinn inherit the Twilight, then, I wonder? Though it's doubtful since even that machine is beginning to feel a little dated and he's too important maybe for a mere hand-me-down. I just want to see Athrun still do great things with the IJ; he doesn't need an upgrade.

[Soma Taozi]

Once again Shadow Cell you deliver yet another two chapters of pure awesome! This story is just consistently getting better and better with every passing chapter!

The thing with having so much going on, that it (if done correctly) can make the story unbelievably interesting with every word that you write. You are 1/5 of the way done with Eternity and everything remains fresh and exciting. Not to say that you haven't done that with your previous stories, but the thing about Gundam (especially UC Gundam, which your story seems to be emanating from in terms of tone) is that after five to eight episodes things get into a kind of routine. Sure things are interesting and awesome, but every episode boles down to Gundams taking off, fighting off enemies, with nothing really changing or developing. Yes, it is realistic and is fun to watch, but for writing it sometimes gets a little old.

Fortunately for Eternity, that has not happened and it doesn't look like it will happen at all! With the new characters, plenty of plot points, mecha, and growing relationships. This story always has something amazing going on!

Both chapter 9 and 10 were more character orientated and I really enjoyed them, because I am always a character kind of girl.

I do wonder what machine Lily was looking at though? I guess we will find out. And Athrun giving up on the clone of Kira is heart-breaking. Obviously their friendship is over, but it is clear Athrun just can’t stand the sight of Kira’s face anymore. Regardless if it isn’t the same monster that killed Cagalli, Lacus, Sai, ect, ect, ect. Shinn confused by Athrun’s reaction made sense and I do wonder if Shinn will try to save the clone of Kira? Shinn does save a lot of people after all. Mostly girls, but maybe he could save some guys as well (and while he is at it some puppies too). Just so people understand Shinn is an equal opportunity saver.

I do question why Athrun would want to deal with the clone of Kira and leave the real Kira to Shinn. They both hate Kira’s guts and I think Athrun has more of a reason to go after the real Kira then the fake one. Is he really starting to change and let go on the hatred and rage he holds against the real Kira? I don’t find that likely given his reactions to Kira in the battle with him. Personally I think Athrun should either tell Shinn to deal with the the real Kira AFTER he gets either his ass handed to him by Kira on the battlefield or he has a inner monologue where he realizes that he needs to let go of the past and fight the Second Kira (Death Note pun intended.)

Anyway, everything in the chapters makes coherent sense and I didn't see any errors either. Nicely done yet again Shadow Cell.

A little off topic: I noticed that in the Twilight you are posting on fanfiction, you upgraded the Aegis and the Strike to the Strike E and the Rosso Aegis. Which makes sense since the Aegis and Strike were pretty much obsolete at the end of the cannon Seed, so the upgrade makes sense since they went toe to toe with the Destiny and Twilight for quite a while. I guess that also means that you will not have to deal with whole Rosso Aegis/Negro Blitz, side plot you mentioned in the final chapters of Twilight where Grey see’s the two machines. However, does that mean a change will happen in Twilight where the Negro Blitz appears or will we see it here in Eternity?