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 Post subject: Rise of the Exodus, Pt 1
 Post Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 12:39 am 
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Cardboard Leo Ace
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Location: Fighting his alternate self in his own mind
Josh stared into the sky. He was wondering about this new mecha that chose him as it's pilot. A demon attacks his city. This thing shows up and absorbs him. All of a sudden they battle the demon together and kill it. Then a void of binary code pulls them in, and boom, here he is. He took the peace and quiet to stare at the Exodus. At first sight, it appeared as a holy knight clad in crystal blue armor. It had a kingly crown. Then a closer look revealed dragon like claws, and a chainlike tail with a sinister blade at the end. Josh's concentration was broken by a tremor. He shook his head. Another tremor. Another. And Another. Something was approaching. Something big.

Josh found himself in the Exodus, with no explanation of how he got there. He noticed now that he was as aware of the Exodus's Surroundings as he was of his own. What the Exodus sensed, he sensed. He took a good look at his adversary. It was a crudely designed mechanical dinosaur. It approached the Exodus and roared. It raised its left hand after its opponent didn't back down. The hand spun like a drill. The Exodus sat still. The attack barely left a scratch in the Exodus's armor. When it saw this, the beast brought two shoulder cannons forward and charged a blast. The exodus again stayed still. This attack did noticeable damage, but it near instantly regenerated. THe beast reeled back at this site. The Exodus extended an arm. An alchemic circle appeared on the ground. A sword came out of the circle, which the Exodus grabbed. The Exodus cleaved the beast in two. The beast disentegrated in to a number of particles. "...The hell?"

Okay, this is the start of an original production that can be classified as a fanfiction because there are many elements taken from certain anime, (in the case of this excerpt, Digimon.) Feel free to leave comments. I enjoy constructive criticism.

_________________
- Oh God. The Exodus is entering Feral Mode.
-What Does that mean?
-It means it's gonna win


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 Post Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 12:51 am 
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Traitor Villain
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Constructive criticism? I'll offer you the best advice I can think of right now.

Polish and Preparation.

I look at your numerous fanfic attempts and it leads me to think that you pop onto the fanfiction forum and write on the spot, with no prior preparation and no revision. So, the best advice I can offer you is to write what you're gonna write beforehand, revise and polish it, and then post it in a form that somewhat resembles completion... y'know, like a whole chapter or something like that.

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"This is the truth! This is my belief. At least for now."


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 Post Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 11:24 am 
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Cardboard Leo Ace
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Location: Fighting his alternate self in his own mind
I'll take that advice. THank you. I think i'll finish this off hand, where i originally meant for it, and post it afterwards. For the most part, you were correct about the on the spot thing. Zoids vs gundam is the only one i didn't in fact, although i did add stuff after i posted it.

_________________
- Oh God. The Exodus is entering Feral Mode.
-What Does that mean?
-It means it's gonna win


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 Post Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 10:14 pm 
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Cardboard Leo Ace
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Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2009 9:52 pm
Posts: 49
Location: Fighting his alternate self in his own mind
Okay, back on track.

