Mecha Talk

While also writing Gundam Malebolge up, I thought I'd offer a little isnight into the timeline in which the aforementioned story takes place. This first story is set 3-4 years before Gundam Malebolge, during the Space Colony Civil War. It's kind of short, but the quote in the beginning brings up a valid point.
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Tales of the Kemal Dynasty: Mobile Suit NO Gundam
“Servicing your Mobile Suit is always a recommendation even if nothing appears to be wrong with it.”
-Remus Allegry, Adjutant of Pine Barren Battalion

Of course, it had to be a trap the moment they landed. What else were they supposed to expect, an immediate cease fire from the enemy upon arrival at the drop zone? No. Things were never that easy.
Arundel Jourdan grunted through his teeth, pulling his Excellius Mobile Suit back behind a shelled building just as several missiles came his way. He knew that the war-torn structure wouldn’t last, but it was the next best thing, as opposed to a civilian home. It was most likely vacant, but taking that chance wasn’t on his itinerary.
“Landing in the middle of a hotbed all of a sudden doesn’t seem like a smart idea,” he embarrassingly admitted, bracing himself against the shockwaves of the missile impact, several shards of twisted metal flying into the Excellius’ main camera view. The recoil proved a bit too much for the suit, however, hurling the mechanical frame into a horribly mangled construction site. Plumes of sand and dirt flew into the air as the Excellius fell flat on its back, prompting a nearby crane arm to collapse from its practically absent base, making contact with the Mobile Suit’s right arm. A dash of sparks shot from the impact area, coupled with monotone beeps inside the cockpit, indicating that the Excellius’ right arm was out of commission.
“RIGHT when I land, too…” Pushing at the controls, Arundel struggled to lift his mech from the ground, experiencing a rather sharp decrease in reaction time. The pungent smell of salty sweat filled the interior as Arundel gasped for much needed air. An exaggeration, perhaps, but he all of a sudden felt rather cramped, unaware that two enemy units were heading his way, their silhouettes eclipsed by the tossing debris. The constant sound of machinegun fire wasn’t helping either, as it prevented Arun from picking up anything with his ears. Only then did he notice his center camera was filled with the eerie sound of white noise and an obscuring sheet of static. Relying on the two remaining monitors to his sides, he pulled on the left control stick, manipulating the Excellius’ left arm to hoist his suit up, if only slightly.
“GET UP, you piece of junk!” He barked, gritting his teeth uncontrollably as he yanked at the joystick frantically. The cockpit interior shook repeatedly, giving Arun a pretty easy guess that he didn’t have time for mechanical failures. Giving the left drive pedal a press with his foot, he attempted to kickstart the Excellius’ boosters.
A low whine and sputter came back in response, making way for a red WARNING indicator to flash up on the suit’s left monitor. Upon seeing this new situation, Arun cursed. “What the hell do ya mean ‘Drive Failure?!’”

((Please know that I'm horrible at writing descriptive scenes.))

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During the first years of the Federation-Purgatorus War, an excerpt of the discussion of the development plan for a brand new Mobile Weapon. One to some will know how this came about.

Tales of the Kemal Dynasty: Mobile Suit Gundam Advent
-Kemal Dynasty 3-
“You know how Guns are pretty much the Alpha-Weapon when it comes to war?”
“Well, yes, everyone knows that. It’s common sense.”
“And also how Dams are built to hold back tremendous amounts of water from drowning villages, towns, and cities?”
“Pretty much. But, what’s this have to do with building a new Mobile Suit?”
“Well, those two concepts got me thinking. What if we made a Suit that had so much firepower, it could defend our fleets and infantry from countless waves of enemy attacks? Even the most powerful Mobile Suits the enemy could throw at us would be cut down by this thing.”
“You’re suggesting a Mobile Suit with a gun powerful enough to hold back tens of hundreds of enemy units, similar to the method of a hydroelectric dam holding back floods of water?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. But, what to call it…”
“A mobile dam wielding a gun…”
“…Gun… dam.”
“Hm? What was that?”
“A… Gundam.”
“Gundam?”
“Yeah… we’ll call it a Gundam. Mobile Suit Gundam.”
-Development meeting between Earth Federation military and scientific advisors

Gee, Dustin. If you could have only posted this up a night earlier I could have put this in the Index along with everyone else during the update. Now I'll have to go back and add you solo. >_>

Sometimes short is good. If you can get something good and concentrated, then it has no need to be long. Your writing here is an example of that. It accomplishes everything it wants and nothing more. A lot of authors fail to reach that level of maturity. It's the same reason why I like watching shorter anime. Less BS to deal with, right? =p

I would like to disagree with you about your ability to write descriptive scenes. I thought it was very good. The entire thing was very visual and interesting. I have to admit though, that at times the writing was too focused on what Arun was doing that I wasn't exactly sure what was happening to him outside of his MS. It's kinda like you were too focused on one aspect that you forgot to elaborate on something that was obvious or necessary. Just fix that and you'll be cool. Don't worry, I do that all the time. >.>

Also, separate your paragraphs a bit more. You'll notice that the format changes slightly once you copy/paste it onto the forum, right?

The Gundam naming was a little silly, and I'm sure everyone will notice that it draws from the original naming of Gundam. You'll have to realize that they will still not pronounce the name right, since it's said more like Gun-dum than Gun-damn. It kinda reminds me of a Domon W comic where some guy and his girlfriend were trying to write "Gundam" on his MS, but kept misspelling it phonetically like "Gundamu" and "Gandome". Very humorous.

Anyway, I liked this, and I'd be glad to read more if you have any additions for either your sidestories or the main project. I'll throw this into the Index now. =o

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"Red particles are bad, they mutate you into... dead? But green/blue particles are good, apparently, for reasons and for purposes yet to be determined. Isn't science sometimes nicely color-coded?"
-Antares
GW: The Sword . Sera's Art . Gameplay . The Lost Citadel