Josh found himself outside of the Exodus again. He now realized there was a sword at his side. He unsheathed it to take a look. It had the handle of a katana, with blades on the hilt, but the blade itself was more similar to a Chinese Dao. “Hmm. This is an interesting blade…” Josh looked up into the forest ahead of him. “Hmmm. Guess I should start looking around for a way back home. But how am I going to move… Where’d the Exodus go?”
The Exodus had disappeared since Josh had left the cockpit. “Well, I guess I’ll have to move on without it.” Josh walked along in the forest, until he heard ruffling. He immediately went in to a defensive stance.
Kazemon looked down on the human from the trees. It had been a while since a human had been in the digital world. And the last ones were all young children. This one looked to be at least in his late teens. Most unusual of all, he had no digimon guardian. But he carried a weapon. Perhaps there was no need for a guardian. Kazemon watched as a Green humanoid digimon jumped out of the forest and attacked the human. “Ogremon. The boy will stand no chance of surviving.” Kazemon flew down and kicked the Ogre in the face. She held up her hand. Small tornados formed on each of her fingers. “HURRICANE WAVE!” She flicked her arm out, tossing the tornados at Ogremon. They sliced into the beast, and he erupted into a mass of data.
“I take it you’re not my foe. But does that mean you’re my friend?” Kazemon took a better look at the boy, a little annoyed by his attitude. He was roughly her height, but built more masculinely of course. He was dressed in blue jeans, and a black jacket with red lines. Kazemon even took notice of the shirt he was wearing. It read ‘Linkin Park.’ Kazemon wandered what it meant. She then looked up at his face. His face was rather smooth, save for a mustache and a goatee. His eyes were hazel brown. And he had dark blonde hair that went down to his neck. Kazemon was shocked to find that he found him slightly attractive. “Whether friend or foe, do you think it is wise to be so insolent?”
“Insolent? All I did was ask if you were hostile.” Josh took a look at the creature that saved him. A fairy in a bikini, wearing a visor over her eyes. That summed it up pretty well. She was kind of attractive, but Josh didn’t believe in interspecies relationships. Not to mention, she already left the impression as being a b****. “Besides. I could have taken care of that thing myself. I’m Josh. You are?” “Kazemon. And it’s going to get dark soon. I suggest you come home with me.” “Fine.” A few more Ogremon appeared.
Kazemon looked on the Ground at all of her fallen foes. She was quite surprised that Josh was telling the truth when he said he could handle himself, and he didn’t even unsheathe his sword. The Ogremon all finally ddeleted. “Come on. You lead the way. Soon something big is bound to show up.”
“You sleep here.” “A couch. I guess I can dig it.” Josh took off his jacket and threw it over himself like a blanket. “Night.” Kazemon went to her bedroom. She pulled off the covers of her bed and laid down. As she closed her eyes, she wondered about what this boy was doing here. But she also wondered about this recent uprising of Machine digimon. Many who were usually friendly had become hostile. But there was something else. They lacked any type of personality. It was as if they were being controlled. Kazemon fell fast asleep.
Kazemon opened her eyes and got out of bed. She stretched out a little before walking into the living room. She noticed her guest was not on the couch any more. In fact, he was nowhere to be found. “That idiot.”
“Hmmm. More forest. This place never ends.” Josh’s stomach started to hurt. He started to clutch it. “Now I remember what I forgot to do.” A red Ogremon appeared. “Oh God. Why now?”
“HIIIIIIYAHHHHH!” Kazemon kicked the Ogremon variation ala Dynamic entry, killing it. “You idiot. Never go out without eating. You can’t fight on an empty stomach.” “Less yelling. More directing me to a food source.” Kazemon shook her head. “Come on. I know a good restaurant here. I’ll pay.” Josh followed her, guided by his stomach less than his mind.
“That was pretty good.” Josh wiped his mouth. “Um. Thanks for coming after me…” Before he could finish his thought, an alarm went off. “Oh no. An attack.” “What?” “Machine digimon have lost their selves. They all have become pawns to some unknown power. They frequently attack, high level ones too. In fact, that’s a dark form of ShineGreymon, a mega level. I’ll never be able to handle that. Nor would you.” “Geez. Now I need the Exodus.” An alchemy circle formed around Josh. He was enveloped in light. The Light grew. When it disappeared, it wasn’t Josh standing there, it was the Exodus.
“All right. This is more like it.” Josh looked around in the cockpit. He noticed his sword had become a lever. “I’m sure I’ll find out exactly what that is for soon enough.” He also got a better look at his foe. A Mecha Dragon. It was colored Dark red and black. “So this is ShineGreymon. They just couldn’t stop with WarGreymon, could they?” ShineGreymon made the first move. It attacked the Exodus head on. ShineGreymon quickly gained the upperhand. The Exodus tossed him off of it. “Let’s try something new.” The Exodus formed an Alchemic circle. A Flaming dragon came out of it and attacked ShineGreymon. ShineGreymon held out its hand. “Torrid Weiss.” It fired out molten fireballs. The two attacks met and cancelled each other out. “Guess you can’t go wrong with what has been working.” The Exodus drew its sword. It charged ShineGreymon. ShineGreymon formed a sword of dark fire and met the attack. Shinegreymon spread his wings and they started to glow. “Glorious Burst.” ShineGreymon and Exodus were enveloped in purple light. The light subsided, and the Exodus was laying on the ground, heavily damaged. ShineGreymon was up in the sky, looking down on his opponent.
“Oh no! Josh!” Kazemon looked at the battle damage. It didn’t look good for Josh. The Exodus slowly rose to its feet. Two protrusions came out of its back. Energy feathers formed from the protrusions, making two energy wings. Blades came out of the Exodus’s shoulders and joints. The Exodus hunched over. It’s neck extended, and its face mask flipped open, revealing a dragon’s face.
Josh read the screen. “Activating Feral Mode.” The machine started to move of its own accord. “I see. It’s a defense mechanism, in case the Exodus should ever be overpowered.” The Exodus charged ShineGreymon at incredible speed. It rammed into him. Then it started pummeling ShineGreymon. ShineGreymon threw it off of him. No sooner than when he regained composure than was he met by blue flames. ShineGreymon was tossed to the ground. His colors changed to red, white, and orange. The Exodus returned to its normal form and recovered all damages.


I think this is a pretty good stopping point for now. I'll try to update soon.

_________________
- Oh God. The Exodus is entering Feral Mode.
-What Does that mean?
-It means it's gonna win


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 Post Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 8:23 pm 
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Cardboard Leo Ace
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Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2009 9:52 pm
Posts: 49
Location: Fighting his alternate self in his own mind
“Josh. What happened?” “The Exodus transformed and defeated ShineGreymon. What else is there to know?” “How did you do it?” “I didn’t. The Exodus did it itself.” “But how is that possible?” “Stop asking so many questions. We’ve got somebody else to interrogate.” Josh looked at ShineGreymon. “I’ve got a few questions to ask him.” Josh walked over to ShineGreymon and nudged him with a kick.
ShineGreymon groaned. “Errrrrrgh. What happened?” “I’m asking the questions here.” ShineGreymon stood up, towering over Josh by quite a bit. He held his head and then came to a realization. “I’m sorry. You were the one controlling that robot.” “Yes. Now tell me why you attacked that village. And why that stupid Mechano Dino attacked me when I first got to this world.” “Wait. You fought Machinedramon?” “Kazemon… We killed that thing.” “For you to have defeated him… most impressive.” “Don’t change the subject. Answer my question.” “I’m sorry for deliberating. The main computer in the machine town was infected by a virus and it took control of all of the machine digimon in that town. I am sorry for the damage I have caused.” “We’ll forgive you, but only if you protect this village until I save the machine digimon." “I shall do that.” Josh started walking away. “Where do you think you’re going without me?” “You heard the guy. I’m going to the Machine town.” “I’m coming with you.”
“Let’s not argue about this, Kazemon. It’s too dangerous. I can’t allow you to come.” If it’s too dangerous for me, then what makes you think I’m gonna let you go alone.” “Are we really good enough friends to worry about each other this way?” “What?” “I mean… Think about it. We just met each other practically. Just let me go alone.” “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
Josh walked on, Kazemon flying at his side. He rubbed a huge red handprint on the left side of his face. “I never thought you could be so convincing.” “How the hell did you plan to get along without me? I have the money to buy your food. I know this place. I nurse your wounds.” “You worry about me too much. I can take care of myself.” “Look. We can’t move on so quickly. I’m tired, and you’re injured.” Kazemon sat next to a tree and motioned to Josh. “How about we sit down and rest for a while, and you tell me exactly how you got here, and about that fight with Machinedramon?” “Fine. If you insist.”
Josh was driving, windows down. “Girls, school… Life is just a pain in the ass.” He turned on the radio. “I can’t believe my eyes. It’s like a scene out of a B movie here in town square. This giant… Demon for lack of a better word is destroying the city.” “Town Square. But that’s… OHSHIT!” Josh hits the brake and starts turning the wheel to avoid running into a huge chunk of debris that took up the entire street. “Fuuuuck! You’d think traffic would be insane in this kind of situation. I guess everyone else was smart enough to stay the hell home.” Josh got out of the car and finally saw the demon. Its head was a horned skull. The rest of its body looked like a huge human skeleton. “Damn. That’s one ugly mutha. ..” Then a blue light shone down from the heavens. A blue Mech slowly descended from the sky in the light. The Demon attacked the Mech. It viciously mauled the robot. The robot fell to the ground with Josh having to run in order to narrowly avoid being squashed by its arm. The mech turned its head, as if to look Josh in the eye.
Josh was now in a whole different location. His position suddenly rose higher, until he was staring eye to eye with the demon. He looked at a screen “Exodus. All systems functioning.” “Exodus eh. Time to take out some garbage.”
The mech proceeded to pummel the demon. The demon pulled out one of its bones in a rather grotesque manner. The bone formed into a sword. The demon charged the Exodus. The Mecha easily dodged the attack. The Exodus held out its hand. A Alchemic circle formed and split into two, forming a sword with a katana handle, and the blade of a Chinese Dao, before disappearing. The Mecha grabbed the sword. It parried a few more attacks before impaling the demon on the sword.
The demon changed into 0s and 1s. They floated into the sky and formed a funnel that engulfed the Exodus. “What the hell is going on?” When the funnel disappeared, Josh found himself in another world. He exited the Exodus and looked around.
“…And after that, Machinedramon attacked. We defeated him quickly after I found out that the Exodus can regenerate from nearly any attack. We defeated him with a single slash.” Kazemon put her finger over Josh’s lips. “That was great story. Time to sleep.” She embraced josh and laid her head on his chest. Josh smiled. He lowered his head and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep. “Good night then.”

_________________
- Oh God. The Exodus is entering Feral Mode.
-What Does that mean?
-It means it's gonna win


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 Post Posted: Mon May 18, 2009 5:08 pm 
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Cardboard Leo Ace
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Posts: 49
Location: Fighting his alternate self in his own mind
Josh dreamed of battles that would soon follow. He dreamed of a red upgrade to Machinedramon. He dreamed that the battle would end with the Exodus entering Feral Mode. Then he dreamed of the Final battle. A computer virus resembling a giant spider. Josh dreamed that he would manually activate Feral Mode in order to defeat the Beast, using a new special attack that made his previous ones seem tame. He also dreamed that he himself would be able to use the magical circle of the Exodus without actually being in the Exodus. Then he dreamed of a portal to a new world. He woke up knowing that his journey would not end in the Digital World, and he would not be returning home anytime soon.
When Kazemon awoke, she made breakfast for Josh and herself. She looked at Josh, whose vigour had only been increased with his newfound knowledge of the future. Kazemon knew about his dream, but she noticed he still smiled. Kazemon took a defensive stance after hearing footsteps. She then stood in fear, surrounded by Guardromon. They raised their arms, preparing to fire their missiles. The alchemy circle formed over her head, and created an energy shield. The missiles didn’t even phase the shield, which then expanded and deleted the Guardromon. “Josh. Did you do that?” “Yeah.” “But…” “Don’t even ask.”
As they continued to travel, the forces of the machine army seemed to get stronger and stronger. “We must be getting close.” They were surrounded by mechanical centaurs. “Leave now if you want to live. “Sorry. I got a deathwish.” Josh put his hand on the handle of his sword. “Then die.”
There was a flash of light. Time seemed to stand still. The Centaur’s upper body fell off, before he turned into 1s and 0s. The other centaurs ran in the opposite direction, only to be destroyed by a large electrical blade. A large man with many robotic parts stepped forward. “Andromon. He was a good and honorable digimon. Now…” Kazemon and Josh dodged a lightning blade attack.” Josh held out his hand. The alchemic circle formed and bound Andromon. Josh’s hand started to flow with electricity. “Prepare to be saved. Josh grabbed Andromon’s face. The electricity flowed through Andromon. Andromon tossed Josh off and held his head. “Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” After ten minutes of screaming in pain, the pupils returned to Andromon’s eyes. “I… I’m sorry for the Damage I have done. The path to the main computer is this way. You should have few more troubles.” “Thank you.” Josh turned to Kazemon.
“Kazemon. I must ask you to stay here. I have to do these last battles alone.” “But…” “No buts. I’ve made up my mind, and you know how hard it is to change that thing. This is goodbye, for now.” “Will I ever see you again?” Josh saw into the future, and he saw another journey through the digital world. He smiled. “Yes. You will.” Kazemon smiled as Josh walked away.
Josh was in the Exodus, fighting two cybertronic dragons, one orange, one black. He dodged a number of attacks. The dragons flew up higher and opened up the drill like claws on their arms. “Darkside Attack.” They fired roughly a hundred missiles apiece at the Exodus. The Exodus flew up, avoiding the attack. Four magical circles formed as the Exodus held out its hand. One energy dragon flew out of each circle and attacked the dragons, immobilizing them. The Exodus flew away.
The Exodus entered a huge room. The sound of a crane could be heard. There was evil laughter surrounding Josh. “If you wish to reach me, then you must defeat an old friend.” “Explain yourself, evil one.” “Ha, ha, ha, ha. Machindramon’s artificial intelligence was downloaded into a new, more powerful body. A light turned on, illuminating the red robotic dragon from Josh’s dream. “Good luck, Human weakling. This is Chaosdramon.” Chaosdramon activated and stepped forward and let out a roar that seemed to silence the rest of the factory. Exodus performed the same dragon attack from before, but it didn’t even phase the armor of Chaosdramon. “ZOINKS.” The Exodus flew up.
Chaosdramon pointed its cannons forward. Energy started to gather in them. He fired a massive blast. The Exodus attempted to dodge, but was clipped in the right side, destroying the limbs of that side of its body. “Gaaahhhhhhhhdddd DAMN!” Chaosdramon started spinning its drill like hand. It impaled Exodus through the abdomen. It brought the Exodus up, and pointed its cannons at it. The Exodus entered feral mode as Chaosdramon began charging another infinity cannon. The Exodus slammed its remaining claw through Chaosdramon’s face. With one quick motion, it ripped Chaosdramon’s head off. The cannons ceased to charge as Chaosdramon shut down, and his body fell over. The Exodus was bathed in a bright blue light, returning it to its normal state, and repairing its damages.
“Impressive human. Perhaps I underestimated you.” The room that the Exodus stood in became a huge wireframe. “…But I doubt you can defeat me.” The spider formed from wireframe. He started jumping all around the room at incredible speed. The Exodus stood there, and two circles formed over and under it. They combined, and the Exodus disappeared. Another circle formed right next to the spider. The Feral Exodus came out of it and attacked knocking the spider flying. This happened over and over again. The assault finally stopped. The spider flipped onto its feet and looked in fear at what was its inevitable defeat. It was surrounded by thousands upon thousands of Feral Exoduses. No light could shine through the wall of dragons. They all became pure energy and charged at the spider, becoming large beams of light. They converged on the spider, turning it into an explosion of 1s and 0s. They combined into a ball of light. The ball eventually formed into the Exodus. “You should be happy. I think I just erased all doubt from your mind.”
A light bathed the entire digital world. Kazemon and Andromon stood there, battling more of the centaurs. The light hit them. The centaurs ceased to attack. “Lord Andromon. Why am I fighting you?” “It appears he was successful.” “Josh…” “my scanners show no sign of him. I’m afraid he is already gone.”

_________________
- Oh God. The Exodus is entering Feral Mode.
-What Does that mean?
-It means it's gonna win


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